lose control to feel alive

The morning was cool, crisp and fair, though summer had long since passed them and they had likely been in Fall for at least a month, probably two now. October brought with it the the precipice of winter though the days were much warmer than they would soon become as the snows came in. By what was likely sheer luck — because it certainly wasn't his ability to charm others that had gotten him in — Sumayl had a pack to call home, however tentative that word still was. Home was supposed to be where the heart was, or at least that was how the old saying went yet it wasn't to that level, just yet. Currently, it was a rudimentary dug bachelor den, a place of companionship and a full stomach. They took care of him by allowing him in their ranks (because he wasn't valuable to them — not yet, anyway) and he took care of them by making sure the caches were filled some something twice a day and by running patrols along the borders. His primary focus was the Gameskeeper trade, though Warden was what he had his eye on as a secondary trade. The golden Ostrega wove his way easily through the oasis of trees that took over the bottom half of mountain, stopping at the first cache he came across.

Sumayl had began developing a certain routine to his days, rarely taking the time to break from it to socialize like he realistically knew he should have been. So far, he'd only met Vienna and Jace of whom he had not started off on the right paw with through no one's fault but his own, admittedly. Sumayl wasn't used to having to curb his confrontational personality, neither was he particularly fond of being scolded for cursing like a sailor when he'd done it since the moment his foster parents had let him viably get away with using such vulgar vocabulary. Sumayl had some issues to work out with the Beta Male — likely that went both ways. There was a logical part of Sumayl knew that getting off on the wrong foot with the Beta Male hadn't been the smartest decision, but if Jace had truly had any sort of problems with him he could have just as easily turned Sumayl away.

Claws dug at the softened soil, only made so from the upheaval of the cache's cover daily, and poked his nose in when he'd reached the treasure of meat hidden by it. None of it smelled rotten, and he lifted his head to study the cache. It seemed alright currently though he figured to make up for the fact that it didn't need anything added to it this morning he'd check it at noon again just to be double sure. Sumayl covered the cache back up, patting the dirt meticulously back into place before he turned away from it and headed deeper into the heart of The Sunspire, intending on finding some quick breakfast before he truly began his day.

Jace continued his daily patrols, only he added small hunting parties into that space. He still had a while to go before he was completely up to his former glory. But at least he was catching things now, and he was able to run in the mornings again. Something he had missed entirely too much. He had started to notice the new wolf Sumayl's scent heavy and think upon the borders and he secretly cheered for his sisters instincts. She had done well, chosen well for their pack.

The two of them both Sumayl and Jace had stepped on each other's toes when they had met. However, Jace was willing to look past that, forgive and forget. Because simply put they needed warm bodies, and willing hearts. Besides that his sister was clearly taken with the male, and he wasn't about to make her mad at him, for mistreating someone. A weakness that if found out, he could be in a lot of trouble. There was no one in the world who gained so much favor as his sister.

As Jace headed towards the borders, a full belly already since he had woken at Dawn. He happened upon the male wolf Sumayl and chuffed to let him know he was there. He'd stop and chat if the other wanted or he would continue on.

It didn't occur to Sumayl that perhaps largely the reason why he hadn't founded himself on the trial of continuing to look for a pack was because of Vienna until now, as he examined it. Sumayl assumed that her brother was a capable of Beta and could make applicable judgment calls but Jace had mentioned that he trusted Vienna's instincts, and though Sumayl didn't know Vienna very well (yet) he couldn't help but feel that seeing her disappointed would not have been something he wanted to witness. She was full of such life, optimism and energy that to imagine her upset was almost disturbing to the Ostrega. He wasn't sure why, but Sumayl liked her smile and bubbly optimism too much to ever want to intentionally upset her. The golden outlaw didn't dare examine why he cared so much about a woman he barely knew and had just recently met but there was really no sense in denying the fact that he was quite (and quickly) smitten with her. She had swept him (literally) off his feet, after all upon their first meeting, was anything less then being smitten with Vienna expected?

