For the first time in a while, Leaf was beginning to doubt. She questioned the goodness of wolves. She questioned herself. Her loyalties to Swiftcurrent Creek were strong. Bazi had saved her from the pack's namesake, and though her heart had not been right, the little red wolf had been grateful for her rescue ever since. She enjoyed Bazi as well as Fox, who though both were of the same age, seemed infinitely more mature and responsible. Or so she thought.

Fox's actions confused her. She did not know what she thought about the leader departing, despite the fact that it was clear the juvenile Magpie could not escape. Yes, there was no mistake that retreating was the right answer, but there were other ideals that had to be maintained, if not achieved. The little red wolf wanted everyone to be safe, and she quietly wondered if she could have escaped were it not for Magpie, who might have not even trusted her.

Frowning at such dark thoughts, she examined her figure. Though her body was still intact, there was an unseen pain that seemed to course through her limbs and joints. It woke her in the night with a sweat. Still, it was nothing compared to what Fox had suffered. She could not believe the change that had overcome the Alpha of The Sunspire, and it almost confirmed that he was not who she believed him to be. Not that she had any need to like him in the first place. She was a Creeker! She was not part of this pack. She was not friends with the wolf who spoke her mother language, and she despised the two-colored wolf whose parents had died by fire and weapon. And she was definitely, definitely not friends with the Big, Black Wolf who had done nothing to save her. Had not even taken her in until she was literally forced into his presence.

She had refused to drink and eat the water that was presented to them, resenting the fact that it came from Jace. True, she was putting further strain on her body, but it had only been a few days and did not yet outwardly show. She also no longer groomed herself, and her hair was threatening to become matted. Still, when it came to Magpie, she pushed the girl to eat and to drink. With her, she had hope.

As Jace approached, Leaf could only send him a glare along with a sigh as grievous as their circumstances. "Everything is already so ugly. We don't need you adding to it," she said referring to the fury he brought with him. Was he always so angry? Why could he not control his emotions a little more like her?

Caught up in her own world, there were many things the little red wolf had missed and took for granted. Had she known that he checked on her during the night, that it hurt him to see her hurt, that he was balancing not only her needs but also those of his pack and leader, she might have empathized. And really, she should have known all of these things given that she knew his feelings towards her, his circumstances, even knew a little of his character, but they were lost in the white noise of her static-filled heart.

She was as inconsistent as could be, but she was not aware. Or rather, she was in denial. She refused to believe that her own character was more questionable than everyone else. She wanted to believe that she was still different, still unique in who she was, but it was slowly dawning on her that she could be just as debased as the next sinner over. Hadn't she caught a glimpse of this in the forest when this boy whom she so loathed had saved her life with his own skin? The thought, paired with his painful reaction to her words, humbled her.

Black lipsticked mouth pulled tight in a snarl retracted quickly and relaxed to a tremble. She listened to him with her face still turned away from him, wanting to hear but hating herself for it. "I know," she squeaked almost inaudibly as he spoke of taking care of Magpie. She believed him, but did not want to betray these beliefs to her pack mate. Sidling up in order to garner some more privacy, she laughed despite herself at his words. It was a cross between a scoff and a cry of pain. "Big Black Wolf," she began affectionately with eyes dry and yet glossy with insecurity, "Why didn't you take me in? I would have followed you, b-but you didn't want me." She was simplifying the situation but cared not. Inching forward with a lurch, she reached to nip at him. Her pale green eyes looked at him pleadingly. "I'm sorry I keep hurting you. Please forgive me. I'm really not trying to." How strange how words could be so true and so false at the same time.

Leaf could not have read the thoughts that danced in his mind, but she could tell that he was becoming nervous. It made her feel as if approaching him was somehow inappropriate--but not in the sense of her being captive and him being captor. No, it was different, and it made her feel hot and flushed. He shifted to allow her to lean into him, but she sent him a glance that easily said that this, this was not to be. Not here. But as she kept his gaze, he kept it even longer, and it was curious to think that he was actually thinking of what he would say next. Forethought. It was something she seemed to be lacking these days. If only she knew where her life was going.

Still, when he chuckled, it warmed her heart, and she smiled despite herself. She accepted his touch eagerly, almost hungrily, and she felt herself pulled into the darkness. He would have her. He would move heaven and earth for her. He thought she was loyal and cute. The words were intoxicating and made her mind spin until all the around her the world blurred into one color. So this was what it felt like to fly, she told herself.

To feel as if one was floating among the clouds.

But the clouds were growing darker and began to grumble with thunder as Ferdie's face appeared in her mind. "Jace, I don't trust him," she snapped, recalling the Bazi's word. She had called him a nutter! "Ferdie. Is he truly sound in the mind?" There was more. "And, and I still owe Bazi for my life. She saved me from the Creek when I first got here, and I've been indebted to her ever since. I can't betray her." There was also the small detail that she had learned that she and Jace were friends, "best friends" Bazi had said, but she did not bring it up at the moment. For some reason, the fact made her sting with jealousy.

Now that they were close, Leaf could see the scars more clearly on his body. There were old ones she recognized, but also new ones that had formed and seemed fresh. Unlike him, she knew that more wounds would come with time, and she hated him for it. Though there was nothing more admirable than protecting those one loved, her selfish side wanted him to be safe and healed.

Noticing that he favored his left paw, she reached to lick the sore spot, despite knowing that kisses did nothing. Her affection evaporated when they returned to the topic at hand, however, and she shook her head in disagreement. If the only reason he felt safe was because he could bully others into submission then he--well, he was a wolf. Nothing more. She also thought his view very narrow, because even though he did not care for himself, weren't there others he needed to protect? Sometimes, protection merely meant staying alive for someone else. Yet another thought flitted through her mind. It shined bright pink, then red. Light and temporal as a butterfly. The thought that if she were here by his side, would he protect himself then? With that the butterfly vanished.

"But Bazi does not support Ferdie as you do," she said. "When I talked to her, she seemed to trust you, not him." Bazi had claimed that Ferdi was sick in the mind, as if he could not help but being mad. "How can two best friends share such different sentiments?" she finished with a bit of spite. Licking her lips, she sighed. "Let's make peace between the two packs. It doesn't have to be this way! I want to be able to see you without feeling so disloyal, so dirty. Is it so wrong that I--that I like you?" Her ears flattened against her head, but her tail flicked in annoyance. It was not as if he were the only wolf that she cared for in this pack. There were others, too. It just seemed silly that all the subordinates were suffering for what seemed to be a misunderstanding between leaders.