Northstar Vale It's just a lightyear and a day

72F°, currently it is clear and set during at sunset. Located in Sunspire Mountains, northstar vale | ooc notes: set after this! | tagging: @Vespera | wounds: deep lacerations on her neck and moderate on her nape, some bruising

Eventually, the woman managed to roll up onto her paws again, shakily, slowly on stiff legs and neck as the pain stung from the regions that Takeshi had bit during their 'fight' if that is what one wanted to call it. After he had left, she remained, laying on the ground in defeat, thinking of everything that had happened and backtracked by days, weeks, months as to where it all had begun. It played in her mind over and over like a sick recording, reminding her of all those failures that seemed to pile up. 

She didn't cry or sob, perhaps she was dry and simply could not do it anymore or everything was just so overwhelming from Yuudai's death, Takeshi's refusal to leave, the fight, the hatred she felt toward herself from the members of the pack and ultimately herself as well. In all honesty, she felt numb. Rolling onto her haunches, she sat, carefully and slowly as everything just seemed to hurt and gazed up to the sky as if it held all her answers within it should she stare at it long enough and simply looked.

The Duchess had a lot of responsibilities on her shoulders, her pups, and what was going on in the Empire with Takeshi, and Reiko not doing her job. So Vespera Yuudai and Collison had to take matters into their own hands and fix the problem that Reiko created. Honestly, if she didn't have her pups, she would have left the Empire because she just didn't want to deal with this again, maybe she could have started her own pack. But yet again, she couldn't keep running forever, she couldn't leave the Empire like this with the dictator like Takeshi, perhaps she should have done more with Greyback. The dark woman flared her nose and furrowed her brows as she once again stepped away from her pups to clear her head, she just couldn't have these negative and pessimistic thoughts while around her newborns. She didn't want them growing up like her.

As the Duchess continued on her path, the smell of fresh blood hit her nose like a foul stench, but what could it be? She craned her head up and picked up her pace to a gallop to investigate, was it dead prey? Was it a dead wolf? With Yuudai gone, more things could happen so she had to carry extra duties with her friend gone. The scent grew stronger as she bounded within the Vale to get a closer look at what it was, but what she saw was something that she wasn't expecting. 

Reiko's blood was spilled on the floor with cuts deep within her.

Vespera stopped in her tracks with her face growing both concerned and shocked, what happened? Did she fall in some thorns? But another twitch of her nose revealed that the rat himself was here. It didn't take a detective to know why she was in a state like this. The dark woman took a deep breath and approached slowly with a more concerned face than the last time the two women looked at each other, "Rei?... What happened?" Her voice was cautious since she expected the Empress to lash out against her based on their last encounter.

She was just so tired. Tired of it all, physically and mentally, from one thing to the next it never seemed to end - it was all such a bad dream that she hoped one day she would simply wake up and find herself back in Kaistleoki as a squire once again, and leave all of this behind her. To start over once more. That would be nice. 

Then a voice snapped her out of those thoughts, those desires, and dull blues shifted over in their sockets in order to see who it was. Vespera. There was no smile or a friendly greeting, no wag of her tail, no tears either, she simply gazed at the woman with vacant eyes and a matching tone. Nothing. Then, she grew silent. 

Absolutely nothing's changed. Clarifying after a while, although vague, she wasn't certain how much Vespera was willing to listen to judging by their last couple encounters, the looks cast her way. I'm sorry... I lost. Again, she felt like everything rested on her own shoulders. That the fate of the pack, the members, their futures, all depended on her winning that last encounter and once again, she failed.

There was an emptiness to her voice when Reiko responded to Vespera, even her eyes were void of any of her usual spunkiness. The poor girl was experiencing her own troubles that the others were probably too quick to pass judgment on, yet again, she was the Empress, and she had to keep her chin up for the good of the pack. Reiko said it was nothing, but she knew that she was lying based on her attitude, but if she was telling the truth then there would have been more peppiness to her voice. The Duchess frowned and approached the damaged Empress to get a better look at her new wounds.

There were lots of bruises and scars running along with her matted fur, not to mention she was covered in dirt.

 The dark woman sat alongside the defeated woman, "it's not nothing Rei," she replied with a stern but worried look, she at least wanted Rei to understand that she at least cares for her well being. Rei was still a sweet soul, but that still didn't excuse the fact that she failed to live up to her duties.

She still went on by stating that nothing has changed and apologized for losing, you lost? Now I understand, she thought as Vespera listened to the broken woman with her full attention. "It was him wasn't it," she hummed while still keeping a steady glance at Reiko, "why do you let him hurt you?" Her brows arched up slightly with her eyes becoming more sympathetic, or as sympathetic as she could muster because she really couldn't believe Reiko would let this man into his life.