A chuff, the deep baritones telling Sumayl the fellow pack mate that had stumbled across him was male, penetrated the sleepy tunes of the birds, alerting Sumayl to the fact that he was no longer alone. Technically, he wasn't alone at all when he was in pack lands, but even so, he turned, golden gaze sweeping his surroundings, stopping when they landed upon his companion. An ironic little smirk tugged at the edges of Sumayl's lips, wondering if he had some sort of psychic ability he wasn't aware of and had unintentionally summoned Vienna's over-protective brother with his thoughts. Sumayl understood that this meeting could go one of two ways: either they could get off on a better foot than they started with or it could go horribly awry and without Vienna present as a mediator it might not, if that was the path it took, end prettily. Sumayl, however, wanted to make an effort to be civil with Jace as long as the other man didn't proceed to chide him as if he were nothing more than a small child. “Hey,” Sumayl greeted the higher ranked male with a slight bow, recognizing Jace's position as Beta Male. Sumayl might have been uncouth and confrontational but he didn't presume to break ranks like some sort of heathen.

Jace was not sure yet how he would handle males sniffing around his sister. Hadn't even thought of it, but since the day he met Sumayl. He found himself wondering about it, and if he would survive it. Because he was very afraid he just might kill the man, any man who sniffed at his sister crooked. He knew it really wasn't his place to worry about it, she was an adult. He just worried about her so much. She was just so full of enthusiasm,and he knew very well how badly love could hurt. He did not want her optimism to be tampered out by another wolf.

Jace drew closer and dipped his muzzle in greeting. Hello Sumayl. Settling in well I hope? He stood looking at the other with deep blue eyes, studying and learning about him if he could. Listen I wanted to apologize further for perhaps offending you when I grumbled at you about swearing in front of my sister. So I'm sorry. He shifted his weight, I was just always taught you don't swear in front of a lady and I try to follow that, but normally I can singe your fur myself.

Sumayl tucked his thoughts of an upset Vienna away. In truth, he had no reason to really care aside from that she was a fellow pack-mate. Despite not having a reason it didn't change the fact that he did, in some small measure care. Though it wasn't for any deeper reason than he liked her. Which didn't have any hidden annotations behind it. Sure, he found Vienna aesthetically pleasing but one would have to be homosexual, blind, or related to her not too see the degree of her beauty; but Sumayl wasn't the type to hide his feelings or opinions on such things. Subtly wasn't the golden Ostrega's style. Mostly because he wasn't very good at being subtle. Sumayl still wasn't sure what he thought of Jace, still trying to feel the Beta Male out. Given first impressions it seemed that they wouldn't get along very well — which wasn't overly promising considering he had yet to actually meet the Alpha of The Sunspire yet. If Sumayl had thought that there was any kind of chance at a budding friendship he might have asked the other male to call him “Suma” since the shortened version of his name had been what his siblings and foster family had called him. Formality was decidedly best currently.

“Well enough,” Sumayl responded to Jace's question, idly wondering if he'd get snarled at about something else today. Perhaps being chided only irritated the Ostrega because he wasn't a child and henceforth didn't need to be reprimanded like one. Neither was Vienna a child, and she did not need to be coddled like one. Sumayl understood the desire to protect your baby sisters but as an older brother there came a point when you had to accept that they weren't babies but full grown women who would become cultured and who would have men interested in them. How else were they supposed to settle down and have children if they didn't “date”. There was a fine line, to Sumayl, being appropriately protective and then being annoyingly over-protective. “Not everyone can or has the desire to be a weekday Saint.” Especially not Sumayl. He'd never had a filter between his mouth and brain and that was all apart of his rugged charm. He wasn't a gentleman and he had no intentions of masquerading as one. “I know you're the Beta and there are repercussions for talking to you freely and all but you really shouldn't push your beliefs and teachings upon others,” Everyone was entitled to their own opinions and ways of doing things. In truth, right and wrong was only a personal belief and it varied for everyone. “I was raised differently than you, and if Vienna has a problem with my uncouth mouth then I'm sure she'd tell me.” The golden Outlaw and the ebony cloaked Beta couldn't be more different and Sumayl didn't enjoy being forced to watch his mouth just because the other believed he should when Sumayl had never been forced to watch it before. If the world was ideal everyone would act the same way but it wasn't ideal and Jace could threaten him all he wanted but Sumayl wasn't going to confirm to Jace's ideal just because the other male wanted him too.

