Broken Antler Fen for every child who was ever born to pain and asked why

he’d ventured out beyond the wilds and away from the sea after their journey had led them to the sound. it had been a difficult thing for the young wolf to brace for; he hadn’t anticipated that he would be flooded with emotion upon sighting it. of course, illidan did not stay for long. he did not imagine that he could wake every day to an empty home. so, after he and the she-wolf praimfaya had shared their peace, he had moved into the wilderness beyond the sea so that he could think of kavik and liri and how they had rescued him from loneliness once before.
 
as the dark-hooded ghost moved through the woodland and into the fen, he wondered if the inky male still remained in the teekon wilds or if tragedy had carried kavik away again. the ghost’s expression shifted to something more morose before he ducked into a small patch of trees and stopped to rest within the shade.

I'm not even going to try to explain how he is here.  Massive hand waving

Ashlar wasn't a solitary wolf. Being without a pack was terrifying, but there was also something quietly exhilarating about his first trip into the world alone.  The first time he'd been with baba, and after Legion he'd been running home.  Now he was out here exploring the world himself, trying to find his place in it (if such a place existed).  He'd told mama and baba he'd come home before winter if he could not find a place to stay, promised them he'd make sure he was safe.  But for now, he reveled in the newfound freedom of being an "adult".  Even if he didn't feel like one.

The lanky adolescent was thinking about his siblings, and wondering how much they'd grown since he left.  He was grateful he hadn't left his parents alone, but they'd made it all the harder to take this step.  He'd doted on them.

Ashlar was too caught up in this line of thinking to notice Illidan resting nearby.  Blissfully unaware, he skirted the edge of the trees.  He'd been on the lookout for a meal, but with this level of attention, success likely would be a while off.

<3 Thank you for stealing this.

if it weren’t for the quiet nature of the fen, the dark young visitor might have passed by without illidan ever having noticed him. the sound of his paws against the earth pulled the ghost’s ears toward where the stranger was. the flicking of his eyes landed on the brush just before ashlar passed through it and revealed himself. the quiet boy from the seaside watched for a moment from his resting place. he was wary, but he did not think that this figure was seeking to harm anything – the few moments of visible behavior did not suggest it.
 
a quiet chuff was issued into the fen. it acted as a warning that the earth-cloaked male was not alone, but he did not have to approach if he was only intending to pass through. illidan knew well enough that not all those passersby were looking for companionship. though it had been several days since he had found himself in the company of anyone else, he did not seem to care whether ashlar came or went.

The chuff seemed to come from nowhere at first and Ashlar jumped visibly, startled.  Despite the spike of adrenaline, and his racing heart, he realized a moment later the sound was friendly.  And then he saw the wolf who had made it.

Ashlar had never seen his like before.  At first it appeared they were similar, but the brown faded to light at the neck, and he found himself fascinated by it.  His own coat was plain by comparison.  Uhhh, oh, hi.  D....did I ruin a hunt? Ashlar immediately assumed he'd carelessly interrupted and he flushed with embarrassment. I'm sorry.

the ruddy-colored fellow glanced toward illidan with an expression that flushed with his apologies. the dark-capped sea wolf did not seem to be swayed at all by the softness of the other’s voice, or the way he offered his condolences for any hunt that he might have ruined. the tired look on the ghost’s features did not shift much, but he tapped his tail against the earth to dismiss any worries that the stranger had.
 
“no hunt. you don’t need to worry about that,” illidan’s haggard and raspy voice sounded otherworldly upon exit. he truly didn’t seem bothered by the intrusion. there was something in him that did give him the appearance and mannerisms of someone older, but that very well might have been due to the dark circles that had made a home beneath his gaze. he wondered if this stranger had a home of his own.
 
“you live near here?”

Sorry.  There was absolutely nothing to apologize for, but the word was a habit now.  He was sorry for being mistaken, then, and making this wolf confirm he was okay to be here.  It did seem fine, though, and the wolf asked if he lived there.  Ashlar shook his head.

No, I'm just... uh.... t..traveling through. M' name is Ashlar.  He answered, haltingly.  Despite the question, the other wolf didn't really seem interested in the answer, and it made Ashlar even more reluctant about engaging deeply.  Something seemed off.  The boy didn't usually find it easy to match glances with other wolves, but he did give Illidan a small appraising look.  A..are you okay?

