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It was a week after Ragnar’s return from Blacktail Deer Plateau and only a few days had past since he had finally rid himself of the delirium fever he had received, as far as he believed from the God Odinn leaving behind a small sliver of himself within Ragnar during the process in which Thistle had prayed to Freyja and Frigg and Odinn had accepted her sacrifices and prayers as initiation into their people making her a true Viking. His strength had returned and never one to sit idle he broke from Thistle’s side before the sun rose in the cooling morning, hunting four rabbits for her, though if she ate them all in one shot or stretched them out gradually (he could not always part from the borders to bring her lunch) Ragnar did not know. He laid them gingerly just inside the mouth of the den, hidden from the eyes of the scavengers that flew overhead or hungry foxes deigned to steal what did not belong to them, but not close enough to disturb his slumber wife.
It felt good to get back into his daily routines, though he would have to break them, once more, hopefully before Thistle gave birth to seek out his half brother, Dagrún, who had come to the Ridge in search of him while he had been away. Little did Ragnar know, but was about to find out that Dagrún was not the only one from the Cove to arrive while he was on his trip. Pump’s scent was heavy on this particular stretch of the borders though likely it had been to pick up what had slacked in his brief absence that he was sure she was likely wondering about. Another scent, familiar though it was that joined with Pump’s scent suddenly and Ragnar paused, muscles freezing beneath his iced silver coat as he bent his head low to investigate it further.
He knew that scent.
It was her.
Of course it was her.
Many questions swam around the Viking’s mind though all, as it currently stood, went unanswered without her before him to respond. Black, leathery nostrils flared as he inhaled the scents again, the scent of Sif, Váli, of the Cove and her scent unique to her. Of fire and woman and lingering faintly of him. How had she found him here, so far from the Cove? Why had his Priestess sought him out in these lands? What did her presence here mean? His patrol left unfinished he followed her scent, faint though it was until it disappeared all together and he could track her no more. He summoned her then, calling Nerian to him so she might …enlighten him and make some sense of the confusion that was his curiosity.
After spending time painstakingly folding marigolds into a sort of vine necklace and then whispering a prayer upon them she slipped the flower necklace over her neck and set about finding a place for her to sleep. Nerian was trying to get a den ready she stood on top of a rock digging at; it shoving her minuet weight against it, wanting to fall against against the other rock she had prepared; When the hair on the back of her neck stood up and a chill ran up her spine. She stopped and lifted her head skyward. Long before the call rang out in the air, she knew that he knew.
Though Nerian came looking for him, she didn't want to see him if one could understand her logic. She was loath to answer his call, but she did...
She climbed down off the rock and walked slowly but with determination toward his voice. when she saw him she continued her walk. It wasn't a saunter not meant to mock It just showed she wasn't about to jump up and run to him. He had left her there to be beaten and mistreated.
To busy to come and find me yourself? She inquired with a voice that spoke with more courage then she had as she came and stood before him. Revealing indeed that she was here.
Ragnar might have, if circumstances had been different, assumed she would simply ignore his summons for in these lands he was no longer a Jarl and he was not sure anyone would take to well to the idea of a slave not that frankly, he gave much of a damn. It was what Nerian was to him. His slave girl. As unsure as he was the day they had raided her home pack he was hit again with the question of: why. Why had he saved her when he had done nothing to stop the others from raping or killing the other woman. What made her so damn special. Maybe it was because she knew their native tongue, had cried out in it when they had stormed the denning area after taking care of the warriors that fell one by one at the Northmen’s jaws. To this day, he still didn’t know. The same way he had not known what had made him decide to convince the Amazon boy who had lost his memory when they had taken him captive that he (Sveinn) was Ragnar’s son. Sometimes, Ragnar supposed the Gods had grand designs that even their most devout were not privy too.
