Blacktail Deer Plateau Maybe some things never change

whenever you have time
editing bc I wrote this distracted and it shows <3

It was early morning and dawn was just now painting her arc across the plateau's edge.  The sky's soft glow filtered across Rosalyn as she lay near @Erzulie, the two of them still twined some with the early weariness.  It had been harder, as the season progressed and food remained short, to do what needed done.  Harder to rise from this warmth.

Spring will be here before we know it, she said with a yawn, motivating herself with energy she didn't quite truly feel.  That brought to mind the season, however, and a subject she hadn't yet broached.  Now was as a good a time as any.

I am glad to have had Reyes,  but I do not think I will have another. Her voice was even and sure, an indicator that this was no new decision. It had been made before Reyes was even born.

<3

cinnamon foreleg flung round one of her mate's sinewed shoulders, the harlot stirred, came alive as dawn stained the heavens. a yawn, a blink, a small muzzy smile to see rosalyn so near; she leant forward, brushing her nose against the other. 
it was a severe topic, or perhaps it would have been, had not erzulie merely nodded. "i not be wantin' more children eit'er." simple enough, and she was relieved to know that the pirate felt the same.

If Erzulie had wanted them, Rosalyn would have understood.  She knew that she was not fit, and she doubted after the last she'd even survive it, but they didn't mean her wife was the same.  Instead she echoed the same sentiment.  They'd spoken some (I assume) about their missing children, aired their guilts and mourned together.  There were hints that she knew of what lay behind the decision, but as Erzulie didn't question her own, she wouldn't question back.  They'd be happier keeping with what they had.

On that line of thought, Rosalyn remembered another discussion.  Aningan has been enthusiastic lately, asking advice, she said with some amusement.  I spoke with Nieve.  She said this place feels worse than before, and that she'd like to find a home with a river.  Raleska said stability.

She let that sit a moment, then added, That second is a larger ask, I imagine.  Stability was something they'd always had as a pair, but always been lacking in a home.  It seemed that at all times, one or the other was unhappy.  Now both seemed to be.

a sigh of cinnamon chest. "dis place is too far from de sea, an' too close to it." rusalka had become a bitter reminder of their displacement, unwilling fugitives who all understood they could not now return to the coast, but with the salt call in their breast all the same.
"we cannot promise her that, but we can try." raleska too, and all when they were just beginning to open to aningan. 
their future must involve him as well, the harlot decided. "perhaps nieve should seek to be a scout."

It was strange, that Rosalyn almost felt 'not far enough'.  It felt like blasphemy even as the whisper crossed her thoughts in silent response to Erzulie's statement.  

Perhaps.  Their daughter was friendly and ambitious and seemed to have a way with travel.  She'd been out, after all, the day she'd found Rosalyn and led her home.

Would you go back, if we could?  She'd asked what they wanted, but she did not have a clear idea on what her wife wished.  There was another question that lurked, but this first.

moments flickered; she considered rosalyn's inquiry a long time. the sea had given erzulie such bounty, but then it had ripped all from her breast in a felcast swoop of wrath.
"de salt will always beckon me," she murmured at last, words caught, muted by the wind.
"but i do not need to answer," the jezebel added slowly, a hint of pain in her voice, shimmering upon the sheen of her mismatched eyes. "you are my home. not de sea."

Rosalyn smiled as Erzulie reconfirmed the words they often spoke.  It was always good to hear them and she'd never tire, nor would she stop returning it.  Neither of them said it, but Raleska was raised on the coast, and remember Nieve with the ocean?  Her gaze grew fondly distant as she pictured the small golden child, how she'd always played with the waves.  It had almost seemed like a friend, and had reminded Rosalyn a great deal of herself when that age.