Even if many did not believe it, Jace did not go about snarling at everyone all the time. Most of the time he was actually considered pretty nice, aloof maybe and a bit closed off, but not mean or rude. Though if you asked Scimitar from the Creek he'd probably call him some pretty colorful language himself. And Jace knew he could be an ass, he knew it and he didn't care usually.

Jace turned ears forward and listened quietly, not saying anything. If he had been privy to the other's thoughts he would have laughed outright, especially given the fact that Vienna was the older of the two by about 40 minutes. Jace chuckled Did I ever say I was a saint? I assure you the saintly one is my sister. Jace listened but didn't say anything. He was a little irritated at the conversation, but he also agreed that everyone was entitled to their own thoughts and opinions even if he didn't like them. I assure you as long as you don't outwardly Challenge me or pick a fight with me I'll listen to you if you have a problem. Though I do have a bit of a hot temper, more than a bit actually. he mused quietly the last part. His temper was actually volatile and dangerous on the best of days. She might, but she also might not. In case you haven;t noticed my sister does not like to stir the pot. I assure you I will probably get a dressing down next time she sees me.

Jace's disposition was very different from his sister's, Sumayl had observed during the short time that he'd known them. “No,” Thought the outright rage at Sumayl dropping vulgar words in casual conversation — which was something that the golden Ostrega just did — definitely gave a “weekday saint” sort of vibe to Sumayl. The Ostrega didn't speak his mind on the matter of Jace having a temper, which as a Beta wasn't an appealing quality to Sumayl. Getting mad at subordinates because they dropped a lesser curse word in conversation and giving them the distinct feeling that they were being threatened, all the while knowing that Jace was the Beta and there was nothing they could logically do without the very real possibility of being kicked out was not a trait that he necessarily wanted in leadership. Sumayl held his tongue, however, knowing that if he did speak his mind being kicked out was an outright given. It wasn't particularly easy but he managed it. In hindsight, it was a little hard for Sumayl to wrap his head around the fact that Jace and Vienna were related because the two of them couldn't be more different. They were like literal day and night in sibling form.

“Eh,” Vienna might not have liked to stir the pot so to speak but Sumayl had a hard time seeing that if something was happening that she didn't like, that she wouldn't say something. Of course, that was a big judgment to make considering he barely knew her at all. In the long run: Jace knew her better. Not knowing what to say Sumayl settled for a simple shrug of his shoulders.

Jace had not been enraged at all, when he had spoken of the casual way with which the other had said such crude words. If he had been enraged there would be blood on the ground. It had been mostly annoyance, but he couldn't control what another thought or felt about him, and frankly he didn't care. Jace may have had a temper, but he was learning to control it, and in his defense if he had to make one. When he had been given such a position, he had been the only quantifiable wolf for it.

Jace chuckled but not in mirth. No it was more of a nervous chuckle. You really don't like me do you? it was clear from the monotonous voice and the body language that Sumayl could not wait to get away from him. It hurt his pride a little bit, while at the same time he wanted to make it better, mostly for his sister's sake. Look what can I do to make you realize i'm really not going to bite your head off for swearing or what have you? I wasn't honestly trying to be mean, I was merely just I don't know being a little more protective than I needed to be I guess. I'm terrible at interpersonal relations truthfully, but i'll try and fix it if i can.

Confronting others had always been easy for Sumayl, who had learned to be loud from a young age if he ever wanted anyone to pay him any attention. He was the third born in a litter of four, and one of seven after the death of his parents and the alpha pair had taken him and his siblings in as foster children. Sumayl played rough and tough, and took charge because for mostly all of his life he'd had too if he didn't want to be utterly forgotten in the long run; and Sumayl was not the type of wolf that one simply ignored. In a psychological break down of his personality he was the way he was because he wanted to be remembered, he wanted attention. To be forgotten would be...devastating; and if any time in his life he would have allowed anyone to forget him he understood that it wouldn't have been on purpose. Seven little ones was a lot to handle for anyone. Luckily, for Sumayl's pride he'd never allowed anyone to forget him in the crowd. His behavior had often painted him as the oldest, viciously vying to be the most dominant against his siblings, establishing the puppy hierarchy without mercy. He was the youngest boy but that didn't mean anything in the terms of being acknowledged as such.