Not wanting to look at Vespera much longer, her gaze drifted mindlessly over to the mountains. Remembering how safe it felt to be here once before, how beautiful it all was, and how perfect it all seemed to be, but it was so long ago now. So short-lived as everything seemed to pile on oh so quickly. This wasn't what leading was all about, it wasn't possible that leading was only pain. That's not at all how it felt like anymore, that safe space was invaded, twisted into some living nightmare. 

Let him?! She snapped, almost in disbelief, hurt above everything else. This is the result if I fight back, if I talk back. her voice cracks under the pressure. Yuudai died because he spoke up. It all seemed completely futile as time went on, every attempt to keep the peace, to keep everyone happy - it was an impossible task. Was accepting Yuudai's desire to kill Yuudai the better path after all? 

Yuudai and I would have been monsters if we'd planned to kill him before, a leader, plotting to assassinate her own husband without obvious reason. She was despicable either way, at least Yuudai died a good man in the end. He won't leave, so, would you have blindly trusted us months ago if we had gone through with it? Two weeks into my pregnancy. Would you have seen us as murderers without seeing what that man is like yourself, be honest?

Reiko drifted her gaze away from the Duchess, but when Vespera asked her question Reiko snapped back at her which she should have expected but she still recoiled her head back just a bit in surprise. It was obvious that she was breaking down under pressure when she stated that this was what happened when she tried to stand up to Takeshi, but Vespera still saw that Reiko should have never let this man into her life in the first place. But what struck a chord most with Vespera was when she said that Yuudai died due to him speaking out which made the Duchess freeze up and inhale a shaky breath. He isn't dead... But... The aftermath of all this till hurts... She looked away from Reiko for a few moments to recollect herself, then she turned to Reiko with a stern gaze once again.

"Yes, but why did you let him in the first place?" She breathed, "I knew something was up when I traveled with you to Sagtannet, I know that there is something not right between the two of you!" Vespera retorted with a confused tone as if she couldn't fathom the thought that sweet Reiko would let this piece of shit into her life? What was the reason?

But the Empress wasn't done yet, in fact, she revealed some information to Vespera about a conversation that both she and Yuudai had about killing Takeshi. This did surprise the cloaked woman with her ears perking up and her eyes blinking rapidly for a few seconds as she asked Vespera a surprisingly hard question. Would she have trusted Yuudai and Reiko if they flat out murdered Takeshi? Normally, Vespera would have said yes on the spot for she believed some were deserving of death but this time she pondered on the question. In fact, she thought about what would have happened if she killed Greyback? What would Valette think? What would Ira do knowing that she murdered her father?

The girl had to give an honest answer though, so she put out her thoughts once she inhaled to recollect herself, "well, In my eyes, and what I have experienced, sometimes there are those who are beyond forgiving, sometimes their crimes pile up and you have to ask yourself: how long can this go on unpunished? If he keeps hurting others, drastic measures might have to be taken even if he was disciplined before, and yet nothing has come from those punishments? Will he ever grow?" The woman looked at her unknown cousin with a sincere gaze, like it was coming from her heart, "and yet begs the question, will we be as bad as him if we take his life? But is it so wrong to take one life to save many?" Vespera was divided on her morals, she really didn't know what to think, "some don't want forgiveness, and some can't be forgiven," she mumbled, tucking her tail around her paws and slowly drifting her eyes to look at her feet as if she was really contemplating this.

The Empire is a place of new beginning. her answer was simple, it was the first reason why she gave him the chance, the beginning of it all. Without being certain if he had changed or not, I couldn't deny him outright without breaking our own beliefs, what we built this place to be. Ultimately, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. What if he was a changed man? What if he truly did want to bury the hatchet between himself and everyone else since their childhood? 

Listening to Vespera's long-winded explanation Reiko came to a conclusion. The dark woman wasn't wrong in her thoughts, however... As Reiko turned her gaze back onto the violet orbs of Vespera's gaze, hardening, nearly soulless in their utter defeat in all of this. Turning to give Vespera her whole attention, facing the Duchess now face to face. That wasn't my question. She corrected it in the end.

I asked if we would have been murderers in your eyes, if you would believe to feel safe here if we had gone through it. If I had chosen to murder Takeshi, someone you knew no better than Yuudai or me at the time it would have been done. Sharply she inhales, feeling every emotion rise up again, while her core quivers and blood oozes from the still open wounds as her heart pounds wildly within her chest as the thoughts that invaded every space within her mind were near maddening.