Icy, oceanic eyes the color of shimmering Caribbean blue watched her as she approached, her movements elegant as he had came to expect of the Priestess. For a second, the Viking was stoic, staring her down, level and unrelenting as she approached him. When Ragnar had left the Cove on Odinn’s orders he had been confident she would have ran, back to where he had stolen her from - or what was left of it. During his time as Jarl Ragnar had heard whispers that they had been rebuilding. Curiously enough, Nerian wasn’t there. She was here. Ragnar would not have tried to stop her should she had tried to escape, the truth was, he would have let her go. Though the title of slave was harsh in and of itself and he owned her, he was not a harsh master. Though ruthless in other aspects his treatment of wolves, so long as they showed him the respect he commanded, was nothing short of fair. The Cove had flourished under Ragnar’s rule, only, he would come to learn, to be destroyed by Váli’s.
Her words were steel tipped, her voice courageous speaking out against him in a way that would have made a lesser man hurt her for sheer insubordination. Ragnar was not a lesser man. But, he wasn’t about to explain himself to her as if he had too.
To return home would be tantamount to death; and though that might rightfully cleanse her of her sins it was not end and she was looking for from this life.
You truly don't understand do you? Nerian spoke keeping her voice level, she stood unmoving, she had not shifted even slightly, since Ragnar moved toward her, she did not withdraw from the Northerner, becoming aware that having him nearer to her actually relieved her; made her feel safer on some level, that alone was yet another sin. none should be able to make her feel safe and more secure than her own god.
Standing close to him made her all too aware of the sins that had been placed upon her the sins that she suffered through her thoughts through her actions and what she had failed to do since she was taken from her home.
Ragnar's sent was strong and heady; no female would deny that. Nerian could have, long ago when she had balled away those feelings and had never allowed herself to experience or even think of those emotions. Since then, he had opened pandora's box within her. And the contents of the box was sin after sin, unholy thought after unholy thought and transgression after transgression.
She opened her mouth to speak to Ragnar then but closed it soon thereafter not the word having escaped her yet. Nerian closed her eyes and mouthed a prayer to herself the words in audible to any but her own heart.
She asked for strength and for forgiveness not that she was to receive either through her sins. By now her god must have forsaken her.
Finally she opened her eyes, her voice calm and clear devoid of emotion as she stripped that back and set it aside, everything, Anger, Hate, Desire and Love. I don't expect you to understand Ragnar; but labels placed upon somebody hold of value.
My label of Cleric Priestess is but another label given in the name of God so that I may serve him better
Meaning in my own inaction, I have allowed you to place the label 'slave' upon me. I cannot return home unless I am a free wolf and cleansed of all sins.
Her words fell silent, he had the information he had wanted from her and what he needed not know was her own inner turmoil, not that he would pay it much heed anyway. But her turmoil that her kept her here far from her temple, farther from home and further from the true meaning of priestess
Because of Ragnar she was not sure of the true meaning of her priestess label anymore, she could no longer understand the clear cut boundaries she had once been given the ones that were instilled upon her from her very birth.
She had changed so much in the time that she had been taken from her home that she was doubtful she would ever be welcome back. Her personal thoughts only caused her sin and agony now. and she was unsure of how to regain the wolf she once was. though she did not appear this outwardly, she was a mess. A shell of a former priestess
Nerian did not back away from him, did not deign to place any distance between them as he closed it. He was a heathen to her, a Pagan, a demon, or devil - whatever words they had spat at the Northerners as they raided and took. She had never outright called him that to his face, whether it was out of fear or some ill guided respect but he knew she was thinking it, saw such words in the accusations of her eyes. Ragnar did not often acknowledge what she truly thought of him - confident that she thought of him as a heathen only and nothing else - because he felt he had treated her better than any of his ilk would have. Ragnar never maimed her, raped her, she never went hungry, and she was still alive. Which was more than could be said for the others that had been brought back to the Cove as slaves.
It was a little while before her eyes reopened but when they did they were accompanied by words, giving him the answer he had sought. Not that it made much sense to Ragnar. Then again the Priestess had never made much sense to Ragnar with all her restrictions and rules and her talk of “sins”.
Her voice was soft yet firm like she was talking to a child Being told to run back and being set Free are two completely different things. she doubted Ragnar would ever look her in the eyes and say "Nerian I release you, You are free" Then and only then would she have to make that choice of returning 'home'
Finally she turned her head and looked directly at him, her face still emotionless, practiced from years of cleric training. I have already told you why I did not meet you at the boarder and simply ask for freedom, clearly you do not listen. Her skin burned below her pelt. you owe me!! you owe me!! Ragnar lothbrok she screamed inside her head without so much as a flicker of emotion in her eyes or elsewhere.