Sumayl's golden eyes rested on the Beta male when Jace spoke, inquiring as to his assumption that Sumayl didn't like him much. For a long stretch of a moment Sumayl was silent, contemplating the way that he could word it. In a way, Sumayl felt that by not liking Jace he lessened any sort of plausible chances he may (or may not have) had with Vienna as a friend ...and if Sumayl was being entirely honest, maybe something more than a friend. There was nothing quite like feeling that you needed someone else's approval, and in the case, if Sumayl decided to pursue his attraction to Jace's sister, seeing if it could be something more than fleeting attraction, there was little doubt that Jace's approval or disapproval might strongly influence ...everything. It wasn't like Sumayl could go over his head to their father, either, if, theoretically (at this point) he decided to take a chance on it. “I don't you enough to know if I like, or don't like you,” Sumayl spoke, breaking his silence, speaking honestly. Sumayl was nothing if not logical and he didn't usually base his ultimate opinions of others off of first impression alone, for the most part.

“By not growling at me for it, and for not leaving me with the impression that if I swear in front of your sister again you're going to eat my face off,” Jace had asked, and Sumayl assumed that it meant he could speak freely. Even if it cost him. Earning a demotion so soon after joining the pack wasn't, exactly, ideal but it wasn't like he couldn't earn his way back up, even if demoting Sumayl for discussing his concerns with Jace regarding Jace would have been seen as petty. And a petty leader didn't have what it took to make a good leader. “I have sisters and I get it. You want to keep Vienna safe, but you can't protect her from the world,” Sumayl hedged forth carefully, choosing his words carefully. “She's a fully grown woman,” A fact that Sumayl had no issue appreciating. “And I get that I'm the kind of guy that you really don't want your sister around,” Sumayl would probably have a heart attack if a guy like him was sniffing around one of his sisters, which made him sound really hypocritical. Figuring he probably criticized Jace enough to get his ass booted from the pack, Sumayl fell silent.

Jace was literally the complete opposite of the wolf that stood before him. He did not do his best to be seen, he actually much preferred being the child at the back of the class so to speak, with his head down and his headphones on. No one knew him, no one talked to him and he liked it that way. However, he also believed in duty and loyalty and he also would not do anything half assed. So, that had gotten him more recognition and the reason he had all his trades. He was cursed he supposed, he would always stand out, not only was he a wolf with blue eyes, but he was also a wolf who never settled for less than perfect in his duties.

Jace chuckled and then spoke quietly Can we have a compromise perhaps? I promise I won't snap or growl at you in anyway, if you promise to at least try to watch what you say when we are both around my sister at least? I can't condemn you for it and I shouldn't have to begin with, because there are times when even I am a little angry or frustrated that i swear. I can think of one female that often heard me cursing everything and everyone, she brought both the worst and the best out in me. he grew quiet. Talking of Leaf was still very painful, and he missed her like a dull ache all the time.

Jace stared at him for a moment and then he spoke softly It goes without saying that I will rip you apart if you hurt my sister, but honestly Sumayl My sister can take care of her self, she is a very good fighter even if she doesn't look like it. She had to be, being both my sister and my father's daughter. So I worry yes, but I also know that if I am not around she can take care of herself. You are right she is a full grown woman, but she is still my sister too.

Sumayl was quiet though this was mostly because he simply lacked the knowledge of what to say. Facing someone that he didn't know well enough to like or dislike, and being straight forward and honest with despite that Sumayl's opinion, more than likely, wasn't going to be what Jace wanted to hear (or rather this was what Sumayl assumed) surely wasn't going to end well for the golden Ostrega. Clearly, lacking a filter between his brain and his lips was not something that he should have been encouraging within himself. Even so, Sumayl didn't make a habit of lying. He didn't want to be lied too, and going off the old saying of “treat others how you wish to be treated” was the moral that the Ostrega had decided to follow in this situation. Jace was the Beta Male of the pack. He held power. Enough power to make Sumayl's life a living hell if he turned out to be petty enough to not be able to take criticism. Even so, if that was the case Sumayl wouldn't idly sit by and let himself be treated as such, if theoretically it should ever happen. Power didn't belong to those who could not listen to the concerns of their subordinates, and if a leader responded with pettiness than they deserved to be usurped, in Sumayl's personal opinion. Granted, being told that someone disagrees with something that you couldn't help but do sucks but Sumayl's theory to life was if there was no room for criticism then there was no room for improvement. No one was perfect. Not even Sumayl, he allowed, despite that his narcissism sang a very different tune.

