Neverwinter Forest glitter

The children are playing, and for the moment, everything is calm. Resting at the mouth of her den, basking in the hint of golden sunlight, she can almost pretend the turmoil of the last few months hadn't happened at all. @Mal's approach breaks the serenity for a moment, but not the illusion of peace; his presence has always been a warm one to Aibreann. Hello, She sits up, pressing her nose to his cheek as she greets him. How is everything with the pack?

When she nosed his cheek, he turned slightly towards her to lick the side of her muzzle in return before laying down next to her. He was glad things had gone back to being normal between again -- when Yuelong was here it was weird, but there were enough other abnormal things going on that the whole thing was a mess. That had been peak mess and there were a lot of things that Mal wished had happened differently. Being able to be close to her made things feel a little less like the world was entirely on his shoulders -- even if it still was, but he was pretty affection-starved trying to give what felt like half the pack space when that wasn't how he operated. 

Still, that was then and elsewhere, this was now. And stuff was better-ish. So, with a light smile, Same as it has been. For the good and bad that was. Many wolves had been in a pretty negative mood with how everything had happened, but when Mal himself shared the mood, how was he supposed to fix it? About all he could think to do was to just keep trudging on. But maybe that was the wrong thing. Are they all behaving themselves this time? As opposed to whatever chaos lead to Nuala being able to slip away the other day. But it would be a good enough lead in to asking her thought on what to suggest next to Caerus if there was no news to talk about.

Mal is normally all smiles when he comes to her, and this time is no different — but she cannot help sensing a deep melancholy in him, something deeply ingrained; the burden of leadership, she thinks. So much tragedy has befallen Neverwinter Forest, and only her little family remains untouched by it. The tiniest sliver of heaven, shining amidst the chaos. A surge of protective feeling draws her gaze past the den entrance, to the figures of her children. She counts for a moment, and relaxes when she reaches four. Then she turns back to Mal and starts to groom him, behind the ears first, silent for a few seconds before she pauses to answer. As much as can be expected, Again she glances to her children, counting. Four. She exhales. I worry for them. I hate to call our home unsafe, yet... so much has happened. In all my years, I've never seen so much tragedy in such a short time. I fear our children are unprepared for the cruel world we've brought them into — and I believe they need to start learning how to survive. They need mentors, each of them; trustworthy wolves to teach them the ways of the world and the skills they'll need. Her gaze turns expectant on the alpha, prompting a response; surely there are suitable wolves within the pack.

He melted into her touch with an appreciative whine. It had taken him a little while to not feel guilty about being happy to be with her after Cupid died -- though to a certain point he still did when he thought of Caerus, wishing he could just fold his son into their family here, where things were happy. When she stopped and looked to the pups, he did as well. He was thankful that they at least had been safe, but that probably just meant Aibreann was a good mother, as she'd sort of promised to be. The forest is safe. It's what's out there that keeps being a danger. We'll have to see what happens with the Saints at least -- I don't think Moonspear is gonna tolerate them being around, but I don't know what they're planning. They probably needed to have a chat with them again, but as long as it was Moonspear providing the bulk of the fighters, maybe it'd be ok. 

But onward to the subject of their children, Yeah, I was thinking we could get them hunting soon, I can definitely help with that. I think we've got a good group of wolves that could help out with other things, too. Simmik is always my go to if someone wants to learn to fight. Lenny knows fighting better than hunting and her sister Vallkyrie is the other way around. Pretty sure Haoniyao is pretty well-rounded... They've all been around for ages. Those seemed like the most likely ones to help out. They didn't have gobs of specialists, but Mal was ok with that. He did leave out Miriam entirely, not sure if she even had herself together enough to help out with other children -- and hers needed more attention. Speaking of, though... I did want to send out some more scouts for Asmoses. I was going to call a pack meeting and see if anyone wanted to volunteer. Which could obviously effect who was around.

