Redsand Canyon Lord knows it's taken a hell of a beating

only if he wants to follow <3 otherwise RO!

Pullin cards again - feels good!
Heart - eight of wands
Opposing - father of swords
Root - the magician
Past - mother of pentacles
Goal - son of pentacles
Future - five of pentacles
Fears/aspirations - judgement
Self - daughter of wands
Outside forces - daughter of cups
Outcome - six of swords

The night of the move, deep into the darkest hours, Fennec slipped away from her place at @Germanicus’ side and made her way silently into the heart of the canyon. She moved with deliberate, unhurried purpose until she reached a spot that felt right. It was the crest of a small rise, open to the sky, that felt as though it had to be somewhere near the center.

The last time she’d read the signs in a new home, she’d ignored the blatant warning that should have told her that her marriage was rotting through. This time she wouldn’t be so naive. A sign like that wouldn’t be a death knell, but it would be a conversation. This time she wouldn’t dive in with blind optimism.

Fennec lifted her head and took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out as she took in the space. She let the question settle on her and then just listened.

She couldn’t settle. There was a restless feeling in her no matter how much she told herself to relax. Her life had become a state of constant motion again, driving forward with a purpose that meant she didn’t need to slow down or look back. For some reason, this time it didn’t feel out of control - perhaps it was the steady presence of her husband. Knowing that he would correct her course if she did steer towards the cliff. For the first time, maybe in her life, she was making big changes that she was fully and entirely happy about. The restlessness was the energy of motion, but nothing about it made her want to run.

She was realizing her future in a way that was different than what she’d envisioned before. It was possible, maybe, to be dependable and trustworthy without filing down all of her edges or softening all of her corners.

Fennec thought about the future and the sensation shifted. An anxiety she couldn’t really describe. Was that a sign or just… how she felt? Maybe both. It didn’t matter how happy her present was - she still couldn’t be sure for her future. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was coming that would try to take apart the things she was building.

She couldn’t let go of that and embrace things fully yet. She couldn’t risk being wrong and not being ready.

But the certainty she felt at the present was extremely new, as was the quiet that surrounded her. It was strange… it was like the entire canyon was paused. Waiting. Like for once, it wanted to know what she was going to make of it.

More than anything, she felt hope. Like any route she took now would lead to better things than the ones she’d come from. There was unease about her future, but there was also an unexplainable feeling that even if things went sideways, she’d somehow come out okay. Maybe she just had too many things to conceive of losing all of it now.

She sat there a moment longer, taking it in, a small smile settled on her upturned muzzle. It was a beautiful night.

Maybe this was all bullshit. She only half believed it herself. But something in her picked up that hopeful feeling and held onto it firmly, glad to have some sort of confirmation that things were going to turn out okay. More and more was going to change; a trip, children, Mereo itself. And, despite herself, a hint of optimism was beginning to work its way in.

I’m dying over how perfect some of these are.

Daughter of wands - “this card can also represent a woman going through a transformation or spiritual breakthrough”

Six of swords - “recovery from difficult times. Hope is on the horizon; things will get better”. One of the only positive sword cards XD

germanicus did not yet know the true extent of his wife's witchery.

what he did know was instinct, and the boundaries of spring bid him follow her quietly in the darkness.

to the imperator's yellowpaint eyes, she was only still. he watched the skylight envelop her in silver light, until she almost seemed made of the moonstone and the stars above.

the glow traced the muscles of her back, the way the roundness of her shoulders slid into the slimness of her waist, flaring again.

germanicus was stirred at once but not so irreverent as to spoil her peace with his desire.

fennec seemed part of the night as well. its shadows did not engulf her but stood soft and velvet and almost as if they waited to be beneath her command.

was this heathenry? was this paganism?

it was only when the wild woman who was also his wife looked to the heavens and germanicus saw her smile that he made himself known. 

or perhaps fennec had always known he was there.

She didn’t hear her husband until he made himself known but she wasn’t surprised by his presence. She didn’t think she would slip away without his notice and had wondered if he might follow.

They’d spoken about her interests but Fennec still wasn’t sure how he felt about them. She got the sense he wouldn’t believe but that had never bothered her before. Maybe she only bought into this one herself because she wanted to.

I was asking about the future. She said without moving from where she was, still smiling. As far as I can tell, it’s going to be better than it has been. There’s a lot of things to look forward to.

She felt calm. Whether it was just the time of night or the meditation, it was nice.

I didn’t mean to wake you up. It wasn’t her intention but she wouldn’t apologize. She wasn’t sorry that he was here.

