Arrow Lake so only one life can't be enough

@Mahler - it is time. :) "No rest for the wicked" by Lykke Li felt very appropriate.

Sarah had stolen a glimpse at Ibis, while no one had been around. The girl had been sound asleep, breathing evenly, blissfully unaware of the world outside. Innocent. Helpless. Unreachable. Doomed. Despite her promise to protect her niece from all evil, she had not been there, when the fateful attack had taken place. Now there was nothing she could do for the girl. Waiting out was an option, but far too many things in Sarah's life had gone down the drain for her to harbour any optimism that things would be alright again. 

With her ward gone, Sarah's world was an empty void once again. She had not connected to anyone inside the group during her stay and felt no loyalty or obligations towards Awol or Kavik. The leadership positions were still open for her to claim. She had been a queen once, she could rise again, for one evening she had entertained herself with this thought, but the next morning had brought her sickness so severe that she no longer felt able to lead anyone, let alone get outside of her den and take care of herself.

Something stronger than her was torturing her body and she knew not, how to fight it. The worst part was that not all days were equally bad. She would have weeks of feeling okay and she never knew, when the weakness would affect her. So on one of her good spells she left the Emberwood behind and headed to the mountains. Sarah had remembered that she still had one friend left in this world and as she neared the areas Mahler roamed, her mind was plagued by idea that if only she could meet him, he could fix things somehow.

Because she knew not anymore, which way to go. She had survived, she had fought, made life-changing decisions only to return, where she had been before. Unhappy, depressed, without a home or a family. Empty and alone. The unfairness of it all hurt her very much, she had tried and she had failed. Again and again. 

By the time she had reached the Arrow lake, the night had set in and the pale moonlight was the first to greet her, when she stopped to take a rest. Sarah lifted her head, stared at the shiny orb for a very long time, then averted her gaze and leaned down to satiate her thirst. It had become immense lately.

it was foolhardiness to leave diaspora now, but mahler saw fit to tear himself from the cloying climes for a small swathe of time.
he wandered, paws carrying him almost automatically toward their former claim. it had become a favorite haunt of his now, and he oft looked with wistful eyes upon the graves of those who had fallen.
brother, have i failed you?
there was a curious fragrance here, one that tightened his loins, stirred his head with masculine intrigue. he was wearied, fatigued, and yet he stole closer and closer still, until his lavender eyes fell with surprise and desire upon the woman weaving such into the air.
sarah.
blinking, having not expected to find her here, and wondering why she stole so close to diaspora, mahler chuffed once to announce his presence but made no other stride toward the she-wolf.
curious, curious

Sarah had felt so sick and overwhelmed by the her troubles that she had missed the onset of spring in her body. It should not have come to her as a surprise, had she been aware of the change. In the absence of a strong alpha female, nature had given others the chance. Grezig had been the first to do so, her smell was thick and pungent in the Emberwood and there was no doubt that the newly appointed leader would take advantage of it and strengthen the ranks with his own blood. Perhaps, this too - the knowledge that Ibis should have been the one to bear young this year, not others - had also driven Sarah away. 

When she caught sight of Mahler approaching, she went to greet him as a friend she had eagerly expected to meet. Their previous conversation was not on her mind at all, she tried to find the right words to tell him, why she was here. But Sarah had never been good at expressing, what went deep, therefore she stopped mid-way and sat down. "She's dead, Mahler," she said quietly. "My niece. She is dead and I was not there to save her," the gravity of this revelation finally broke the walls of self-control and pride. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she did not attempt to stop them. When you are at your lowest point, why should letting someone else witness your vulnerability matter?

board ate my post D:

salt laced the decadence of the air, spurring mahler's thoughts into shame. sarah approached him with grief, and mahler stepped forward with concern breaking down the usual impassivity of his lavender gaze. "that is a great grief," he remarked lowly, somberly. she showed such sorrow in his presence, signalling her trust; the woman's scent wreathed around then, but the gargoyle tightened his reins grimly.
despite the male hungers of his body, the silver was compromised. he reached out to her then with a low sound of apology, tentatively offering whatever comforting touch sarah might find soothing in this time.

