Broken Antler Fen Let your arms be a place she feels safe in

we can aw this if you want it to be intros!  but for now leaving it small

Maia thought she would never get tired of this, resting and feeling @Eljay beside her.  Now I never have to, she thought giddily, yawning and shifting, ever so slightly, to close what little space had opened up as she slept.  She didn't know yet if he was still asleep or not and she didn't want to move enough to find out for fear of waking him up.  He'd looked like he needed the rest.

As happy as she was, she knew this wasn't all good.  There was a lot going on that she couldn't understand - like how Eljay felt leaving the Caldera behind, and how the Caldera would feel losing him to their neighbors.  Would they be upset enough to come here?  Was Eljay just upset now, but later, would he regret being so hasty and want to go back?

The second part, weirdly, didn't scare her as much as it should have.  She just hoped he would share it if the time came and that was true because she knew now that, without a doubt, wherever he went she went.  It was maybe a bit of bitter irony she'd figured that out now, but being around him always made it clearer how much she couldn't stand being apart - and now, he'd be around all the time.  So even outside of their change in status, any questions she had were gone.

Maia Blackthorn.  She couldn't get over it.  When she was younger, she'd always pictured the traditional proposal... but in the end, she guessed she just couldn't wait.  She'd let him lead in almost every other aspect... first to say 'like', first to (officially) say 'love'.  She guessed it was just kind of her turn... and she was incapable now of regretting it, no matter how different it had been in her head.

Eljay had slept long and tightly. He'd mumbled in his sleep, unintelligible words fuelled by nightmares. Only one time might Maia have been able to understand a word -- Towhee -- that he uttered while he slept.

When he woke up Eljay felt like he'd been run over by a truck. He smiled groggily at Maia, happy to be by her side, but felt horror at the realisation of what he'd done. A part of him instantly wanted to head back, but as soon as he realised that Eljay felt his stomach twist and a crippling panic overtake his brain. It showed in his tensing muscles and a frightened expression on his face, along with rapid breathing. He then shook his head and buried his nose in Maia's fur. This was exactly why he left. Why he had to leave. He needed to get away from that place and those wolves, or he'd let taking care of them take over his whole life.

How'd you sleep, miss Blackthorn? he asked with a lopsided smile and a wag of his tail as he gently bumped his head against Maia.

She felt him move against her and looked over just in time to see him tense up.  Almost without thinking she rested her head on his back, but didn't really know what to say.  There wasn't anything she could say and honestly, if she tried she'd probably just make him feel worse.  She had the sudden sensation of guilt that came from knowing a thing that made you happy was causing someone you loved pain... but she tried to quash it.  She really did want to trust him, but it was going to be hard.  Knowing he was here for himself too only made it slightly more bearable.  She knew immediately that if he'd come solely for her, she'd have caved in and gone back with him in a heartbeat.  And then I'd be the unhappy one, I guess.

He sounded okay enough when he relaxed and said good morning, so she tossed that line of thinking out for now.  It didn't fit in her happy place right now and she could ignore it for now... at least until Eljay felt ready to talk more about it.  I'm going to show him how much there is to love here, she decided.

Amazingly, she answered.  It wasn't totally a lie, though his muttering had woken her a few times.  Hearing her newly-minted mate mumble another girl's name while he slept wasn't the best of feelings, but she knew it wasn't like that.  Not even dramatic Maia was that high-strung.  She stretched, then tucked herself back in, snuggling up.  I told you this was, like, the best spot.  How did you sleep?

If she asked it casually, he could easily gloss over it if he didn't want to talk.

Eljay smiled softly when Maia put her head on his back. It helped him calm down considerably. He smiled again when she said that she had slept amazingly, and asked how he had slept. He looked around the place, but soon his gaze was drawn in by Maia's beautiful eyes again. He nipped at the tip of her nose and just looked at her, a goofy smile on his face.