I loved Yuudai, and my love for him is what angered that man. That pushed him to rape me, to claim what was his, and Yuudai chose Hiromi all the while it was happening. I tried to let him go so he can be happy with her, so he can be safe while Takeshi had what he desired enough so that he would take it forcefully. Lips quivered as the memories of that day flooded back. and that idiot had to speak up and make it all for nothing! Finally, she broke as a warm tear rolled down her cheek, her body shuddering under the weight of it all.

I don't need moral philosophies.

Vespera paused when Reiko stated the philosophy of Reneian that this was a place of new beginnings which was what the woman first stated when Vespera first got here. Her violet orbs slid back to look at the blue eyes of Reiko as the woman was now facing her and retorted to her philosophy as not answering her question which the woman had to admit that she really didn't give a straight answer. The Empress restated her question with a sharp inhale and the dark woman felt a little empty, she was hoping that Reiko could just read her mind but she knew that the white female couldn't do that. So the Duchess craned her head up and looked at Reiko dead in the eye with a more certain expression.

"No, I wouldn't have," her eyes were stone as she made her statement with a firm tone.

"Because if I had the take out some of the shitheads that hurt me in the past then I would have, I would have because I don't want others to face the same kind of abuse I have gone through," her heart began to thump with anger as she began thinking of all the trauma that she had to endure. It was hard to fix a broken record, but not impossible. But, Reiko was starting to break down more with her lips quivering as she tried to speak her peace about how much she loved Yuudai but then brought up the word rape with painted a scowl on her face. Her claws began scraping the ground as her blood began to boil, this man raped her and he is still breathing? Her scowl only deepened as dark thoughts started to cloud her judgment, how could Reiko let this go on for so long? If she needed help she could have asked the pack to help her get rid of him!

But what really broke the straw on the camels back was that she called Yuudai an idiot for standing up against Takeshi. At this, Vespera quickly got to her paws, her eyes were now sparkling with rage as the tear streamed down Reiko's face. The Duchess slightly curled her lip, "You call him an idiot for standing up in what he believes?" Her voice was becoming a slight snarl as she did her best to fight her own fury, "You call him an idiot for speaking out against false authority?" Her tail was beginning to sway behind her in annoyance, "You call him an idiot for dying for what he believed in?" The girl's ears began flattening against her head, "Yuudai had more courage and honor that your oh so lovely husband, and you call him an Idiot for making a stance which could have been handled in a more sophisticated way?" A growl was rumbling in her throat, "and yet you let Takeshi deliver a fatal blow? And yet HE is not the idiot? You let this man ABUSE his power and demote everyone who opposed him? You let him kick out Awenfen and Yuudai is the idiot?" 

She was getting into this so much that now her brain was starting to convince herself that Yuudai was actually dead, "I'm the idiot for not standing with Yuudai and taking a stance!" She flicked her head up and snorted, "So it's idiotic now to have a goddamn opinion? It's idiotic to live in a pack where the members can't voice opposition like how a pack should? Or am I mistaken? Because so far I see that this is a dictatorship where fear and power rule this pack!" The Duchess's words rang as she battled herself for volume control of her voice, "This isn't his pack Reiko this is your pack! And I will be damned to see him take away your dreams like this!" Her breath was becoming shaky from conflicting emotions, even some tears began forming a line in her bottom eyelid, "you may not believe me when I say that I care when I see someone like this?" Vespera breathed, "I know what's it's like to be beaten down," she said slowly, her tone slightly softening.

"When I was at Easthollow... Valette was a kind and gentle soul... an angel... But once her husband stepped into power, he became a tyrant, the title was all that mattered to him..." She turned her head away from Rei to look at the mountains, "he never gave me a reason to respect him... He attacked me because I wanted to comfort... But apparently I am not allowed to do that... Valette tried to get us to start clean, but the bastard didn't want to... And when I tried to give him my reasons... He turned away and didn't listen to me... So I ran." The wind picked up her fur, "I shouldn't have ran... I should have made my case but I didn't, and I'm an idiot for not doing so... because I have a voice too," Vespera then turned her face back to Reiko with a hurt scowl, "and so does Yuudai," she stopped a moment to let the moment settle before picking up again, "some have the opportunity to have a new beginning... and then thew throw it in the dust..." Her eyes darted away for a moment to cease the swelling of her tears before looking back at Rei, "That's what happened to me..." She grumbled, "but this isn't about me, it's about what is done now... And what you can do because I know you can do better because when I talked to Ira, she spoke highly of you, she was proud to have you as her apprentice." Her expressions were becoming a bit softer, "I don't know about you, but I am never going to let this man sit on a throne that doesn't belong to him," she craned her head up as she was sticking to this mindset now more than ever.

