Moonspear I'm Upset

@Roarke <3 Let me know if some of the assumptions aren't ok!

After they moved the pups to their new location Vela wasn't going to give Drogon any room to make up excuses. It was clear what Hydra had thought about her display towards Drogon. It hadn't been the right time, well now Vela would make it the right time. When it was clear that she wasn't needed anymore Vela made sure to corner Drogon as soon as possible and make sure that no one was around to listen in. She might have revealed to the others that she cared a bit more for Drogon than just a normal packmate. Vela would deal with that later if someone would have a problem with it. She expected her dad to be troubled about it.

Vela stood before Drogon with her dark blue eyes on him. Her tail raised while she kept her eyes on him. "So, are you ready to tell me where you have been?," she asked, sounding surprisingly calm. She had been quite angry before, she still was a bit, but now it was more a calm angry instead of the huffing fit she had earlier. In a way, she wasn't even mad that Drogon left to do his own thing. She was mostly mad at herself for being so dependent on him, for doubting herself. For all she cared Drogon could leave Moonspear any time he liked, she only needed to know if he would return or not.

its fine! thanks for starting this! ♥

it does not strike drogon as unexpected as vela corners him. after her stunt and confrontation during moving the cubs to the rendezvous site he was given time to think about what he'd tell her. the truth, preferably because he's told many lies, fabricated many stories. to blackfeather woods, during his time alone and even to the wolves of moonspear alone. it was necessary. to protect himself, to protect teaghlaigh. but teaghlaigh is gone and his mother is dead and he feels a pressing grief that he has no idea how to process. perhaps that was why he returned. not because he wants or expects comfort — he doesn't — but because moonspear is familiar and he roarke altaer fearghal-ansbjørn is a man of his word for better or for worse. he wants more. there is a fledgling spark in his mind to see if he could do it: if he could strike out and build a prospering kingdom on his own but he's still young, too green. too unwilling to rely heavily on others.

vela's tail is raised and her displeasure is keenly picked up by the talvella but he does not submit to her. perhaps in rank they are not equals but in their relationship ( however murky and uncertain it currently is )? there's supposed to be an equality there. he does not try to side-step her, has no intention of avoiding her. roarke meets her gaze calmly, patiently as she demands to know where he's been. "i've been having a lot of doubts lately, a lot of uncertainty about myself, about what i wanted from my life, about whether i could see my ambitions fulfilled. i was being selfish." might as well start with that. he fully acknowledges that by not talking with her first, by catering to himself he is incredibly selfish. "i should have spoken with you about what i was feeling." he does not offer her any sort of feeble excuse; that's not the kind of man that roarke is. "i went on a trip in the hopes that i might find myself along the way and frankly i wasn't sure if i was coming back. it was wrong. i know it was wrong." that likely doesn't make it any better but admitting it was a step in the right direction.

"i'm ...scared of commitment. i'm scared at the idea of settling down and all i was really doing was trying to run away." roarke admits, tearing down the wall down that he's had up for so long ...even with vela. it terrifies roarke to allow himself to be so vulnerable but she deserves the truth regardless of how bad or cowardly it makes him seem. he worked so hard on creating his masks: suave and smooth, tough and ferocious. he is those things but he is also just a lost boy trying to figure out where he fits in a world that is harsh and unforgiving. a life lesson he learned far too young. "you have every right to be upset at me." roarke draws in a deep breath and releases it with a rise and fall of his shoulders as his ears slick back against his skull. "i'm sorry vela." not words he's used to saying but need to be said nevertheless whether they mean anything to her or not.

You are welcome <3

Vela wasn't really sure what to expect from Drogon. She had no idea how he would react to being cornered or how his answers would be. The female decided to just calmly wait for an answer, as she was much more calm than recent. As he was starting to speak Vela sat down to indicate that she was willing to listen to his story. She didn't think that his answer would sound so ... honest. Vela nodded when he said he had been selfish. She was not going to deny that he had been selfish. She had been selfish as well when she guarded her mother's den fiercely. Perhaps a bit too much, as she hadn't realized Drogon had gone.

