Northstar Vale Conversations With Dead People

He ran. At full speed. every motion of his body pushing harder and harder. where was she? Where was Reiko? He was flooded with panic and sadness and self-blame. He swore he would protect her and yet he had never done so. He hadn't stopped anything from happening to her....she had never told him...never told him that all of this was his fault. His heart was prepared to burst. his eyes clouded with tears. His chest tight. There was anger present as well. 

 Why didn't she tell him? Why didn't she allow him to put a stop to this sooner? Sure the justification he had been given made sense. To a crazy person. If she would have said the word she would have pulled the emperor's throat out of his ass. He came to her den and though time had dwindled the scent away there was still the long standing stench of blood. 

 he came to her den. she would still be there with her children, yes? he honestly didnt know. what was he even supposed to think, "@Reiko. Come outside," Funny that he dare tell her what to do, "...please?" he added less confidently and yet somehow with all the emotion he had bursting at the seems. He would be leaving to get Yuudai after this. It was only a matter of time. Takeshi was through. That much he was certain of.

The smell of blood was repugnant, even with @Hiromi's treatment the scent still lingered as the wounds never seemed to stop opening up every now and then. An itch every now and then, she'd forget about the wounds and accidentally open them up again. The stains on her neck, it wasn't how she wanted to present herself to anyone, to explain how she had obtained the wounds neither. After how things went with Vespera, Reiko was determined to keeping it all to herself, to not tell anyone anymore what had happened now or prior to the meeting.

She had to figure a way to get rid of Takeshi, somehow... all she had to do was bide her time and hopefully, something would come. A mistake, some bad food, poison perhaps? She mused with the ideas, on how she would make it happen. it disgusted her how she plotted against Takeshi, how intent she was on getting rid of him now by any means necessary. 

A voice took her from her thoughts, a familiar voice and though it was soft ad pleading, she didn't move. The hair along her spine pickled defensively, her posture along the ground stiffened. If you are here to shout at me as Vespera did, I will not listen. he had the same look in his eyes as she did the last Reiko saw him, Collision even verbalized his accusations before Vespera ever did. Reiko wouldn't be fooled into talking again if it was all going to be the same dance as before.

Collision was ready to make the pain stop. He was tired of tossing the blame back and forth. He was tired of watching everyone self-distruct. A sigh rolled from his lips as she spat the words at him and he shook his head, "Yes, you would. We both know you'd listen. You might not agree, but you've never closed your mind to the obvious," Even if they didn't realize she was trying. In her own way... she always had been. 

 "I would have already done that and you know it," He reatreated from the mouth of her den and sat down. He wasn't leaving. He wasn't going to do that to her. Not ever again. They were blind to think that she wasn't protecting them, even though she was wrong, in her own way. 

 "I'm not leaving...so come face the music,"

He spoke in a way that should have soothed her, that would have coaxed her to come and speak without feeling so guarded and ready to dismiss him the way she had done so at the end of the interaction with the Duchess. With stiff limbs and a neck even more so, she offered a gentle kiss to each of her children as if this would be their last, a long embrace before turning to exit the den.

Emerging from the depths was a different woman, all that brightness she once radiated had dulled into a disheveled mess, blood matting her neck, with piercing eyes void of the same love she had felt just weeks ago. She once thought they were friends, but Vespera's words had cut right through the final strings holding the Empress together, she truly believed this was a war only she could fight and only one victor would come out alive; and it had to be her, for her children's sake. Gods only knew what would happen to them if Takeshi came out as the final victor. 

Even the sweet breeze that ran through the veil didn't lift the weight that seemed to sit on the woman's shoulders. She was prepared for whatever Collision was about to throw her way. Hardened by every bad news and bad day that seemed to continue to pile up.

Collision watched as her tattered and torn body emerged from the den. She was broken physically and emotionally. He had never accounted for the first part. When she appeared the teary eyed look returned and he shook his head. Words did not fall. Accuastion were not made. Simply, he moved towards her. Slowly, tentatively. "I'm sorry," He spoke the words and then attempted to place his head gently around her shoulder. He didn't want to say much else. He wanted to see how she was going to react and he wanted the levity of his confession to be for her to decide. 