Moonspear will protect their own interests above all, She predicts, though her tone is not final; her statement is not certainty, merely an educated guess. Neverwinter Forest will need to do the same, I think. But she knows he hasn't come here for her to tell him how to run the pack, so she moves on quickly. None of our children seem to have a particular interest in learning to fight — nonetheless, I'd like them to learn the basics. Perhaps Simmik can help us with that. I believe I would be the best mentor for Sullivan; he seems quite taken with my herbs. Finín seems more a hunter; he likes to chase the little rodents he encounters. Ciarán seems to have no strong interests yet — but it's Nuala who worries me. Already she is restless, she wishes to travel and have adventures. She needs a capable mentor, someone well-traveled and worldly. Tell me more about these other wolves you've suggested, and together we will figure out who is best suited.
But he'd mentioned Asmoses, too — Send familiar faces, if you can. I'm certain the boy will be found — but a familiar wolf might make it easier to bring him home. She doesn't truly believe her own words; she believes the boy dead, and she does not care. She wishes she did — but all she can think is that she's glad it isn't Nuala missing.

Yeah but if they wanna go take out our common problem, by all means they can do so. Use someone else's teeth to take out a problem. It sounded like an ideal solution to the problem if it didn't come with any attached problems. 

But yeah, moving on. He started with the sister that he'd met first, From what I recall, Kyr wandered around a lot before settling down with us. So she knows a lot about who all is around here in the local area. He didn't think that Aibreann would think as highly of her sister, I don't know if Lenny would necessarily be able to keep Nuala in line necessarily -- she's definitely more playful and stuff. I don't think she's traveled as much as the other two either, but she's always up to help with stuff. But that still left one wolf, and he continued on, Hao did mention he'd been trained as a warrior, but he also like stories if I remember right. He's from somewhere really far away, so he's certainly been probably farther than the others. He's definitely a calm sort. I'm pretty sure all three of them are familiar enough with Asmoses that they would be on the short list to send out too, though.

She's silent for a moment, contemplating. I will meet the ones I do not know before we decide anything — but I believe Haoniyao may be suited to mentoring Nuala. Perhaps Vallkyrie would be able to instruct Finín in the finer details of hunting, and Valencia's enthusiasm may inspire Ciarán. I will need to introduce myself to Haoniyao and Vallkyrie. If one of them must delay the start of lessons to search for Asmoses, perhaps you can take over until their return? I would prefer most of the children be allowed their mentors, however; I understand that finding Asmoses is a priority, but it is important to maintain stability for the children that remain. She leans in to return to grooming Mal, silent and thoughtful.

I'd hope I still get to hang out and teach them things too, mentors or no, he said with a slight smirk which faded, even as she started grooming him again which was a thing that would normally keep him smiling. Why? Well, where his mind wandered was quickly obvious: I don't think I'll be going on any long trips since I'm all Caerus has now. He did want to talk about him later, still desperately wanting to help the boy.

So, he shifted topics back. They're all nice people, he said confidently, sure that she'd be able to find someone through the three of them. And yeah, I think there's a few different routes that would take different times. I think if one is Nuala's mentor but also goes searching it can be wrangled to be one of the short ones. We'll work it out. There was one or two things that weren't going to be options though, for their own safety. They still hadn't gone after that guy who attacked Simmik and Liliana. Soon, maybe.

She's quiet for several minutes after Mal finishes, grooming him, thinking. But her mind drifts from the conversation, and when she speaks again it is in a hushed voice, a murmur against his fur. There is something else we should discuss... Her tone is distracted at first, but it turns serious as she speaks. This has been on her mind for some time now. Her grooming pauses again, and she turns to meet his gaze. What do you feel for me? The question is gentle, unassuming and lacking any strong emotion save curiosity.

He'd turned to return the favor, but as she started talking, he'd paused. Was it something else important? Sounded like it. But her question caught him off-guard. Because let's be real, Mal also wasn't exactly experienced with feelings -- it was all very abstract to him. That and given the way everyone had behaved around him -- including Aibreann himself -- he wasn't sure what actually meant anything. After all, how did he explain the way she'd pulled away from him while Hua was here? He'd only sort of really been getting used to her being close again, not because he was untrusting, but because his awareness of it had been shrouded by Cupid's death.

