Redhawk Caldera my toes is froze.

Eljay was afraid to touch the snow because he feared that it would send some snow crashing down upon him. He looked back at Lagan as he took care of the babies, feeling a wave of jealousy and sadness. It only intensified when mommy asked him to help dig out the deer carcass. He looked at her with a hurt and indignant look on his face, and it was clear that he was not happy with her decisions. Why was Lagan allowed to watch the pups and he was going to get frozen toes instead?

He looked back at his brother once more with sadness dripping off his face and then he turned to the task at hand, to uncover the food. He kept telling himself that this was also for the good of the pups, but somehow he just couldn't convince himself of it.

Watching the puppies was the only thing he seemed to be good at, and now Lagan had brought home a deer carcass and he was tasked with watching the puppies. It had been a while since Eljay had the feeling of incompetence creep up on him the way it did now — it was before Lagan and Liffey were born — and he felt a panic attack on the lurk. But when they were caved in like this it seemed like a totally dumb idea to have a panic attack, so he shouldn't. He really shouldn't.

Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.

He just kept repeating the mantra in his mind while he dug on while biting his lip, his tongue, whatever he could grab hold of to stop himself from having a complete breakdown while he gulped in the occasional whiff of air and thoughts raged freely in his mind. They didn't need him anymore, mommy didn't need him anymore, and what was he to do when they would realise he was really just a freeloader?

Breathe, breathe, just breathe.

If only Raven was here. She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do — and she had milk for the —

— Oh no, the pups. He frowned as he continued to dig, only hoping that the pups would do okay on solid food only. They were already eating it, he knew, but he also knew they had also been having milk so far. Were they old enough to go without milk? Why was he selfishly thinking about his own incompetence when there were far bigger things to worry about?

He just kept digging.