Stone Circle No one can save you because you don't want to be saved

@Valette im gonna keep this just Sia and Val for now, I'll tag the pups when/if we are ready for more people :)

There was an emptiness inside the man. A gaping hole had taken up residence where his heart had once been. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. Siarut had run out of tears long ago, instead his head simply pounded to the beat of his blood pumping. A headache raged in his skull that he just couldn't shake.

Takiyok's visit had helped, in the moment. But, even that hadn't lightened his mood. It had been a week. One week without her, and Sia was slipping. He was grateful that everyday the pups were growing less and less reliant on him. He was unimaginably paranoid, his eyes always watching. If anyone aside from Valette, or Arlette came to close to him or one of his children, Siarut snapped. Anger violently unleashed. The only thing that mattered was protecting them. His entire being was solely devoted to this purpose.

At the moment he kept a careful eye on Sela, Kallik, Taktuq and Ikiaq as they played out in the rain. The weather had been particularly gloomy all week. It was an odd comfort to him. Knowing that the weather matched his mood. He didn't want to see the sun. Siarut didn't want to be happy. He felt like he couldn't be happy without her.

Valette had seen Sia spiraling, and she couldn't say she approved. The female had been though her own hardship, she had also lost a sister. She has lost mates and even though it was the most terrible feeling, sometimes going on about life was the best thing. You could remember the ones that were lost even when you continued on. Valette was ready to help Sia as much as possible, the pups definitely needed to go on regurgitated meat since her nipples were getting very sore from their small and sharp teeth.

She approached the den site and saw Sia. Her green eyes on the male for a moment. She knew the male had his strength, he just had to find it again. She greeted the children before moving to him. She sat down before him. "I want to discuss some things with you," she started, there were many things that they had to talk about and what he wanted and expected from her. She didn't want to spend every night in Sia's den for example.

But first she wanted to address something else. "I know this is difficult, Sia, but you cannot just be angry at the world," she commented. "As a parent your own needs are pushed back and the needs of the kids come first. How do you think it is going to affect them if you are angry and glaring all day? First, It doesn't change anything and second, it would be a shame for your children to grow up with anger and sadness. Nanook's life should be celebrated," she spoke to him.

It wasn’t surprising for Valette to be around. Two weeks ago he would have jumped to his feet at the first sign of Valette. Ready to welcome a friend to his home. But now. Well unknowingly he mirrored his sister. A similar exhaustion running in his viens. He was tired, and he wanted to sleep. He desperately wanted to rest. But he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he could still smell her blood on his fur, and feel her body against his as he curled around her for the last time.

Siarut watched his sister{in-law} turn from a loving aunt to a determine matriarch. Her gaze hardening upon landing on his reclined frame. He sighed heavily as she approached. Sia would wait to sit up, until it was absolutely necessary. Not having the strength to move quickly.

Her words were sharp, or at least he thought they should be. But couldn’t tell if they actual were. Regardless of tone Sia grew angry at her words. It had been one fucking week since she died. Could he not suffer, and hate the world for just a little while!

---

Because if he couldn’t blame the world, he could only blame himself. And that was the crux of his issue.

---

“Valette.” Siarut bit immediately once she was finished. “What do you want me to do? Hmm! Forget and move on?” Siarut asked his voice raised slightly at the end. He flicked his glaze at the pups, hoping they didn’t notice.

“I would do anything for them. Are they lacking? No! They have everything they need. I hold them, and I care. They know I protect them. And for now that’ll have to be good enough. Because I can’t.....!” He exclaimed, flooding with energy he hadn’t had in weeks. He sat up. Tears hovering in his gaze, “I can’t do this without her.” There was absolute conviction in Siaruts tone. “She was everything. She brought it out in me. She did that. No one else!” He had worked himself up, and was now standing.

“Nanoo—” Siarut strangled of the end of her name. And snapped his mouth shut with a gasp.

---

It had been a week since he said her name.

Valette had kind of expected an outburst from the male, it had been laying on thick. She knew that when she pushed she might get a wave of emotions back in return. It was not that hard to see. She shook her head but waited with a verbal response in case he continued. He did continue and she took in every word. He was clearly not seeing what she was seeing. He was taking care of them and he was doing this without her. He could even speak out her name, he choked. "Say it. Say her name," she instantly responded then. "Nanook," she said herself. He would have to learn how to say her name otherwise he would never speak it again. His children were going to ask about her and he would need to be comfortable talking about them.

"You are getting is mixed up. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, Sia. In fact, you should remember. Remember it all, the good and the bad. But mostly the good. She is gone. Nothing will change that. You will never forget that. Never. But you do have to pick yourself up, as hard as that is. You have to." She returned to him, ending in a big of a strict tone. She meant it in a good way. "You thinking that you cannot do it alone is utter bullshit and you know it. As you might have realized this, you are already doing this without her. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone. I am here if you need me. But you are doing this without her already. You will have to accept that."

Valette inhaled softly and looked at him. "You know why I like the stones? Because they represent what that wolf stood for. To be reminded about how that wolf lived their life. She might not be here this day, this minute. But you better remember Nanook. You remember her name. You say her name out loud, shout it from Stone Circle for all I care. You will remember her as the person she was. And by doing so you will never be able to forget her. She will not be by your side but in your heart." They had buried Nanook, and her stone was the Pilgrim Stone. It was almost too fitting how Sia was going to have to start his own journey, a new journey. They all had. "Say her name, and say it proud," she stated.

He just....couldn't. The name stuck in his throat. Fat tears fell from his eyes, his breath deep and heavy utterly broken. He stared at the woman before him, grim and cold. "Maybe you're just stronger than I am Val." He took a step back, the righteous anger he had felt moments before draining out of him just as quickly as it had arrived. "I can't, not yet. I will not speak of her." He knew it wasn't healthy. Of course he did. He wasn't a young man anymore. But it would break him. To attempt to move on. He couldn't do it. Wouldn't do it. Not yet. His children weren't old enough to ask questions. One day he knew, logically they would. And maybe then he would be ready. Maybe then. He mused.

"What else did you need Val?" He couldn't imagine this was the reason she had sought him out. Quite frankly, he wished to return to his brooding.

Valette shook her head. She didn't believe that she was stronger than Sia. For him, this was his first loss while she had battled through many. She had just gotten used to it. He still had to learn to cope. She looked at Sia when he couldn't speak of her name. "One day you will have to, Sia. Your kids need to know about her. They need to know her name, not only from me," she commented. "That is all I ask. All I want for you. You need to mourn but also start talking about her. It will help. You need to speak about her and remember her. That is what she deserves. If you cannot talk about her, then you tarnish her memory and only remember the pain. You need to remember all the good things you've had with her," she spoke. That was all she needed to say. It was important for him to realize. Especially for his kids too. Since they would have to grow up with only a memory of her and it should be a damn good one.