Noctisardor Bypass Miserablism

@Vidar maybe? But anyone welcome!

She still hadn't settled on a densite and she knew she'd have to very soon. The return (and re-disappearance) of Pike had brought a dark mood upon her. Though she did her duties with patrols and such, she had kept to herself more as her pregnancy went on.  A few had been scarce, and that did concern her. Hopefully they'd be back soon -- the pups wouldn't exactly wait past a certain point. Did she start to have to make alternate plans? She didn't want to. More decisions. Seriously, though, couldn't something just go right in her life for once?

Whatever needed to be decided, it probably had to be soon. If the disappearances were the fault of the Bearclaw wolves, she wasn't in a state to be able to defend her pack any more -- her body was just too unwieldy. She'd just left the eastern rocky wall of the territory and now wandered her way towards the lake, looking for some place that appealed. Some sort of inspiration.

He hadn't made any real effort to catch up with Arbiter. What was there to say, even? "Oh, Raleska nearly died, and I helped save her. Did I mention gave birth to two kids? Yeah, not sure who the father is." Arbiter didn't know Raleska, and she certainly didn't know the history between them. If things had gone differently, it was entirely possible that Kaertok would have been the father of her children, not Arbiter's. But alas, things had gone the way they'd gone, and he'd mostly kept to himself these past weeks since he'd gotten back.

Legion was still robust enough that their children would survive, but he still had doubts about them thriving. And what if they didn't? He knew he would not blame only himself. Arbiter had resisted joining another pack where their children might have a better chance, and Kaertok still thought that might have to be an option. Their numbers dwindled as the days went on, and even her own son had come and gone.

He caught sight of Arbiter on some sort of mission. She was growing more and more rotund as the days went by. On a mission? he asked, coming up beside her, shoulder-to-shoulder.

And I am cool with him having been told about Terance behind the scenes or in the thread I yoinked with War, I'm not sure where that is in the timeline right now, haha.

Arbiter was in a sort of Mood. When Arbiter started joking around she was probably displeased at something that wasn't easily changed, or at least that's how she was with the wolves that remained. It wasn't that she didn't have a sense of humor, it was more that she had better things to do most of the time. But it was probably better than the especially terse responses that she'd given around the time of the news of Terance's death. He'd missed out on the worst in that, but she'd still kept her space a little more than usual.

Mm. Still need to choose a den. A lovely thing which she wasn't too fond of doing. Or digging. If I get particularly desperate I can always use the hole that my daughter dug but it's about as polished and useful as a rotted log. Not at all, in other words. Who knew I'd actually miss the scraggly man who wandered into the Hollow. He actually dug a good den. And she didn't have to. That was the especially nice part. She couldn't even remember the guy's name -- did it start with a J? -- but she'd appreciated the work he'd done.

Ok, I'm good w/that!

Leaving things unsaid felt easier than talking them through. Arbiter's kid had returned, told her that his dad died, then left. It seemed like a really shitty thing to do in Kaertok's opinion, but his opinions weren't worth much of anything. He hadn't known what to say when he'd been given the news, so he hadn't said anything. Keeping it that way seemed smartest. Phox would have wanted to talk this out, so it's pretty crazy how different my toons are these days.

Little did either of them know that his other daughter had grown up in a rotted log. And she was doing great! But what you don't know, you don't know, you know?

I have helped with the construction of a few, Kaertok said, although he wasn't sure how much help she would actually want. He'd helped his parents build a den or two when he'd lived with them.

She gave him a definitely, 'Oh really?' look. Maybe she might avoid the whole digging thing -- or most of it -- in the end after all. Okay, she probably shouldn't boss him around quite the way she had that other man, but if she didn't have to do digging herself... 

But that aside, she then gave the scenery a sweeping glance, The real question is, have you seen any place that seems the best to start one? I think I've been over every inch of the territory, but none has said 'yes, this one.' At some point she'd do something but this was perhaps the one area where she was indecisive. At the creek, her choice had been obvious, but there was no such luck this time around. Perhaps it was because the whole thing hadn't gone the way she'd been expecting (like the rest of the year). At some point, instinct would demand it in a strong enough way that she'd have to relent, but at least right now, while there was some time she'd try to find the best.

