Whitewater Gorge which i cannot touch because they are too near

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Okay, perhaps she had gone but a little bit too far this time — but she had given herself a righteous quest at the behest of the fairies (but requested of her by no one): to survey the surrounding lands and to learn more about the packs which called the lands home. They were wholly new and entirely interesting and exotic to her, as she did not remember any of these foreign pack names from her childhood, nor from her short jaunt back in the wilds all those months ago. 

and, it was entirely possible that the Faeries of Seelie Court were already well acquainted with these packs. Eleuthera wouldn’t know, because she didn’t ask anyone. She was simply rounding the lands just outside of the mouth of the hushed willows, and she started off in one direction. Then, she just kept going, without even really thinking about it. Then, after several nights away, Eleuthera began to realize that she needed justification for this small adventure, and that is when she concocted her fact-finding mission.

Now, her wanderings had a point and purpose and Eleuthera felt warranted once more!

Crossing the mountains had been difficult, and then again crossing the river at a bend which she had no right trying to ford — and she vexed herself and promised to take the beach route upon her eventual return to the willows. So when Eleuthera wasn’t trotting across the now-rolling hills and other landscapes, she was hunting small game. This made up the majority of her diet, as she would be totally unable to take down something like a deer unless it was wounded or just a baby. So the lady of lilacs stalked through the toasted, summer grasses of a nondescript lovely field and attempted to sate her craving for an afternoon snack.

@Mal

What way had that damn fawn gone? It had looked like an easy grab but well, stuff happens and it had taken off. Mal was also a little stubborn. He figured he'd go looking for it a little longer then head on back -- he couldn't afford to be gone from the territory that long when Simmik was already gone.

He was about to do so when he spotted what he thought was a familiar grey figure out there in the distance. What the hell was Miriam doing out here? How'd she get by him in the first place? And where were the kids? The deer didn't seem nearly as important now.

His first instinct was to run over to catch her and figure out why the heck she was out here. So, that's what he did, calling out, Miriam! -- Miri-- he stops there, both in speech and physically moving forward. Full and complete halt, because that was not Miriam. Did he really need to say that she wasn't Miriam? Probably not, his expression was definitely a shade of "who the heck are you?" But considering he'd been running over while calling out, it was probably more likely the not-Miriam would be able to get a word in first. Mal obviously had yet to recognize her. It had kinda been a while.

✹☾❂

 

Aware of how close she was edging to two different pack’s territories, it really came by no surprise that she was seen and closed in upon. In fact, it was a small part of what Eleuthera had hoped would happen. Though she traveled often, it meant that she was always alone, and Eleuthera was not a woman meant to be alone. The woman craved companionship. After all,  she was made to always be at the side of Séamus…

It was no matter.

The wolf who caught her was yelling something, which pulled her from her midday reverie and she spun around, now actively seeking to identify who was rushing at her. Perhaps they were not the friendly sort, and she had strayed far too close to their borders, and now they wished to rush her from their lands and far away from their resources. It wouldn’t be the first time, Eleuthera thought as she awaited the arrival of the other, not willing to flee before it was absolutely necessary. Finally, some energy! Something alive! Some feeling and excitement!

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she braced all four of her feathered, lilac legs and watched the man in his approach through the trees, her face holding onto a kind, albeit confused, expression. However, after a moment or two, she realized this was only a case of mistaken identity. “I fear I am not your Miriam,” the woman quipped, waving her tail to convey her good nature and welcoming spirit. “I’m sorry to disappoint you." but the bright smile upon her maw did not look sorry, nor disappointed.

She did look a heck of a lot like Miriam, that was for sure, and Mal looked her up and down once more to just confirm they were different wolves -- there were things that were obvious up close, but from yards away it was an easy mistake. And no relation I guess, because you would've said. Maybe that was a bit shrewd but he just wasn't sure now if he should just excuse himself and walk off and pretend none of this happened or what. So he shrugged. At least it meant that the kids were most likely with their mother instead of who-knew-where.