I'll get there, he said with a sigh. I still feel so tired, as if I was run over by a herd of deer. I thought a good night's rest might help, but... Eljay frowned. He tensed up a little again when he continued to speak: So, what should I do? Do we need to get Wraen to officially accept me, or do you have the mandate for that as a leader? Eljay didn't know any better than Wraen being the leader supreme of Brecheliant. It was easy to see that Eljay was still in work mode, already going over all the practical details of his stay rather than really allowing his brain to rest for a second or two.

where are they sleeping, like, where in the territory and what does it look like? just for my own visual reference <3

I have no idea XD feel free to make something up!! Or I can try to hunt something down tomorrow.  I make most things up as I go so her "amazing napping spot" isn't anything I've really referenced previously

She wasn't surprised to hear it but was a little disappointed to have it confirmed.  She wasn't sure what she could do to help outside of just try to be as positive and un-stressful a partner as possible, though, so she resolved to do just that until she sorted something more out.  It was something she was used to doing, after all!  She could even prep all of her best stories for the task.

When was the last time she'd even told a real, honest story?  Oh wow.

You will,  she replied, not bothering to move from where she was curled up.  She could feel him tense, but she gently shook her head and giggled.  You are definitely in.  But I should probably tell her, she's going to be really happy.  Maia felt butterflies flutter at the thought of giving Wraen the real news about them.  Even though she was super duper sure Wraen supported the pair of them completely, there was always going to be that doubt that kicked up her nerves.

You definitely don't have to do anything.  She added, nosing him playfully. But it might be fun if you wanted to meet a few wolves?  There's Ibis and her daughter Lilitu, who are super nice.  And Penn and Arcturus of course.  And then a few others who I don't even really know yet.  She felt a little embarrassed admitting that, but having her interests divided had made it a little hard to get to know everyone super well.

okay! i'll give it some thought too!

Eljay smiled when Maia said that Wraen would be happy to know that he was here. Wraen visited one day, y'know, he said to Maia. After the incident at Moonspear, I wanted to visit you so badly just to see that you were alright. But I just... I couldn't. That's why I didn't follow you when you ran away the other day, too. I was just so afraid again. It was clear from his voice that he hated it. He'd managed to get over some of his anxiety of the outside world over time, but now it felt like it was back in full swing after what had happened to Moonspear. What if he'd been visiting at the time? What if Maia had? He knew rationally that it wasn't like that. Knew that if it could happen there, it could also happen here, in a pack territory. Still, the scent of other wolves calmed him and therefore stepping over the borders was a Big Thing right now. It wasn't a confession he was proud of, and he knew many wolves would scoff at it, but he felt that his secret was safe with Maia.

Maia said he didn't have to do anything, which made Eljay feel a little guilty about ditching Niamh and Towhee so soon before they had their children again. He quickly pushed aside the guilt as Maia continued, mentioning Ibis and Lilithu, who Eljay didn't yet know. Then she mentioned Penn and Arcturus. Actually, Arcturus Eljay'd never properly met, but of course Penn did instantly light up his eyes with excitement. He'd sort of forgotten that his little brother was staying here. Penn! he exclaimed breathlessly. I think the last time I've seen him was... He fell silent, a sad expression on his face. When mom and dad died. Maybe they'd passed each other after that in the territory, until Penn left; Eljay didn't remember. After all, in that period of time, he was very deeply sunken into his depression.

Maia had heard about the troubles on the mountain through the grapevine but had no idea of the scope of what had happened.  Still she nodded, following the slightly more serious tone.  They might have had trouble with the mountain, but Maia had had friends there too.  She just had to hope that one day she'd run into them... or that she never found out otherwise.

She hated how upset he sounded over being afraid leaving.  She definitely understood, and she didn't think it was a terrible thing at all.  But Maia knew telling him that probably wouldn't help much, so she went a different route.  Any trip you ever want to go on? Sign me up.  Maia said with a smile.  I mean, that's kinda the bonus of having a bunch of leaders, yeah? One of us takes a little time away from home, the others can fill in!  She guessed there weren't too many places too far away he'd have in mind, but there was a spot a little closer she imagined he might think of.  

He perked up considerably when she mentioned Penn, which made sense!! She remembered how happy she'd been, running into Jupiter unexpectedly not too long ago.  It was a bittersweet thing... she hadn't seen most of her younger siblings since her own parents died.