She knew telling him not to mock god would do her no good, past experience showed her that. She now she decided to turn the tables, Why call me to you, only to tell me to run away? humm...
In turn she moved closer to him and ran her small lithe form along the length of his body; gently she nipped his back where his tail met his body and then she rubbed her herself along his other side, Scared of me now? it was now she smiled, a teasing light in her eyes as she turned to face him. Ragnar did not conceal his emotions like she had been trained to, she could read in his eyes the fact he didn't want her to leave. Her grey eyes looking into his blue ones.
Ragnar simply stared at Nerian, torn. The idea of owning a slave had never been something he had nurtured even when he was a young Berserker and nothing more but the Jarl’s son and then when Björn took over, the Jarl’s brother. It still uninterested him in most manners, though he found it useful only to call upon her if he would need her to help him found a pack, a revised version of the Cove in these Wilds as Ragnar had always planned to do since Odinn had sent him out upon this journey.
The Viking watched, stoic, as his Priestess moved closer to him, and then against him. Though Ragnar did not, in turn, jerk away, the muscles beneath his coat pulled taunt as he glimpsed over his shoulder to watch her, ears slicking back to his skull when she nipped at his tailbone, the small divot where his tail met his torso. She rounded him, he watched, and rubbed herself against his other side then, their scents mingling together, the contact and teasings unfamiliar to Ragnar who had come to accept her celibacy long ago. Her “God” was her husband and her body was pure for him. It had seemed stupid, still did, to deny yourself carnal pleasure for a God that would never touch you. Maybe that was the point, it had occurred to Ragnar before as it did now, but it still seemed stupid. Her question was odd, light and teasing and for the moment the Viking returned her smile with a lazy, slow smirk tugging at the edges of his lips.
No, he was hardly afraid of her.
Nerian stepped back and stood in front of Ragnar as she had before having washed him in her scent and taking his with her; She had something tangible, to prove to herself that she was here and Ragnar was here, and she was being a fool.
There is but one way to wash away my sins right now, and you might say that it would be a waste of a life. That and it might anger him that someone else would destroy his 'property' for likely no good reason his mind, not that she could fathom what Ragnar truly thought.
I must repent though my actions and it starts with you setting me free. Baring that I must find away to earn my freedom from you and your label SO whilst I do that I shall work upon cleansing my own soul before I could dare to return. from you and your label she wondered briefly if he'd pick up on that.
A flicker of pain flitted across her eyes before her face lost expression and her body shifted into a relaxed posture removing from it any hint of good or bad feelings.
EVERYTHING RAGNAR!! EVERYTHING she screamed inside her head and emotionless visage. It's because of you, I want! because of you changed because of you showing me a simpler life with no care for my soul afterward, demon showing me things as tempting and yet I can't draw myself away from them.
Nerian huffed, She missed the way things used to be she missed her simple humble life. He wished she had taken her sister up on that walk in the forest to collect herbs, though little did she know her sister priestess had been raped and killed in those woods, but she always dreamt of a different outcome then this. one that left her unchanged and as unrelenting as she had been at the very beginning.
Váli had indeed used her as a slave but always reminded her that she was Ragnar's and by beating upon her he was beating upon Ragnar. Váli held resentment toward Ragnar for reason Nerian did not ask or care. Below her pelt on her neck and shoulders bore scars though nothing that would show unless she was physically touched.
Nerian nodded and sighed, Truthfully, Ragnar, I can't return home because should Váli find me; he will finish what he started and he too will kill me. I can not bring death to the doorstep of the temple.
I am a giant target and you are the the safest place I can think of, because as you have said, you have always taken care of me, Neiran's lips quicker and she added this just to poke at him again, or perhaps chastise herself more, try and reign herself in If only you didn't lead me to sin then I might be alright.
Nerian’s words were enigmatic at best on the topic of ‘washing away her sins’ and the Viking’s brow furrowed as he considered them carefully, trying to find whatever hidden meaning lay within them. The only conclusion he could come to was that she was speaking of death.
