Dragoncrest Cliffs you taught me the courage of stars

i figure might as well make this a counselor thread for you. (also, eske has a lot of suppressed issues LMAO) ;P

It is all so new to her and she tells herself it is natural for her to be worried about if she can do a good job; for it is not quite insecurity ( for Eske has always been confident ) so much as it is that she was never meant to be a leader, regardless of how temporary it was. She was not trained for it, not groomed. She was a born valkyrja — as her mother before her. Shalon’s question has Eske’s lips pulling terse as she contemplates it. “I don’t know,” Eske admits, inhaling deeply and letting it out. She can see how it doesn’t exactly make sense. “It didn’t seem like an important thing to ask her.” By all account Dio acting in Thuringwethil’s stead would have made more sense …from what Eske could see. Regardless, she did not question the Commander’s decision. There was a reason for it, whatever that reason may be. “That is a question for when she is better.” The ice cold knot of fear for her Commander in Eske’s stomach only tightens but she tells herself that it is just an illness and that the Commander is strong. She will win her fight. She has to.

There is a soft chuckle from the warrior’s lips of incredulity when Shalon compliments her leading ability. Definitely not words that Eske ever thought she would hear, if only because leading had been Freyja’s thing; the golden child. Eske was just the feral child with aggression issues; and in many ways, Eske had hated Freyja for that. For being perfect. Now Eske hated her for many different reasons but she knew that without that drive, without that resentment and the rivalry that Eske would not have came as far as she had. She was the youngest to have earned the rank of Cheka that she was aware of, and before Heda fell ill she was close to Wanlida. “Those are words I never thought I’d hear,” The Drakru admits wryly. “I had a sister once, Freyja; when we were growing up she’d been groomed for Fleimkepa… but she threw everything away for an outsider boy. Turned her back on us and betrayed us.” Whether the betrayal part was strictly true or not Eske wasn’t sure but it was how she took Freyja’s leaving: as betrayal and it was not anything Eske could never forget or forgive. “It’s a bit ironic for me to hold the rank she coveted, regardless of how temporary.” Eske admits with a bitter laugh.

She isn’t sure why she is confiding this in Shalon — a woman she barely knows. There is just …something she feels is trustworthy about her despite that they barely know one another ( a far cry from the hostility Eske showed during their first meeting ).