‘sorry.’
 
illidan didn’t know why. he frowned a bit, mulling over the apology and whether or not it was even actually intended for him. before he could think to question the young man, he had already found himself behind in their conversation. ashlar was his name, and illidan did what he could to store the moniker away in case he ran into this figure again.
 
“name’s illidan.”
 
the ghost offered in his haggard voice. he did not know how to answer the question about whether he was alright or not. he didn’t know what to say to that, how to respond in a way that didn’t immediately frighten the figure off. it wasn’t as though he would have blamed him for leaving. it didn’t make a ton of sense to listen to a stranger babble about his shitty life.
 
“you ever belonged to a pack?”

Y..yes.  My parents.  Ashlar answered it hesitantly, still not sure this wolf was okay.  He hadn't answered, after all.  The boy crept closer, but stopped when there were about two lengths between them.  He wasn't willing to close the distance completely.

I w..wanted to find my own.  Ashlar added, trying to inject a bit more confidence into his voice.  It worked a bit with the volume.  D'you?  The question 'have you' made more sense, but nerves had never been conversation helpers.

the boy openly admitted that he had belonged to a pack that had been his parents.
 
illidan felt the hollow sensation of loss sweep through him. he too remembered when he had belonged in a pack with his mother and father, his siblings were nothing more than a faint memory except for raleska. the idea of what could have happened to her in his absence had filled him with dread on far too many nights.
 
“not right now i don’t,” he offered in answer to the question that had been asked. “not sure if there are any places out here looking for someone like me.” only after he’d made the last remark did he feel that it might have been inappropriate and dreary.

Ashlar listened with quiet attention as Illidan responded that he did not think someone like him would be wanted.  The young wolf frowned with slight confusion.  Why wouldn't a pack want you?  You seem nice.  Ashlar's voice was still soft, yet it had leveled out as he focused on the question rather than the conversation.  It did not make sense to him that a wolf like Illidan would need to worry about being accepted.  

Papa said that as long as I am polite and try hard, I should not worry.  He meant it as a way to reassure Illidan, but as he said it, there was a small question at the end.  Was papa mistaken?

WC: 115

the boy went on to ask why illidan wouldn't have been accepted in a pack - why would he not be wanted? the dark-hooded ghost regretted speaking up about it at all. when the earthy ashlar went on to say that his own father had offered him some sage advice regarding how he should behave when searching for a pack, illidan looked to him for a few long moments and then nodded his head. 

yeah, that's some good advice, he agreed in a hoarse voice. the ghost did not wish to argue with the other boy. he didn't want to try to destroy any part of what his father had tried to teach him; if ashlar's parents had wanted their son to be polite and to try hard, what right did illidan have to steal that away from him? moreover, if ashlar had not experienced the real travesty and cruelty in the world, the dark-capped loner did not want to be the first to open his eyes to it. 

where are your parents?

Something in Illidan's voice prompted Ashlar to study him a moment longer.  Subtly, from the side, but intently.  It's probably true for you too, then.  Yeah?  He added the last confirmation timidly.  The boy didn't want to insult him, but he was curious why he seemed so worried if the advice was so right.

Ashlar smiled a little sadly as he thought of Mama and Baba, so far away.  They're at home with the rest of Mama's family.  He answered.  West.  He could not remember the exact way but he knew that he could find it if he needed to.  He'd memorized the landmarks just as Mama had shown him.

illidan did not have the heart to tell the other boy that not everyone would simply be given what they needed because they were polite and tried their hardest. the world was not that simple. still, he did not think that it was appropriate to provide a verbal berating over ashlar’s beliefs. the gunslinger figured that their world could use a few more good souls out there – a few more kind figures who minded their manners and made sure they didn’t step on anyone’s toes. perhaps some of the wrong could be fixed in their existence if others could adopt a similar mindset.
 
ashlar explained that his family was not with him. he explained that they were with his mother’s family to the west and his words were spoken softly, fondly. for a moment, illidan thought of his sister raleska and felt his chest swell with grief. he missed her, despite her firetooth ways. she was strong and passionate; she deserved a better life than the one they had been given.
 
“do you miss them?”
 
the question fell from his lips without much thought as to whether he should ask. the sad glimmer of yellow in his eyes lifted to ashlar curiously.

