@Olive *cracks knuckles* whoo boy here we go.
Something wasn't quite right in his mind. He hadn't felt this much rage, this much pain, this much unsettling bloodlust since Oxsana had been shredded and found bloody and deceased beside the bodies of his children. He wasn't himself in the moment yet even then he needed to check something. He'd left Cassiopeia lying in the Glade bleeding and angry, he had to check and make sure she was up and gone and not laying there dead. It was days later, so if she was there she'd be long dead but still he needed at least that small sense of peace of mind.
Never had he expected the scent that basically smacked him across the face like an afront from the gods. Unable to hold it back he ran into the clearing and saw her there and even in his anger he caught his breath. Eyes like moss, white fur so beautiful and soft he could still almost feel it brushing against him. She was so damn beautiful in every way and he
fucking hated it. Snapping out of it he released his breath and shook himself out of the fog. Onyx was his, he loved Onyx and her beauty was much more valuable to him because it held no betrayal or pain.
"You. You're no Anthousai. You are an Empousa, you seduce men and enchant them, take everything from them and fucking drain the life from them!" he spat at her his words already venomous as he circled her, giving no option for escape.
He looked her over and shook his head, not done speaking, not wanting to hear her voice, that voice that enchanted him and haunted his dreams even still.
"I risked my life to be with you. Hunted for you. Took beatings,lost my memories for you. I was dragged back into Blackfeather's mess because of you! I fought for you, defended you, gave you comfort and sought nothing but your love and you...you Abandoned me for the gods that allowed our lives to be such hell!" he shouted this at her, his face twisted with pain and anger.
Finally he stopped circling like a starved beast and paused in her face, staring her in the eyes, moss green to electric blue.
"And you've waltzed around like nothing happened. Spreading lies. Cassiopeia knows nothing of what you did, only that her da was a coward and her Empousa mother a saint! You try to run away from this Olive and I swear I'll tackle you to these fields." he hissed in her face, muzzle inches from hers. This wasn't a side of Dakarai anyone had seen before, this was the Svartell darkness incarnate. He was so enraged and so far gone that he hadn't noticed the scent of pregnancy covering her pelt.
She stood her ground to him and once he'd finished spoke. Except it was words that he couldn't believe she dared to utter. He stared at her like she was a stranger instead of the woman he'd taken so many injuries for. "Perhaps I wouldn't have ran if you hadn't denied me. You've heard how I disappeared. I almost died twice. Yet I came back to you,crawling to you even as I died." his voice had lowered to a whisper despite the trembling of rage that still caused his body to quake. She went on and on about raising Cassiopeia despite the knowledge that he had not been able to make it back soon enough.
She asked what he would have done and he snorted. "I would have told her the truth. That her father loved her mother so much he put himself in danger, got injured so many times, starved himself to feed her and the children. I would have told the truth in your position and said that instead of choosing his love I chose the gods. You chose a false path of righteousness sheltered behind invisible deities. Instead of telling a sweet innocent baby girl her father was not good, I would have told the truth no matter how hard it was!" he spoke in an eerily calm voice, staring her down still as she gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. Then she turned to leave and he watched her go, about to bolt forward and make good on his promise and stop her before she turned and waltzed back to him.
Her words should have Stung but it was in that moment, caused by the stirring of air as she swept toward him that he smelled it. She was pregnant. And he sneered at her, lips curling up in defiance. "No but you've fucked. You have given your body away to a man, who's scent no longer lingers so I assume he isn't around. That's a tragedy in itself. Raising a bastard litter alone and with no pack. You can't even barely hunt for yourself!" yet through those vicious words he was concerned. His damned heart would always hold concern and care for this damned woman. And she spoke of Onyx and he shook his head, eyes sparkling and his mouth parting to erupt with almost manic laughter. "You've earned yourself a bastard litter of innocent babes doomed to die at your paws, while me? I have a woman who not only wants me around, but begs me to stay. She loves me and I love her. She isn't scared of me you daft woman, she's scared of the man who followed her. She's scared of Lonzo,a beast who raped and beat her. A beast I have bowed to protect her from even if it kills me!" He lifted his chin and began to circle her again tail lashing in aggravation.