Mal had always been a little more... Reserved around Aibreann, even if that wasn't quite the right word. Basically, not quite as free with his own behavior, whether it because he worried more about what she thought or because he wasn't sure what she wanted beyond her children. So, he flailed for some sort of direction so he didn't say the wrong thing, What I feel..? You mean like um. Look, he wasn't the sharpest wolf around, unable to find the right word, Like um, feelings feelings? He looked kind of foolish too, knowing it was kind of a childish way of putting things but hey, it was Mal. He sometimes did that.

She's made a point of avoiding this subject until now; it'd seemed too messy, too uncertain to risk the fragile peace that has settled over her little family. But the question cannot be ignored forever, and now that it's out in the open, she's reminded of why she'd put it off for so long. She nods to his question, wondering if this is all too soon. But she presses forward. Yes. I believe it's time to evaluate our relationship, and ensure we're on the same page. It's obvious that things aren't entirely... professional between us. Far from it, actually. Now it's just a matter of finding a label they can both agree on.

The conversation felt a little dangerous, but that was probably because it was kind of important (probably). So, gotta add some humor, I'm of the opinion that being totally professional is probably a little overrated, was his cheeky reply.

But still, she deserved a more serious answer. Which was, of course, more awkward. I mean, part of it all is what you wanted. Like if you were happy and our kids are happy, that's great. Which was simple, wasn't it? Mal didn't feel like he needed definitions, but apparently other people did, and other people needed to like.. have only one person in their life or whatever too. But that just made people make less sense to Mal. And I thought we were good... And then for a while we weren't or something? When Hua was here, obviously -- it had hurt, but he had continued on bringing food and playing with the pups like nothing was wrong if only to prove a point. So may be easier to say what you're wanting to define. He'd given her space, and now things were almost back to where they were before, so what did it mean? What did she really want? Mal had been burned a few times in his life already by people changing their minds or just being incredibly unclear about what they wanted. It made him cautious.

So he hasn't simply forgotten her temporary withdrawal; she'd half-hoped he would. When Yuelong moved into our territory, I realized that I was uncertain where we stand — I still feel that uncertainty, though things are easier now, She pauses, gathering her thoughts. I want... a formal partnership; an official title. But not a traditional one; I don't know your feelings for others, but I know you have obligations to those you've had children with, and it seems to me that you value your freedom in that regard. I've come to accept this, and I value my own. I'm not asking you to give that up — but I believe formalizing our relationship would be best regardless, for us and for our children. I would like to maintain our arrangement indefinitely, and I want nothing to stand in the way of that. A tall order, perhaps, but they've already had children together — and she isn't asking him to give up the freedoms she has already allowed him. To her, it seems like a perfectly fair request. But I admit... the desire stems from my own feelings for you, as well, and it is not something I want if those feelings are not returned. I've always been fond of you, but since the birth of our children I've started to feel more than that. Perhaps love; I do not know. She tries to continue, but something stops her there — some emotion she can't name. She hates these conversations.

It wasn't going to change anything, was his quiet reply. He leaned towards her to nuzzle her cheek lightly, figuring it might also be a clearer explanation of his feelings on its own than any rough pile of words he could shove together. Our family is a good thing -- a bright spot in my world. I just would've liked if you'd said something then... So that now he didn't hesitate and wasn't a smidgen defensive of his own feelings. Or wondering if he'd overstepped. Or something. People liked acting without saying why and he was quick to jump to it being some irreparable thing instead of some misunderstanding that could be easily worked through. He'd been wounded too many times already by people changing their mind to just bounce back -- and he didn't want to somehow lose Aibreann in the same way.

But he was rough around the edges on some things. He'd spent all this time trying to make people happy without titles and things, not knowing what a proper relationship was really like, but more just fumbling around until he stumbled into something that seemed like it worked for everyone. But he trusted that at least Aibreann had a better idea of what would be best, even if he didn't. Just the same, her comment left him scratching his head, What do you mean by not a traditional title? Ok, I assume you're meaning not husband and wife or mate or whatever since those get batted around enough. But then.. What? That was about all that was in his vocabulary that would work unless she was aiming for some variant on 'friend.' And what did it mean about Hua really?