 He wasn't sure how she would take to the embrace. He wasn't sure if she would even trust him, but ultimately he knew he had given her reasons to distrust him, but that blame was to be shared. They had both done things for their own reasons to cause harm to the other. Collision would wait to see if she accepted his apology before he lept into explaining, confessing, and reconciliation.

She fixated on the man as he approached, her body curving and curling around his action as if his touch had to be avoided at all cost. She was so tired of being hurt, of the physical and emotional torment lately, and hissed at his attempt to touch her. Now of all times, a coiled cobra cornered and he was bold to approach. Sliding away from him, careful to keep all physical contact impossible, a glimpse of fangs glittered as she didn't quite snarl, but the warning was quite evident. She didn't want to fight Collision too, but in her current state of mind, the woman was right on the edge of oblivion. 

Why? She'd hear him out, listen to why he was sorry and if this was just another attempt at trying to manipulate the Empress into their own little plans or beliefs on how she should act or what more she could possibly do. She had given her body, mind and soul, truly, she felt as though she had nothing left to offer Collision.

She didn't allow him to touch her and he respected the decision as she immediately bared her teeth at him. He had hurt her with her words, but he had never raised a hand to her physically. Perhaps his crime was worse. It was likely due to the fact that she had actually trusted him and emotional pain was always worse than physical pain. She would recover from the pain she felt on the surface, but like him could she return from the dark place? 

 He turned away from her and shook his head He seated with his back to her and looked off into the distance. Soft wind ruffled his fur and his head dropped into the breeze. He didn't need to look at her. He didn't need to know if she care, and he decided it was important that he said what he needed to say. There was, of course, a large part of him that desired a certain reaction, but neither of them were entitled to anything anymore; were they?

 "Because I failed you."

As he turned away from her, all he saw were more backs facing her. Although it was an act of trust, she was certain of it, it somehow didn't help anything at all. Was she truly that far gone now? Lost in a lonely sea of doubt and hatred that land was nowhere to be seen?

He failed her?

Suspiciously her glare narrowed, focussing on the man with every intent on dissecting whatever might be happening right now so she may react accordingly. You and Vespera have made it abundantly clear that I am the failure. And that she has since the beginning. The thought no longer pained her, there was so much else that took that role and instead, all she could do was focus on trying to make things right again.

Even if it did put the trust of everyone in the Empire to their final test, it had to be worth it now, wasn't it? To bring peace back, they already hated her. By getting rid of Takeshi, they couldn't possibly see her any worse than they already did.

He was obvlious to anything she was thinking or doing as he sat with her behind him. Maybe after all of this there was too much damage between the two of them and he needed to carry on his way. Honestly as soon as Takeshi was removed he realized he wouldn't mind not being a part of the Empire anymore. He would have restored them and broken down the walls that should have been creating their happiness. He could leave and with Takeshi gone they could all be happy as once they were before. A small smile at the thought. 

 "Well then I suppose we've all been wrong," He knew that he needed to get her to level with him once more and then they could discuss the real issues that they were facing. Until then the things he said would fall on broken ears. She wouldn't care to hear him or put forth the effort required to actually undersand him. She needed to be enlightened to some cold-hard truths and Collision was the one to do it. He had been quite up front with her this far. 

 "In some ways it was your fault. You never told me so that I could stop it. In turn it was my fault for not noticing and doing something...Or it's Yuudai's fault for not winning. Maby it's Takeshi's fault for existing," He cast his head over his shoulder to talk more to the side instead of completely away from her. His eyes still reminiscent of a different time, "We can continue to point fingers here, Reiko...but honestly I just want to do better," A heavy sigh fell from his lips.

She had nothing to say, despite it all, her lips were sealed. An iron gatekeeping her mouth shut. She had exposed everything Takeshi had done to Vespera and all it was met was with more guilt, more fault blamed on the Empress too and she didn't want to repeat that same conversation again with Collision. Deep within her she wanted to tell him everything, why she didn't tell him outright, hopeful that perhaps he would understand - but there was a muzzle that felt tight around her maw. 

I'll fix it. She kept telling herself, a mantra that never seemed to end, where the end of the string was always to far out of her reach. I will fix it!! I don't know what you want me to do, or say, Collision. She didn't know what anyone wanted her to do now. She stood up to him, told him to leave, tried to forcefully get him to leave - nothing worked. All she could come up with was one final attempt... it had to be perfect, no one had to be dragged into her darkness.