"She has a man who is willing to provide for her, hold her at night, feed her, laugh with her, love her...die for her. She has what you chose to give up over your deities." he turned to look at her eyes softening in what appeared like a moment of sanity. "Surely you haven't forgotten? How I vowed to protect you and love you, to keep you warm through the nights. How all I asked...all I wanted...was you. Your love. I never asked anything else but your love Olive. I ran from blackfeather for you, threw myself in front of the herd master for your and almost lost everything. I took the majority of the beating when you dragged me back to Blackfeather." he paused as his voice began to crack and his eyes began to tear up. No...he wouldn't do this. His emotions,his heartbreak, they were her fault but they weren't hers to see anymore.
"After all you knew of me. Oxsana and my children's murders. How could you? I loved you when I was so scared to love anyone else and you not only denied me, but you made our children believe I was no good. If I was no good why did you fall for me? You know damn well I am not who you make out to be, I'm your scapegoat." he continued to vent body taut and ready to leap forward and stop her retreat despite the fact that he felt all of the anger leaving him.
"But that's who you are apparently. You couldn't bear the pain of real life so you sheltered in the false safety of your deities. And when our daughter cried for me, her father, you couldn't bear to admit what you had done so you explained what was easiest. Da doesn't love you cassiopeia, da abandoned us. Yet all Da ever did was set himself up to be broken by a madwoman. We'll see where your God's are when your children are born to a single mother and no pack." he had finished here, he had no more love for this woman.
He would allow her to speak or if she turned and ran away he'd let her. At this point he was done with this, breaking over Olive and her messed up faith and false righteousness that would only cause other's pain. He hadn't been the only one to make foolish decisions, she had too. "Because of your falsities Cassiopeia attacked me. I put her down right here in this very field. I let her go and told her of your lies though of course nobody would believe me. But think of this: all those natural disasters that kept me away? The storm that swept me into the sea, the snowstorm that kept me from meeting you at Cassiopeia's view? Perhaps your God's were just jealous that you could have survived without them, that you loved me too." he then snapped his jaws shut and watched her, eyes no longer filled with hatred but looking so tired. His whole body sagged, the greying on his face only enhancing the exhausted appearance.
She did respond into a tirade just as long as his and just as angry. He stood there swallowing down his rage,swallowing down his tears until he managed to stand tall. It was defiance really that allowed him to do so, to lift his chin and lift his tail and stiffen his legs as she spoke nasty things. When she was finished and a pause hit he rolled his eyes "Aye Olive. I am such a damned good liar that I faked the spasms and faked the coughs and oh, I even faked the vomiting and dry heaving. If I was faking the poison why then did you heal me when I didn't ask you to?" his anger was gone replaced by simple bitter sarcasm even in the face of her growls. Then he smiled brightly at her question of the gods, oh what a response he had for her there. "Perhaps the gods favor me now because they approve of all I did for you. Have you not thought about that? Of course not. You're selfish love. You believe your gods love what you did for them. No. I survive and I get to move through life with another and you get to walk alone, because you also brought down hell upon us. When I lost my memories did you not choose to drag me back to Blackfeather instead of finding a better way? Was that not why they followed us to teaghlaigh? Because we fought back against their assault at first and I bit Nemesis's son?" He took a step forward calmly and peered at her, once again studying her beauty. A madwoman cloaked in innocence, a snake hidden beneath the most beautiful scales. It was such a shame.
It moved to Onyx and even though his temper flared again he listened. At the end of that tirade he nodded slowly "We have not been through as much as You and I had. Yet we've bonded. It wasn't love at first, it was friendship and a quick conversation over a meal taken down together. Then the stars lead me back to her by chance and we've stuck together since. She was injured and I brought a healer for her. We are in a pack together. It is gentle love, sweet love, protective love. Not the fire raging and the electric bursts we shared. It is slow building, I will not touch her, I will not push her. This is being done on her terms you see, I nothing but an able guard by her side and controlled by her needs." he spoke slowly, eyes softening in pity. He pitied her, such a foolish,stubborn, woman now burdened with children she bore to a man who seemed to not be around. He only hoped she had the sense to join a pack for the sake of those babies.
He'd fallen silent again before she came forward and held still as she touched him. His eyes closed as she spoke softly with words that made him ache so badly. Even through the rage and the disbelief he loved her. They really were soulmates in his mind, but soulmates destines to remain apart. As she licked behind his ear a shiver ran through his body that betrayed him so much. He leaned forward as she stepped away and met her gaze eyes betraying everything. Love, longing,Anger,sorrow,regret,yearning it was all there easy to read as a book. He remained like that as she began to speak again, beautiful eyes dropping to the ground calling the children a blessing. Surprise flashed through his gaze and he almost protested but denied himself the release. If this is what brought her the ability to continue on every day and move through life, then so be it. He wouldn't ruin whatever happiness she felt about those unborn children.