“I'm not a child, you don't have to tell me anything unless it directly impacts the whole of the pack,” Sumayl didn't need Jace to raise him, and Jace's sentence of “I shouldn't have too” insinuated that Sumayl should do what he's told because Jace was telling him too. “You're the Beta. Not my parent,” Perhaps Sumayl misunderstood, or perhaps the other male should have chosen his words more carefully. “Is this a pack or a dictatorship? You can't tell your members to stop swearing simply because you don't like it. Or you don't think your sister shouldn't be exposed to such illicit words,” Sumayl was likely shooting himself in the foot. He understood this, but what was the worse that would happen? He would be chased out? It wasn't like The Sunspire was the only pack in the vast Wilds.

Sumayl was silent at Jace's threat of ripping him apart if he hurt Vienna, not having anything to say on the matter, really. His focus was to try to get it through to Jace that he couldn't alter the personalities of his pack members just because he didn't like something about them. That was how Sumayl took Jace's words, whether his interpretation was right or wrong.

Jace was not a petty being and usually he took criticism easily enough. There were times where he didn't deserve it and he usually would get upset then, but for the most part he was okay with different things. He fought hard to be an easy going male, for the simple fact that his temper was hair trigger and he did not wish to cause problems.

Jace finally had enough and a small growl worked it's way up from his throat, merely a warning. I misspoke clearly, and I apologize but you do need to mind your tone please. You may not like what i say or how i say it, but respect should be given where respect is due. What I meant was that I shouldn't have said anything, not that I shouldn't have to say anything. And did I say in anyway that you were a child Sumayl? I think not.

Jace was irritated at this point, he hadn't meant for his words to come off as they did and the upstart in front of him had taken them out of complete context. This was why he hated talking to others, gods why did he even say anything. He should have just stayed away from Sumayl all together.

I feel like I shouldn't enjoy Sumayl's personality as much as I do, lol. xD

The ebony Beta let loose a small growl at Sumayl, a clear warning that caused Sumayl's golden gaze to harden. “I can't just assume that you misspoke,” Sumayl defended himself lightly. He wasn't sorry for taking it the wrong way, when it hadn't, really, as far as Sumayl cared, been his fault. Tone had a lot to do with it, and when it came to others, words had to be watched carefully. Sumayl steeled his shoulders, nostrils flaring with well concealed agitation when Jace then further went on to parent him, telling him that he needed to watch his tone. That goes both ways. After all, Sumayl was a subordinate, not a child. He had barely liked it when his foster parents had reprimanded him — on that rude childish kick for a bit that they weren't his real parents — and certainly didn't like it when another adult told scolded him for something as stupid and insignificant as swearing and his “apparent tone”. “So I should let you treat me like I'm your child then? Reprimanding me for swearing when I'm a fucking adult and can say whatever I goddamn please, and for telling me that you shouldn't have to condemn me for swearing in the first place, like I should automatically just not do it because it's not nice.” Sumayl's own temper, mild as it was, had begun to rise and he was past the point of caring.

“Perhaps you should learn how to speak to others, then,” Sumayl spoke simply, fighting the urge to hiss the words. Right, because getting into a fight with your Beta was a great start to ...everything. But if Jace, or Amekaze was going to kick him out what the hell did it matter? And there was nothing that said, if he did get kicked out, that he couldn't still do things with Vienna. Sumayl wasn't as concerned about it as he knew he should have been. He liked The Sunspire, had even began scouting herds for them, filling their caches, and integrating himself as apart of their pack but obviously this testosterone fueled tension with Jace wasn't going to work out. And in the reality of things: it wasn't as if losing him was going to hurt them any. Packs tended to be like that: lose one, replace it. It was as simple as that.