It didn't help that no one was offering possible solutions than just to do something, or deal with it.

Collision turned to face her at her last proclomation and he shook his head, "You're not alone anymore. I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. You asked me to guard you and I didn't do it the right way," And now he would. Now he would make up for every cross word he had said to her. He would make him for every dark thought that had crossed his head, and he would beat back every bad thing that tried to come for him furthermore. There was a side to all of this that he had neglected since it had started: Why Reiko did it and at she was actually doing. 

 
"Takeshi...He raped Hiromi," His eyes stared at her and watered began to seep from his eyes once more. It was a hard bomb to drop quickly, but he had to get to the bottom of it all once and for all. He needed to get them all safe again and a rapist was no man that belonged in this place, "Did he....Did he do that to you?" Was she busy raising the children that were product of such darkness? Did she look into their eyes with regret? A frown was deep on his features nad his head dropped, "I could have stopped it..."

If it weren't for the bombshell he had dropped on the conversation, his words would have soothed her. But again, he had lowered her guards just enough to shove something new beyond her walls. Her soul shattered, decimating her world to think that Hiromi had been dealing with it all as well.

Everything she had done was all for nothing. She couldn't even respond to "no longer being alone" as everything just faded away, all sense, all feeling of control. All of her own sufferings were for nothing! Even as he kept taking from her own body, he had to spread such poison to others, Hiromi of all things!

Her feet moved instinctively, again wanting to seek him out, rage boiling over as a maddened look spread across her features. The obvious split in her desires manifested as she paced in an awkward, queer gait, wobbly but determined, lost, and furious as she spiraled. She wanted to go find him again, to put an end to it, and yet would it even fix anything if she did so in her current state? He had tossed her around like a ragdoll, weightless, useless, and yet, there was nothing else she wanted to do.

"I could have stopped it..." She snaps, a wild animal, foaming and thoughtless as she eyed him with wide hateful eyes. Did she hate Collision? No, the hate was to the culprit it had always been and she radiated that from every fiber of her fading body. We met after! After all, was said and done, Collision couldn't have done anything at all.

How could he tell her such news now of all times?

Returning to her pacing, wildly uncertain of her own movements now as she failed to figure out what she wanted to do at this moment. Then she stopped, staring into the direction she was sure he was in. An eerie stance, like a cal before the storm.

Collision's delivery of information wasn't always the best. However, it was quite clear by her defensiveness, by her rage, and by her sudden onset of irrationality that it had happened. He wept for her. 

 His eyes followed her as she shook and spat and as her words came out with all of the vengeance. He shook his head and kept calm before her. There was no reason to try and fight anymore. It was time this all reached a resolve as they were far past the tipping point, "And I'll never fail you again," He wasn't going to deny his fault. He wasn't going to deny how awful he had been, "But you have to tell me," She had to make it so that he could do, from here on out, what always needed to be done.

 "Reiko, please, I never should have let you get to this point. I never....never should have tried to break you," His eyes avoided her own. There was a lie he had been telling and keeping up that threatened to break through the seams. He wanted to tell her! 

 "We're going to stop him. There's been a plan in motion. I can't tell you, but please, Reiko, please just let me finish this. Let me see it through to the end, let me give you and Yuudai your happily ever after...let me be who I tried to tell you I was," 

Focussing on the distance, pondering over her decision, it was beyond stupid. A death sentence, but it consumed her. Collision spoke again and this time she turned to look at him, her neck sore and muscles twitched uncomfortably to try and ease the pain that seared through her. Tell you what? She beckoned, pleading with her gaze as she stared at him as if he had everything she needed. 

How I loved Yuudai and chose him first? How he galavanted off to love Hiromi too, meanwhile Takeshi took what he wanted by force? She wasn't thinking as she spoke, a look of utter confusion and disbelief in her own words as she looked down at the ground, back at him, with wide, sorrow-filled eyes. Almost pleading for him to make it all go away, for him to take back the terrible news that agonized her in a new, horrible way. Now you are telling me that all my sacrifices, what I endured for the sake of keeping him away and entertained for the sake of everyone else, for them, was for nothing? Now Yuudai is gone, Hiromi had her own pain I wasn't aware of, now what?

