it does not strike drogon as unexpected as vela corners him. after her stunt and confrontation during moving the cubs to the rendezvous site he was given time to think about what he'd tell her. the truth, preferably because he's told many lies, fabricated many stories. to blackfeather woods, during his time alone and even to the wolves of moonspear alone. it was necessary. to protect himself, to protect teaghlaigh. but teaghlaigh is gone and his mother is dead and he feels a pressing grief that he has no idea how to process. perhaps that was why he returned. not because he wants or expects comfort — he doesn't — but because moonspear is familiar and he roarke altaer fearghal-ansbjørn is a man of his word for better or for worse. he wants more. there is a fledgling spark in his mind to see if he could do it: if he could strike out and build a prospering kingdom on his own but he's still young, too green. too unwilling to rely heavily on others.

vela's tail is raised and her displeasure is keenly picked up by the talvella but he does not submit to her. perhaps in rank they are not equals but in their relationship ( however murky and uncertain it currently is )? there's supposed to be an equality there. he does not try to side-step her, has no intention of avoiding her. roarke meets her gaze calmly, patiently as she demands to know where he's been. "i've been having a lot of doubts lately, a lot of uncertainty about myself, about what i wanted from my life, about whether i could see my ambitions fulfilled. i was being selfish." might as well start with that. he fully acknowledges that by not talking with her first, by catering to himself he is incredibly selfish. "i should have spoken with you about what i was feeling." he does not offer her any sort of feeble excuse; that's not the kind of man that roarke is. "i went on a trip in the hopes that i might find myself along the way and frankly i wasn't sure if i was coming back. it was wrong. i know it was wrong." that likely doesn't make it any better but admitting it was a step in the right direction.

"i'm ...scared of commitment. i'm scared at the idea of settling down and all i was really doing was trying to run away." roarke admits, tearing down the wall down that he's had up for so long ...even with vela. it terrifies roarke to allow himself to be so vulnerable but she deserves the truth regardless of how bad or cowardly it makes him seem. he worked so hard on creating his masks: suave and smooth, tough and ferocious. he is those things but he is also just a lost boy trying to figure out where he fits in a world that is harsh and unforgiving. a life lesson he learned far too young. "you have every right to be upset at me." roarke draws in a deep breath and releases it with a rise and fall of his shoulders as his ears slick back against his skull. "i'm sorry vela." not words he's used to saying but need to be said nevertheless whether they mean anything to her or not.

if there's one thing that roarke has come to learn about the indefinable thing he calls life it's that it doesn't owe him a goddamn thing. consequently, he knows and understands that vela doesn't owe him anything either. not even a second chance. roarke was hard pressed to offer second chances himself and it all feels a bit hypocritical that he stands before her asking for one. he's not as good as she is, he realizes. as vela takes him back he releases the breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding and his ears flutter back to rest at half mast atop his skull. her words sound more like: i'll take you back for now but it might only be temporary and he feels his brow furrow. of course, he remembers what charon had told him. of course, he knows the chances that vela would ever leave her family are slim to none. he, whom has family that he has not seen since he was a wee cub, isn't capable of entirely understanding that desire. to him, the lack of ambition is boring. maybe she was content to live beneath her parent's rule for the rest of her life but roarke wasn't.

he considers her words and chooses his own carefully. "we'll cross that bridge when we get there." meaning he has no plans to enact on his own ambitions any time soon and there was no need to end what could be something. they had all the time in the world before them and there was no telling where their path might lead them. roarke has a tendency to jump too quick to conclusions, and chides himself on his inability to live in the present. "i will." roarke promises vela in a quiet rasp.