He thought carefully now, trying his best to push the pain and grief aside, for emotions only ever messed up your thoughts. He needed to make good decisions now, the best ones for the sake of his pack, one that would not bring his pack to downfall. He had been trained to be the best warrior, the best leader, the best son of the gods. He had been trained to always put his emotions aside when making important decisions that would influence those that were his family, that would influence the Bypass. The ashen leader was determined to prove those that doubted him, wrong. Scimitar, Paar, Bazi, the Creek wolves.

Shadow did not seek battle and bloodshed every time, he did not seek to have revenge upon Paar, even if she had left him just to return to Swiftcurrent, he hoped she didn't but it was the most likely place she would go to. He knew she and Scimitar were probably friends, and that they (Bazi and Scimitar) had probably offered her a place in the Creek if she ever came back. And now that she probably did, he wondered if they would think he was the wolf that had caused all this. Shadow admitted it, he knew it was his fault, but that didn't mean Paar was without fault. If she had confronted him like the woman he'd thought she was, he would have done his best to solve it, to make their life work.

Exhausted, both physically and mentally, he propped himself up against the entrance of his previous den with Paar. The Roman couldn't bear to sleep inside again, knowing that he would be once again consumed in grief when her scent hit him. He would never hold her like a husband held his wife again, she had left him and it finally sunk in. Shadow had doubted it at first, even if it was just a tiny bit, but the truth struck him hard in the face. What was love? If it was love that made him ask her to come with him when he was exiled from the ranks of Swiftcurrent, it was going to be the love he still had for her, and always would have, that brought him back to his previous home to find her, if just to talk to her for a few minutes.

The roman exhaled softly and gazed at the rising sun on the horizon, “Ego immolabo multa multi adempte mihi carissimi. Quaero abs te, Jupiter, Neptunus, Pluto. Patres mei. Apollinem et Martem et omnes deos. Me loqui de amore, si habeat ad ultimum tempus." he murmured softly, praying for the guidance of the gods. Shadow began grooming himself, licking his ruffled silver fur until it was sleek and no longer matted. Platinum eyes flashed fiercely and glowed with determination, though grief and pain had darkened his gaze and gave him an aura of sadness. For there was a monster he could never defeat, and that was himself.

Shadow lifted his head and howled, the chilling yet beautiful sound twisting through the air and made sure those who were called for could hear it. When the song was over, he lowered his head again and though he was hungry and thirsty, he did not drink or eat, for this business needed to be concluded and finished before he could do anything. One at a time. One at a time. One at a time.

Crëyr arrived first and he allowed a faint genuine smile to creep up his lips as she stopped in front of him and lowered herself, an appropriate position of submission. "Rise and sit, we'll wait for Flash." he replied, leaned forward and attempted to touch her cheek briefly with his nose as a symbol of friendship though he withdrew a moment later. He trusted her, mostly because she was more warrior-like than Paar and in his mind, more suitable to making harsh and merciless decision when the need ever came to that. But even together with Flash, they could not be as harsh as him, hopefully for this small period of time, they did not need to. But then, you never know what the Fates had in mind for you.

Soon, Flash arrived too, greeting him in a formal manner, “Salve Shadow. What business do you have in store for us today?" Silver eyes flicked wearily over his form and smirked at him, albeit faintly. "I am still your superior, Flash, despite the fact I fell over in depression and grief at your den. I would appreciate it if you acknowledged my rank." it was said with a tone of half seriousness, half amusement. Shadow shook his head a moment later though, "It doesn't matter now, sit, I have more important affairs to discuss with the two of you."

The Roman eyed the two of them for a brief moment, contemplating before exhaling softly and continued to speak. "I will be leaving the Bypass," he paused for a good thirty seconds, "For about two weeks and you two will be leading this pack when I'm gone, if you do a good job at it, I will consider promoting both of you to the rank of Centurion." There was no time for any formal promotions yet, besides he didn't even know if they led well, but after this opportunity he offered them, he might be able to see if they're fit for leading.

"Secondly, there's a festival coming up, a Roman one that I intend to celebrate. It is on the darkest day of Winter and is called Saturnalia in honor of the god Saturn. There will be a feast and games, the wolves deserve to have a bit of fun when the hard and cold times come," he eyed them carefully. "I made up my mind, this festival is going to happen and nobody will be able to stop it, you hear me? I'll tell you the details after I come back from this trip."

The Imperator remained gazing stoically at his two subordinates, their numbers were dwindling right at the start of winter which was unexpected, odd and was not suppose to happen. The less wolves they had, the less chance they had of surviving through this icy season, where did Farkas, Tiberius and all the others go? But did that matter now? No, they had to hunt more often and shelter together, the warmth, safety and comfort of the pack would still be there for them. He would be there for them, until his last breath on this land. Shadow would not abandon his subordinates, a good leader would not save his own life first, he would make sure Flash, Crëyr, Silvermane, Vector and the others (if there were others) would not die this season.

The Roman offered the tawny boy and the silver welsh wolf a smile, faint but reassuring. I will not be leaving the Bypass forever, even if I did, I will not leave it defenceless and leaderless. You, my packmates, are my first priority, before my own life. You guys are my family, not my blood but family enough. he rose to his full height, dipped his platinum crown and touched their cheeks gently with his nose. I'll be back, unless I die some horrible deaths, then I expect you to seek vengeance on the wolf. Shadow laughed, filled with icy humor, but humor nonetheless. "But seriously, if I'm gone, lead the pack for me, don't abandon hope, I'll be watching, the gods will be with me." Hopefully he would not die, he wouldn't let himself die if he could help it.

Shadow stretched and shook himself, a kind of resigned determination. He knew there was absolutely no way to have Paar as his mate again. But he could try. Though his main purpose was just to talk to her again, understand her motives for leaving and say goodbye. For he still loved her, no matter what happened, and Shadow knew that even if he managed to love again, a small part of him would always love her, he had sold that part to her, and she kept it.

He let her keep it.