He hadn't otherwise recognized her -- there was only the one real interaction he would have recalled, and it was significantly less important to his life in this day and age. Elysium was eons ago, a bad memory he was ok with forgetting. As far as he knew they were all dead and gone. Except Ibis who was maybe just gone, no clue where she went and he didn't care. But, being kind of awkward, Mal just made a suggestion to cut his losses, If I'm interrupting anything I can just keep going. Honestly the one out of sorts was him but hey, shh. He still wasn't entirely back to being cheery to any who wandered on by, seemed like.

✹☾❂

 

it’s like just being near Mal brings the teenage pettiness out of her

The male approached, not overly welcoming and clearly a bit deflated that she was not this Miriam character. Eleuthera’s ego smarted at this — who was Miriam, and what made her more desired than she? By the way that the spotted, clean-cut man looked her corporeal form up and down, Eleuthera surmised that they at least looked similar. Perhaps Miriam was prettier, with softer fur and more fine-boned features and a voice that floated on the winds. Eleuthera’s shuddered internally. She sought to prove her worth by keeping this guy engaged in conversation even though he clearly was about to bow out. By the time they were through, this other woman would be a distant memory.

Miriam, who?

“Hmm, I’m afraid not" she murmured, furrowing her brow as if she were going through the catalog of her familial relationships in her mind. She momentarily thought of Ibis and Okeanos, then spent several longer moments thinking warmly of Séamus and Olive and Seabreeze. No thought was spared for Delight and his brood, per usual. “Unless Elysium had another lilac child that I didn’t know of." There was no reason she should mention Elysium, except for that she always talked about them and they were on her mind now. But those spots of his…

Eleuthera regarded the stranger with an uncomfortable, simmering sense of deja vu.

It's everyone's best side, I'm sure!

Elysium. Was he ever really going to be free of that place? A slight snort, and he peered at her again. Hm. Was there a grey girl there? There was one grey girl wasn't there? She never really impressed him. She ignored them all and was totally a teacher's pet sort. So, she was basically part of the problem that rotted the whole pack's core. At some point she'd disappeared. And if this was her and not from some other similarly-named pack, he still wasn't impressed. Mal didn't even remember her name, she left that much of a mark. Mal had almost certainly done more with his life and been more of a success than she ever would be -- it wasn't a stretch to him.

So his attitude shifted a little, and probably not in the way anyone would expect. He was cool, calm and collected like before, but add in a smidgen of him being happy with himself. Sure, his life was utterly imperfect but it was his. He was an at an advantage, curious to see if she'd catch on. So he'd pretend it was nothing -- no spite, she'd probably go flying off the handle or something all on her own. And perhaps because he did see it maybe as a bit of a game that it sounded just a little playful, Something you would have noticed, hm? A cant of his head. Maybe not. She didn't notice him, she certainly didn't notice his sisters. Did she even know he had two?

✹☾❂

 

Mali. It had become immediately obvious.

The two hadn’t been the most familiar with each others, but their parents had all been in some strange tryst, so she did know about him. She always had a mind for names and faces, even in her youth. The impression of him that had endured all these years was one of annoyance, but time was the healer of all wounds and dulled her memory of such annoyances greatly. They were grown now. They weren’t children anymore. 

— but at times, everyone once in a while, Eleuthera still felt very much like that small girl stomping her way through the willows, seeking attention and lingering in her physical beauty. It was a part of her that her wide travels had shaped into something not totally awful, but it would always be there, just underneath her skin. Eleuthera looked Mali up and down, noting the he was a grown. ass. man.  It seemed the wilds had treated him well.

Did he know it was her? There was something about the way he regarded her, and the snort that was expelled at Elysium’s name, that led her to believe that he recognized her — and wasn’t tickled about it. She wasn’t totally sure, though. There was only one way to tell.

“Mali?”