Her ears flattened when she heard him admit that he thought he didn't know if he would have returned. It meant her gut feeling had been right. She had been abandoned without a word. Yet, Drogon was back. She was confused about how she felt about that. The first thought was to break it off. If he wasn't going all the way for their relationship then bother, yet, there came the second thought soon after. He returned. Vela continued to listen. She listened to how he was telling her that he was scared of commitment, of how he had been running away. These were not good things to hear and Vela wondered how much chance their relationship had.

Vela dipped her head when he said sorry. She wanted to be angry with him but couldn't as he had been so honest. She could only appreciate it. "Apology accepted," she spoke though her expression looked a bit grim. "Are you still scared? Scared of commitment?,' she questioned. "Do you know what you want now? Are your doubts settled?," she added some more questions. It was important for her to know as otherwise, it might be better to end their relationship rather than to continue it.

this confrontation wasn't particularly easy ...at least for roarke. admitting his mistakes was far from his favorite thing to do but he realizes that it shows a sign of personal growth on his part; it does not fall beneath his notice that he is not the only one whom has underwent personal growth. vela handles everything with a surprising calmness that perhaps should have worried him more than it did. she accepted his apology and relief blossomed in his chest. it was a slow spreading warmth but it did not entirely relieve the burdensome weight he still feels pressing against his shoulders. he imagined her grim expression mirrored how he felt inside: like they reached an understanding but they still balanced precariously on the edge of a knife. they could teeter and fall either way. it depended all upon them and what unfolded in the coming moments, roarke knows. "i don't know," he replies, hating that he did not have a solid answer for her. he doesn't want to commit himself to vela only to seize up and ghost her; and that was what roarke was good at doing. anyone he started to care about: he ghosted. he told himself it was to protect them but deep down he'd always known it had been his ( cruel ) way of protecting himself. "anyone i ever cared about or started to care about i left," his salmon pink tongue draws across his jowls. "i told myself it was to protect them but it was to protect me." to protect him from feelings that he didn't want to feel. it was easier to not get attached. losing those you are attached to hurts. he remembers how it feels to be scared, starving and alone, calling out helplessly for his mother. it haunts him, and he feels the renewed ache of loss in his chest as he grapples with the remembrance that she is departed from the corporeal world.

"this journey of self discovery hasn't been and isn't easy," he draws in a deep breath, fixating her in his glacial gaze, absently playing connect the dots with her freckles. he loves those freckles, he thinks. "but when is anything in life ever easy?" he asks with a wily grin. more importantly, he thinks, when has he ever backed down from a challenge? "i know what i want. i've always known." the only problem was: did she want the same thing? would she be willing to make sacrifices? still yet, was he willing to make sacrifices? he wasn't sure of the answer to either of those. he wants to be a leader, he wants a pack of his own ...one day; but he realizes that before he can have either of those things he has to figure out himself first and part of coming to the conclusion of who that is stands before him: lovely and resplendent.

Vela had been rather calm in her reaction only because she saw the truth in Drogon's words and she accepted them. She wondered if they had a future though. Did she want to be together with someone that wasn't sure of what he wanted? Did she want to be with someone that questioned himself? Vela listened once more to one of his explanations. From that, she could conclude that the male had abandoned other wolves before. She didn't wish to be in a relationship with someone that would abandon others when they would need him.

Vela let out a soft sigh. "Life can be as hard as you make it yourself," she returned. Her life was not so hard but then again she hadn't really challenged herself like Drogon. She had stayed in her pack lands. She was safe. She had food. She was working on her trades. She had even been pretty smitten to have a relationship with someone. To have found more than a friend in Drogon. "What is it you want then if you have always known?," she questioned. She would be willing to give Drogon and their relationship another chance if Drogon was ready for it. If he wasn't ready she would have to accept that their relationship would end in being just friends.

vela speaks a partial truth to roarke that the fearghal-ansbjørn considers with a contemplative noise and a small nod of his head. he has worked his whole life to make the trials that are placed before him complicated ...and yet, there are things out of anyone's control that can easily prove to be challenges but he does not say this. perhaps it's all a perspective. she sees the world in a very different way then roarke does but he knows that is because their experiences are starkly different and when thought of that way it makes sense. "i want to be a leader," he speaks it without needing time to think of it. "someday i want to be the leader of my own pack." he does not speak of moonspear specifically, of course. he means it in a very broad, very general way. he has no designs to take over a pack. it is not of his own creation, dedication. he wants to build his own kingdom. he wants the satisfaction of putting in the work and seeing it all come to fruition. "and i want you by my side." he speaks to her, watching her for a reaction.