It seems she hadn't gotten her point across exactly the way she wanted to, but Mal is at least quick to soothe her concerns about how he feels. She leans into the touch appreciatively, though her thoughts dull her enjoyment slightly as she considers how to respond. I believe the title itself does not truly matter; perhaps we will call each other 'mate' or husband and wife, to make it simple for others to understand. But the meaning of the word would be different for us than it is for many others, She shifts away from him to hold his gaze, fond as always of the mismatched colors; a quality that passed to all of her children, and has come to represent family to her.
I've seen it in my travels; wolves who take multiple lovers or mates, or one mate and many lovers, or perhaps two mates who love one another just as much. I believe a similar arrangement would suit our lifestyle as it already is — it would be no change except a greater commitment to each other. A promise of sorts. A smile tugs at her lips with the last words, trailing the thought unbidden. While she has her own selfish reasons for this, the main thought at the front of her mind is the same as always: her children. Such a commitment would give them greater security, a promise of a united family in the future — and while she might never be able to guarantee she can keep the promise, she knows it's better to make it than leave the future uncertain. She can only hope Mal agrees — or at least shares enough of her more selfish reasons to want her. Either would work, really.

Look, Mal wasn't smart. So he thought he'd had a grasp on what she'd meant but then again turns out, not. His nose crinkled a little as he tried to work out the difference. Oh. So maybe same words but different meaning? Look, this whole relationship thing was super complicated and he still didn't know how it worked at all really.

He didn't know the words for any of it, but she did paint a picture he kind of liked. I guess that's kind of what I'd been hoping would happen here maybe? Like have everyone together, happy. But that didn't turn out as planned at all. He tried to grin like he found it amusing but it was pained. He didn't know what to think of Miriam, and Cupid was dead. Great record there. 

But what about what Hua had said? Honestly he wasn't sure. They hadn't revisited it. They probably should have. And it wasn't like their last conversation was the proper place for it? If you met Hua, is there a chance you'd like.. like her I guess? Just like.. I don't know she said something once and we never went back and talked about it so I'm not sure what she meant, but if something's official with us, then I should ask Hua for things to be official there too? Ugh, I don't know how to say things. He was bad at explaining and his words were just not coming together right to properly convey what he was asking. But they were both really important to him, so.. That made sense, right? He'd really wanted them to meet when Yuelong was staying here, idle daydreams of the three of them staying together at his place even though that wouldn't really work because where the hell were the kids? Eh, they could have worked it out. It would definitely feel like a betrayal to leave Hua out of whatever official-ness entirely though, so that would make their next meeting super awkward. One will note Miriam was left in the lurch.

He'd yet to think of Caerus, give that next post.

Thankfully, he seems to like the idea — but the mention of another woman sours her mood slightly, even if he means well. It irks her a little to think that he would hinge any part of their relationship on another relationship of his — but she tries to be understanding, and at least consider what he's offering. After all, he's been rather accommodating toward her so far. Perhaps I would take a liking to her, though I can't guarantee the feeling would be mutual, She starts with a gentle smile. I am open to it, but it will take time — and I don't want your relationship with Hua to impact your relationship with me. Nor do I want to stand in the way of your relationship with her. I would like this decision to be made separately, before we continue with any talk of Hua and I coming together. It would do no good to bring more uncertainty into the situation before we know how we'll be moving forward. But if you wish to take her as your mate, too, I have no objections to that; I simply can't promise anything about my own relationship with a woman I haven't met.

Well at least it wasn't a no? He would have preferred a "that sounds like fun" but he'd take a "maybe" if he absolutely had to. A smile to her, I really wish you two had met. But I guess with everything that ended up going on it probably wouldn't have lead to good conversations. Drama, death, destruction.. Yeah. Couldn't people get a break and just hang out and meet new friends at least? He didn't like the uncertainty that then floated around Hua again, and quite the opposite of Aibreann, would have preferred them all to sit down and talk things through and come up with some sort of agreement they all, well, agreed on. It felt wrong to make a decision here and then go to Hua... This was where it felt easier to not have titles, because he didn't want to go boldly into scene where he'd have to pick one of the two, where he'd have to pick practical versus a slightly impossible dream. Hua was the toughest hurdle -- but she had said she had wanted to be more not only so maybe it would work. 