Mahler could have said many things from the book of "the worst condolences in the world", but like always he chose few words and he chose them well. Sarah, who usually did not like to share her personal space, was in a state, when some wolfish contact was a neccessity and encouraged by her friend's quiet presence, she moved so to lean against his shoulder and stood like this for a while.

She was crying still and hopefully the next morning Mahler would not bemoan the patch of coat, matted by saltwater and snot. But this hilarious line was not in Sarah's thoughts the least - finally she got the grip of herself and retreated to face the man, smiled at him weakly: "I am sorry. I just don't know, how to carry on. Last year, this year... it's been one mess after another."

his amethyst gaze traced the wet curves of her cheeks. "you have suffered a great deal, sarah,"  he remarked softly. her grief mingled with the fluting fragrances of her body cascaded such a conflict of want and protectiveness. a lustful sort of guardianship. "it is all right to be tired."
to weep, to lament. 
do not think of the future now. only do what i cannot. let yourself be saddened and to mourn.
a gentle breath. 
"the vinter makes things feel eternal."

Sarah was not a poetic kind either - rational and straightforward to the core, not much fun - but she found the words about winter matching her situation perfectly. Except her winter had dragged on for an eternity, her sky was perpetually dark, no sunlight broke through the thick cover of clouds, she did not remember seeing any. At any other time she would have reprimanded herself for self-pity, but now she did not have any pride left and did not feel sorry for that either. 

"Do you wish to end it all sometimes?" she asked him and it was clear that this was not the first time this thought was on her mind. "I would, if I had the courage."

no. he had never wished for death in the way that she would think. death did not appeal to mahler, for it marked the end of usefulness, insofar as he was concerned. but such a cold sentiment, he had learned, could not be applied to tears. even logical tears from direct sarah. "there have been times vhen i have vanted not to exist," he murmured, thinking of the rawness marigold's death had left, something which had never quite healed across.
"i make myself useful to others so that i have a purpose. it is not courage," mahler went on, glancing at some distant tree with a pensive look.

This is going to be a long thread... you want fun stuff happen, but your toon wants to wallow in her depression. :D Sorry!

"That's the point. The usefulness to others," Sarah repeated, what Mahler's word thoughtfully. "I am not used to kneel before those, who I do not know or respect, or like. And those few that I wanted to be useful to are either gone or dead or did not need it," she spoke audibly, but it was not clear, whether it was with herself or with her companion.

But she decided not to dwell on this too much anymore. In Mahler's company she did feel a tiny bit better, safe even. She had needed someone to tell her that breaking down was no reason to feel ashamed. "I could benefit from keeping you forever," she said suddenly and in the brief look she gave him, there was both a grin and a smile and an edge of cheekiness as well.

"But you have your grand plan and I... I would not wish to share," Sarah concluded and sighed, then - feeling confused and embarrassed about, why she had loosened the reins on herself - she got up to her feet and shook her coat. "Maybe I can steal your company for a while though?" she side-glanced at him.

a long thread with you? yes please <3

sarah was indeed beset by all manner of sadness this day. mahler was content to listen, to offer herself the silent support of himself. but he was taken aback by her comment; it was even more direct than he had come to expect of the woman. pleased, thrumming with a warmth that was not only due to her scentwaves, mahler's mouth quirked with a smile.
"i suspect i vould enjoy being kept by you," the general rejoined, mirroring her. "certainly you may," he went on, falling into step alongside sarah wherever she might lead.
he thought of maegi then, and her mate. wherever they had gone he would have liked to see the little princess again, but perhaps diaspora had never been her lot.
"vhat is your favorite type of flower?"

"Be careful, I might not return you," Sarah told Mahler in a moment of cheekiness. Though serious and down-to-earth by nature, she had inherited some of her mother's good sense of humour. It was hard to believe, but before her life had spiralled downwards, she had been able to crack a joke or give sharp and witty remarks. 