Admittedly, I haven't been looking, Kaertok replied with a bit of a shrug. However, now that it was on his mind, he certainly would be keeping an eye out for any suitable spots to start building a little home for Arbiter and the kids (and him? maybe. we'll see). Perhaps Arbiter was being a bit too picky in her selection. Finding something adequate was better than finding something perfect.

How are you holding up? he asked. It was a broad question that could have been taken any number of ways. If she was to have a peaceful birth (or as peaceful as birth could be), he knew the best path to that was for her to be both physically, mentally, and emotionally sound. With the news she'd given him about her former mate, he doubted the last two were one hundred percent.

It would have been convenient, but convenient was unlikely. Either way, Arbiter wasn't going to loiter around, that also got uncomfortable, Mm. Well, I suppose I need to take another look at some. She started walking, assuming he'd come along, otherwise it was going to be a very short conversation. 

She took it to mean at the moment, and certainly not psychologically, As well as can be. I can't say this part is particularly fun. Or that things were the way she wanted. She would have preferred Terance showing back up -- even if horribly late -- if only for a promise for the future. His death did change her perspective, it tainted things more negatively than even Arbiter tended to be on a good day. Would Kaertok be a good father? She didn't really have much of a choice but to trust him at this point, it wasn't like there was a good replacement floating around.

Keartok let her take the lead, as he so often did. The soft sound of feet on the ground coupled with the light breeze and birds chirping made for a pleasant-enough day. Arbiter mentioned that she wasn't having the most fun, but the Tartok wolf hardly knew what "fun" looked like. The most fun he'd experienced was the thrill of the hunt, a good meal, and a solid nap. Then again, those things were less fun in the traditional sense and more things he needed to do in order to survive.

Do you consider the child-rearing part fun? he asked, tilting his head slightly to one side. Sure, he had helped raise his younger siblings, but he imagined that would be different than raising children of his own. Would they look up to him more than his younger siblings had?

She walked along, pausing briefly to peer at a shadow in the distance on the side of a rise in the earth. She'd check it out again later, but it wasn't part of her grid search now. One of her first site options was up ahead, and old burrow from something that she'd have to widen. Mm. Once they start acting like little wolves instead of odd, confused.. I don't know, legged worms or something, then they're certainly more interesting to deal with. She was not fond of infants. It was more a stage to survive to get to better parts. It had been sort of fun figuring out how to manipulate last year's litter into doing the things she wanted past that, though. Though this year there will be less wiggle room for them to get away with things. I expect they'll give their older siblings a run for their money. At least so she expected. And hopefully things would be a bit more steady. That may help. 

Spook might not be her ideal, but he was loyal and eager to please -- a good second place. Brou was.. Difficult. But she was sure that should her brother crawl up the ranks, she might actually shape up. If only Pike hadn't left again... He was the one with real promise, she thought. He should be here protecting the territory and helping Kaertok where it was needed.

Kaertok had never seen his younger siblings in their first few weeks. They had always been kept inside the den, outside of his view. By the time he'd met them, they were already standing, walking, and blinking at him with wide, curious eyes. He had, of course, been told what they looked like when they first arrived, and he had seen Raleska's newborns at her side, although he hadn't paid them much mind. Briefly, he wondered how she was doing. Once the children were older, he planned to go check in on her, even though he doubted she would appreciate it.

He nodded when she mentioned that there would be less wiggle room for this year's litter. With Kaertok as their father, he would not let them get away with much. The way of Tartok was strict, and he had no intentions of softening around the edges for his children. The strictness was what made him into who he was, and being the arrogant wolf he was, he believed he was one of the best. No match for his mother, of course, but she had raised him to be strong.

Slowing as they approached the burrow, he caught Arbiter's gaze with an unsaid question: would this one do?