Sun Mote Copse and all the greedy souls just don't care to know

Weejay had only been back a few days, but avoided the general area she knew her grandparents were buried. She thought (and missed) @Elfie every day, but never more than she did in this moment. The last time she had dealt with death, he had been there to hold her up -- without him, she had no idea how to navigate any of it.

She wasn't alone -- @Eljay was hurting deeper and worse than her, and for a while, Weejay hadn't wanted to see him out of fear of reopening that world of hurt he was experiencing. After finally working up the courage to see her father, Weejay tentatively approached the den and ducked into the shadows. "Daddy..?" She dropped the ramshackle collection of flowers for Eljay at the entrance, peering in with a frown.

Most of his days were spent lounging around the rendezvous site. When Weejay had returned home, Eljay had held her for a long time, crying tears of happiness and feeling happy for the first time since his parents had died. He had not gotten angry at her, for his worries had grown beyond such petty things and her time alive had shown him he could not control her, even though he wanted only to keep her safe. But the timing was unfortunate, for she had just missed the period where he had been overbearing but holding up, and her return had coincided fairly with Niamh's birthing which had broken his resolve and had broken him down into a mess. He was truly happy when he got to hold his daughter again; it was almost as if he had received back a reason to live after losing everything that he still had.

Then, as Weejay had gone and had not come to see him much, it had not helped Eljay's mood much and the pain deepened again. He sometimes searched around just to make sure she was still in the Copse and hadn't gone again to the dangerous outside. It didn't do well to let it fester by being alone with his thoughts and seeing no reasons to exist anymore, but Eljay had no idea what else to do with it, either. How could he take away the pain, and moreover, the feeling of unbelonging that had settled so deeply within his soul?

The single word uttered breathed some life into him. As if awakening from a deep slumber, a single ear lifted and Eljay grumbled, Hrrmm? before turning his head towards the entrance of the den. Weej? he asked, even though he knew it was her, as he blinked against the outside world's light filtering into the den.

Weej knew her actions had hurt her father, and that more than anything had kept her at bay. She felt just awful causing him even more pain while he was dealing with another blow. She should be there besides him, she knew it.. but it didn't make it any easier.

Smiling as she caught sight of Eljay, Weejay butted his chin affectionately. "I got some flowers for grandma and grandpa, but these are for you. The others are outside.. Did you want to go with me to give to them?" Weejay couldn't bring herself to say 'to their graves', and winced as her words came out feeling stiff.

If there was anything or anyone that could put a smile on Eljay's face, it was certainly Weejay. He smiled affectionately as she touched his chin, a soft and small gesture that meant the world to him. When everything seemed to be collapsing Eljay was happy that he still had his little girl. She was so grown up now, he realised as she spoke to him about the flowers she was going to bring to mom and dad, and yet she would always be his baby girl. It was weird, though not a foreign concept to him, as he'd felt much the same with Raven's children and even his baby siblings that he had helped raise.

Every day he hoped that Elfie would return home so that amidst the shambles of his parents' deaths, at least he would still have his boy with him as well. He thought every day that maybe there was something he had done wrong, something he could've done to stop this from happening, and it was a harsh punishment every day, over and over again, only to result in the same answer -- I don't know. Some days the answer would be yes and some days it would be no, but most of the days it was in the grey and the only conclusion he could draw was that he just didn't know.

Thank you, sweetie, Eljay said with a nuzzle to Weejay's cheek as he looked at the flowers she brought. He nosed them and took in their fragrance, which made him feel a bit better. The smell of flowers reminded him of Weejay, because she loved them so much. They're beautiful.

Without answering verbally to Weejay's question, Eljay squeezed himself outside and he nodded at his daughter, silently asking her to lead the way.

Ready to ramble, Weejay's tail swayed back and forth as Eljay affectionately returned the gesture. She couldn't possibly know what her father was thinking, but for a moment her soft eyes laid upon him in full, trying her best to read whatever she could of his expression. Perhaps, to measure just how he truly was doing -- and whether it was all a facade while inside, the walls and plaster were crumbling.

She had her reasons for inviting Eljay outside -- she knew he had been hit harder than any of them, and she had also noticed the sorrowful listlessness that hung around him like a miasma. Maybe being out in the sunlight for a spell would chase all that gloom away.

"Great!" Weejay half-playbowed, already breezily leaving the den to show her father the pile of plants she'd found. "Okay - I thought this would be good for gramma --" She paused by the bundle, sorting out a bush of long green stalks. It didn't look like much, but Weejay knew when it bloomed it would be beautiful. "This is beargrass. It's small and unassuming but when it blooms it has thousands of flowers-- and they smell really pretty." She waited for an assessment, if any, before continuing. "And this would be good for grandpa -- it's balsamroot." She gingerly pulled out a thick tubercle, which had sheaths of leaves and no flowers yet. "When it blooms the flowers look like grandpas eyes -- and it's a very hardy, important plant. You can eat it -- it doesn't taste good -- but it also can help you treat wounds."