Even the shared information that he had something planned, the mention of Yuudai only causing another shudder to run through her as she fell silent again. A happy ending? Why was Collision being so cruel with such empty promises? Do what has to be done. Robotic, desolate, she had finally succumbed to the harsh decision and vocalized what had to be done.

Collision had become restless at this point. Consoling and appealing to this new side of Reiko was harder than ever and it tested every bit of him, and yet the male would remain in a cautionary state of mind. He was no longer trying to break her. It had been done the moment he blamed her for the death of Yuudai. It had been done, to a degree, when Takeshi did what he did. It had continued to be done and the Reiko he knew before was likely gone, but that didn't mean she didn't exist. She would remain forever changed by the events that had happened in her life--but she didn't have to life in this state of mind. She didn't deserve to wallow in the shadows. Why didn't she understand that? 

 "Tell me when you need me, Reiko. Tell me when someone is doing bad things. I'll stop it. But you have to confide in me. My happiness is irrelevant in comparison to your own," He had always lived by those feelings, but perhaps he hadn't exhibited those traits of himself in a way for her to fully understand. At the very end of the day he came to one single conclusions: She had never trusted him enough. 

 "Yuudai loves you both. While I don't particularly agree with that kind of practice...that's the business of the three of you," He shrugged his shoulders and referred to Yuudai presently once more. As if the hero was going to bust through. Collision wished he would. It would aide his point and likely bring Reiko down from the perch she defended herself upon. It would also probably shatter the glass she was finally forming as her reality. Would she even believe it if the white male appeared? Would she fall into a trance once more and become dismissive again?

 "Nothing was in vain because it made you stronger. You won't ever tolerate this again...Equally, if your daughters ever faced something like this...you'd know how to stop it and you'd have the power to get them through it. Everything we face in this life is meant to make us stronger, but sometimes we have to allow others to be our strength,"

 She gave him permission to take necessary action. He nodded with a sounding hum and looked at her. He didn't realize she didn't understand Yuudai was still alive in his previous statement and the male carried on, "Don't be mad at us for lying to you. We needed you to see Takeshi's true colors. Vespera and Yuudai love you. Hell, I love you, Reiko. That never changed even though it did get questioned. We're gonna save your empire and we're going to save your future."

If she had to be honest, his words of encouragement didn't help in the slightest. It felt like pandering, an empty attempt to make it all seem like it amounted to something in the end - but she knew, or at least she believed she knew, it didn't.  Try as she might to keep people safe, her loved ones safe, it was all failure every turn she took. For the time being, she remained silent, brewing over his words and letting him speak without interruptions.

It wasn't until the end when he declared they would save the vale, which was the best of the sentences he had uttered, did she take the stage for herself again. I know his wrath better than anyone, I don't need to be shown what I already know. She was there from the beginning, after all, she had not only witnessed the majority of it - should others be hidden from her as well, but she was also the victim in many of the cases. To be told she needed to see was insulting.

Before she was completely done, her eyes focused on the man once more, burning ice directed only to him now. And never speak of my daughters in such a situation so casually again. Though the knowledge that Hiromi had gone through it all as well was painful enough, just the thought that her daughters could ever be in a similar situation was beyond her. Beyond words. Without a true father, the role of the protector fell onto their her and she would gladly do so by any means necessary until her role as a mother came to an end.

Ooc- phone post. XD

Things could have gone better. Hell they should have, but as it would seem they continued to spiral into some dark oblivion the more they spoke. Every single time he thought he was getting somewhere his faith was redacted and a part of him felt like he was saying the wrong thing. When Reiko reprimanded him he felt the slightest pang of remorse for his words, but the feeling was lost as he felt he had done nothing wrong. He had been willing to put it all aside in lieu of their friendship and with a hopeful heart that she could see differently. 

 "alright," he spoke in assured agreement and brought his eyes to her own as he stood to leave, "you either don't care that ive come to you to try and change the course we're on or you really are too far gone and I was wrong to defend you," his head would drop and a sigh would fall from his lips. This wasn't his home anymore. He supposed he was right all the times he wondered if anything could return to the way it was. Now he knew it was he who had been in the wrong to be so full of faith. 