"you did not."

germanicus drew closer on near noiseless steps and settled himself nearby. straight-backed and attentive, he regarded fennec with a new sense of curiosity.

"what did you learn about the future?" the strenuous, anti-pagan teachings of editum had extended of course to the military. in fact he himself had fought in and led several skirmishes that ended with the execution of witches.

the eagle was chilled then, to think he had such a wife at his side now. he had no knowledge of her work and she none of his past. and yet they were suited in a way.

the imperator found he truly wanted to know. and so he waited patiently, wondering how fennec might form the words to answer.

Ironically, one of the main reasons their relationship had lasted this long was also one of her only complaints about her husband. When he spoke, she often couldn’t tell what he was thinking; he had an annoyingly formal tone that didn’t deliver for shit as far as emotion went. It was a minor complaint, and only one she noticed when she was trying to dig for more information; moments like this.

She did have to think about it. This one was harder to describe than some because most of the feeling she got had been internal. There’s an energy to it. She turned her face towards him so she could better hear, but didn’t move from her slight perch. It’s expectant, but in a good way. Like it’s just waiting to see what we’ll do so it can deliver on it. It’s hard to explain, but it’s been a while since I felt this sure of anything ahead. Maybe never.

Then she huffed out a quiet laugh. Maybe I just forgot what optimism feels like. She couldn’t help adding a note of skepticism for his benefit as well as her own. She’d never let herself trust entirely that anything she thought she saw, or felt, was the absolute truth.

It was also a bit vulnerable, letting hope in like this. Too much of that and Germanicus might get the impression that she was sentimental. True or not, it wasn’t something she felt like accepting for herself. Being jaded was by far the simpler option.

the bit of self-deprecation soothed the otherwise stiff wheels of germanicus' mind. he had hoped that with time fennec might surrender these beliefs.

now spring loomed and both of them were dedicated to children. the eagle did not like to think of an event ipon the horizon when their beliefs might come to a conflict.

and he would examine in the interim whether or not such was worthwhile.

but in this moment he was a tactician and continued to step carefully through the potential minefield of this dialogue. in a small way, he too was laid bare if only by unsurety. "optimism is a rare feeling when you are cursed with the gift of foresight," he said up to her.

"in editum," a slow beginning, "we had an oracle. a young woman, plagued by dreams and nightmares." germanicus looked out before them. "but all of her declarations rang true. she was feared in the land after a time."

Cursed with the gift of foresight. She couldn't help giving a snort at that. It was good-natured, but she wondered if he was being facetious. Fennec absolutely would have been if she'd said that to anyone else.

I know better than to look for things that I don't want to know. She tilted her head a little, then added with a bit of a smile. But if you're ever curious, the offer is there. She doubted he would take her up on it; it didn't matter how accepting he was of her talking about it. Fennec would be floored if a wolf like her husband wasn't skeptical about leaning that deeply into the unknown.

I would have been jealous. That was what I wanted for a long time - respect, and fear. I always said I would take up living in a swamp and deal in trades. Fennec huffed again, but this time it was a single dry laugh. Clearly that wasn't where her life had ended up. Then I lived alone for a while. That dream had vanished pretty quickly after. She did still find it funny that, of all places, she would wind up back here - the same damn canyon.

What happened to her?

"she was put to death for being a witch."

his tone changed from conversational to something that warned and worried. germanicus let himself exhale and looked deeply at the pale gold features of his wife's face. 

he wanted to ask if these beliefs were pertinent to her well-being. he wanted to confess his dislike and mistrust. but germanicus, even bold tactician he was, could not find those words or how to arrange them.

"the fate of those who dealt in such work was always tenuous inside the land of editum. if you had luck, you lived while an emperor did who called upon you for oracles and fortunes. and if you had a darker luck, you fled editum when someone such as my brother came to power."

she had called him a dick.

it encompassed everything the man was and yet not enough.

"i do not know what to think of these things. but if they delight you, fennec, it is enough for me."

a lie? germanicus meant it this moment.

That was a dark twist. Fennec didn't react visibly, but she did take a moment before she replied. That seemed to be alright since Germanicus continued, describing more of the less flattering aspects of his homeland.

Did he miss it? Had he agreed, when they killed her? Probably. Why wouldn't he have?

It was complicated. She didn't take her title seriously enough to consider his role in condemning a witch as a personal threat - but she chafed against his propriety. He said it was enough, but she almost wished he simply dismissed them out of hand. It would have been better to have him laugh off her fortunes, or treat it all as a joke, than the feeling that he might actually (and honestly) fear them. There was a time she'd wanted that, but she'd never wanted it from someone in his position. Not from a partner.