He actually met up with us out by the coast and we managed to drag him back here.  He kept saying he'd just stick around until it wasn't convenient anymore, but I like to think we hooked him.  She'd known he couldn't resist the charms of the super secret awesome.... oh shoot. She'd forgotten the club name.  Anywho, it took a stronger will than that to leave all this amazing behind for the life of a random wanderer.  She definitely felt that.

Eljay smiled when Maia suggested she would come with him to any trip. It wasn't that there were many trips out there — especially now that he lived with Maia, because that was basically the person he would want to take a trip to — but he appreciated the sentiment, even if it did not give him back his personal freedom. He was also pretty sure leaders weren't doomed to be stuck to their pack all the time, but chuckled a little when Maia said the advantage of having multiples was that she could go out. She was cute when she was being all responsible and leaderly. My mom used to scout all the time even though she was a Beta for as long as I can remember, Eljay said with a small smile; he could not help but feel once more like he had unrightfully deserted the Redhawks, being a Blackthorn and all. I'm sure you'll be fine. But for now, I'm fine being right here. He nosed Maia's shoulder affectionately to prove his point.

The thought of seeing Penn again was a good one — Eljay was really looking forward to catching up with his brother. They'd never bonded much because he had been in his depression after losing Wifi, and whatever energy he had left at the time he spent on his own children. Despite living in the same den as where his parents' last litter grew up in, Eljay didn't know them very well at all. That's nice. I hope he sticks around. It'd be nice to have another familiar face, even if they did not know each other very well. Hopefully it'd give an opportunity to improve on that, make up for all the lost days spent mourning over Wildfire rather than bonding with his siblings.

She smiled as he mentioned Finley, and that he was fine being right here.  She wasn't one hundred percent convinced she believed it entirely, but Maia trusted that he'd tell her if it wasn't the case.  He seemed tired, and stressed still, but he also did seem happy.  And that was the part that she was convinced to focus on for now.

My mom did too, I think, back when she still led.  I think my dad was a homebody though.  He never really left or talked about traveling.  Osprey had had too many stories and too many friends to have ever really stayed in one place without roving, and Maia had always admired that and wanted to have the same.  But, thinking back, Dante had never really had many stories from places he hadn't lived, or from before he met mom even.  I guess her stories were enough.  She hadn't talked much about them with Eljay, she realized, even though their parents had apparently been close friends at one point.  

She didn't doubt Penn would stick around at least a while longer since he seemed in no rush to leave.   She couldn't imagine Eljay changing that and, honestly, the chance didn't even cross her mind.  If anything, having his brother here should give him more incentive to stay!

Eljay wondered if he'd be like Maia's father. He sure didn't need to travel the world, he was happiest right here. He'd miss Maia though, and he hated the thought that he couldn't go out alone, to look for her or whatever, if he needed to. The Fen also provided with a more Copse-like view of the world; there wasn't a lot to see, not really a clear lookout point as far as he'd seen. The Caldera made him feel like he was a part of the world; he could look out over its edges and watch for miles and miles, imagine what those lands must be like to live in even though he would never step foot in them himself.

Instead of focusing on his own thoughts and the possible correlations between Maia's parents and them, he focused on her parents. What... he paused briefly as he tried to remember if they were alive or not, but decided in the end, ... are they like? Eljay asked, finding himself curious. Your parents, I mean. He wasn't too sure he'd ever heard a lot about Wraen and Maia's parents. Not that he really remembered, anyway, and he'd like to hear more about that part of Maia's life.

Come to think of it, though she thought of them often, Maia hadn't really spoken with anyone about her parents save Wraen.  She had never figured anyone would care much for wolves they never met, and besides, the best stories were the ones another wolf could relate to.  The way Eljay asked, she could tell he was honestly interested though.  A year back she might have shrugged it off, but since making peace with everything, it was a lot easier to talk about.