 [b]"I'm leaving, Reiko. After I set you free and Takeshi is gone. I'm leaving unless you give me a reason not to. I'll fulfill my promise and return your happiness. Its one thing to be sad to make someone happy...it's another entirely to be deliberately hurt by them and simply accept it. I love you, and I'm sorry it had to be this way,"[/b]

If that is how you feel, then what am I to do than to accept it. Too far gone, what was that even supposed to mean? Was he upset that she reprimanded him for even mentioning her daughters in the possible position of being taken advantage of? Was that wrong of her, as a mother, to hate such a thought, especially for it to be said out loud in such a casual way? She was supposed to stand up for what she believed in, but did they really believe that she would only do so against one man? 

Anyone is free to come and go as they wish. If leaving will make you happy, then you have my blessing. I will not beg for you to remain if you are miserable here. Nor are you bound by a promise you did not need to make. Though she would miss having Collision around, it seemed his decision was made. He would leave, and she, not his warden to keep him here against his will, would let him do so.

You wanted a purpose, and that is what I offered, not a cage. With that said, she wanted nothing more than to return to the depths of her den. To sleep, to dream, and hopefully not think of how many would soon follow in Collision's foot steps and leave as well.

Collision rose and decided he had said all that could be spoken. It was obvious Reiko heard him, but the fact remained that she wasn't listening. It felt sad to voice his need to leave, but Reiko had been the reason he had chosen this place. It felt like something worth defending, and now he would fulfill his promise to the damage done whilst it was his home, but he would prevent it from being furthermore his concern. 

 "You know that's your problem: You just accept everything, don't you?" His words were honest--something he always made sure to be. She could take them as she liked. She had accepted Takeshi into her life. She had accepted the evil he had done. She had accepted a life of pain. She was accepting to let him go. She had accepted Yuudai's death. 

 "Thank you for everything, Reiko. Honestly." He offered her a soft smile and though his eyes burned as he fought of the tears that begged to spring forth he let out a soft chuckle, "It's all gonna end well," With that the male would turn and attempt to leave her be. Clearly, that was all she wanted anyways.

His words were enough to cause a pause before she retreated to the recesses of her den. The woman was tired of defended herself against those who called her a "friend", they proclaimed to love her, and yet, everything they seemed to say was controversial somehow. What do you want me to do Collision? Beg you to stay while you clearly would rather go? What kind of friend would I be? Of course I want you to stay, I thought we were friends, but that's why it's not my decision to make for you.

A breath. You say I'm too far gone, what does that even mean? That you're upset that I reprimanded you for bringing my children into this conversation? That I'm upset for Hiromi's news? That everything I've done for months all amounted to nothing? I tried keeping everyone out of trouble by keeping my mouth shut and carrying it all by my self, and that didn't work, people got hurt, I know that is my fault, but at least when I do communicate my feelings are clear and I do place my blame on anyone else. You tell me you want to leave, and then seem to get upset when I respect your decision to do so. Perhaps it is you who needs to think about what you want from a pack, from this place, from me, and time away would you do you just that. Farewell, and good luck.

Whatever Collision had to say in retaliation to that, she wouldn't wait any longer to listen. It wasn't like Vespera's yelling, but somehow it was similar. She was painted in all these colours by someone she thought she grew close with, colours that seemed to be forced onto her to wear that didn't fit the painting of what had become of the Empress. 

[exit]

His eyes grew venemous as her words stung him. Thought we were friends? Yeah, so did I. This had not gone even close to how he envisioned. It saddened him to know she was wherever she was. He missed her and longed for his empress to come home, "Or just let me know that I actually mean something to you. No wonder--" He stopped dead in his words. That was too far and he knew it before he said it. A secret to be kept for only himself. 

 He could feel his body tightened. Everything she began spitting and he could feel his heart beating like a drum. A war drum. His eyes narrowed on her as she walked away. "If you think I said that casually. If you think I give a shit that you scorned me then you never knew me," That was how it ended? That was the script? All of this amounting to a fall out between them that didn't even have to do with what had happened beyond--now it all fell between. He didn't want to accept that, but he knew it was all he could do, "I'll miss you," A tear fell, his heart closed, and he left her. 

[exit ;-;]