Dragoncrest Cliffs i loved you, atthis, long ago

at last erzulie emerged from her self-imposed distance, and among the blackpine forests she called for @Njord to join her.
it was not a summons; she was no longer a leader. and she still was unsure what to make of him. her closing-off had been predicated on how much meerkat had suffered, and the fact that njord had been the source of that suffering.
he was a man.
still she was ready to receive his presence and to speak with him, not entertaining the thought he might not feel the same.

Meerkat and Njord returned from their waltz through the Hushed Willows. New questions, thoughts, and feelings percolated in the back of his mind. It felt like the saltwind had shifted – their sailbot need chart a new course through foreign waters.

He didn’t know quite how to feel… but some excitment thrived where it had not before. Like a seedling sprouting though the stump of an old, rotted tree.

Perhaps their talk with Mireille would illuminate the fog they tried to navigate.

A voice on the wind. Erzulie. Njord answered the ruby’s call and traveled towards her. Trunks of blackpine appeared to make a great hall and he found the seawoman waiting at the apse.

His mood was measured and withdrawn. Out of all the Sapphique women, he had felt closest to Erzulie. Njord had followed her to Dragoncrest, helped built the land, and, together, shared intimacy. Yet, he did not know what sentiments awaited him now.

erzulie watched njord for a long moment with a gaze that was neither warm nor cold. and then she gave it up for a sigh and a beckon, a small smile that invited him closer if he wanted. "i know we be havin' a lot to say to each ot'er, njord. i want to hear you first."
she had a thousand things pressing behind her tongue. but so many of them were couched in the very unfair and unavoidable belief that he had hurt meerkat, even outside of his control.
and a woman of sapphique being harmed underlined everything she believed about his gender.
still, being ruby had softened her, and erzulie wanted to listen.

Seconds slowly slipped by like sand in a dial. Even from a distance, Njord could perceive the subtle change in the Ruby’s expression. It invited him closer. Njord took a step.

Suddenly, at Erzulie’s statement, Njord sensed he was meant to confess. It felt as if her fangs squeezed his heart. Was this a hearing? Did she expect him to spill his soul when he had nary a drop left?

A shock of something… anger… rippled through him. The feeling of being shackled, again, and dragged back into the pit of shame and guilt that he had just begun to crawl out of. To be kept in emotional limbo was worse than physical pain… and Njord wished that Erzulie would rake her teeth through his skin instead.

Njord’s mouth opened, fishing for words, but nothing came out. His shoulders shrugged and then crumpled. Ears fell to half-mast.

“I think ye are mistaken, Erzulie. I dinnae ‘av any words left,” he admitted sincerely. Again and again, the seafarer had owned up to his wrongdoing… but every time, the words seemed to fall short. Meerkat’s repeated tears were evidence of that.

He looked to her. What more did she expect him to confide?

erzulie was silent. she had thought the man would care to ask her of her absence, or why. she watched njord with a quiet expression in her two-toned eyes.
"all i been t'inkin' on is blame," the ruby said at last. "misplaced blame, i know now. all of us knew de sea kept you from comin' back. you would not have been stayin' away from your children an' meerkat."
she inhaled and faced away toward the glimpses of sea through the stand of oceanpine. "i stayed away because it be so unfair of me to blame you, njord. an' yet i — struggled wit not. better den, to keep a distance an' not say anyt'ing hurtful."
the ocean rippled in cold white caps. she wanted suddenly to be among them, to have the slap of the icy surf keep her tethered in the present rather than the past. "i do not have dat blame anymore. i see how happy meerkat is, all de sunshine returnin' to her. be takin' too much energy to stay so irritated at someone i do be carin' about." 
erzulie looked at njord finally, her gaze warmer than before. and now she was silent.

Erzulie’s words weren’t quite what Njord anticipated. The past few weeks had been such a violent storm of emotions that the seafarer expected the Ruby to harbor only ill sentiments. Njord guarded his heart, telegraphed by the low cant of his ears, and listened.

What she said made sense logically, but Njord couldn’t help but sense a twisted feeling in his heart. Was it anger? Betrayal? He had been thrust into emotional purgatory by the ones who he considered family because they couldn’t stomach a conversation with him. Maybe he was wrong to ever think of them as a family at all.

