Dragoncrest Cliffs and tear your garments in grief

erzulie led @Rosalyn to their den and settled her wife there. she brought powdered sea-kelp and long green leaves preserved in the depths of the swamp. meticulously she worked over rosalyn's forepaws, knowing they both had been shaped and hardened by the sea but wishing to nurture her mate all the same.
when she finished the obsidian let out her breath and leaned forward to kiss rosalyn's ankle. there would be no hiding from the rest of the pack. and she did not want to hide this from her children.
she thought of chacal and lifted her chin.
"do you want to be stayin' in leadership, rosalyn?" despite herself, erzulie's voice thickened with pain. she could not conceive of rosalyn not remaining at her side.

Rosalyn had been treated by Erzulie more times than she could count (especially now) but there was something different about this. She was burning with shame, with anger, and with an aching loneliness that was entirely her own making.

Why did you leave!? Why did you ruin this!? Her anger was entirely aimed at herself for worrying her wife, for dragging her into this, and for the thoughts she couldn't seem to hold. It only got worse when Erzulie asked her that question. Pride made her eyes flash, an automatic response. How can she even ask?

Rosalyn clenched her jaw. Rage turned to anguish. Erzulie asked because she had to.

She couldn't answer. She couldn't say the words though she knew, like a shard through the core of her, what was right for Sapphique. Her heart broke as she met her wife's gaze, the answer written in the defeat that lay there.

her own eyes rushed with tears. she leaned forward to pull her wife into a wolfish hug. they had to be ahead of this. sapphique needed strong leadership to bring them through the winter. to bring mireille home. and she knew her wife would want to do what was right for the pack.
but she loathed the idea that rosalyn would feel discarded. overlooked. "i love you, i love you," erzulie sobbed, kissing the scarred cheeks, the bridge of her wife's nose. eventually she calmed, willing her mouth to stop trembling. "i — i t'ink it is important to tell de children. so dey are not caught off-guard. we be a family, rosalyn. dat does not stop. it does not end."
and it did not matter if rosalyn was leader or not. the respect would remain the same. she would enforce it.

She still couldn't speak as Erzulie pulled her in, reassured her, peppered her face with kisses. Rosalyn closed her eyes and returned the embrace, but she found no tears for this. This entire nightmare was too much.

It did not matter who knew. Not now. She knew that nothing would shake the bond she and Erzulie had forged in creating this home, but that did not stop the grief from dulling her. It was not the loss of rank, but something deeper, a loss she could not put into words.

She sensed, after this, they would never see her as she was. Instead they would see what she herself saw - and the old Rosalyn would be lost. The best of her, gone forever.

I love you. The words came out rough. And with them, finally, tears.

erzulie wanted to build a world where only she and rosalyn might exist, for a time, for a time. she was not a creature who worked on impulse; she was a woman with strength and awareness of her importance. but in everything else she felt panic begin to slip.
in ironsea. in rusalka. in sapphique.
i do not want to do this alone
"when de sprin' comes, maybe you an' i can go away for a little while. de moors, maybe," the obsidian whispered, bidding her wife stay present and herself as well — rosalyn could not slip and she could not panic, not delve into anything beyond this small space that she was desperately building around their essence together, not a pall but a veil, a dome, an archway beneath only she and rosalyn could pass.
only for a while.

The pain, the reflection of it in Erzulie's expression and voice.

It was hard to believe, right now, that such a thing was necessary. She was solidly there, but the missing moments were stark. It could strike without warning and no longer was only something she silently dismissed. It had affected them all, and she needed to minimize the damage she could do going forward.

To step aside, and leave everything on Erzulie... it wasn't right. She reached up to gently kiss her wife's cheek, tasting the tears. Then she pulled her back in, gently, encircling her.

I'll tell them. She said, quietly. She was numb when she thought about what words she could say, how she could explain it, but she couldn't ask her wife to take this on alongside everything else.

And a trip, but only with you. Otherwise, I'll be here. Unless it was absolutely necessary, she wouldn't leave the cliffs again without accompaniment.

erzulie nodded, experiencing a sense of relief rippling beneath every other emotion. she did not wish to be the one to tell them; she did not want to bring more shame to rosalyn than she knew her wife already felt. 
"ot'erwise we will bot' be here."
she wondered if rosalyn would take it well, to know that erzulie might bring one more litter to their shores. best not to speak it until it was confirmed, she decided, reaching forward to nudge her wife's cheek.
yours eternally

She would never expect Erzulie to stay with her here at all times. She knew she did not need to say that, but it was offered regardless. Rosalyn wanted to argue but couldn't... her wife knew. If she changed her mind, decided she needed time away, the pirate would gladly wait for her here. They did not need to both be caged.

And of all the things being asked of her, this was maybe the easiest. She had little appetite for solo travel these days.

I need a little time. But soon. She needed to think of how she would say it, what she would tell. What would each of them want, or need, to know? She didn't even want to think. Where she stood after would be up to Erzulie, to the pack, to whoever her wife chose to stand with her. The abdication was the difficulty - what came after, she did not care. She'd do what she would regardless.

"as much as you need." rosalyn had tirelessly tended sapphique and defended their family in all iterations of the life they had lived together. she had earned her rest. and though erzulie did not think her mate would see it this way, she was honored once more to devote herself in the same way.
suddenly overcome with the exhaustion that had been first desperate and then relieved, the obsidian leant against her wife, kissing the tanzanite's shoulder.
"i am going to bring you somet'ing to eat. and den i want to take a nap, a long one."
they were home. the cliffs were safe. mireille would return to them.
these were her new truths.