Mom was a storyteller, like Wraen and I.  She couldn't really travel much anymore but whenever she could, she'd tell us stories of all the interesting wolves she knew and the places she'd been.  Plus a bunch from her parents and relatives, things about our Uncle Peregrine and their old home.  A major part in Maia's coming here had been wanting to meet the wolf who her mom spoke about, but he'd been long gone by the time she arrived on the Caldera's borders all those years ago.  When she wasn't feeling well, though, dad would sometimes take over.  He never talked about his family other than to say they weren't good wolves, but he knew a few old stories.  Stuff about gods and all that.  It was all pretty story focused, she was realizing, but it was hard to think of their family without that being the focus.

Dad was always more serious, but in a way that we always knew he was listening.  Mom was amazing, but she had a lot of bad days.  Maia hadn't understood back then what her mom's depression or illness was, only that some days Dante would take the children and play, or pass them off onto a packmate so that he could spend the time with her.  The thought reminded her of Wraen's current health troubles in an entirely unwelcome way.

They died, like, two years ago now?  It's crazy to think it's been that long.  I found out right around the time when... um.  When Wildfire died.  She honestly didn't remember the timeline of it all that well, but she definitely remembered that a lot of things had happened at once.  Her parents, Charon, Wildfire, Colt... and at the end of it she'd gone home because she had to see for herself.  She'd barely known Eljay then and didn't even know if he'd noticed her at all.  But considering what a hard time it had been for both of them, it would hardly be surprising if he hadn't.  She'd barely felt like a part of the Firebirds at the time.

Eljay listened quietly as Maia told him about her parents. A storyteller mother, and a father who was more serious, but knew a few stories too. Eljay wondered idly if his children would remember him as the serious father. He hoped not. He wasn't too sure what he preferred to be remembered as, though. What would he hope that one day his children would tell others about him..?

They sound wonderful, he said softly when Maia finished. It was a shame that he never got to meet them.

Maia mentioned they died around the time that Wildfire died, which, despite the pause in her words, did cause Eljay to look a little distraught for a moment. It was a long time ago now, but he would never stop missing her, even if he was also very happy and grateful to have Maia in his life now.

Yeah... Time does seem to go faster and faster the older you get, huh? Eljay said in the end, contemplatively.

She'd hesitated on bringing up Wildfire, knowing it was a painful subject. But she didn't want to avoid it either because she didn't mind if he ever wanted to talk about it. At least, she didn't think she did, every so often. It was weird.

It was hard for her not to compare herself sometimes, and whenever she did, she always fell short. If she was still alive, Eljay and her would be together. Maia wouldn't have this. Did that make her terrible, being happy someone else was gone? Was she? And did that mean she was less important, because she was the backup? They hadn't even known each other then. She hated all of those thoughts and didn't give them a lot of room, but her insecurity couldn't help poking them every so often. She knew Eljay loved her, and she knew she wasn't really a second choice... but she also knew she'd never feel worthy of him. Not like she'd been.

Yeah. Jupiter's gotten so big, and I bet my other sisters and brothers have too. She replied, smiling. They all made it out of the fire fine, and when it happened, I went back to find them. They were so little then. That was why I left the Firebirds, for a bit. She didn't expect him to remember, they'd been passing friends. In retrospect she wasn't happy with the friend she'd been to him, actually. Had she even checked in after Wildfire died? Not really. She'd been so upset about her own stuff she hadn't considered his.

So it isn't all sad. Once we find the perfect place, we are going to name it after them. And if you wanted to name any places, you definitely should! We could look, and make it special, just like Warden's Watch is.

Eljay didn't instantly remember if Maia had ever mentioned Jupiter before, but she soon clarified that it was one of her siblings. He smiled, though he didn't really remember there being a fire, he was happy to know that her younger siblings were alive and well. Eljay himself hadn't known Maia very well at the time, and he had certainly not given her as much attention as he maybe should've, so lost in his sorrow was he.