He was about to reply except then his expression fell -- probably more like crashed. What about his son? Mal was already worried about him, but add in the memory of his own departure form Elysium and that was a bucketload of guilt that wouldn't have been a thing if Cupid had been alive. But how do I explain it to Caerus? I left Elysium because my father shacked up with the two women that took over the pack. I mean, I was considering it anyway because he ignored us, but... I need Caerus to stay, he's hurting enough as it is. Ok, Mal was hurting too and didn't want to lose him, but shh. He couldn't lose Caerus. Not freaking allowed. Mal was incredibly selfless when it came to any of his children, so putting one of the ones who'd had it the worst in a bad position sounded awful, especially not when he knew what it sort of was like.

I'm certain we'll get along, at least, She offers, tone optimistic. And even if things do not work out the way you hope, we will come to an arrangement. All I ask is that you never put another above me; I will accept an equal, but not a lesser place in your life. It would be unfair to me and to our children, present and future. The conversation has already gotten pretty lengthy, and she's anticipating a conclusion now —

She listens carefully to his concerns about Caerus, a little surprised by the sudden reveal of his tumultuous background. It makes sense, all things considered — but he isn't his father, and that is the thought that carries her next words. An unacceptable situation for a child, but this is not the same — you are not an absent father, and I am not taking over the pack. Caerus is young and has experienced trauma, and he may not take any changes well for some time; that doesn't mean you should put your life on hold. Quite the opposite, really, And for more than just her own selfish reasons, though admittedly those are at the forefront of the suggestion. If you put everything on hold for him, he may hold on to his trauma forever. Life goes on, and so must he. You've been an attentive and supportive father, and that is all you can do as his parent. He will find his own way, and perhaps one day it will lead away from you, but as long as you love and support him, he will always come back. I truly doubt he will leave you, though; you are a devoted father.

Well there went that idea. But she'd moved on to talking about his son instead, which he was okay with. He'd wanted to talk to her about what was going on with Caerus anyway but now the whole thing was more dread. More complications. The whole thing didn't seem like it was somehow making things more secure or anything like that -- Mal felt like them being mates or whatever was going to make everything else unstable.  But as those in the pack were a more immediate worry than Hua. He'd loop back to it later after he'd had a bit to think about what to say. It still didn't seem right, after all.

Some of what she'd said was good, and made him feel a little bit better but there was still a lot of feelings that the realization had dredged up -- they mixed with the worries he'd been planning on discussing with her anyway. I wanted to ask you to go see him -- like as our medic, make sure he's ok. But would that be bad to do then if we're together? I mean, I barely can convince him to eat -- he looks awful and it scares me. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to make things worse. He'd hate her, wouldn't he? Would that make it so that he'd have to find someone else to look at Caerus and make sure he wasn't actually sick? And if he couldn't work things out with his son when just Aibreann was involved, how could he manage with Hua as well?

She frowns, her attention briefly dragged from the topic by his description of Caerus. Mal, why didn't you bring this to me sooner? I'll see him as soon as we finish talking. As for our relationship... I don't believe it will make a difference, so long as we do things properly. Introduce the relationship slowly, not as an announcement but an established fact of life — and nothing else can change between us, or between you and your children. I only intend the title as a promise, as I said; a guarantee that we will be at each other's sides regardless of what the future holds. It doesn't need to change anything else. She doesn't want it to change anything else, actually. It would be best for her if all that she gets from Mal today is a promise and a title — and no other changes to their lifestyle. She likes the way things are between them, and if she wasn't so determined to make sure it stays this way, she wouldn't have brought up promises or titles at all if only to keep the peace.

Well that's what I was meaning to do here this time..! Just everything else came up first. And I've been trying to see if I could just help him through it. I'm out of ideas for what to do on my own. He didn't smell obviously sick so, if it was all in his head? What could Mal do? He was calling in the big guns, duh. He hoped that Aibreann could help Caerus though... One way or another.

Still, back to the subject otherwise at hand, still kind of frazzled, Well, I'm not going anywhere -- and I'm keeping the promises I've made. But what would it be called? I mean, people assume all kinds of things that aren't right... Though to be honest, a certain part of him wondered what the point was if it really didn't mean anything changed. It'd definitely mean more to other people at least. Perhaps it was just because of her recent behavior when Yuelong was around that made him hesitant -- that and an ongoing fear that those in his own pack didn't actually like him no matter how much he tried to be appealing. Would people go tattling without understanding the whole multiple partners thing? It sounded tedious to have to explain that to people -- and kind of invading privacy.