Eleuthera gave her best attempt to make this a positive experience. She put on a face of happy recognition and a lash of her tail, taking an interested step forward. In reality, she was truly interested in this little flash of childhood nostalgia standing right in front of her — Eleuthera had many, many question that she wanted answered. They were the questions she asked every new wolf they met: where did they live, what did they do for fun, who their friends were, what did they celebrate… but for Mali, there were the additional questions of what the fuck happened? why are all of our parents dead?

Eleuthera couldn’t shake the discomfort. From what she remembered, they hadn’t been the nicest to each other. Might as well answer the question he had asked of her, even if it was facetious. "After I left, I didn’t come back." she explained. She was certain that their mommas had another litter after she and Séamus departed, but she had never met them, if they existed. It was quite possible that she would never, ever meet her younger sibling. Maybe one of them was lilac. ”So... I don’t know. Maybe they did." and by 'they,’ she meant Olive and Seabreeze and Delight, the parent they shared by marriage. 

Guess it was my time to have a post eaten, rip.

Mal, on the other hand, was guarded. Sure, he could be sort of amiable, but he still would have been totally ok never seeing any of them again. How long would it be before he ran out of ghosts from the part of his life he would be fine without. Still.. Mal, he corrected. There couldn't be many left from that period, could there? Just his sisters, if they were even still alive. Maybe there was like one more other pup? He couldn't remember. They were an even blurrier memory -- did they even exist?

He did sort of try to not be outright negative about the past, but it was hard. There were no good memories left. Well I wouldn't know. I left. Only went back for my sister, she wasn't there. There was some kid, but don't know who it was, didn't stick around to find out, and didn't have anyone come after me. But that was the story, wasn't it? It always seemed like Mal and his siblings were forgotten, ignored. Didn't matter, didn't remember. Not many positives along there. Did anyone even remember Solomon besides him?

He wasn't sure to do when faced with this wolf.

✹☾❂

 

Eleuthera listened attentively, trying to follow along with Mal’s explanation of what he did right after leaving Elysium. Really, she hadn’t known he left — couldn’t remember is he vanished before, or after she did. In fact, Eleuthera found that she really couldn’t remember much of this spotted stranger at all, and even less of the sister he came back for. The memories she did have were childish, unfavorable and, she was certain, inaccurate. In trying to conjure anything up from her memory, she missed some of what he was saying. Eleuthera’s ears swung back, not wanting to displease him or make him mad. They were both older now, and she would try to rise above her silly childhood karma. 

“If that was confusing for me, it must have been hard on a pup... to go through all that," she admitted, hoping he wouldn’t quiz her on it — but, in all honesty, he probably thought that she was pretty confusing, too. The only place to go, from here, was up. Eleuthera flashed him a friendly smile, eager to move on. “Well, where are you now?"

Did she mean that random kid or himself at the time? Probably that kid. His own childhood was a disaster, let's be real. It didn't matter. None of it did. Maybe if Okeanos had stuck around instead of going off after Ibis it would have mattered, or if he'd managed to find one of his sisters, but the way things were, he could just pretend he had any past he wanted. Nobody would call him on it. He could pretend things were perfect, he could pretend they were a greater disaster. It was only when people like her showed up that the truth mattered -- had he even remembered her name yet? No.

It felt awkward to keep talking -- there was just that nagging thought that no, she'd never make up for past failures. None of them would. But he still tried because he was better of them. But still, it felt dishonest, even if he just acted totally normal. I have a pack in Neverwinter Forest. Not too horribly far from here. What about yourself? Somewhere not here, obviously. Probably not going to cross paths again. Forgotten again. That's how it was.

✹☾❂

 

The pervasive awkwardness was a sensation shared by Eleuthera. She found that she didn’t know what to say to this guy, as she was relatively unaware of the negative opinions he held about her. In fact, a small part of her wondered if he was at all embarrassed by the way he had acted back then. She had no idea that he might have undergone trauma — after all, they had the same parents, and her childhood had been perfectly lovely. 