Váli had not been like that. Björn, yes. Váli? No. Which left Ragnar to briefly ponder if they were even talking about the same wolf.
Nerian shook her head at him confused, and now the female was getting her tail in a knot, she didn't know coming here and seeing him would throw her into an internal fit. Sif told her that this was the right thing to do so she had just accepted that and moved to fullfill it. Maybe the she-wolf saw the longing somehow, or earnestly wanted the slave to escape the collapsing cove.
Tired of the endless questions she pressed her lips together firmly then spoke No Ragnar you will not kill me... They will at the temple, that would be the only way they would see fit to cleanse my sins, and so I can not return until I have found a way to absolve myself; that way I can live.
Ragnar continued to talk, she felt he talked to much and inquired on too many things
Ragnar, I will only ever do as you ask.
her freedom meant a lot to her, but her dedication to the tasks set before her meant even more. The desire awakened in her body twisted her guilt much worse then, she had dedicated her life to her temple and beliefs, why could she not control her body and thoughts anymore? was god testing her further? God must know she was nearest to her breaking point.
she lifted her foot, the limb trembling slightly in response to the stress or fear. Váli she turned her head and closed her eyes. Not able to reign in anymore emotion, Váli had enjoyed making her crumble, even now he could still do it.
He's different from when you left ... He'd have them kill everyone in the temple just to drag me back. He would kill me now... if only to get at you for leaving ... I think... I don't know. He's confusing there is no rhyme or reason. She didn't think any of these heathens had rhyme or reason to their actions, but Váli less so
She remained curled away from Ragnar, nearly cowering, she didn't lie. She couldn't lie and nor would she go through this much stress to offer him un-truths.
Please don't let him. Keep me safe Rangar.... I am more use to you alive
Ragnar eyed her with the frustration latent of two people that no matter how hard they tried seemed to fail at understanding one another.
If things had not happened how they had, if he had never have left the Cove he might have pursued her as a potential wife. She was not of his people, or his culture, but that had never stopped any of his kinsmen before. She was pretty, delicate and yet she had a resilience about her that he found admirable. But things had happened they way they had, and Ragnar’s heart belonged to Thistle. Nerian was given his affection because she was a good slave, a good “Christian” (not that he really understood what it meant to be one). And just like that she broke their brief eye contact but it had been enough for Ragnar to see.
Her body was cowering away from him, as if he were the one that might hurt her, but stubbornly the Viking drew nearer to her, and reached down to comfort her.
(May 20, 2014, 05:04 PM)Bazi Wrote: "I'll take requests, though. Salt water fish? Horizon Ridge sand? Maybe I'll send one of the newbies in to try their luck with that psychotic Viking wolf they've got prowling the borders.." Her expression suggested that this was said mostly in jest.
my eyes went wide and I said to myself SHI......... ugh... I’m so sorry
With her head still turned from him, her trembling started anew but this time not from fear but of withheld emotions. Her words bellied a strength she didn’t feel as she spoke yet again of a god he’d never understand I didn’t want that because I was happy with being a Cleric, a Priestess. Happy keeping myself whole, pure and untainted for a god that loves all beings through me..... She didn’t realized she had said was
Slowly she relaxed her upheld paw settled toward the earth, then Ragnar drew closer to her. “I will protect you, Priestess.” and finally the stoic wolf broke. When he touched her to comfort her he’d feel below her pelt raised scars, hidden by careful healing work on her skin and pelt. She turned he head into his shoulder and sobbed.
She cried because her feeling toward her god were mixed, she cried because for the things Váli had done to her, she cried becuase she wanted to lie to her body and her feelings. her tears wetted his pelt she felt useless and ruined, and broken soul so far from redemption that she would never again see ‘the light’ she cried becuase she wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t for he had left her there and she had suffered for it. in more ways then was mentionable.