Weejay seemed exceptionally cheerful today, and it did Eljay well to see his daughter feel so good. He wished he could've provided her a better life -- alive mother, alive and present brother, living grandparents -- but it seemed that life had taken both of them out for a spin on that one. What was supposed to be the beginning of a good normal life for Weejay was also what was supposed to be the beginning of the good part of Eljay's life... And boy, had life laughed both of them in the face the last year.

So to see that despite all of the hardships she was doing so well did Eljay well, too. He nodded as Weejay mentioned which flowers were for mommy, explaining which flowers were which. He knew some of them, but not all of them; Eljay had never been good at remembering all of the flower names, and he was better at remembering the flowers that had healing properties than any of the others, too. It sounded like she'd put a lot of thoughts into the flowers she had picked, which broadened Eljay's smile. He was proud both of how thoughtful she was as a person and how well versed she had become in her plant studies.

It sounds like those are really good fit for both of them, Weej, he noted with a proud smile to his daughter.

Weejay did not fault Eljay for a single mishap in her life. As far as she was concerned, she was one of the lucky ones. She had a place to live, a full belly, a wonderful, doting father -- a pack.. While she missed her mother and her brother, Weejay was content with her lot in life here alongside Eljay.

Under her father's smile, Weejay seemed to bloom: her grin widened, and her tail began to wag back and forth happily. "I was hoping you'd like them." She scooped up both bundles (somewhat messily - Eljay might have to grab any dribbles dropped along the way) and began the trek to Elwood and Finley's graves.

She was silent until she came upon the fresh mounds. Here, her steps slowed. She placed the flowers in their respective places and stepped back with a heavy sigh. Buffeting her father gently on the shoulder, Weejay spoke. "Daddy..?" She searched his eyes for a minute before brushing her skull to his coat. "I love you. I don't say it enough, but I do."

your post so wholesome and sweet <3

He was starting to feel a little better, now. Someone who would look at him might still think he looked like trash, but these little moments with his daughter made Eljay feel that he still had something to live for. He nodded when she said that she had hoped he would like them. It didn't hit him so consciously, but subconsciously it was another affirmation that he mattered and that someone needed him and that the world wasn't better off without him.

As they moved to the graves in silence, Eljay did pick up the fallen flowers along the way. He wasn't sure what to talk about. His steps were heavy and he didn't like coming here. It was a confirmation of their.. gone-ness, he supposed. Eljay put down the flowers that he'd picked up along the way at the graves and he smiled softly at Weejay. Sadness in his gaze, thinking of his departed parents, but love for his daughter.

After a gentle nudge Weejay said his name -- well, not really his name, but something better -- and she sounded so serious yet sweet. Eljay looked at her -- hm-mm? -- and then she said it. Eljay looked surprised at first -- he didn't really remember anyone telling him this except his parents. maybe Wiffle? but even that he didn't remember that vividly, and certainly he didn't remember anyone telling him this in such a heart-felt way -- and then just smiled. His eyes shimmered with emotion and he held back tears that displayed how touched he was. I love you too, sweetie. He wasn't sure what else to say, but everything in his being -- from his shining eyes to his body language to the soft smile on his face -- showed what the statement did to him.

<333

Weejay would never agree her daddy looked like trash, or anything resembling it. As they marched along, she felt much of the same trepidation Eljay did about returning to her grandparent's graves. It was a constant reminder they were truly, irrevocably gone -- and that no matter what, nothing would bring them back.

She supposed the best thing to do then was to honor their memory. To love and to think of them often. To live on as they might have done, and to cause small ripples of goodness in this otherwise calamitous world. Her daddy may have been momentarily taken aback by the baldness of her tone, but Weejay was quick to follow up with an affectionate nudge -- she would always be his baby girl, and he would always be her favoritest daddy -- nothing, not death or demise or decay, could ever take that from them.

"I think they would like it." Weejay commented as she observed their handiwork -- two freshly transplanted plants demarking their graves. "I bet they're looking down at us, hoping we do some good in this life -- and when our time is over here, they'll be the first to greet us on the other side."

After placing the flowers Eljay stood back to admire the work. It was strange being here, but it was also good in some way. Perhaps in some way it made him feel as though he was processing it, but in another it felt as if all the grief just returned whenever he was here. It was a strange and delicate balance to exist in. As if he was in a whole different place for just a moment.

Eljay nodded when Weejay said that she thought they'd like it. Yeah, he said quietly and contemplatively at that. Eljay smiled at her words. He wasn't too sure where anyone went after they died. It was a nice thought that his parents were still looking at him and Weejay from somewhere, hoping they'd do good. He wasn't entirely sure what 'good' was -- it had always been a tricky thing to think about, and for the longest time Eljay had felt as though he was a big disappointment to his parents because he seemed to just make their life infinitely difficult -- but he supposed that he was trying his best, and couldn't do more than his best, anyway.

He was silent for the longest time before he eventually said: That's a nice thought. A soft smile rested on his face as he wondered when his daughter suddenly had become so grown up, and how wise she was and how proud he was of her.

Weejay hoped this enterprise was cathartic for her father. She knew he was hurting, and she didn't know how to fix it. It felt both good, and sad, for her to be here too -- but in a small way, it helped to be doing something to remember her grandparents.

