Noctisardor Bypass no context.

was this... was this it? 

pike stood at the edge of the bypass, claws flexing gently into the soil beneath his paws. inhale... yes... exhale... she was still here. or had been recently. 

he was bigger, for sure, wider. he’d filled out the lofty frame he’d been gifted by his parents, somehow. he looked healthy. strong. grown. sane. sure, he’d still have some growing to do... but he was certainly different than he was when he’d gone. gone... or had he just disappeared? who’s to say this early in the post?

it was hard for him to feel anxiety in the same way his brother did, nervous creature, pike rarely felt held back by his own mind. but he certainly did stand still and silent for longer than most might there along the borders. but, finally, he drew another breath, tilted his head back, and called own for the packs leader. for his mother. @Arbiter

and then, with a good flick of his ear, pike stood still again. waiting. signs of dawn just breaking over the landscape.

She recognized the voice, and it pulled her out of her drowsy haze. Pike? She was up onto her feet and moving towards the source before she knew what she was doing. Was Terance with him too? Might be awkward if so. But if he was, well, he was kind of late. She'd probably be figuring out if she was pregnant or not soon, and she'd certainly have a bone to pick with the man for him to show up now...

But she had never blamed Pike -- despite the fact he was nearly a yearling when he had vanished, to her he was still a child (he hadn't even earned his name, after all). He had likely done what he was told, but now he was back. Alone? Arbiter slowed, scanning he horizon behind him, but it did look like it was just him. She sped up again, right over to her son, sniffing him and looking him over to make sure he was okay -- but not yet embracing him until her examination was complete. It had been a while. You're home. But not entirely a statement. It had some uncertainty to it, but not an entire question. There was one obvious one that hung in the air unsaid, but first she was going to be happy that her son was back and alive, tail wagging behind her.

when arbiter approached him, pike stood still. half of him was unsure if he would be in trouble... or if his mother would be glad to see him. it seemed the ladder, much to his relief. thought affection was not how like showed his love, he did desperately want to press himself into his mother, who he dearly missed. as he stood stiffly, healthy and fed, he wondered if she had noticed. she didn’t say anything about it.

but there was more to account for than just himself. his emotions could wait. 

dads dead, he blurted, his black ears slicking backwards, brows turning upwards as he waited for a reaction. he waited long enough for the words to sink in, but not long enough for her to say anything. 

we were hunting. following that herd— did she remember the one? — and we got em! but we were by the uh, the mountains — east of here — and we were preparing to travel back... he paused. he’d practiced this story so many times, damn it. it was so much harder in person.  damn it!! he coughed. there were mountain lions, he finished, quietly — though that wasn’t the end of the story. but he turned slightly to more fully reveal a now-healed gash, from his shoulder blade down his side. her trained eye might’ve noticed a resemblance between it and a scar that terance himself had worn — the association had not been made by pike, though. 

i tried... he added in a soft mutter.

She found the new scar as he spoke, but didn't have a chance to ask. Arbiter pulled back as he spoke. Blink. Pause. Dead? She had sort of mourned Terance already, but she had assumed he'd just left. How did this change things? Pike pulled her out of the thought and back to the story.

Arbiter was hard to read on a good day, but her feelings clouded it further. A moment of silence between them, before she reached out, sniffing the scar a moment before stepping forward to nuzzle her son. But you made it back. He protected you so that you could return. Or so was her assumption. It had been proven in more than one case that Terance was willing to throw himself into danger to protect another, and he certainly had the scars from it. Your father... was a good man. She caught herself before she needed to actually correct it.

She pulled back slightly to look at him again, You've done well for yourself. Arbiter indicated he should come with her. Having a conversation with her son at the border just seemed silly.

was... that all she had to say? pike felt a little confused, now, his green gaze narrowed on his mother. did she not have any questions to ask? pike knew his mother was hard to read, and that she was perhaps not as emotionally driven as his dad but... he still felt a little choked up, though he'd practiced being calm and collected in this conversation so many times... he wasn't sure what was expected of him here. he felt sad -- but maybe he'd engrained a little too deeply within himself a disdain for looking pitiful and weak. but he just nodded and stepped alongside her, moving to press close to his mom. an ear flicked backward. 

maybe she was just letting it sink in. 

uhm, he said, the other ear following suit to slick against his crown, we fought them off. as if now was a time to pull praise from his mother, but pike just felt like it was right to tell her. i.. don't really remember where they came from they were just suddenly there, and then it was 2 on 2 -- it was kinda cool... honestly, and i remembered everything you guys taught me. but why was he making it sound like a happy story? 

his brow furrowed, and as he stepped in line with his mother he had to stop himself from pressing a little closer. they took our food. which sucked. but we got away -- but we were both kinda messed up. you shoulda seen -- he paused, shaking his head, -- you shoulda seen dad. he looked gnarly. there was a smile here, but pike fell quiet once again.

Arbiter was big on control -- of the world around her, of herself -- so perhaps that was why she might sound perfectly normal to an untrained ear. Her voice wasn't quite as cold and empty in tone, but with less words came less opportunity for something she didn't want to escape to do so. 