Then again, it wasn't like he could change anything right now even if he wanted to be super traditional all of the sudden, he had Liliana and Caerus to look after, and he couldn't just drag them along -- and after everything that had happened, he wouldn't dare lose Aibreann too... But it still felt like he was being bullied into it, especially without being able to talk to Hua about it first -- with her it was much more clear, if only because most of the thoughts it was built on was solely in his own head at this point so he was agreeing with himself. If he knew he could have Hua on board as well, he could maybe not fret, but until then was super uncertain. He didn't like uncertain. How the hell would that conversation even go?

I'll help Caerus, She promises, though she isn't ready to say more on the matter. She already has her own theories on what it could be — but now isn't the time for that conversation. I suppose we could call our relationship whatever you'd like — but the word doesn't matter, any of them would suit the purpose the same. A pause. He hasn't said anything close to no, and he'd even seemed to like her idea at first, yet... she senses reluctance from him. If your answer is no, then the matter is settled; I won't take an unwilling partner in any circumstance. She leaves out the rest of what that would entail; she doesn't want it to sound like the threat of punishment, though she knows that her withdrawal from Mal would feel like punishment regardless. Still — if Mal says no to protect his own interests, then there will be no way around it. She'll have to detach in order to do the same.

It was probably unsurprising that he wasn't good at hiding his nerves about it. He scoffed, trying to grow his spine back, Since when was I ever an unwilling partner? He pretty much did whatever Aibreann wanted -- she had the pups and actually liked him, it was quite the position of power.

So, he had to say something more, but her  other comment about not having their relationship depend on someone else's kept him from mentioning his frets about how to talk to Hua. Look, I'm just bad at talking about all this -- I'm way out of the zone of knowing what I'm talking about. I think it just -- like somehow making things official is a little scary in a way? Like you put a title on it and then that somehow makes stuff in danger of coming apart even if neither of us are planning to let that be the case. I don't want it to be the case. His ears flattened to the sides. He wanted a nice happy weird family but it still freaked him out a little for stuff to change. I know that stuff's stupid. I do want us to be happy together. Then again, after how much instability had been in his life, maybe it wasn't much of a stretch for him to assume anything that should be good in his life would become something bad. That and a few other things, like maybe this was one of his only chances -- and he still needed to talk to Hua. It all just piled up the more he thought about it -- Hua, Caerus, everyone hated him, everything will fall apart, blah blah blah. Those little doubt demons had done a good job of escaping.

Important conversations have always been strange for Aibreann; her instinct in any serious situation is to detach, to view it from a place above her own feelings, neutral. Yet these conversations are anything but neutral — and it shows. Bit by bit, Mal has torn away the walls and floors keeping her locked away from the true emotion behind the conversation. And with his confession, it all comes crumbling down. No matter how much she tries to keep this professional, she cares deeply for Mal, and that complicates everything. She doesn't even have a good reason for caring about him, she thinks; he's only ever done what she has asked of him. But she can't shake the feeling.
She leans into him as his ears flatten, nose pressing into his cheek and trailing down to bury in his neck fur. She stays like that for several seconds, simply pressed against him, and when she finally pulls away she makes sure to lick his cheek a few times. It isn't stupid. The fear of our situation changing is the reason I brought this up. It seems that you're afraid of others' reactions changing our relationship, or your relationship with them — that is my concern as well. I'm afraid that... if we leave things unclear for too long for the sake of others, then eventually it will be impossible to have such a promise between us. I worry that eventually you'll be so bound up in your obligations to everyone else that you'll have no room for me. You spare no effort in keeping those around you happy, and it is a trait I adore in you — but in this situation, it scares me. I do not want to lose you to the whims of others who may not be willing to stay by your side and promise you the rest of their lives as I have. Unexpectedly, heat stings her eyes, and she looks away. Crying isn't something she's accustomed to, and she refuses to allow it into this conversation. It takes a few moments to collect herself, but when her gaze finds Mal again, the tears are gone.