Swiftcurrent Creek A sons grief

The water coursed through the land. It was another beautiful day, and yet it wasn't. Etienne had buried the wolf Viper.

Had found a quiet place, where the overhanging branches made a cradle for his head, where the ground would hold him steadily in her embrace as time took what was left of him.

He had dug the ground and he had done so since nightfall into the dawn. As he had covered the man's face, he had seen his mother's, his aunties, the little babes that had died before their time. His little sister.

Each strike of paw on soil he had felt the heaviness of being one of the last and a son. A blight on the circle of womanhood that raised him.

Eti had been too late, perhaps it was a man's failing, a sons. But he had been too late. And he had lost almost all of them.

Odessia had become a shell of her former self. No longer did she have anything to say to anyone. In fact, she had not spoken at all since The Incident. Her voice had simply vanished. Her thoughts revolved around reliving the moment over and over again. Every noise made her jump. Every dream was a nightmare. Again and again, she thought about all the ways she could have died at Viper's teeth. Oddly enough, she did not find herself particularly fearful of the wolf who had killed him. He did, however, fill her with a sense of dread.
Etienne, too, filled her with a similar, albeit slightly dulled sense of dread. It had been Etienne who pulled her from the middle of the fight, making sure she did not meet the same fate as Viper. He had done his best to care for her in the aftermath, although Odessia was not sure there was anything that could fix whatever had happened to her psyche.
She wandered aimlessly, constant movement being the only thing that even marginally calmed her nerves. Etienne came into view, and Odessia slowed her pace ever-so-slightly. She came to a complete stop a few feet away and stared blankly at him, feeling as though she were a spectator watching from the sidelines.

Cambria found himself in a passage between looming crags, the shadows cool and welcoming. Wyvern had long since taken to the skies again and he caught glimpses of her drifting overhead every now and again. When he spotted an opening ahead to his left, he slowed nearly to a stop. He kind of liked the isolation here, among the cold, hard stones. He didn’t really want to step back into the light.

Sighing, he crossed between Mount Apikuni and the peak housing Sunbeam Lair. He knew what lay directly ahead. He had known he was heading toward it all along. He couldn’t avoid it now, not without retracing his steps back through the corridor. Maybe he was tempting fate, though Cambria considered it more of a test. Could he walk right past Etienne’s door without knocking?

He found himself at the borders soon enough. His feet stopped moving but his heart didn’t. It beat hard in his chest as he did everything in his power to quash all the memories that tried to sink their claws into him. Cambria shot a grateful look skyward when he heard Wyvern trilling to him, the nighthawk circling lower and lower until she dropped onto the slope of his shoulder.

This is fine, he said to her.

Can be a Cam-eo.

Etienne was not a wolf that knew much about the mental health of others. He could make guesses, and usually figure it out. He himself suffered from bouts of melancholy even on good days. However, the she wolf ODessia. Her catatonic state. That he could not figure out. She ate, slept, voided. Well at least slept a little bit. But she was like a wraith, walking around in the shadows. However, she did not seem to hold him and Anselm with ill will, merely a quiet sense of something.

He looked up to meet her gaze. And blinked. 'ello Odessia. I was puttin' umm viper to rest. No one be 'avin no grave round 'ere. Even de one dat not be kind.

He blinked and motioned towards the borders. I be plannin to walk dey borders you want to come along?

He would turn regardless of her answer. And freeze in surprise when he made it over the hill. To gaze into the two tone eyes of Cambria. He felt a shiver slip down his spine, followed by a sharp pain in his chest.

He had thought Cambria had liked him. Had thought that the male would help him to maybe move on from Anselm. INstead he had proven to Etienne that most men broke your heart. That promises were easily broken. That time spent could mean nothing.

He moved closer. Golden gaze taking in the man. Cambria He spoke softly. But said no more.

Odessia glanced upward when she heard the trilling of the hawk, watching as it made its way downward, eventually disappearing into the tree cover. Her attention shifted back to Etienne as he spoke. Her body flinched when he said Viper's name, the image of the late wolf immediately springing unbidden into the forefront of her mind. She still struggled to understand the words Etienne spoke, but her own voice was either unwilling or unable to correct him.
He offered to let her join him on a walk, and Odessia contemplated for a few beats before her feet decided for her. She kept a good three strides behind him, ears twitching at every sound. Etienne had moved in the same direction she had seen the bird disappear, so she was not surprised to see it there. She was, however, surprised to see it perched on the shoulder of a wolf Etienne seemed to know. He added a name to the stranger: Cambria.
The blue-eyed girl hung back, feeling some sense of relief that the focus was not on her. If she could take her mind off of The Incident for even a few moments, she thought she would feel a little bit better.

He stood there for a minute, then another and another. At the ten-minute mark, Cambria made himself pick up his feet and begin moving. You didn’t knock, he mused, expecting to feel some sense of achievement. He only felt empty, though, as the creek began to fall away behind him.