"Flowers - really? That's, how you woo the opposite sex?" she rolled her eyes, but smile nevertheless. "Never cared about them, if know you must. What about you?"

he was charmed by that; it shone in the softening of his jaw, the way he turned his watercolor eyes upon her with a laugh. "no, no,"  mahler exclaimed gruffly, sidling closer to bump sarah gently with his shoulder. "every flower has a meaning."
"that is vhy," the gargoyle continued, "i enjoy the bride rhododendron," he revealed. "they mean strength."

"Poet and a romantic - how charming," Sarah drawled, the semi-sarcastic note in her voice iced with a bit of humor. Mahler could have chosen a dandelion and she would not have objected. She was the most a-botanical person in the world. I her books the taxonomy was simple - there was grass and the rest of the plants. 

"Why not be a rock instead?" she asked. "They are tough and they are strong under specific circumstances. Or your vanity could not stand being something gray and insignificant to the rest of the world until one jams a foot in you and mutters a curse?"

he was such a fool. of course sarah did not wish a saccharine, romantic courtship. playfully, within his head, he blamed the aura of fragrance that surrounded her, hindering his very thoughts. "i do not mind being a rock," the general mused openly. "but i suppose i am vain. a little. i vould not like to be a plain rock."
his head swam; he kept his footing, body tensing somewhat.
"you are far from home?" he asked after the woman, wondering how many miles she had meandered with her time blossoming into the air.

"A little vain - how humble you are," Sarah sighed and shook her head lightly, feeling amused by Mahler's confession that she had squeezed out of him. "We are walking on a plain rock now," she tapped her paw on the path and then beckoned towards the distant peaks. "And I think that there is no match to it anywhere," she said. "I am very vain - you see - if I was not a wolf, I would want to be a mountain."

"I don't have a home," she replied, her mood somber once more. "Home is, where people you care for live. With my niece dead... I don't have a home anymore..." her words trailed off and she fell silent, then looked up. "Except... I am here now... and you are not exactly, what I would call home. A shelter," no less important for her now, regardless of the name. A hungry and desperate vagabond in ice-cold rain is happy even for a roof over it's head. "From a loveless and pointless life outside," she finished, a deep sigh followed and then she said nothing more.

sarah, a mountain. the rigid mind of the general attempted to surface with the image of the she-wolf as silver-striated rock rising in a spire.
mahler found he liked the idea.
but he did not enjoy her mournfulness, her emptiness. lilac eyes traced over his friend, for that was what she was to him. perhaps not only a friend, but sarah had been an enduringly pleasant companion, and the gargoyle enjoyed the infrequent moments spent with her.
"i vill be your shelter for as long as you need, sarah," the general murmured gruffly, lowering broad scarred muzzle to duck briefly against her own for a moment of solidarity.

Encouraged by Mahler's friendly touch and overcome by wave of emotions again, Sarah stopped in her tracks and leaned her head against his neck. She was not the fearful sort, even less now, when she held so little value to her own life, and therefore did not need a watch-dog to protect her. It was the feeling of his absolute calm and confidence that drew her in. Endearing really, how even as adults we sometimes long for the warm embrace of our mother.

"Do you think about your parents sometimes?" Sarah asked, when her heart had calmed down and she no longer felt like crying.

her question, posed after she had leaned into him, startled mahler. he was quiet awhile, pensive, attempting to resurrect the faces of his mother and father.
"no," the general murmured softly, when their features remained blurred. "my father left us vhen i vas very small. my mother dispersed us early."
set adrift at less than a year, he mused, lavender eyes flickering to sarah. "and you?"

Sarah had half-expected to hear a glorious story about famous ancestors and was surprised and disappointed to hear that Mahler, who had all the qualities of a born-king, had not had best of childhoods. Hers in comparison had been entirely different and she did not feel like telling much about them now. It would be too much like bragging and that was not her intention at all.