What bothers you about it? She could have asked a few other things, but surprisingly, this was the question that came out. She genuinely wanted to know. For some reason, what he said was enough wasn't for her.

fennec pressed.

germanicus now took his own pause before he rejoined. "i do not know the spirits who bring the answers to an oracle." and it was the unknowing and the eldritch which engendered fear in him. "editum had its own pantheon of gods. but never — such things as these."

surely there was danger in it.

he tried to think of little alivia or even valiria sitting here, working with the rocks and bones that had been the lot of his birthplace witches. and there arose such a disgust in germanicus that his expression almost cracked.

"i only understand what i can touch. what i can see. i only trust those things also."

Now she did smile.

I only trust what I can feel. I don't believe in dreams, and if your oracle had them, that's not a gift I have. Thankfully. Fennec wouldn't wish those kinds of nightmares on herself, even if it sounded cool from a distance. I tell them it's spirits bringing me the answers, but that's just a lie to make it sound like something it's not. I'm not listening to anything that isn't real and there around me. Instincts. What I want in that moment. That's all that matters.

If he was convinced that spirits could communicate through those means, maybe she wouldn't convince him. But she was hardly worried.

I put a curse on someone once. A few days later and I found out they'd been killed. Had she told him this already? She didn't recall. I don't ask for things I can't pay for. Or look for answers that I don't already know some part of. I ask my questions for clarity. And I answer others' to fuck with them.

What would he make of that?

what he made of it was dismal.

germanicus still did not understand but what was more he did not want to comprehend these mysteries. what she said was enough to assure him of work with darker powers than he felt comfortable close to mereo.

and yet he did not rise to forbid her, not wanting the conflict and understanding he could not dismiss these deeply held sentiments of fennec.

at worst it was work with devils.

at best she lied to passersby about what she could provide.

but even that was judged fairly by germanicus, who had worked in his own sheltered dealings many times.

her answer was a quick smile, a shifting of his weight. "it sounds to be similar to my own skill in tactics."

It is. She'd been hoping for more of a clue into his thoughts on it, but she knew by now what to expect. She could leave it at that. It was a better understanding than the fear she'd worried about.

Thankfully he didn't ask her to stop because she wouldn't. Fennec would always do what she wanted with her own time, and stopping something for the sake of a paranoia she didn't understand was beyond her limits. Luckily (for Germanicus) she didn't do it often. She got more fullfillment from her gardens than she did any deception, and fucking with strangers was more fun (and less risky) when she didn't have a pack and a rank to worry about.

Fortunately for you, I have a reputation to uphold. She flicked her tail, then began to move towards him, listening in the dark. And an Imperatrix has other priorities. There were a lot of ways that she might damage Mereo's relations with other packs - she wasn't about to call herself a diplomat anytime soon. But she wouldn't do it by lying to strangers.

Not unless Mereo had something significant to be gained as a result.

germanicus was relieved to hear this. and moreso to assume that their talk of such had come to an end.

he embraced her gratefully in the gloom, sought to kiss her cheek.

and yet the shared words had left him feeling rather uneasy. he was not sure how to proceed with something that neither touched upon her beliefs nor their never-ending business in mereo, and so for the time being he was only quiet.

"are you happy, fennec?" he found himself asking, unbidden.

He reached for her and she sensed it just before they met, meeting him and letting his embrace enfold her. Any lingering doubts the conversation might have left her with disappeared instantly.

Fennec was derailed a bit by the unexpected question he asked a few moments later. She wasn't sure where it came from, but it had to come from somewhere. Fortunately it wasn't an answer she even needed to search for. I am. She pressed her forehead into his chest, lingering that way before she shifted again to toss the question right back. Are you?

She wasn't sure why, but it felt a bit as though he hadn't been asking her in the first place. After hearing about his past, she wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't sure what 'happy' even meant. At one point she'd forgotten and remembering had taken a long time.

he did not know why he had asked. he only held to what fennec answered.

"i am." but was happiness? the absence of strife? children at one's den? laughter?

his arm encircled her shoulders and nape and the eagle sighed against the side of her neck. 

let it all go for now. he wanted to take her home, to sink into the cool shadows of strong mereo.

She took him at his word. If he wasn’t being honest then he didn’t know it, and he had no reason to be any less happy than she was. That paranoid sense that something was missing for him was always going to be there. She didn’t think there were any words he could ever say to remove it entirely.

She didn’t care, as long as they kept having this.

C’mon. It was late, and her thoughts unknowingly aligned with his. They’d talked enough, prodded each other enough, and there was a better place to enjoy each other’s company. She pulled back, then brushed alongside, hoping to lead him back towards their hollow.