Redsand Canyon pontius

germanicus welcomed the return to his routine.

and yet he found himself stealing small glances to ruenna, smitten still by the afterglow of their days together. it was altogether an uncommon feeling for the man but it was not unpleasant.

kallik and glaukos would have been gone a week in two days' time. the imperator would grant them a grace period of three days to account for winter storms and whatever else they had found in the canyon.

he did not allow himself to be worried. not yet. instead germanicus crossed the red dirt toward the tablinum. he cleared his throat and did not enter. "@Aquene," he called, posture rigid. "how do you fare?"

it had not escaped him how she had regarded each of the auxillia. he could not expect her to be comfortable with glaukos but it was with a trusting warmth that their medicus had received kallik. and all of this was not his to engage, belonging solely to the jurisdiction of the matrona.

Aquene was the living embodiment of doctors make the worst patients. Staying off her feet and resting was difficult, and it resulted in pained limps around the tablinum as she took out and sorted through all of her stores for the twentieth time. She hated feeling so useless, and in that moment, she did feel useless. She was up and about when the man appeared at the threshold of her sanctuary, her head turning as the question fell. “Imperator.” She greeted, making her way much slower than normal to the front of the den. “I’ve been better.” She admitted honestly as her head tilted to the side, inviting him to step inside.
 
There had been a lot she simply had not allowed herself to think about. Repression had always been her favorite coping strategy, even if it was not the healthiest in any regard. “How can I help you?” Business as usual was another one, simply looking to do her job and avoid questions that came like ‘how are you’… it was simply a lot to think about, a lot to process, and she held onto the tiny amount of control she could have in that moment in the form of standing on the precipice of all the emotional turmoil that hid under the surface without falling off the edge.

"i came simply to see you."

it was the truth. he had no reason to lie. "i was concerned. i am only a man, aquene, but if you intend for me to be your imperator then it is important you also trust me."

germanicus drew closer, though he did not step into the medic's space. she looked constrained with pain and perhaps more. "if you care to discuss the man, i am here for that conversation also."

perhaps it was too soon to ask. germanicus could not be accused of being tactful at every moment.

For some reason, she had not been expecting that answer, a soft frown on her features when he spoke of trust. “I do trust you.” She stated simply. She had trusted on the borders that when she called for aid, aid would come. The offer to talk almost felt awkward to her… she had always simply viewed the Imperator as this imposing figure, a man of few words. She sighed softly, taking a seat in part to take weight off of her shoulder.
 
“His name is Dimitri. He comes from my homeland.” She explained, the very mention of his name causing her voice to waver. “He was my father’s beta, and betrothed to be my husband after I lost my older brothers to their war wounds. My father needed an heir, but a woman would not do and my younger siblings were newborns weaning off of another mother after my own mother passed from both grief and the straining process of giving birth. It was too much on her system.” It was truly a conversation that had been in the making for awhile. “To say he was cruel is an understatement; a friend helped me flee shortly before we were due to wed, and I had been on my own until your wife found me… but the man who found his way to Mereo… he’s different. I’ve never seen that crazed a look in his eyes. He had a scent on his fur too, that of his friend Ryzhov… I’d be willing to bet they are travelling together.” And it was saying quite a bit. She doubted they had seen the last of him either.

when aquene sat, the imperator followed suit. he perched awkwardly upon the threshold of the tablinum and set himself to listen.

she had come from a vicious place. germanicus beheld the talk of arranged marriages and daughters deemed unfit to lead with a grim air. a girl engaged to a man her father's age. dimitri. rhyzov. 

"when i was young and in editum we put such wolves down." it was a cold answer but it was the correct one. having fought dimitri himself, he would not underestimate the individual. 

"do you believe he will return?" asked the tactician. in the moment the man had fled. it did not mean he would not come back. germanicus watched aquene. she had told him all that needed to be said, he felt. and he wished he had easier fare for her ears.

She had fought for every liberty she now possessed, though she still was upset for the way the fight had turned out. She’d had little doubt Dimitri would have gotten his way had Germanicus, Towhee, and Malila not shown up when they had. She did not answer his cold statement, lost in her own head in that moment. “He was revered. Worshipped... but he was also power hungry, and sadistic. He enjoyed seeing others in pain. He reveled in it.” She had been told she was lucky but she had felt anything but. “Had I stayed, I would be dead.” She had little doubt in that, and she had told Ruenna as much when she confided in the Matrona, and again to Kallik.
 
There was still a part of her paralyzed at the idea of his return, but the question caused her to glance at her paws. “Before you arrived, he said I would be his… one way or another.” It was enough of the answer and in that moment Aquene questioned whether or not she should stay, and face the wrath placed upon Mereo by a crazed and obsessed man… or even if Mereo would want her to stay, regardless of her skills, due to the baggage that she carried.

"that is not his decision to make." the imperator's voice was a clipped roll of thunder. he did not appreciate such assumptions about those who lived within mereo.

"violence blinds a man to his own weakness. that he would attack you on populated borders does not bode well for his ability to be organized. with or without help."

germanicus was wordless for a heartbeat. "aquene. it would be useful if you gave me the description of this rhyzov. but if you are not ready today then i will come back another time."

he wanted the woman off her feet and resting. his interrogation would not assist her in that.

The rolling tone gave her some semblance of peace but also that of hesitation. It was the Imperator’s choice to make. What if he returned with forces to fight Mereo? What if it put an extra strain on their resources? They could not afford conflict with the season because of the state of their medical supplies at the very least. Either way, she stated none of these facts.
 