She wasn't going to run again.

Not ever again.

You're a liar. Defensive, she frowns. Now you wouldn't, now that you know what kind of man he is. She was tired of people saying the things she wanted to hear at the moment just in order to get the exhausted Empress to do or say what they wanted. How could she believe that Vespera would have blindly trusted a decision to kill a fellow packmate so soon after they had just met, and so soon after the formation of the pack?

The more Vespera spoke, the more annoyed Reiko grew. I, me, what I went through, that was all she heard from the cloaked woman as if both her experience and what was happening now were the same. Talking down to her just as Takeshi would for simply calling Yuudai's action stupid. You're so selfish. She growls, her own hackles prickling, where was this all coming from? Who asked Vespera to start lecturing her and judging every little detail of what had happened when she only truly saw what was going on a couple of weeks ago?

He is an idiot! She barks, this time her own head raises as she refused to be looked down upon anymore. She wasn't the enemy and yet, Vespera kept acting as if she was. As if Reiko had planned all of this to happen and didn't try everything she could to keep it from exploding, that it was so wrong of her to not want anyone to get hurt, to carry Takeshi's burden on her shoulders in hopes that he would leave everyone else alone.

He has a son that will never know how truly amazing he is, all he will hear is stories. A now widow who mourns him after she had already lost so much, what about Hiromi? Is it heroic that he threw his life away after I begged him to just stay quiet and live happily with her? There are other things he could have done than to fight Takeshi like that! She yelled, so tired of the accusations as if she wasn't aware of how despicable Takeshi was. As her heart drummed heavily in her chest, the wounds bled further, staining her coat a deep red as it trickled down her neck.

Are you blind?! I didn't let him do anything! Furious she squeals as her body sways lightly as once again she fights the creeping weakness just so she didn't seem frail while trying to stand up for herself. He beats me if I say or do anything! You think I didn't try telling him to leave, to stop, that I just ignore it all!? I try to force him to leave and he laughs! I confront him about anything and he hits me and ridicules me, and if I'm lucky he doesn't force himself onto me! Nothing changes if I talk to him or even try to force him out. If I'm such a terrible, ignorant, leader then go! I can't work miracles, I'm trying and all anyone ever does when they see what's happening is lecture me and tell me to do something when I have been since the beginning! Do I have to die too for you to believe me?! She was done listening to Vespera's accusations, to her long-winded stories that had nothing to do with what was actually happening.

Instead of them all working together to fix the problem, that now they would know he had to go and instead of them blindly trusting her decision to chase someone out or kill them should Takeshi refuse as always to leave the vale, the empress, and all within the mountainous walls alone. Instead of trying to figure something out, they alienated her. And if that was what they wanted to do, they succeeded. I don't want to talk to you. I didn't ask for this, you came to me asking what happened. I'm done explaining myself. Mad, she turned away in a stiff manner, her neck burning with every moment she does and begin her journey to the den and tend to her children. She had been away from them for too long. She truly did feel alone now in all of this, that she had to begin thinking of ways to get rid of the Emperor herself... if talking didn't work and fighting him didn't make him leave, there had to be another way.

Reiko called Vespera a liar which made the woman flare her nostrils and pin her ears back even more, "You can call me a liar, but I have spoken my truth so you may spit on it as much as you please," she let out a snarl this time because she was honestly tired of holding it back. But Reiko wasn't done yet, she, in fact, called Vespera selfish, and this did not settle well with the woman at all, "that's rich coming from you," her eyes narrowed, even more, her rear fur-raising from her rear and neck, "I'm selfish now for willing to do something that you won't? I'M THE SELFISH ONE?" Her voice became a booming growl as the words that Reiko was spitting were hitting too close to home for Vespera. Reiko had been slowly chipping away at everything that the woman believed in, Reiko hadn't experienced what the girl has been through, in Vespera's eyes, she had been through the deepest pits of hell while Reiko was only at the gates.

Her muzzle showed her fangs now as Reiko still believed that Yuudai was the idiot, "YUUDAI IS DEAD AND YOU KEEP CALLING HIM AN IDIOT? HE DIED WITH HONOR WHILE YOU ARE PISSING ON HIS NAME!" Her voice thundered which made a few crows squawk and fly out of some trees. Vespera won't let this poor excuse of an Empress talk so rudely of her friend even though he wasn't truly dead, she still found it highly disrespectful. The Duchess was a warrior, Reiko was not.