Eljay nodded when Maia said that she and Wraen would name the perfect place after their parents, once they'd found it. Wraen said something like that. She suggested finding a place where mom and dad could uh, ghost around. Eljay was not so sure they were ghosting around anywhere — to be frank, he wasn't sure what did happen in the afterlife, but he felt that if his mom was a ghost, he would've been pranked by her already by now, or maybe not him, but someone in his vicinity would've; she was way too sassy to be a quiet ghost — but the sentiment of naming something after them was nice. He then wondered, Are any of your other siblings here in Brecheliant? Or... Or nearbyish? Jupiter, maybe, he thought, but he waited to hear what Maia said about it first. He'd love to meet any of them.

Maia noted, happily, that Eljay was able to talk about his parents with (it felt like) a little less awfulness behind it. She didn't know if her advice, back when they'd talked about Peter, helped at all. It made her feel pretty good, though, to think there was a chance maybe it had!

She nearly answered yes, but then stopped herself abruptly. Oh, uh. No. Just me and Wraen. She answered, a little sad despite herself. That news was still fresh. She'd been so excited to tell Terance about Brecheliant, and to have him visit and see what his sisters and daughter had built! Not now, though.

My brother and sister were Wraen's age, and used to live a bit north. Terence, Ibis' dad, and Sarah. I picked the trees for them. She didn't think to explain further, that she was talking about the place they'd named. Jupiter I'm not sure, but if she doesn't stick around, she might go back home. Some day maybe we can go and you can meet everyone there, though! It would be really need to see them and to let Eljay meet the rest of her family. They weren't exactly the Blackthorns but they were pretty flippin awesome anyway.

It was weird, talking about somewhat sad things but still being so completely happy. Suddenly overcome with it, Maia rolled sideways, draping a paw across his shoulders and shoving her face into his neck once again. I love you, she said, smiling, the words slightly muffled by his fur. So so so so much.

It was too bad that none of Maia's other siblings lived here, so he could've met them, but he just nodded, didn't comment. Ibis was her brother's daughter, so still family, even though not a sibling.

Maia then suggested that they could go back home to see Maia's siblings. Eljay wasn't aware there was still a home after the fire, but he was happy to hear it. He asked, How far off is it..? He had travelled to the Frosthawks, but it wasn't all that far. For Eljay? Still Really Far Away. But not for other wolves, probably. How was Weejay doing over there? He ought to visit her sometime. Maybe after Maia's heat, though, because he didn't want to miss their window of opportunity.

He was distracted by these thoughts when Maia rolled sideways and pulled herself close. Eljay smiled softly, a smile that only grew at her next words. I love you too, Eljay said, words soft, and he pressed himself against Maia to emphasise the gravity of these words.

It's... pretty far. A couple weeks at least. But it doesn't have to be anytime soon. Maia replied, relaxing into him and leaning close. Last time she'd visited she'd been gone for a few months, but that had been for reasons that didn't apply now. It's... I mean. I still call it home, but it's different. Since actual 'home' is gone now, with the fire.

This place feels more like it, almost. Having you and Wraen here helps. Maia smiled, then gave him a quick kiss on the muzzle.

A couple of weeks — the thought alone made Eljay feel a little scared, and it showed on his face. Eljay hesitated but in the end just nodded and didn't say anything. He'd figure it out when they got a bit closer. He wasn't too sure that he was ready to think about taking such a huge journey right now.

Eljay nodded when Maia said that her actual home was gone because of the fire, but she still called this one home. That explained his earlier confusion.

Eljay smiled when Maia said that this place felt like home, too. I'm glad to hear that, Eljay said and he nuzzled his face into Maia's fur. He hoped that this could become his home, too, even though he knew that it would take time. Right now, he felt as though wherever Maia was was home. He wasn't sure the Fen would be able to ever possess quite enough magic to give him that feeling without Maia's help.

gonna go ahead and fade this one out! <3

She was glad he seemed happy about that, but it didn't escape her notice that he might not share the feeling. She wasn't insecure enough to worry too much, but she did hope that maybe, someday, he could feel at home here. She was extremely careful not to let it show, but Maia still wasn't convinced he wouldn't change his mind one of these days.

C'mon, let's go for a walk, she said, dismissing the worries with an energetic suggestion. They could totally lay around here all day, of course, but talking on the go was a lot of fun too, and then who knew? Maybe they'd run into Wraen or Ibis or someone and find something fun to do.