Ragnar had long ago came to the conclusion that Nerian and him were never meant to understand each other’s ways, even if she tried and he, as well. He was curious about her life, her people, her God but he had used the information to raid again, to learn about them only to further gain himself and his Cove. It didn’t insinuate that he didn’t want to understand her because despite his failures he yearned too. How can you be happy with nothing? Essentially it was what she had had when he had found her: nothing; yet Ragnar bit that back because the question if it were to be spoken from betwixt his lips would only lead them, uselessly, around and around each other again. It got them no where. Tail lashed behind his haunches in frustration, black, leathery nostrils flaring as he inhaled and exhaled her scent as he had drawn closer.
For a moment Ragnar was absorbed in feeling the rises of skin beneath her pelt, the scars he could not see but now felt. Scars that he knew he had not given her. Váli. The name was like a hiss, a curse, a deadly promise as it writhed like a tangible and living thing within Ragnar’s mind. Gone, it would seem, was the good natured shadow of a younger brother Ragnar had once known. Now two brothers had betrayed him, and like Björn, Váli would pay for it with his life, some day. Ragnar did not hold grudges, yet he tried to believe in justice and punishment. Váli had committed crimes, defied the laws of their culture; laws that had been in place since their predecessors so many unfathomable years ago had founded Odinn’s Cove. It’s life as a pack was ending at the paws of a once good man. Ragnar was drawn from his thoughts, almost startled, when Nerian began to sob on his shoulder.
He could feel the cool kiss of her salty tears as they stained and dampened the fur there but the once Jarl did not move, did not speak. He simply let her cry there. Ragnar had never been good with tears — remained unsure how exactly to handle them and figured the best thing to do would be to let her cry them out of her. Ragnar was not a sentimental beast and even if he had wanted to say something to her, it would not have been with condolences. Ears, scarred and unscarred slicked back to his skull as his Priestess continued to cry upon him as he considered that keeping her his slave was in part, causing her to do this. To cry. While he might not have treated her like a slave was normally treated the title was still branded to her. And he did need her, he would need her help to branch off from Pump, eventually. He needed wolves that he trusted at his back, and he trusted Nerian.
She had given up trying to understand his religion, she was fully emersed in the world of these heathens, and she would eventually one day have to pull herself free if she could, but her strength for it wained and her desires ran elsewhere; though her words spoke nothing of the sort. Listening to her words one might believe she was a priestess even though she no longer called herself that. Not that she'd let Rangar know that, for that might mean he had won... won something over her. The 'something' wasn't anything she could put a paw on.
Slowly the tears stopped, years of suppressing emotions help her reign it all back in but not before she shuttered, her body and psyche needing that release. Sorry Ragnar was about all she could utter, aghast with herself and her actions, she pressed her body along side his and stood close, hip to hip shoulder the shoulder, well as much as they could since she was most definitely a smaller wolf, the cross upon her face shimmered with undried tears.
Nerian shifted to rest her cheek upon his cheek in a familiar fashion but one that didn't allow him to look into her eyes or see her face, in other words it hid her from him while keeping her close. Where do we go from here?
Quietly she steeled herself her posture reverting to a more natural state her body tightening as she prepared herself for yet another new world, though this one did seem less harsh then the cove...
A thought came to her then and she double his question back onto him What about you Rangar? you have been with many females, but do you not want to be loved by just one? Have a wife and raise children She had no clue he had indeed taken a wife, and further more she had no clue that this wife was fat with child.
The decadent feel of her small, decidedly female body against his as it always did, caused the Viking’s muscles to quiver beneath his coat of platinum silver at the woman’s touch. It had always been forbidden to him and that was why he relished in it now. Still, it was forbidden to him and though Ragnar understood and knew he should create a chasm of distance between them he could not bring himself too. Even if Nerian was not willing to admit it to him he was confident that she was vulnerable and that it was his job, as her master, to protect her while she was weak. To take care of her like he had always done — or rather like he had thought he had always done. The touch of her cheek against his was a subtle gesture, and the Viking’s black, leathery nostrils flared with his deep breath.
Her question, seemingly so simple, was one that Ragnar struggled with for a few moments. Where do we go from here? They could not be stuck in the past, and though Ragnar did not hold a grudge against his brother for the atrocities Váli had committed Ragnar would kill him plain and simple if he came anywhere near him.