"but i know i am not ready to be a leader of anywhere let alone try to start my own pack." he adds quietly, briskly even. the admission tastes like ash and roarke imagines the words burn in his mouth even as he rushes to get it out. it's not easy admitting that he's not ready to be what he aspires to be ...but it's a baby step in the right direction he tells himself. "i won't try to commit myself to those responsibilities, to that path before i can commit myself to you. you're important to me and i want to commit myself to you vela. fully. my ruhtinatar," he croons the affectionate nickname he gave her, the tundrian rolling off his tongue like honey. "if you'll take me." he finishes. he's made his choice and now she has to make her's. her's is the choice that would very well decide their fates and whether their destinies remained intertwined or not; and if she does not choose him ( he would not and could not blame her ) then he knows he would walk away without fuss.

Vela lifted her head when Drogon told her about wanting to be a leader. She never really thought about being a leader, the first thing she thought was that Drogon was going to leave Moonspear eventually to lead his own pack, or worse, usurp her father and take over Moonspear... She looked at him suspiciously for a moment. But when he made it clear that he meant his own pack she relaxed more. The female's blue eyes fell into the male's eyes when he spoke about wanting to do that with her. That would mean she would have to leave Moonspear.

After he told her what he wanted most, he referred it back to her and how it would work with their relationship. Vela was glad to hear that he wasn't going to leave now, right this moment to start his own pack but would want to be with her first. Vela looked at him thoughtfully but then broke out into a hint of a smile. "I will take you," she confirmed to him. "However, these plans you have. I am not sure if I can follow, perhaps my plans and ideas might be different in the future and I can follow you," she spoke honestly to him. She never really thought of leading a pack, to have a pack of her own. She hadn't been much outside of Moonspear. She had always lived here and felt that she would continue to live here.

Vela then offered him a smile and stepped closer. She was glad that he wanted to make that commitment to her. It wasn't often that the female had a smile on her face even though she was happy at Moonspear. She just took her duties very seriously. 'Though you should talk to me when you need space or want to flee. I won't be mad, just like now." She hadn't been truly mad, especially after he had given her an explanation.

if there's one thing that roarke has come to learn about the indefinable thing he calls life it's that it doesn't owe him a goddamn thing. consequently, he knows and understands that vela doesn't owe him anything either. not even a second chance. roarke was hard pressed to offer second chances himself and it all feels a bit hypocritical that he stands before her asking for one. he's not as good as she is, he realizes. as vela takes him back he releases the breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding and his ears flutter back to rest at half mast atop his skull. her words sound more like: i'll take you back for now but it might only be temporary and he feels his brow furrow. of course, he remembers what charon had told him. of course, he knows the chances that vela would ever leave her family are slim to none. he, whom has family that he has not seen since he was a wee cub, isn't capable of entirely understanding that desire. to him, the lack of ambition is boring. maybe she was content to live beneath her parent's rule for the rest of her life but roarke wasn't.

he considers her words and chooses his own carefully. "we'll cross that bridge when we get there." meaning he has no plans to enact on his own ambitions any time soon and there was no need to end what could be something. they had all the time in the world before them and there was no telling where their path might lead them. roarke has a tendency to jump too quick to conclusions, and chides himself on his inability to live in the present. "i will." roarke promises vela in a quiet rasp.

Vela watched Drogon and then quirked up her lips into a smile. Who knows what would become of them but for now she couldn't tell. She stepped closer and gave him a lick on his muzzle. She then smiled more kindly at him, a much softer side she usually was showing others. "I guess so,' she returned to the male. The female took in his scent again, so familiar but yet, it changed as he had been away from Moonspear.

"I'm glad," she spoke and shifted more closely against him. She wanted to rekindle with the male. "Can you tell me about your travels?," she wondered. Maybe she could learn a thing or two from where he has been. "I've been leaving Moonspear to look for you." What she wanted to say with this was that she had been leaving Moonspear and her family behind for short periods of time to look for him. There might be a chance that he would leave Moonspear forever.