But couldn't blame her. Regardless of his intentions, he had hurt Meerkat and his children. The man could never express the new adversity he faced to his mate, for she had endured so much more. Perhaps Erzulie would be willing to listen and help him set his burdens down. Her warm expression disarmed him and Njord found himself saying more than he meant.

“It’s been ‘ard… comin’ home an’ made tae feel a pariah. Meerkat knows it. Tha children sense it.” His voice grew labored and quaked, strained like a failing dam.  “I av’ always tried… thought I was a good man but… but the others ‘av shown me m’not.” If everyone else thought he was a terrible person, perhaps that was the truth. He felt Sobo's eyes on him, then.

“Some days... some days I feel so bad. Sick." He started to choke up. Something about putting words to his feelings unraveled him and his voice grew more passionate. "Apologizin' and tryin' tae move on... mend what's been broken. Stayin' optimistic even though I look at tears an' untrustin' faces day in an day out." The facade had worn his heart thin.

"Some days I wonder if it would av’ been better not comin’ home at all,” he reflected morbidly, surprised that he had said the thought out loud. Maybe his body should have washed up on the shore like Merlin's.

“I needed… we needed help. But now we’ve been left ta think we don’t belong in Sapphique anymore,” he revealed, the conversation with Meerkat fresh on his mind.

Something about that crossroads sobered him and steadied his constitution. Njord sniffled and pulled himself together. He shook his head as if to brush off an insect. "Sorry," he muttered, "that was a lot."

for a moment erzulie thought njord might let the sorrows which had walled him away and herself as well form a barrier. but he did not. he was sensitive; he always had been. it was part of how they had got on so well, and why erzulie stood beside him as the right choice for father that year.
he struggled. it was no small wonder that he had stayed, and more that he opened to her now wanting to leave. 
"do not be apologizin'," she said softly, firstly. erzulie's silence remained open; she did not close to njord, her thoughts apparent upon her face. "i be glad you came back," she said next. the mint-gold gradient of her eyes found him now. "an' you are a good man. you simply cannot change what hurt is already felt." she knew that sobo was cold to his father, and in the context of leadership wondered if he must prove himself more.
"i do not t'ink it will always be dis way, njord. but if sapphique no longer feels a home an' more a place you feel you must always be earnin', den i understand. i could beg you to stay," she said with a breathy little sound that wished to be a laugh and failed. she would never beg. "but i t'ink you need a rest." she wanted he and his family to remain here.
but perhaps the marriage of man and woman could never assimilate into the ways of the wild seawife. and perhaps this disconnection also was what sobo needed to come into his own, a man of sapphique in ways that only he could be as a son of these shores.
"you said we," she observed. "have you spoken about dis wit meerkat?" of course he had. she would have said this to no one first but rosalyn.

Like the sea, Erzulie was fierce as she was compassionate. It was this duality that, Njord knew, kept the pack so well rooted. He felt heard and reassured. Mal ordered emotions began to sort themselves and the chaos that was uncertainty quelled. One way or another, this storm would see its end.

Still, a crossroad approached imminently. Erzulie seemed to understand this deeply.

Rest.

Yes, he was in dire need of it.

His mouth pressed together, eyes wet with gratuity for the Obsidian’s kindness.

“Aye,” Njord affirmed, his voice flat and joyless. “We’re plannin’ tae seek Mireille’s counsel on it. Long ‘as she been actin’ the bridge between my family an’ yours.” Beneath them, it felt the river widened considerably day by day

erzulie's smile was partly proud and partly wan. "she is already a good obsidian." and here she was, making more work for her daughter. "sapphique be comin' into a new age."
she hoped he would stay close enough to see it through.
"t'ere not'in' else unsaid between us now, njord," erzulie murmured. "come to me whenever de tide says." and she meant it.
for now she sensed the end of their conversation and stood, suggesting she would no longer hold him with her.

Last from me!

“That she is,” the seafarer agreed.

He quietly reflected on the Ruby’s observations. Sappique’s next chapter had already begun.

With Erzulie’s assurance, the man returned a soft smile. In some ways, he felt lighter. To listen was the kindest thing she could have done for Njord.

A small nod. “There is only gentle wat’r between us,” he assured her.

When she stood Njord kindly took his leave.