She knew nothing would repair the hole that had been ripped in Eljay's heart, and no amount of good in this world would ever fill it in either; but if Weejay knew anything, she knew that the tincture of time was the best healer. She just hoped in the meantime, Eljay did not beat himself up too much.

Her father was silent for what seemed an interminable length of time. Weejay didn't mind; she was quiet too. She was thinking of her grandparents and wondering if the journey from life to death had been painful, and if she would ever see them again. Such topics were difficult to think about and tied her tongue. Eventually, after Eljay spoke, Weejay chimed in: "But we're still here, and that's what matters. I'll always be here - you can't get rid of me!! I'm like the weeds in a garden." Weejay grinned and butted her father fondly. "You can nip at me, but I'll always come back."

With a lot of wolves Eljay felt awkward when there was silence between them, but with Weejay he never felt that way; much like he had with Wildfire, and a handful of other wolves in his life. It was nice to just exist together while thoughts came and went, even if most of those thoughts were painful right now. But knowing that Weejay was here for and with him and knowing that his parents might look at them and be happy somewhere, wherever they were now, that was good. He wondered where dead wolves went... Maybe knowing they were someplace good would help. But there was no knowing where they were now, and so there was no knowing if it was a good place.

Eljay chuckled when Weejay said that she was like the weeds in the garden. He nuzzled the top of her head fondly as she said that; it meant a lot to him. Elfie's wanderlust had taken him away and possibly even killed him, before Eljay and he had ever come to see eye to eye, truly... But Weejay was still here. He was glad for that, though at times he wondered if he didn't restrict her too much by needing her so much in his life, now that she grew older. Even though she'd always be his baby, even Eljay could see that she was growing more into an adult every day. I wouldn't say you're like the weeds... I would rather say you are like the most beautiful flowers in the garden, Eljay said with a soft smile. The kind that are too good to pluck out, because you want to keep hem near.

Weejay didn't mind their shared quiet either. It might have seemed strange, but she almost felt like she was in a thought-river besides her father: that his and her thoughts were the currents flowing together, and the quiet was simply a peaceful lull between the troubles of the real world.

Her ears splayed as he nuzzled her, grinning wildly at his soft rebuttal. Oh, she could be as persistent as a weed if it so suited her. "Daddy!! You are just saying that because I am your little girl." Weejay's tone was playfully accusatory, her tail bobbing. "But, maybe we're both pretty flowers in a garden that are too pretty to pick up." She stood back and inspected her father, closing one eye and then the next as she did so. "You would make a very good sunflower! They start small but grow tall; they are always watching the sun, moving with the light -- and they look unassuming when budding, but are beautiful in bloom."

A chuckle parted as Weejay seemed outraged at his compliments. Eljay smiled softly as she returned and elaborated the compliment and suggested that were both beautiful flowers.

Sunflowers. Eljay wasn't that good at the names, but he was pretty sure he had the right ones in mind. Aw... That's a sweet thought. So then, what flower would my little girl be..? he wondered out loud, the smile still on his face.

"They're the big ones -- they're always looking for the sun, no matter what happens." Weejay caught her father wasn't quite sure which it was she referred to, so she kept on. "Even after a storm, they're always looking ahead. They're strong, and they grow tall -- and they feed thousands of birds when they bloom and die." Morbid, maybe, but beautiful in Weej's eyes.

What kind of flower would she be? Hmm. Weej tapped her chin with a blunt claw. "Maybe I wouldn't be a flower. Maybe I'd be like a spruce tree. Small but steady, and growing and growing. I could shelter all the animals, and feed the birds and squirrels. I'd be around rain or snow, wind or sunshine. Or.. I guess if I had to be a flower.. I'd be a little wildflower, like a blanket flower! They're just like sunflowers, but smaller."

Eljay nodded as Weejay elaborated. It was a nice description, even though he often did not feel that he was that good at getting back up after going through a storm. There was some sort of strength to the sentiment though, whether Weejay actually thought that he was that way or whether she used it as a self fulfilling prophecy of some sort -- it made Eljay feel stronger to know that that was how she thought about him. It showed that he was feeling just a little tidbit more positive because of it.

Weejay, however... She elaborated that she would maybe be a spruce tree, and once more her description was spot on. Eljay smiled as he nodded. A spruce tree. Yeah, that seems to fit. Though you can always be my little sunflower, too. Whatever flower Weejay would be, she was beautiful in his eyes.

want to wrap this soon? i'd love another set before or after the move where they discuss the move <3

<3

Eljay's little sunflower beamed. I could, but if you made me mad I will drop raindrops and PINES ON YOU! Weejay joked, already feeling a bit more positive. Things didn't always have to be so bad; they were together, and that was what mattered right?

"So, I think Wraen is those vines that grow on trees. Flexible and able to weather anything.. And Towhee is lichen, that grows on rocks -- tougher than anything and resilient. And Niamh would be nettle, pretty to look at but sharp.. And Phox would be evergreens, like me ... and..." Weejay's voice faded off as she rattled each of the Firebirds, happy in that moment that she and Eljay could share a quiet afternoon together.