Wyvern nipped at the crest of his skull seconds before he heard someone say his name. Cambria froze, staring due east for several beats. You can do this, he told himself. Treat him like you would any other stranger on the street. Be polite but distant. It was for the best.

Slowly, he turned. His lips parted a little when he noticed a woman beside Etienne, though he scarcely looked at her. His mismatched eyes settled on his former friend’s familiar face, his heart throbbing. It worked its way into his throat, where it felt like it got stuck.

Perhaps five seconds passed, though they felt eternal, as if time had slowed to a crawl. Yet it sped up quite suddenly when he felt the nighthawk launch from his shoulder, quickly ascending only to divebomb—complete with her trademark sound effect—right for the pale she-wolf beside Etienne.

Etienne tried not to take it personally that Cambria was leaving. That his back had been turned, that he hadn't called out. But he couldn't quite hide the hurt from his face.

He was aware of Odessia behind him. He turned to make sure she was okay. He knew she was fragile right now.

Slow motion movement. He watched as the bird flew up. He flinched without preamble. Birds still to this day making him nervous. But it was not himself that the feathered beast went for. It was the she wolf. Etienne stared in horror and then yelled. His mother's tongue jumping unbidden.

Bondye mwen. Sa k genyen ladan l? Poukisa! Odessia! Mete ou atè.

He shook his head. Odessia! Get down. and he turned to bare his teeth at the bird.

last one from me! this fed perfectly into her next thread, ty!

Without warning, the bird that had previously been on Cambria's shoulder shot into the air and aimed its beak and talons right at her. She might have been able to handle that, but when she saw the flash of Etienne's teeth, she recounted The Incident again. Odessia feared for her life, and instead of fighting or freezing, instinct told her fleeing was the one and only option. She heard nothing as she turned tail and ran as fast as she could, putting distance both physically and mentally between herself and The Incident.
It would be a long time before she stopped, and she would be far, far from here when that happened.

Sometimes her protectiveness amused him, even served him well. But lately, he had no patience for it. And when her dive sent the she-wolf fleeing, Etienne shouting in her wake, Cambria couldn’t help the sharp growl that rolled out of him.

Wyvern! he bellowed as the nightjar flapped just out of reach of Etienne’s bared teeth. Stop.

She heeded the command in the Dragonling’s voice, though perhaps didn’t take it well; she flew away to the east with an irate squawk. Cambria’s eyes followed her, then flicked over to Etienne, then just past him. He saw no sign of his companion, so his gaze quickly returned to that familiar face.

Sorry, he said almost irritably, then caught himself and repeated more softly, Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. Should you go after her…?

Etienne glared at the bird. Bared his teeth again. snapping at her in creole.


Vole ale oubyen m ap manje w, bèt fou.

Etienne froze, ears slicked back at the tone of voice. His fur rose and his eyes tightened. The tone was changed fairly quickly, but the sound stayed in his minds eye.

I will nor be able to catc' 'er. An' 'er was nor 'appy 'ere. 'Opefully 'er can find 'appiness.

Etienne’s response baffled him. It sounded like he didn’t anticipate the woman’s return. Cambria’s mouth opened, then shut. It was none of his business. And he shouldn’t even be here.

But he found himself rooted to the spot, staring in his old friend’s direction. It had been a while since his mistake, yet his stomach still clenched as he remembered Leonore’s crumpled face. Had they ever found any trace of Requin?

More importantly, what did Etienne think of him now? Surely nothing good, not after all this time. Cambria blew out a breath and finally tore his eyes away. He ought to never show his face here again. But the thought of never seeing Etienne’s after this, it locked his legs.

I’m sorry, he repeated a third time, the words tumbling out of him in a rush. I fucked up and I’m sorry. And now I’m fucking up even more by being here. I’ll just—go, the Dragonling said, gritting his teeth and forcing himself to turn.

Etienne had not been blind to Odessia's distress. She was not comfortable here, and could he blame her. And he had probably ruin3d any chance of reconcilatiation with his bared teeth.

They had not found his nephew and now all his family was gone. There were none left, but scattered cousins.

A snap of teeth clicking together in irritation. nonm fou.. Do not put words in my mout' i said not'ing of dey kind.

Etienne took a shaky breath. I 'ave forgiven you. But. he held up a paw. If you want my friendship. You best be around.

And as always thr good hearted sea born forgave another for hurting him. He carried a lifetimes worth and more of broken hearts and grief.

Etienne’s words halted him. He’d witnessed quite the gamut of emotions in the other man, but had he ever heard him speak from a place of anger? Cambria’s lips parted in surprise as Etienne insisted he’d forgiven him. His friendship was still on offer, but it was conditional: the Dragonling needed to be present.

I don’t want it, he thought, though he knew he was lying to himself. He did want Etienne, but he was shit scared of reestablishing that—or any—attachment. He’d tried it out with the Redtails and learned the hard way that relationships only resulted in heartache.