I think they'd like to return.  And myself... I don't know that I trust my judgement anymore.  She expelled a breath, almost deprecating, but humored.  She was so tired of her own decisions being their downfall.  I've never asked you this.  Have you ever wanted to lead?  She watched Erzulie closely, to gauge her reaction to the question.  She wouldn't press if the ask was an unwelcome thought.  It was a question she should have asked a long time ago, even before their children were born.  Time and time again she'd assumed, something she now realized was a disservice and selfish on her end.  She didn't want to make that mistake again.

"i do remember," erzulie breathed. the ocean was painted into each one of the memories she had built, and half-strutted recollections from the bayou; marie. this was altogether different, and she so lapsed into the more beautiful images of her young ones in the surf that rosalyn's question was not heard at first.
it filtered through, however; she fixed her wife with mismatched gaze and pondered in wonder.
"alongside you?" came her answer, the first consideration erzulie wanted to put into words.

Now it was Rosalyn's turn to question.    Alongside her.  She'd resolved that she did not wish to lead again; it hadn't occurred to her she might not need to alone.

Not necessarily, she answered, and pressed affectionately towards her wife.  I'd not have another Captain aside from you, and I know you'd make a fine one.  Aningan was her leader now, but not in heart.  If he enforced an order she would follow it if she desired, but only if she desired.

But if you wished, yes.  I'd lead, beside you.  And only beside you, she enforced unspoken.  As she thought of it, it warmed her.

a curving to her mouth. "i see no reason to lead widout you, rosalyn," the harlot declared, continuing their contact with a kiss to her pirate's cheek.
an' i refuse to be your captain! erzulie added inwardly, amused. but her features grew soft, bright with a quiet glow.
"perhaps we bot' should do dis t'ing."

After Ironsea collapsed she had been so resolved.  She'd backtracked and again met ruin as a result - but that had been because, through that all, Erzulie had not been at her side.  This, what they spoke of... it couldn't be wrong.  

Aningan was asking me about leadership, she said, and amusement tinged her voice at how timely this talk had become.  I told him that he should name a second, and of course, I was there to be asked.  I wouldn't alone.  But perhaps we should... assist him with this.

There was a lilt behind her final phrase that emphasized it, making it clear she imagined their role would be more.  He was so inexperienced, and his questions had shown two things clearly.  One, he had no idea what he was doing.  Two, and perhaps more important; he trusted them implicitly.  She would not have them abuse that trust.  But use it? Perhaps.

she would have commented further, but a sweet blush began at her eartips, warming her cheekbones. "merde, rosalyn!" she remarked in a surprised whisper. "naughty." but the thought amused as much as titillated her; poor aningan, surely unawares of the designs upon him, the overflow of desire to sweep his way.
"i take it you learned some t'ings while you were away?" erzulie teased, eyes jesting as she looked to her wife.

She smirked as Erzulie playfully rebuked her, and began to nibble at her wife's ear.  A few, she affirmed, equally jesting.  The truth was less pleasant, but Rosalyn would rather keep the mood than let it fall to dourness.  Her time away was fading, lost to the warmth of reunion and constant companionship.

But I think there's still more to learn.  She continued, and while her initial sentiment had been more ambition than desire, it didn't take much for her mind to travel down that road.  It would be irresponsible to go unprepared.

Rosalyn had no designs on Aningan, but the joke of it now led her to comb Erzulie's neck playfully, a small sly smile on her lips.

her body tightened, a breath passing as she yielded. no — first a slow preparation. many things to be perfected. she did not know how many attempts the boy might need to make, but it would be intriguing to guide him toward bliss.
such a salacious thing rosalyn had made of her.
"come," erzulie said, intending to lead her beloved to a quieter alcove.

The thought of Erzulie with another had never inspired jealousy in the pirate.  Now was no different; what they shared was more and beyond, and no matter how many lovers they may keep or leave, what was between them would never change.  It was perhaps the only sure thing Rosalyn had ever had.

She followed readily and a humming energy took her as she did.  It didn't matter how often they danced this part; Erzulie would always stoke her the same, embers fit to consume.