"They were all I hoped to be one day," she replied simply. "Except at some point you have to accept that you have to live your life on your terms and not because you want to make your parents proud. Least of all, if they are long since dead," Sarah said. "Do you think it would be selfish to have a child just to cease one's lonely existence?" she asked thoughtfully. "Except they are with us for such a short time..."

he did not understand the weight of expectancy that she had struggled beneath, not in the same way. but mahler considered his burdens as general, that much rested with him, and that overall he strove to be worthy of the respect that his rank commanded.
perhaps it was similar.
her next question brought a curious flick to one ear, but he did not remark upon its intrigue. instead mahler mulled it a moment, the cool amethyst of his eyes finding the clearwater of her own, tracing her scars a moment.
"i believe that being a mother or a father is vone of the most important things ve might ever do upon this earth," he answered simply. "love is a fine birthright for any child."

"You have an eloquent manner of saying things," Sarah remarked and did not speak again, until suddenly the rocky and rather monotone mountain path led them to a little oasis. There was a fine carpet of, what would be lush green and soft grass in the summer, and a couple of trees, who unlike their sisters and brothers, had managed to run their roots deep in the barren ground and, sheltered from the winds and elements by the architecture of the place, had grown tall and proud. Their branches were bare for the time being, but upon closer look one would find numerous buds that were waiting for the right moment to open up. 

Sarah stopped, let her gaze wander over the landscape and, while doing so, her expression changed slightly. There beneath the lines that chronic depression had drawn, a younger and happier face shone through. She could not quite put her paw on, how the landscape had changed her, but her heart felt a little lighter. There was something familiar about the place, it tugged at her soul, she turned to look at Mahler to see, if he felt anything similar. "I was not always like this," she began suddenly. "Once, a long time ago there was a girl, who had dreams and who believed that the world was at her feet for her to take it," she paused and then added softly.

"Smiles came easily. I believed in love and companionship," where had she gone, why had Sarah aged so prematurely. "And I may be wrong, but just as I was not this broken wreck with a diseased soul once you were not this calculating, hopelessly pragmatic person either," no signs of sarcasm, but faint echoes of good-natured humour. "Tell me that you haven't always been old and wise," she asked, now with a warm smile. It appeared that true sincerity if it had ever been felt may be hard to find sometimes, but never completely lost.  

It may take another month, but we will get there eventually. :D This is one of the most challenging threads I have ever written, but then I enjoy it so much, because I have to put more thought in each post as it progresses.

each one of ur posts is perfectly crafted <3

he was transfixed by the change that dawned over sarah's features; the early light of dawn upon a copse of willow-trees. it was as if many things had been lifted from her heart at once, and while the place itself did not hold mahler's interest, the shift in his companion was a beacon of intrigue for the man.
stirring himself, for his look had lingered long enough to be considered staring, the gargoyle swept his gaze along the stretched arms of the branches, dallying affectionately upon the little buddings that would open to the warmth of spring.
life would begin anew here.
her scent rose around him upon the trail of her words, and mahler delivered all of his attention to sarah, mouth twitching somewhat at her direct assessment of him. "no. i vas vonce quite the dreamer," he sighed, turning his face away to continue his visual exploration, less out of interest and more that he did not wish her to see the sudden tension along his jawline. "i met my vife. ve vere so young, so in love. i thought that life vould always be so happy. i thought that i vould alvays have her at my side."
voice thickened with sorrow. "but you know the vay that these things go, sarah," the general murmured. "it vas not to be. and then i stopped dreaming."

"Then let's be dreamers for tonight, Mahler," Sarah concluded and smiled at her companion affectionatelly, then went ahead in the meadow and invited him to join her with a glance. All that there had been to say, had been said, she wished no longer to speak, but enjoy that rare moment of happiness as long as it would last.

Few hours, few days - she decided she would not let her old and familiar demons take hold of her and spoil this moment or any of those in the future that god would grant her. She decided to be in love for the time being and think about consequences (if there were any) later.

Maybe you can write a tasteful ending to this. Thank you!

<3

sarah. she declared them free of wordly constraints, proclaimed them able to dream alongside one another in the snowy heart of this world.
he went with her contentedly, a quiet delight rising into a desiring warmth that spun a vision around the two, a cloak to protect them from the ravages of the life each had left behind — if only for a time.