“He was different… he was crazed. The man I knew was tactical and cold. He was driven, power and obedience were all he sought.” She explained again, her voice growing weaker and quieter the more the topic lingered on him. She wanted to banish his face, but it was hard when she still bore scars, both visible and invisible, from the man. “I worry he will be back with numbers. That he will find others. What he lacks in charisma, his second makes up for. The bounds they know in a fight are none. There are no such things as prisoners. The entire Trail was meant to conquer. They would wage war on other packs simply for existing within their path.” He ruled through fear, and ultimately that did little for morale…
 
The statement fell, her name reaching out again as she frowned, nodding at the mention of being able to give it another time. “I… yes, please… I… I just…” It was a lot; it was a heavy topic to even think about and yet it had been all that had been on her mind. Sleep was slowly becoming impossible. “When will Glaukos and Kallik be back?” She asked softly, craving for both of them to return for a safety in numbers, but also seeking to simply have Kallik back for herself.

germanicus nodded. "many are drawn to the charismatic. but brute force does not a leader make. the soldiers of mereo are trained and organized. and conquerers, aquene, meet bad ends." he watched her face. "i understand that you fear him. you are right to be wary. but you are not alone as you may have been before."

the imperator did not immediately answer her question. "that is dependent upon several factors," he opted to say softly. she was not a member of his auxillia and so he would not speak his reasons. but he did wonder at hers for asking. germanicus had drawn his own conclusions. 

but they were not yet confirmed.

"i am going to put another patrol around the perimeter." he straightened. "is there anything you need? i could ask tamar," he added, assuming that perhaps aquene was rather tired of a man's company.

She knew the way the world worked, at least the skewed version of the world that Dimitri was living in. She hummed softly, the tone proving she did not quite believe him. She wanted to, but it was hard when she had never seen such a thing come to pass. She understood charisma, and how it could drive to legions of men sacrificing themselves for blood to run rivers red simply to suite the needs of their leader… she did fear him. She tried not to; but she did fear him because she had seen what he was capable of. She wasn’t alone… in a way, she had not been alone before. A complex and discreet network of support had existed between the healers of the Trail… but this was different. This was support that knew how to and was willing to fight in her defense.
 
She didn’t have the time nor the emotional bandwidth to process how much that meant to her, so instead she glanced at her paws lightly, focusing intently on the red dirt that lined the tablinum instead. She frowned lightly at the answer to her question. It had not been the one she was hoping for but she did not pry any further. She craved the warm embrace and safety she knew @Kallik could give her, but she also knew he had a duty to the pack first, and that in attacking Glaukos he had violated that duty. She still felt responsible, and she didn’t see that line of thought changing anytime soon.
 
The mention of a patrol snapped her out of her thoughts again, the question falling as she offered a soft smile and a nod. “Tamar would be wonderful for company. Thank you.” The thank you was layered, more than just the offer of company, but a thanks for everything that had happened, all of the support she had received from not just him but every wolf during her time within Mereo as it’s healer. While an awful patient herself, she knew she needed to rest, and perhaps sharing tales or idle gossip from around Mereo with Tamar might help her settle down for a little bit.

"very well."

but germanicus did not yet leave.

"you inquired once as to whether there was a path between plebian and military. i believe you have earned the right to that."

his face remained solemn but there was a quiet pride now in the torchlight of his gaze. her dedication to sparring and to battle education had merited this word.

he had not missed the shift of her features. germanicus quietly added it to the dossier of information he had gathered upon the dealings between their medicus and a certain auxillary. it was his task to know such things. he did not believe there was a scheme. only youth.

germanicus delivered a nod to aquene. 

the silver wolf turned and strode into the air.

he was angered that an attack had come to them at all. but he had expected conflict within mereo. it was why this place had been formed.

The man lingered, her head perking up, her ears perking up as well when he spoke of the path… her path. There was a hint of pride shining in her eyes, relief as well… “What is the path?” She asked softly, wondering what the man had for her. How could she balance it all? What was she to do? She tried not to think too deeply into it; perhaps he had not yet worked out all the details. It also caused her to hesitate. “I froze out there… I was fighting and I froze.” A part of her felt she had not deserved it.
 
The moment Germanicus and Towhee had arrived, she had started to freeze up and at the end of it she’d ended up little more than a ragdoll… had she truly earned a right to that? Nothing else mattered in her eyes, not the way she had initially fought, nor the vigor or sense to call for aid… simply that she had failed in the end, at least in her own eyes.
 
There was a nod, and she knew that soon Arsenio’s wife would be visiting her, no doubt fretting about her resting… a healthy amount of pushback in turn as well… either way, only time would tell. All she needed was to get better, stronger… she needed to be able to take on Dimitri and she needed to win.

"that may be something i will need to ponder."

but it would indeed be taken beneath consideration. 

"it is natural to become immobilized by the stress of a fight. it was not the first time this man has terrorized you. your body recalls trauma and becomes still in defense of your mind and your limbs."

"i have seen it often among soldiers. more training and learning to still your own thoughts are both tools that may help in the future, aquene."

Fade with yours or we can fade here!

He needed time to figure it out. She could grant him that, though she was eager to learn what role she would take in adding the will of a soldier to her own regimen. He admitted that it was natural, and in her mind she knew about trauma responses. She had never been specifically taught, but she had not been the only woman in her situation… it had been an unfortunate fact of life. She had heard tales of others freezing up…
 
Aquene wanted the man dead, but she would not ask for it… she would not ask for something she was not sure she could deliver herself, and she was not certain that she could kill him even if she had the opportunity to. “Thank you, Imperator.” The gratitude fell heavy in her voice. It was hard not to be thankful for everything she had been given in Mereo, even if she knew that in turn she had pulled her own weight and given just as much in return.