It was all a mess and Taikon knew it was a damn mess. It was nobody's fault but his own. He should have known that his affectionate nature toward Takiyok and that their close bond might grow into something else for her. He should have foreseen it and he didn't. He felt like shit for what he needed to do. He was clipping his own wings, and potentially hurting someone he cared about quite a lot in the process. He searched for Zephyr, but the silvery wraith had become an expert at avoiding him. This confused Taikon, and he wondered if perhaps he was just distracted with being home.
When Zephyr found Taikon, he unloaded everything at once. He claimed that Taikon had lied, that he wasn't a 'nice guy', that Zephyr had no interest in talking, that, essentially, he hated him. Several times, Taikon went to open his mouth and would start with a B—
or a I—,
but Zephyr wouldn't let him speak. Then the silvery, beautiful boy turned away, and Taikon was devastated.
WAIT!
Taikon called, anger and disappointment balling up into a tangled mess within his chest. I didn't lie. Would you just listen?!
He asked it loudly, his voice begging. He knew that if Zephyr had heard any of the conversation, he deserved an explanation. He didn't have the context, and he didn't understand. Taikon was trying to talk to him to right the wrong.
Taikon fights it — typical. Weak. He's made his decisions, and now he cannot bear to live with the consequences.
Would you just listen?!
Zephyr stops, head turning just slightly, just enough that Taikon can see his lips move as he speaks. No,
The word is not loud or emotional, but deliberate, forceful, final. He continues, icy flames lurking under his words. You didn't listen — when I warned you so many times — that I'd been hurt before, that I didn't know how to deal with feelings like that. You saw those wounds, and you dug them deeper — and now, I'm past being hurt over it. I'm done.
And with that, he turns his gaze to the path ahead, and starts to walk away.
Zephyr fed him anger. Rejection. Pain.
So Taikon fed it back. He launched himself ahead and threw his body in front of Zephyr. I did listen. I wanted to keep seeing you.
He hissed it. He still wanted to keep seeing him. Even now. Even though Zephyr was being a childish piece of shit to him because he was missing context and understanding for everything. There was darkness in his words. It's like you think you're the only person in this,
he shook his head and stiffened, angry. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just have a goddamn conversation about it? Why couldn't they resolve things?
Unexpectedly, Taikon launches himself into Zephyr's path, stopping him in his tracks. It's not what he'd wanted — but he can't make his limbs move. He's stuck here, as if the pale wolf is meant to plague him further. Maybe he is. The thought brings bile up his throat, and he swallows, rendered speechless. His eyes sting in a familiar, much-hated way, a reaction that doesn't quite reach his heart. He doesn't know why; there is no sadness in him. He only wants to be done — he doesn't want Taikon anymore, not truly, not when the man is a poisoned prize. But he can't make himself say that. All he can do is stare, eyes wide and shining with tears that he doesn't feel, tears that will never be shed.
He heaved a sigh, feeling himself getting angry, and took a breath to calm down. He didn't want to hurt him. He still thought Zephyr was an amazing person, and had hoped to continue a friendship with him at the very least. Takiyok didn't want to share other aspects of him, and that was just how it was.
I didn't know Taki felt how she did. I didn't even know I felt it. And I feel things for you, but she wants me to be exclusive, and I have to respect that,
he explained. He knew that Zephyr wouldn't take it at face value, but it was the truth. If you don't want me in your life, fine. But we could have been something awesome if you didn't just avoid everything.
Taikon felt heat in his face and ears. Blood rushed to his head, and his hearing buzzed uncomfortably. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't people just talk about things?
To be honest, the way that Zephyr reacted to Takiyok's confession that he had eavesdropped on was reason enough for Taikon to be angry. Instead, he was more disappointed. He had thought of Zephyr as a very intelligent young man, especially after their conversations on the mountain. Yet now, he behaved childishly, appearing to have no interest in taking in the information that might have made things more clear. Taikon had never meant to mislead anyone. He had always strived to be honest, but she he wouldn't accept it.
The tears Taikon saw in Zephyr's eyes broke his heart. He desperately wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was okay, and that he was beautiful.
Zephyr hardened. He was like ice. Like stone. Taikon remembered his scent. He stepped forward when Zephyr apologized, dipping his head, reaching out ever so slightly toward the boy. This is my fault, so I'm the one who should apologize. I'm sorry. I hope... I wish I could have you in my life, but I get it,
he sighed. Sadness overwhelmed him. He hated that Zephyr wanted such space. I'll.. leave you alone..
he whispered slowly, turning away. Then, he found that his eyes were watering in a cruel transfer of emotion.