The Empress went on with her own voice roaring about how Yuudai had a son and how he will never get to see his own son and poor Hiromi, Oh God Poor Hiromi. But Reiko in Vespera's eyes had been disrespecting the warrior beliefs that Yuudai stood for, in fact, Vespera stood for as well, "You think he threw his life away? I'm sure he would rather die with honor than let that piece of shit take his rule?" Her eyes started to water when she was thinking about how distraught Hiromi was when the news was broken to her, and how the poor woman clung to Collision and cried her heart out. "YUUDAI WILL BE REMEMBERED AS A WARRIOR WHO WOULDN'T LET THAT BASTARD TAKE WHAT HE WANTED!" Her voice quivered with rage as the tears were starting to stream down her face because her beliefs were getting stripped down.

Reiko called her blind which was only infuriating her more, none of them were helping this situation, they were both fueling the fire with Reiko going on about how she is beaten for doing anything. But Vespera was too riled up and needed to calm herself down, she wanted to tell Rei that he was alive but that would ruin everything, and at the tension, they are both at, it might make it worse. "You talk about being accused? YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING BLIND? HA!" Her voice thundered, "I SAW YOU JUST SITTING THERE WHILE TAKESHI WAS DEMOTING AND KICKING PEOPLE OUT! I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING IN THAT MOMENT!" Vespera almost sounded like she was crying out, "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT IS AFFECTED BY THIS" She snapped with fury as the tears were now streaming down her face, but her face was still highly annoyed, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM HURT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY BELIEVE! THAT'S WHY THIS SHIT IS SO HARD FOR ME! I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I DON'T WANT TO KEEP RUNNING IN THE SAME CORNERS ANYMORE! THAT'S WHY I AM STILL STANDING HERE AND YOU CAN'T SEEM TO GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE! I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO PULL MIRACLES!" she howled, "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE BETTER! I DON'T KNOW HOW I JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE! IM TIRED OF RUNNING! IM TIRED OF SEEING ALL THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE, I'M CONFUSED,I JUST CAN'T! I'M AS POWERLESS AS WHEN MY PARENTS WERE TAKEN AWAY, I'M JUST AS POWERLESS AS I WAS WHEN I WAS BACK IN EASTHOLLOW. I'M SO TIRED OF BEING POWERLESS ALL THE TIME!!!" She screamed as her body was starting to crack under the pressure.

"I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO KNOW! I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO BE DONE! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW REIKO! SO YOU CAN TAKE MY FUCKING WORDS AND THROW THAT SHIT IN THE DIRT BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU! I DEFEND MY FRIENDS NAME AND I WON'T SIT HERE AND LET YOU DO THAT! IT'S NOT FAIR TO HIM! I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE ALONE, I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE ALONE!" She cried as her eyes were filled with water, "but it seems I have done a good job of that already!" She managed to say with a shaking voice as her own confused guilt was taking hold of her, she really didn't know what to think as she felt like she was in a closed-off dark room. "Take my words as you will..." she grumbled, "because I know in the end I have wasted my time, and I don't know what to think anymore because I know what I have to do now... and I thought maybe you could... Could help..." She cut herself off with a snarl as she sharply turned her body and stalked the other way, "never mind... Just forget I said anything to you at all..." she mumbled as the tears were dripping along her fur and she began to make her exit with a harsh ringing in her ear.

Talking to Vespera was like talking to a wall, always changing the subject around to someone or something else in order to guilt Reiko into seeing her position. Not wanting to see Reiko's position either and instead chose to yell and shout like a child, making a scene as the Empress was already walking away. She wouldn't offer anything more to the woman to continue this conversation, it was she who approached the wounded woman, and then began to bombard her with stories and guilt. How could she? How could she be so selfish and careless when Reiko simply told her over and over again that she tried, everything she tried and still not offer any ideas herself as to what to do. Again just placing all the blame on the young ruler, all the decisions with no real solution.

She didn't turn to listen or even to glance over at the shouting woman if she had no solution to offer, all this was an attack on the Empress herself once again. Closing herself off to the world, she continued to walk, focused on going back to her children, and make sure they were doing well despite the long hiatus of their mother. If anything, this conversation had solidified her beliefs that this was all to be done on her own, no longer dragging in others in fear of putting their lives at risk like Yuudai's, or the lack of solutions being brought to the table by those who would rather blow up and throw accusations around. 

[exit]