Did she really want to know the details? Ignorance would have been bliss. In that moment she would have much preferred to just celebrate the return of her son. Her gaze dropped to the ground in front of them as they walked. Pike painted a clear enough picture. She drew in a breath, exhaling slowly. She'd looked over at his last pause, at his smile, but didn't have one in return. I thought I'd lost you both. It was a long time-- A rare incomplete thought. A long time without a word. A long time to worry. I'm glad you're home.

and pike grabbed the incomplete thought -- glancing at his mother with a sad furrow of his brow. he supposed he was a bit cruel to think she would've been angry with him for being gone for so long. she was his mom, afterall, he should've known better. me too, mom, he said, but the smile had faded. he cleared his throat. she wasn't asking any questions, but pike needed to tell this story. he'd practiced... so... many... times... 

there was a neighboring pack -- uhm. redwood wolves, but.. they lived in cliffs, not in trees, pike had never understood that, i'd never heard of it before, we were kind of far east but -- we found them. and they took us in. i stayed a while longer after i healed to repay the debt -- because they used resources on us and.. i know you would've made me go back. the last part was meant with endearment. 

his ears flicked again, as if all pike's emotion had been riding in the blood that pulsed withen them. dad's wounds were infected, he said, finally, ending with a gentle sniff. that was the end of the story, finally. and a fitting one, for terance, who had fought and conquered quite a few battles of his own... wearing the scars of every sacrifice he'd ever made -- physical and emotional -- upon his fur. only to die from an infection. ironic, maybe, which would've been a fitting close to his tale.

Would she have made him go back? If she'd known what happened at the time, she would have been very tempted to not let him. She was completely fine with being selfish that way.

Arbiter wished Pike hadn't kept talking. It was a much better death in her eyes to just imagine Terance had gone down in battle, bleeding out before much suffering could take place. Some wolves out there deserved to suffer -- she'd even wish it on them -- but Terance wasn't one of those wolves. Instead he had suffered and maybe if Arbiter hadn't stayed but really gone looking for him, she could have been there, maybe. That was more of her regret. Now he really was gone -- no chance of him showing up so she could be mad at him for being gone this long. She wanted to be angry... Not this.

She looked down to the ground again. Arbiter couldn't bring herself to speak, for she was sure she'd say something foolish. She was focused more on keeping herself looking impassive as always, but here it was hard. Even though she had previously done a good job letting the wound Terance's absence had left heal over, Pike had picked it open again. And yes, perhaps he had to, but Arbiter didn't want to seem weak in front of him any more than he did in front of her.

it's funny how any wolf who didn't want to appear weak in moments of weakness... probably couldn't anyway. pike could never look at his mom and think she was weak -- not even a little bit. but as she walked her head fell to look at the ground, and pike heard no words come from her maw this time. no changing the subject, still no asking questions. to someone as young as pike, the death was death either way, and while terance might've been suffering, the boy spent all of terance's last moments with him -- and even though the sadness hurt, it was not as abrupt as death in battle. pike had some peace about the whole thing. 

he let the silence fill the space between them, as he felt that arbiter did not feel like talking. but pike was known for that big mouth of his, so it didn't really last forever. he... he wanted me to tell you he loved you, he added in a quiet voice. which felt rightly normal to pike, who assumed the words were always there anyway -- behind closed doors, maybe.

the rest of terance's words? they would lay to rest with the man who said them -- pike swore the rest to secrecy. no one else needed to know.

There were things that went unsaid between Arbiter and Terance. Both were stubborn wolves, and neither were open to talking about emotions... And so they just hadn't. And at least to Arbiter, why mention things that they already knew? Terance probably had his own reasons to not say anything, but Arbiter's was probably more just the fact she was intensely stubborn. 

But knowing or not, hearing from Pike that yes, Terance had said he loved her hurt, and hurt in a way she wasn't expecting. Physical pain she could handle -- she could grit her teeth and move through injury -- but she'd thought she'd moved past Terance by now. Maybe she hadn't. She shut her eyes tightly, looking away from Pike entirely for a moment, which had caused her path to veer slightly off the straight line she'd been traversing. It was only a couple of steps before she turned back on Pike quickly, reaching out to pull him close to her and hold him there -- or as well as she could to her child that wasn't a child any more. She couldn't look him in the eye, she couldn't speak, not that she knew what she'd say anyway.

She was good at saying nothing.

pike had thought he wanted to see more emotion out of his mom — just for once, damnit. but the moment he did, the moment he felt immensely guilty. maybe he should’ve stayed quiet... but oh, he couldn’t have let his fathers legacy die so abruptly. 

pulled into an embrace, pike quickly accepted the physical touch. he buried his muzzle into the fur of arbiters neck and shoulder, right where they met, and he squeezed his own eyes shut. damn. 

after silence had seemed to settle over them, pike broke it again. i’m sorry, mom, he muttered through her thick fur. 

for pike, a month had passed. while it still hurt — it always would — still made the back of his throat burn, he was beginning to push forward. perhaps for treason that period would have to begin now. he hadn’t thought that far ahead, he supposed.

She focused all her will into keeping her breath even, outright refusing to give in more to emotion than she already had. Not in front of one of her children. If she had more mourning to do, she'd do it privately, in some distant corner of the territory where she could be alone. Because really, she didn't want to share it with anyone. Not now.

She held him in silence a few moments past Pike's words. She might not have Terance, but she did have her son back again. At least for now, that would have to do. She finally let him go, or at least enough so she could reach over and lick the top of his head as if he was still a pup. Let's get back home. Step one. Step two would be what would be said to Pike's brother and sister. Would Arbiter even be able to in the short term? She wasn't sure, but she wasn't going to say that at all.