Neverwinter Forest and they weren’t too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie

tw: rape mention. I’ve hidden it behind the collapse link

There are many memories that have grown fuzzy, or downright disappeared. Then there are others that would stick to him like glue. This forest was one of them.

trigger warning

Phillip wanted to have fond memories of this place. This was supposed to be a home. This was where he shared his last moments with Zephyr and Firestorm (were they still here?). He tried to cling onto those memories, but horrifying thoughts flashed in his mind as if he were flipping through a picture book.
Old man. Blue eyes. Soft voice. 
The touching. The body. The blood..
Oh god.
Oh god

Phillip jolted up as if he’d been shaken out of sleep. How long has he been standing here? He glanced up at the sky to grasp at any concept of time. It was no help.

He stumbled backwards, and breathed heavily. No, no, he had to leave. He had to go now.

Unsurprisingly, Mal was still not himself. But he was going to do his chores so he could pretend that things were totally okay to those who didn't get too close to him. That was the best solution. It was more out of habit than anything, which was why it took him a moment to place why the scent was familiar. But he'd come to a stop and was thinking about it at the borders rather than going after it aggressively like he otherwise would have. It just took a bit for the pieces to click into place.

Phillip? Was he just back like nothing happened? Ok, Mal wouldn't mind that but he would have expected a howl. Briefly broken out of the robotic state he was in, he followed after, curious. It didn't take him particularly long to pop up behind the familiar dark figure, asking, Phillip? Mal was happy to see him, but it was particularly subdued. Curious too. Probably an expression more befitting Phillip himself than Mal, in most cases.

One step back, then another. He fell into a rhythmic pattern, only to be interrupted by a voice. At first he didn’t recognize it. He spun around, wide eyed and washed out. It took him awhile to remember this was neverwinter, and this is Mal, and he was Phillip.

S-sorry. Though he hoped Mal wouldn’t rally the pack to chase him away, he knew he very well could. This was not home. Phillip was an outsider now.

Please, let there be at least some good things out there in the world. That old faces could still come back, maybe be here when he needed some positive news. Any break would be nice. Just a little breath, you know? He didn't understand the nervousness either -- Mal would never do anything to harm Phillip. He tipped his head, What do you mean, sorry? You're home! I'm glad you're okay. I was worried when I couldn't figure out where you'd gone. He hadn't liked the mystery. 

His tail wagged again. He just wanted some sort of friendly meet, maybe a hug or a 'glad to be back,' but would the world allow it? Oh! And uh, Cam is here too. He was asking about you.

Home?

No, he couldn’t stay here. Ghosts lurk within these trees, and he couldn’t face them again. That’s no fault of Mal’s.

Guilt caused bile to rise and sting his throat. Phillip had to tell him, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to say the words. Courage would need to be built up, and soon. He couldn’t just leave without a word again.

Phillip willed a smile. He vaguely recalled Cam. The boy spoke of a past he couldn’t remember.

Really? They’ve known one another, but they were merely acquaintances. If anyone was going to ask about him, he’d expect them to be-

Um, where’s Zephyr? And Firestorm?

Mal nodded. Yep. Cam had asked directly for him. Hard to be more clear than that. But what he continued on to ask about wasn't a pair he could answer too positively about. They never had shown hide nor hair around them since Cupid had shown up. How long had that been? Almost six months? As long as Caerus had been around.

I don't know where they are. Last I saw them, the three of us had responded to a call at the borders of someone wanting to join, and before it was over, Zephyr just stormed off, Kratos after him. Neither of us left over knew why -- but they didn't come back, and when I looked later there was no sign of them. It still confused him to this day. A slight frown. No sign of foul play either... They just kept walking or something. And by then Mal couldn't go searching for those willingly missing -- he had a newborn son to protect. It didn't make sense then, and it still didn't make sense now. An ear tilted. It was the best he could really offer.

His life had taken one drastic turn after the other since the day he woke up with no memory. He’d seen horrific things, faces he loved came and gone. Change was exhausting. Phillip wanted one thing, just one, to be a constant in his life. So he clung onto the hope that his friends would still be here. But of course they left. Everyone left.

Phillip felt as though his guts had been clawed out from his belly, and all hope left with them. I-I see. He shouldn't have spoke, cause now his throat was clenching up. That always happens before the tears well up. Phillip inhaled deeply and held his breath. He couldn’t cry in front of Mal.

I was hoping they’d be here. His mind went blank for a moment, because he really didn’t know what to say, or why he had even come in the first place. This was just a big mistake.

Phillip swallowed nervously. I wanted to say goodbye to them, and you, a-and everyone else... His voice slowly trailed off, and he lowered his head.

Yeah. Not the answer Phillip had wanted. I'm sorry, I wish I knew what happened to them too. Hopefully doing well somewhere. Why had they left?

But if he wanted a wolf who had definitely been left far more than his fair share, Phillip didn't have to look too far beyond the end of his nose. The story of Mal's life was a series of people leaving him -- his mother, sisters, father, Okeanos, Ceilidh, the aforementioned Zephyr and Kratos, Asmoses, Cupid.. Hell, to certain points even those still here had left him a little Aibreann distant, Miriam enjoying her distance, Simmik had things to work through, Hua had her own home to go back to... Was it any wonder his momentary happiness of seeing Phillip again would get shorted? Mal's tail paused its wag, You're not staying? Perhaps it hurt more than it should have, but the wounds were still pretty raw and easy to open. How had he failed so much?