Ashlar wondered for a second why Illidan felt the need to ask, but he wasn't bothered by the question. It was an easy one to answer because it was on his mind always.  I do.  He said softly, sincerely.  He couldn't imagine not missing them.  They loved him so much and so well, and he them, but he also knew that they wanted him to come here.  They wanted it because he'd wanted it.

I wanted to see places.  But I wish they were here.  Ashlar looked down, slightly sad, but then smiled.  They'd like you.  He didn't know why he said it, but he thought perhaps the other man would enjoy hearing it.

what was that like?
 
he could not help but to wonder what it must have been like to have a family that was close and dear to one another. he wondered to himself how the structure of his own familial turmoil might have been shifted if their home had been built with love and care. the longer he thought on it, the more it burned in his chest. even the reverence in ashlar’s voice was enough to send a jolt of envy through illidan’s frame – like lightning.
 
‘they’d like you.’
 
gold eyes locked onto the features of the other boy. his stomach churned and he felt the bitter taste of sadness as it clawed against the back of his throat. would they have liked him? the ghost could not imagine many living things that enjoyed his company, not truly. he had no resentment for this realization, of course.
 
“it seems they have raised you… to be kind and good. that is important.”
 
illidan cleared his throat after saying so, his brow creasing in the center.
 
“what are your plans now? going to make a home yourself or find one to take you in?”

Ashlar couldn't even imagine the first choice Illidan presented, and it distracted him completely from the other man's sorrow as it overwhelmed him.  The boy couldn't begin to think how he might make a home of his own.  

I'm going to find one, he said, still a little visibly awed at how easily Illidan had referenced the first.  Would he make a home of his own? Ashlar was too shy to ask that.  Somewhere new, where I can learn.  His tail waved gently, with cautious optimism.  I just have to prove I can help.  Surely they'd let him stay if he did that, and he knew he could succeed.  He wouldn't let himself not.

He caught himself wondering if he could follow, but the words got stuck, as the ones had asking of this man's plans.  He was still shy, and it seemed so forward to invite himself along!  So the boy left it at that.

“how about you practice then? pretend i’m the leader of a pack you’d like to join… how would you make yourself sound irreplaceable?”
 
the gleam of yellow locked onto the features of the younger figure. illidan was not afraid to put him on the spot; he had nothing to lose, after all. furthermore, ashlar had seemed as though he was more than willing to learn. there was a humble silence to him; he did not appear as though he would ruffle feathers. this in itself was something of a gift. the dark-hooded ghost could not help but to think longingly of the ability to pass through without drawing attention.
 
there was something about ashlar that drew illidan toward him. perhaps it was the soft manner in which he spoke, or the tentative glances that were cast toward him. whatever it was that had made the younger boy so soft, it had provided the gunslinger with a moment to catch his breath. he would not mind helping the ruddy-colored boy.

Oh.  That was something he could do, but suddenly Ashlar felt his nerves uptick considerably.  His smile grew tense, but he swallowed and nodded.

It wasn't easy to do, thinking of what he could give. He did not have much right now, and it always felt like that was the wrong answer.  But how would he ever find something without others to show him?

I w-would t-tell them that I... that I can learn.  And that... that I would work r-really hard.  I'd do my best to help, n-no m.... no matter what.  He  stopped, then dropped his nose a little self consciously.  I d... I'm not sure it's enough.  He admitted.  But then he smiled and looked back up.  But it might be.

it was not difficult to notice the increase in the boy’s stammering. illidan listened without any change in his expression, nodding his head softly at the mention of his willingness to do his best no matter what. that alone was something that others did not possess. it would be good to seek that out and to demonstrate his desire to learn and grow right from the start. the ghost could not imagine that it would go poorly unless the boy sought refuge in the confines of a pack of savages.
 
“i think you’ll do just fine,” the gunslinger remarked with a soft nod.
 
he had a feeling that ashlar might do better when he wasn’t put on the spot. if he did it right, he could plan ahead and find somewhere that he was prepared to offer himself to. it would make the process easier, he felt. as long as he demonstrated that willingness, illidan did not fear for his ability to be accepted into another pack.

wrap this and have another maybe sometime soon? :D

Ashlar always glowed under praise and this was no exception.  If this wolf thought that he would do fine, then perhaps he really would.  His best would need to be good enough because he could not do more.

Thank you,  he responded shyly, and his tail swept the ground behind him a few times.  He liked Illidan's company, and would share it for however long the man remained here, parting ways only once he moved on. It was nice to speak with another even for just a little while.