He was better off alone. How could Cambria lose something he didn’t have? His teeth gritted together as his two-toned eyes flitted over Etienne’s face again. He wanted so badly to stay. He really, really needed to go.

It’s not that I don’t want it. I just know we’ll hurt each other, he found himself arguing, letting his vulnerability show as he admitted, I don’t want to get hurt, Eti, any more than I want to hurt you.

Etienne had been through a gamut of emotions lately. He was angry, he was scared, he was lost and heartbroken. And he was sad. So many more.

Etienne stared at him and shook his head. Den you is a coward. Everyt'ing wort' 'avin' an' 'oldin' onto is goin' to possibly 'urt you sometimes. It is just dey way of tings. Life always 'as a little pain to go wit' all dey 'appiness. Dere be balance.

Etienne sighed.I 'ope dat someday you be willin' to open yer 'eart to someone w'et'er it be to friend or more.

He flinched when Etienne called him a coward, though Cambria didn’t argue. He just drew in a steadying breath as Etienne pointed out that some things were worth the price of admission. Maybe that was true for him, but that wasn’t the Dragonling’s truth.

I did open my heart, he said softly, to the Redtails. And they just disappeared, every last one of them. I don’t want to put myself through anything like that ever again.

It wasn’t Etienne’s fault, nor had he decided to distance himself for that reason. No, his fumble with Leonore had led him down that road. Cambria knew it wasn’t fair and that he deserved every bit of his former friend’s anger. Hopefully it would give him some closure.

Suddenly, his mind flickered to more recent events and he added, Caring for others is too messy and painful for me. So, you’re right about me, Eti. I’m a cold, selfish coward. He shook his head sadly. But I hope you know you deserve every happiness.

But the world hadn’t been kind to him, Cambria knew, and it would continue that way until the end of Etienne’s days. The Dragonling’s heart clenched in his chest. He wished he could do something about it, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing else he could say.

Etienne felt bad for giving a hard truth. And perhaps Coward wasn't the right word. But Etienne knew it was something.

Etienne's eyes flashed. Dat 'appens. And you deal wit' it. I just lost everyone. My manman, my auntie, my sister left all in one swoop. But I would not be tradin' dey love I 'ad for dem for anyting.

Etienne's shook his head. I be telling you not to be puttin' dey words in my mout' I would not be callin' you selfis' scared mebbe. But not cold or selfish if you were dose tings you would not be worried 'bout being 'urt again.

He grimaced as Etienne listed all his losses. How could he remain so optimistic in the face of them? Cambria didn’t understand it, though he marveled at it. Etienne definitely had a much bigger heart than he did.

I’ve never even known love like that, he murmured, and I could barely handle it when my pack vanished. If I let myself care about someone that much and anything happened… Eti, it would destroy me. I’m not like you.

There was only respect in his tone, admiration in the soft look on his face. Cambria bit at his lip, glancing at Etienne’s own face before pulling his mismatched eyes away again. He gazed distantly at the creek for a moment.

Not that I would ever change anything about you, he said, turning back, but can’t you understand how I feel? Why I don’t want to go through losing everyone? My life and my heart may not be as full as yours, Eti, but this way, nobody can ever break it.

Because if he let himself squirrel away the pain. If he chose to let it destroy him. It would truly destroy him. So he chose everyday to see thr good. To be optimistic. To love.

Etienne blinked. No one was like him it seemed anywhere. No one. And gods it hurt. It hurt so bad. But that was neither here nor there.

Cambria was not the wolf Etienne had known. And it bothered him. How someone could change so suddenly. It was nerve wracking.

I understan' jes fine. And dat be your trut'.

Etienne shrugged a graceful shoulder. We be agreeing to be disagreein

Etienne accepted his truth. Cambria knew this was it. It was time to wish him well, say goodbye and walk out of his life. He knew that would be for the best for both of them. Besides, Wyvern was out there, waiting for him.

You’re a good man, he said on a sigh. I’m sorry I can’t be, all the things the lovely Dahomey-Rivaini deserved.

It took every ounce of his mental fortitude to tear his two-toned eyes from where they lingered on Etienne’s face, then pivot his upper body. In what felt like slow motion, he forced the rest of his body to cooperate. At length, he faced away from Etienne, to the east.

Take care of yourself, Eti, he said thickly.

Swallowing against a lump in his throat, he began to move on what felt like hollow legs. Cambria told himself not to look back. In fact, he walked a dozen yards looking pointedly forward. But when he was about a hundred yards distant, he stopped and beheld Etienne one last time.

Etienne was slightly appalled and definitely confused. B2cause even though he understood to a point, he also sort of didn't. How could you be so afraid of caring that you just didn't care. And why did he care so much himself about it.

Etienne smiled and gave a soft nod. He understood. Even if it was painful and hard. Not everyone could fill the bars Etienne set. Granted no one had really tried. Everyone l3ft him or hurt him. Was he that unworthy of love? Familial, platonic and romantic.

He would find Etienne watching him crest the hill. Not saying a word. Simply watching as someone else closed a door on him.