Because their lives were ruled by fate. Pre-determined at their birth.
always with the sons huh? what if they are female would you love them just the same?
the moment the words left her mouth she regretted them. she closed her eyes and slicked her ears back; it was jealously that had gotten the best of her. that made her words usually measured; slip....
I’m sorry Ragnar, I meant not to speak in such manner she remained next to him but her body was tense she felt her shame burn to her skin, her cheeks reddened below her pelt. she was certainly glad she was pressed along side him rather then looking directly at him for she was certain if she were he’d just want to melt away,
Ragnar had never been one for beating around the bush so she decided to tell him, pressing herself tighter to him
I guess I grow jealous that a single female stole your heart, in truth I wanted it for my own though I know I should never have it with my god in my heart, I will always be torn and never a good wife as I’m sure she is
Nerian squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled strongly, words she never thought she’d speak aloud tumbled from her. and she wanted to stop them but she couldn’t. Were his gods testing him through her or was her god testing her though him? she’d have to meditate on the answer but for the moment frozen in this second she stood side to side with Ragnar afraid, dearly afraid to look upon his face.
Nerian’s question did not, despite the simple surprise that it had came from her, come as entirely unexpected. He had heard it many times, from many different wolves — male and female alike. It was not something he ever had to explain at the Cove, because of course, his kinsmen understood and had similar thoughts of their own.
Ragnar ignored her apology, and felt her body tense besides his before, strangely enough, it pressed tighter against his, until he could nearly memorize every womanly curve, the soft, pliant muscles beneath her coat. Her next words had the silver Viking silent as he listened, astounded by her bold words. Her …confession of what, her love for him? Was that what she was saying to him in too many words? Why? Seemed to float around his mind as he questioned, re-questioned and tried but failed to find a conclusion to Nerian’s confession — especially since he had just admitted to her that he had taken a wife and not only was he married, his wife was also pregnant. If Ragnar had known what Stockholm Syndrome was he might have pointed it out that she may have developed it.
The silver Viking drew in a deep breath, knowing that he could not just ignore it, and that if possible, he could not allow her to continue to feel love that would only remain unrequited by him. He felt something for her — affection certainly — but he had never viewed her as a potential wife because she had made it abundantly clear, over and over, that her husband would always be her God; and Ragnar did not want to compete with a deity he didn’t even believe in.
Ragnar could not have both women, Thistle had made that very clear upon accepting to be his mate and so he had been forced to choose. He did not want Nerian to entirely cut herself from his life, she was trusted, and a friend but he could never be to her what she wanted him to be. It was fate.
Nerian knew he'd love all his children the same, girl or boy, it mattered not because to his core Ragnar was an honourable male it wasn't hard to see why his 'god' had chosen him over others. She doubted that Ragnar was another jesus but he was close in his own minds eye for sure. That made her smile inwardly.
The grey and white bitch watched him go, perhaps it was Stockholm syndrome, that griped her. But it wasn't likely she'd take a mate, Ragnar or otherwise. She had no other feelings for any others, these heathens were just awful and weird in her mind. Ragnar was no better so why her body tingled around him and her desire spilled forth; had to be another reason.
She'd find the cure, some plants some sones, or some sort of prayer should be able to offer some cure. and she'd find it, if it killed her.
Nerian huffed and dropped her head toward the ground, Droping her facade proved perilous. She would have to make it up to Ragnar later, for now it seemed she scared him off.
Humm.... she thought to herself, there's a first for everything, a female throwing herself at Ragnar and he didn't accept. Was it her? or did he really forsake all other females.... hurting with rejection Nerian would have to investigate this somehow, perhaps she could find a female who would agree to tease Rangar, that was not a sin... unless he sinned then did she sin by proxy? Where was the head priest when she needed him.
Nerian gave herself a huge shake and growled softly she wouldn't forget herself like that again. She tipped her head back and stared up at the sky, and whispered God I have honoured every vow, So where are you now?
Nerian closed her eyes and steeled herself, tucking her emotions away in the neat little box in her mind she created for him, when she lifted her head again her expression was impassive, not many wolves got to know the real wolf behind her crossed face, and she was just find with that. she had a den to build since she had been told to stay and though she could use help Ragnar was no longer going to stick around to help her