Interesting. Mali — Mal — too had a pack, just like Ibis did. At this, Eleuthera pursed her lips at this. If both her sister and (technically) her brother led packs, should she too have a pack by now? Had she dedicated so much of her life to travel that she missed her opportunity to be a leader? Eleuthera chalked it up to having different paths in life, but she couldn’t help the jealousy that simmered low and slow in her belly. Still, the Faerie found that she could not regret the years spent at Séamus’s side, making the planet their bitch. “I traveled for many years, with Séamus, but I..."

she looked at Mali, wondering what he might think of this next part. Somehow, she intuited that he might not be as thrilled by this turn of events as she was. “I actually live in the willows once more. With the pack that’s there now, Seelie Court." and immediately her mouth almost fell open, for she realized that if Mali — Mal — had been so close all this time, perhaps he might have the answer the question that was always hot on her tongue.

“Do you know what happened? — to Elysium?" she spit out, eyes blinking, suddenly certain that the truth lay with this spotted man. Her heart and soul yearned for it.

She  wanted answers, But Mal didn't necessarily have them. I don't know. At some point I guess there was an attack. My dad died, someone else too. I don't know when it was, but I don't think that ended the pack. At some point someone just said it was gone. A shrug. Mal was pretty detached from the whole thing, was't he? It felt like eons ago. That and bad memories, ones best left in the past. Perhaps it was cruel that he didn't want to seek them out either, but he'd been busy with his own life.

If you run into Ibis, she'd know maybe. More than me at least. She cared about that pack, for whatever bizarre reason. He still didn't know how none of them but Okeanos seemed to realize how badly Mal and his sisters were treated. He didn't even know where Ibis' pack was even so uhhh. Yeah. Wasn't like he could say she's right over in some particular direction. Was she in the mountains? Honestly he forgot what was said. She hadn't come back either.

✹☾❂

"I don't know. At some point I guess there was an attack. My dad died, someone else too. I don't know when it was, but I don't think that ended the pack. At some point someone just said it was gone.”

Well if that wasn’t just the vaguest, most disappointing, anticlimactic answer ever.

At first, Eleuthera felt a prickle of frustration settle right across her shoulder blades. “Damn! No one else knows either!" she barked, sudden emotion coloring her voice. She knew most everyone had died fighting a bear. Then Seabreeze and Olive had died later, and all others dispersed — at least that’s what Séamus had told her, and was now corroborated by Mali. But this was not anything new to the lilac druid. No, she had been grappling with this knowledge for months, churning it over in her mind, trying to puzzle out exactly how something that was so right could have gone so wrong.

“It’s just like some big mystery that I can’t figure it out." For a moment, Eleuthera’s entire mien dropped from frustration into despair. She grit her teeth and willed herself not to cry in front of this relic from her long-gone past. If Ibis didn’t know, and stupid Mali didn’t know, then perhaps she would never know what happened to her family. Perhaps she would be doomed to repeat it.

Somewhere along the way, Eleuthera moved from despair to fiery, blame-hurling anger. She had no one else to be mad at, but at least she had Mali here, giving her a target for all these complex emotions. Her pale, lilac eyes visibly darkened. “That’s all you know? You’ve been a stone’s throw away this entire time, and you didn’t do anything about it?!" Her words tingled on her lips, but her throat tightened at the thought of anyone being as ambivalent about Elysium as Mali was being.

“Don’t you care? They were your family."

When she got angry, Mal got cold. He'd been slightly uneasy but amiable, now stoic and unmoving. Yep, her little act was just that, an act. Right there was the truth and Mal was not impressed or surprised. It was an argument he was tired of, not worth the effort to be angry in turn -- she wasn't worth it. My family is back in my forest. And off on an island, but that wasn't the point here. Because right here? That's a good example of why Elysium was not my family -- gotta blame Mal when you're not too busy ignoring his existence, huh? he asked dryly.