Suddenly she was angry again and he stood up at the words she spat at him. He shook his head and sighed. She really knew nothing of this world. If he had let Cassiopeia attack him she would have killed him and he knew it. The threat was answered with flick of his ears as he stared off into space. He suddenly gave her a sad look, finality written on his face. "You wouldn't attack me. Even if you did you wouldn't kill me. She came at me intending to kill. If I wanted to hurt her surely I would have, but instead I simply laid her out. I don't intend to ever hurt any of my children ever unless I feared my own life." he spoke calmly before dipping his head to her and then lifting it again. That wasn't a total truth and he knew it, the bite had been enough to bleed into his mouth. For all he knew Cassiopeia could have gotten away only to collapse in a bloody heap, dead.
He turned then to leave walking away a few feet before pausing and looking over his shoulder. "I haven't moved on. I've simply chosen another worthy of the love I have. I dream of you sometimes, I ache for you. Whether you are Empousa or Anthousai matters not to me, I'll always love you deep down. I even admitted my faults to Onyx. Said I regretted running from Moonspear to begin with." he spoke in a gentle voice, the pain inside dying down as he spoke what was his farewell to this woman. "Yet what's done has been done and can't be changed. Aye....we are both better off without one another. For perhaps the fire that burns between us was too big and so the gods had to put it out. You'll have those babies to give you the love i cannot and I...I have Onyx to look after. I do not intend to mess up as I did with you and if it is written in the stars then yes, I will die for her. Not before ridding her of whatever beast of a man hunts her though, I will fight on for her. You...please if you hold any ounce of care left for me do me one favor. Leave this area, get as far away as possible. There is a dangerous man around here who has already hurt many. If not for me then for those unborn children." he spoke desperately now,pleading with her to get away before she was hurt.
Then he gave her one more once over, eyes pausing on the pregnant stomach. She was so beautiful...she was always a sight to behold. He swallowed thickly and attempted to smile at her, the gesture coming out watery and sorrowful.Even so he attempted to say something charming "You...you look beautiful when you're angry and threatening Olive.Take care of yourself please. I...I am sorry for ruining your life. Just know that I haven't moved on, I will always love you" he sucked in a breath at how pathetic that had come out then began to walk away, ears flicking in case she called out to him.
Dakarai's ears pinned back and he snarled, lips curling up though she wouldn't see it due to his turned form. Taking a deep breathe he slowly turned to face her and narrowed his eyes.
"Don't ever call her a whore. She isn't running around getting impregnated by strange men. We haven't even become intimate because I'd never dare to do so until she is safe and ready for it. The only whore I see is you." he spoke slowly his voice returning once more to it's icy coldness. He lashed his tail a single time and shook his head to her question.
"Once she was done attacking me I left her. I didn't stay around lest she tear my throat out. You have no idea how truly messed up our family truly is do you? And not by my fault, they make their own decisions now. Cassiopeia had intent to kill me and I still couldnt bring myself to actually fight back, I simply pinned her. Aries has admitted that he has done terrible things, not surprising since he's a blackfeather wolf. But what would I know yeah? I'm just a coward who did nothing for this family"his gaze didn't go back to anger and his voice was nothing but calm as he spoke these words. He shook his head again and flicked his ears, eyes sweeping around the Glade again. This place would forever hold bad memories for him.
"Goodbye Olive. I don't regret meeting you. I regret what happened from that meeting onward. I regret you bearing children into this mess of a world, I regret allowing myself to hurt so deeply when you forsook me that I abandoned our daughter...but I don't regret meeting you. If Cassiopeia is around I'm sure you'll find her with ease, if not get somewhere safe. You have babies to think of now. Enjoy your freedom, stay safe.... I-" he froze and snapped his jaws shut before releasing a breath. He'd almost said he'll always love her but really was that true? Perhaps in a way it was, but he was now loyal to Onyx and he loved her most of all. Onyx would always come first.
"I wish you the best of things." he said and this time he did leave, he didn't walk away he ran. This time by choice and this time with a silent prayer that he'd never ever happen upon her or cassiopeia or Aries ever again. He didn't want this anymore, he didn't want to keep crawling back.
Dakarai out! This was beautiful and amazing and just AAAH. thank you so much Rachel!