Broken Antler Fen tinsel

#1

last year this glissade of citrus-glow warmth had been met by bronco's love and the steadiness of his arms.
this year teya dreaded it, loathed the wakening of each muscle and tendon and the way it made her turn toward the borders, wondering crazily if a man might appear along them for her, for a nameless and wordless thing that would sate the now-burning spot in her mind.
she had liked those, after reyes. and while teya consciously looked forward to denning up with bridget for the duration, like it had been the first year, she just wanted this last damn couple of days to herself.
hunting, she said; fishing; she would be back by sundown and stay there, teya told her mind, even as her hips loosened and the fragrances of her body's call filtered through the fen. she had fled here to be alone in familiarity; now she was alone in grief and desire, and its cruel and unwarranted intersection.

Dwin had not paid much attention to comings and goings and doings of adults, when spring had sung in their veins. Too pre-occupied with herself then, she had "ugh"-ed and "eww"-ed, when coming accross the scent or almost being a witness of how babies were actually found in the parsley beds. She had been glad that this had come to an end and been very careful to avoid following paths of the similar scents. 

This year was a little different and she realized it, when the same scent woke a myriad of emotions in her. Longing, desire and giddiness. Her rational and critical mind was still in charge, but the more molecules of this she picked up in the air, the quieter the voice became, until only one thought remained. She had to find the source. 

When she finally did and saw Teya, Dwin stopped, feeling two different things at the same time. She wished to approach the Raven and... she did not know, what then. And at the same time - this was Teya. Her aunt. Her nanny. Her mentor. Her superior. They were not in the same ranks, even if the gap between the age and experience had grown smaller.

Therefore she stood, looking at her friend with primal desire and conflict. Not knowing, what would be the right thing to do. The easiest one was clear.

there were no men here and for that she was grateful. what was left behind she followed; idle spoor, the tracks of a finch, the leaping form of a rabbit. what she wanted she would not go out and have; she told herself she would return to bridget.
dwin's appearance was a welcome one; unknowing of the feelings which brewed inside the young wolf, teya approached with a wave of her tail.
"you hunting?" she asked, casting an eye over the frozen drifts and wondering if it was worth it, moreso now that dwin was with her. teya ignored the feverish feel of her skin.

Teya either did not seem to notice or chose to ignore her appeal to Dwin. Instead she approached her and addressed her quite casually, while simulatenously engulfing the youth in a thick cloud of perfume nature had created to ensure that the wolf-kin did not die out. She turned her head to the side and took a step back, glad to feel a gust of wind that cleared her nostrils of the scent and cleared her head a bit. 

"This is not real, is it?" Dwin asked, forgetting the initial inquiry. "I am attracted to you know and I was not a day before. Not even this morning," she said, tilting her head to the side, expression showing confusion. 

teya started; she jolted, staring at dwin. "it is season only," she said, recovering herself with a little smile. "you have it too. soon, i think. maybe this year."
she kept away, some distance between them. had dwin ever evinced attraction in anyone at all? perhaps she like the raven was disposed toward both, but teya did not know how to bring that up.

Just because this was something that happened to every girl at a certain age, did not make it any more appealing. Dwin did not look forward to being approached and chased by love-sick men, proclaiming to bring heaven and earth to her, but in reality wanting to... jolly around the parsely field. For some reason Dwin, when thinking about the process felt too embarrassed to call it by its name. Parsleys were safer, they added a bit of humour to the whole deal.

"How does it go? You just smell attractively or do you lose your mind too?" she guessed she could outrun Teya in case the Raven suddenly got funny ideas.

"you can lose mind. body wants a man. takes over. leads you to find one. men can smell from far away. many will come. first time it happened to me, i —" stayed with bridget all week and we —
"i stay home. stay in den. not come out really. so yes and no. can lose mind. not always."
teya looked with open curiosity at dwin. "are you scared of this?"

"I would have never thought that my body was once going to have a mind of its own," Dwin chuckled, though, frankly speaking, the very idea of not being in charge was very unwelcome. She was proud of her being rational and pragmatic in the world, where many things were governed and messed up in a spur of emotions. 

"No - I am not afraid of this. Let them come. I will rip the first's face off and then the crown jewels will be next on the line, if they do not get the message the first time," she said with grin. A joke with a sinister edge, giving off a vibe that Dwin may not be fooling around in reality. 

"Are you scared?" she tossed the ball back in Teya's court. 

"no. mother twice now. nothing scary about it. sometimes — anticipation. but not fear." with no reason to believe that the younger wolf was joking, teya shrugged. "if urge gets too much, not need jewels. find woman," and now her voice was a little teasing. "should not stay alone for it. does not need to end in pregnancy. and brecheliant fight any man who come here for it."
no one was going to seek dwin without her consent, that much would be clear.

"And then what? Frolic in the parselys with her?" Dwin furrowed her brow, because if she had understood correctly, this option was equally unappealing. Embarrassing even. Imagine her being a lovesick fool around mom. Worse even - doing something stupid. Ugh! 

"Come for the pregnancy?" she felt even more confused than before by Teya's choice of words. "Can it work the other way round? Have you ever met a pregnant man?" she asked. 

"have not met pregnant man, but," teya spread her paws, "i not know everyone in entire world, hm?"
by dwin's increasing questions, teya realized there were some things to detail. "then do what body wants with someone who cannot get you pregnant," she said, trying another angle. "sometimes when men and women couple, the man comes to find her. wants to help raise pups. often works out. sometimes does not. then pack protect her."

"Yeah, it sounds like an awful lot of a mess with very little to gain," Dwin closed the subject, feeling an increasing level of frustration with this whole biology thing that happened to everyone, whether they wanted or not. None of, what she had heard or learned ever since that first lesson in marital arts a little over a year ago, felt appealing or even remotely interesting. The more she learned, the more distaste she felt to it all. 

"I think, I will be going then... sorry, you confuse me," she apologized half-heartedly, fearing that spending more time in Teya's company would make her do something she would regret later. 

Last one from me! Thanks!

<3

she did not know what to tell dwin; her smile then was more of a grimace as the young woman turned off.
clearing her throat, she nodded at no one and then went for a fiercely cold swim, unsure still after how she was to parse this later and deciding it was better if it never arose.