Then to prove his point, he continued, Maybe you had a great time, but we did not. Go ahead, tell me you remember my siblings. How many were there? What were their names? Did you ever look for them? Did you know one was sick? Sure didn't seem like anyone did. And when we left, I'm sure nobody cared. Delight was probably happy. The only one who noticed was Okeanos. He assumed his sisters by now were probably dead. One disappearing too young, the other disappearing while ill, it didn't exactly bode well. Did he need to go on? It was the tip of the iceberg -- nobody taught them to hunt, how to behave, to love them, anything. It was neglect, and the whole pack had taken part -- and only Okeanos sought redemption, and even he had also left. I have other people to care about now. And here was the tipping point: he was not against just turning and heading home if she got particularly bent out of shape. Let her ineffectively screech into the void if she wanted, he wasn't going to hang out and listen if she did.

✹☾❂

 

Eleuthera honestly couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The things Mali was saying were so nonsensical to her she wondered if he had emotionally matured at all since their wiley teenage years. Sure, he had a ‘new family’ (she did too, but she wasn’t going to brag about it) but it didn’t take a great wolf to lead a pack — just an inflated sense of ego, which apparently the spotted man had in droves. Eleuthera sneered inwardly (and outwardly), disgusted at the light that he cast innocent wolves into. She knew the nature of the wolves in question well, and she knew that Mali’s perception was wrong and offensive to her core.

“Solomon and Brilliance?" she scoffed. “Are you kidding me? We were in the same pack, you know. Our parents were mates." Her voice hovered somewhere between condescension and disbelief. They were not strangers, as much as Mali wanted to believe. It also didn’t seem fair to place the expectation of looking for a wayward child upon the shoulders of another child — she had only been what, a few months old when the Sanctuary moved from Broken Boulder to the Hushed Willows? These were several of the things that led Eleuthera to believe that Mali was, well, illogical and beyond help. All she could do was speak at him, and with bitterness and vitriol.  “We were all right there. We were all strangers, family for the making — and we all made it work. I was even friends with Brill. You were the one who chose to be on the outside." 

As she spoke, the faerie woman realized that she no longer entertained hopes of being civil with this person. She simply wanted to cut him down, and hurt him, and show him the error of his thinking. “Elysium was a sanctuary of love and fairness for all, except for Mali? You’re deluded." Eleuthera dramatically rolled her lavender eyes, feeling the incensed energy course through her veins — and loving it, despite the lies that poured from Mali’s mouth. It was nice to be able to experience an emotion other than sadness about all of this, for once. 

“Now you're a big man in a pack right next door? " she stamped the ground with a diminutive, grey paw. “Why, so you can finally be at the center of everyone’s universe?" It wasn’t her fault that Mali hadn’t been everyone’s primary interest — that’s simply what happened when one went around being awful and morose all the time, if one was even around at all. “Or so that you could look on and laugh as everyone in the willows died?" That’s the part she simply couldn’t get past. Why did he make these stories? Why didn’t he help Elysium? Why didn’t he care? Only psychopaths lacked that much empathy.

He was a little surprised that she actually remembered their names, but she didn't say she ever looked for Solomon when out on her own voyages -- she had more time to do so than Mal. He sort of gave her a sort of a bit of acknolwedgement for at least passing that low bar before continuing on. Unlike her, Mal kept from being outright angry. He wasn't a child any more, and again, she wasn't worth the effort even if he did feel like yelling. No, my mother disappeared, my father stopped being my father after the move. He was too busy shacking up with your parents to be a dad any more maybe. I can't say your parents ever even talked to me. Just what? Them blaming him when he didn't play nice when just wanting his family back? Glanced at in a meeting when he dared to stop by? That one time he told a stranger he should go away? That was about it. Elysium was that for the people in the little inner circle. Brillo and I were certainly not invited, Solomon got forgotten and left out in the wastes. Hell, we didn't even get taught to hunt and you're trying to make me believe that people tried? We were alone. Brillo is probably dead because none of these supposedly nice people even noticed my sister wasting away under their very noses! That was the peak sharpness of his little speech -- a hint of the emotion and pain. A controlled breath to bury it all. And then, evenly, We were neglected. That was the truth, whether she believed it or not.