He made no difference to them. He was just a loudmouthed, sardonic piece of the clockwork that they could replace with something much more obedient and “yes sir, sorry sir” kiss ass; because clearly (to Suma) that was what was wanted. “No but it came across as being implied.” No one had to come right out and say something for it to be taken as an implication, Sumayl thought with a soft snort, watching Jace with tense trepidation, imagining only the worse scenarios because it was what Sumayl had came to expect from his behavior.

Jace had enough and he let lose a growl and stepped forward daring Sumayl to take his attitude and shove it further in his face. I don't treat anyone like a child unless they deserve it and trust me Sumayl I would be nicer to a child. I don't give a flying fuck where you came from or what you've done. But what I do care about is how you treat others, and clearly you're a selfish prick who thinks he has to be right all the time, but please by all the gods in heaven correct me if i'm wrong do it once. You may not like me, hell you may not even respect me, but you better damn sure act like you do at least a little bit before I take a piece of your mother fucking hide with me and watch you run away like a bitch. I was trying to be nice to you and yea I'm not very good at talking I already told you that, yet you still continue to sit there and get upset with me, when all i was doing was to clear the air. You're the one who clearly has a stick up his ass, and from where I'm standing it seems like no matter what I say you're going to take it badly and act all ass hurt about it. I don't care if you swear obviously, and I shouldn't have growled at you for it around my sister it was an automatic reaction, and clearly it hurt your feelings, and I was trying to correct my mistake, but obviously you're determined to continue to condemn me for it and my lack of personal skills where speech is concerned. I wanted to like you wanted to get along with you, but clearly that's not going to happen today. So i'm going to leave you for now, cool off and try this again another day maybe. All I gotta say is you're lucky my sister saw something in you cause at this moment I sure don't see it. Then with that the beta growled again and tilted his head, He turned to walk away, but kept a weather eye on the male behind him in case he decided to rip into his hide, he would rue the day he ever tried though.

Jace shook his head, he wasn't about to condemn another wolf to a life of lone wolf, simply because he didn't get along with him. AS far as Jace knew he was the only one that didn't get along with the ass hat named Sumayl. He shook his head and walked away, because that was all he could do. He would find both Vienna and Amekaze though and tell them about this, because clearly he needed to. And for a few days he'd stay as far away from the male as he could, because if he didn't he just might fly off the handle, and he didn't want too.

I'll have this archived. <3

When Jace ghosted forward, letting out another growl Sumayl knew he was tempting fate, as if he hadn't before, but found that despite that he knew he should have been: he wasn't afraid of Jace. There wasn't anything Jace could do to him that he hadn't already expected and in all honestly the only thing that would potentially hurt Sumayl from being kicked out of The Sunspire was losing the initial closeness to Vienna. Even then, that wasn't a huge deal. As far as Sumayl could see it was the Beta that was acting like a child, throwing threats around casually as to what he was going to do to Sumayl if the golden Ostrega didn't bow down and kiss his ass. Sumayl had no respect for wolves who threw threats around in his face, and presumed that if everyone didn't do what they did (ie not swearing) then they were wrong and should be growled at for it; and currently all Sumayl saw was Jace throwing around his power, knowing that he could say whatever he wanted to Sumayl and get away with it but let Sumayl say something back and well...the display currently happening was the result. “Maybe I would if you stopped threatening me every time I turn around just because you're the Beta and don't like what I have to say,” Sumayl had been trying to work his problems out with Jace but typical of most leaders the other man didn't like what Sumayl had to say. It was instinct to deny what you didn't want to see about yourselves but someone had to do the dirty job. “Threatening your subordinates isn't professional, you know.” Actually, it only made Sumayl's opinion of Jace lessen.

“It didn't hurt my feelings,” Sumayl laughed. Sure, it had pissed him off being chided like a small child, but hurt his feelings? Nah. There was nothing Jace could do to hurt Sumayl's feelings. That would involve letting Jace in under the tough exterior Sumayl had developed since a young age and that wasn't ever going to happen. Sumayl let out a small snort and watched as Jace walked off, presumably to tattle on him for being a poor subordinate. The Ostrega waited until the ebony man was entirely out of sight before he turned and headed for the borders, picking up his pace before he was out of the territory. Obviously he had a lot to think about: if his future lay with The Sunspire or elsewhere, but first he needed to take his anger out on the first poor predator that he found.