Then swiftly he moved into a sort of 'well, whaddya gonna do?' kind of near-flippant tone, a sharp contrast to previous, But remember you were the one who started blaming me for things I can't control, for things that happened way before I found out. You haven't changed, so I really doubt you'd believe anything I say, so what's the point of me trying to tell you about my pack? He started to turn, planning on wandering off. It was a sort of surrendering smile. Mal had been proven right -- Elysium was a corrupt, cliquish pack, and how dare Mal rock the boat and demand fair treatment and love from the outside. They'd rather he drown. So with a singsong, Good bye, he started walking at a very casual pace, mildly curious if she was going to try and stop him from leaving to keep arguing. Or would she notice she was being a hypocrite? Probably not.

✹☾❂

 

The way that Mal spoke in his sickeningly even voice, seeming untouched by anger at the situation, incensed Eleuthera further. Really, Mal was just the flame that lit the match that set off a firecracker — an indirect cause, more of a trigger really, something removed from the effect. These emotions had been a long time coming, and Mal made for the perfect target because he only continued to inflame her hair-pin feistiness by simply existing. Eleuthera wanted to be angry. She wanted to yell. She wanted to be anything but sad.

and, still, Mal was talking complete nonsense at her. She felt bad that he lost his momma, it was true, but honestly Eleuthera didn’t even remember ever seeing her, not once. Still sad, but it had been this long, and he still hadn’t gotten over it? The lilac fae had just lost her soulmate, with whom she had once shared a womb, and she more or less came to terms with it in a matter of months. Once she had the answers she sought about her the fates of her mothers, she would freely let go of their deaths, too. Eleuthera pitied his obvious pain about it, in a way that neither Olive nor Seabreeze would approve of.

“Literally everyone was invited. Every pack in 100-fucking-miles was invited to whatever Elysium did. Complete strangers could walk right over the borders," her tailed lashed and brow furrowed. “but still, you three were the only ones not allowed to join. Because everyone hated you? That makes total sense, Mali." The woman shook her head, not sure one could convince a crazy wolf that they were, indeed, crazy. Was Mali a part of an entirely alternate dimension, or something? How could they have possibly hailed from the same family? “I was a baby, just like you. I had as much control over the situation as you did — but how dare you say such things about my mothers. They were angels for the sick and weary. Your ego has to go and make Elysium all about you! You never, ever tried to understand it!"

She imagined leaping and biting Mali, but such a fantasy would remain in her imagination alone. He turned to leave — she did not stop him. Instead, Eleuthera yelled after him, standing all tall as her diminutive stature would allow. “I don’t want to see you near the willows, ever!" A wolf who could not respect Elysium or its angels was not a wolf she wanted to commune with. She didn’t care what dumb title and rank he paraded around with, these days. Eleuthera considered him a lost soul; one who didn’t want to be saved from his sadness, even when a lifeline was thrown his way time and time again.

my god, haha. i’m okay if you archive or reply once more, either way!

Technically open for one more? Or archive. :P Whichever!

Blah blah blah. She just didn't get it. While he was walking away, he rolled his eyes. She just prattled on blaming him. Yeah. Every time one of these wafish little girls showed up and blamed him for things being bad in the world, it made him regret his decisions even less. Elysium's blindness to its treatment of outsiders was so very obvious and so very old news. Maybe some day she'd realize it and come back to apologize -- he might laugh.

Mal had paused about the time she did her final threat of.. Nothing? Just to stay away. Whatever it was, didn't matter, but he let her finish before saying what he was planning to say, just as unflappable as before, Stop trying to make it about me. It was always about my sisters. He always stood up for them, for the injustice that they faced, against the abandonment of Solomon, the way that they as a group were treated. He made the pack for them, even if they might only be there in spirit. And then he looked back the way he was going to continue on with a catlike flick of his tail. He was unbothered by her little childish tantrum -- nice story to tell the others about how the people he grew up with acted even now...