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He thought carefully now, trying his best to push the pain and grief aside, for emotions only ever messed up your thoughts. He needed to make good decisions now, the best ones for the sake of his pack, one that would not bring his pack to downfall. He had been trained to be the best warrior, the best leader, the best son of the gods. He had been trained to always put his emotions aside when making important decisions that would influence those that were his family, that would influence the Bypass. The ashen leader was determined to prove those that doubted him, wrong. Scimitar, Paar, Bazi, the Creek wolves.
Shadow did not seek battle and bloodshed every time, he did not seek to have revenge upon Paar, even if she had left him just to return to Swiftcurrent, he hoped she didn't but it was the most likely place she would go to. He knew she and Scimitar were probably friends, and that they (Bazi and Scimitar) had probably offered her a place in the Creek if she ever came back. And now that she probably did, he wondered if they would think he was the wolf that had caused all this. Shadow admitted it, he knew it was his fault, but that didn't mean Paar was without fault. If she had confronted him like the woman he'd thought she was, he would have done his best to solve it, to make their life work.
Exhausted, both physically and mentally, he propped himself up against the entrance of his previous den with Paar. The Roman couldn't bear to sleep inside again, knowing that he would be once again consumed in grief when her scent hit him. He would never hold her like a husband held his wife again, she had left him and it finally sunk in. Shadow had doubted it at first, even if it was just a tiny bit, but the truth struck him hard in the face. What was love? If it was love that made him ask her to come with him when he was exiled from the ranks of Swiftcurrent, it was going to be the love he still had for her, and always would have, that brought him back to his previous home to find her, if just to talk to her for a few minutes.
The roman exhaled softly and gazed at the rising sun on the horizon, “Ego immolabo multa multi adempte mihi carissimi. Quaero abs te, Jupiter, Neptunus, Pluto. Patres mei. Apollinem et Martem et omnes deos. Me loqui de amore, si habeat ad ultimum tempus." he murmured softly, praying for the guidance of the gods. Shadow began grooming himself, licking his ruffled silver fur until it was sleek and no longer matted. Platinum eyes flashed fiercely and glowed with determination, though grief and pain had darkened his gaze and gave him an aura of sadness. For there was a monster he could never defeat, and that was himself.
Shadow lifted his head and howled, the chilling yet beautiful sound twisting through the air and made sure those who were called for could hear it. When the song was over, he lowered his head again and though he was hungry and thirsty, he did not drink or eat, for this business needed to be concluded and finished before he could do anything. One at a time. One at a time. One at a time.
She was heading back towards the lake inside of Quisque Silvarum. Perhaps there would be enough time for a little dip in the bed of water. After all, water calmed her nerves. She'd lived beside water almost her entire life, having daily splashing and later on— swimming lessons with her sister, a fond memory at the back of her mind that was yet to fully resurface.
It wasn't long did she enter her territory did she hear two howls ring through the air. One again for Flash, the other for hers. It was the Alpha's unmistakable song, his tone holding a note of sadness tinged with urgency. Crëyr immediately started towards where she had heard the howl come from.
She stopped in front of Shadow (who now looked remarkably better), immediately lowering herself into an appropriate posture of submission, the memory of the Alpha with his head on her shoulder and the words tumbling out of his mouth in a frantic manner clear in her mind. His voice came again, undisrupted in her brain. The words had echoed over and over, and there was nothing the Welsh girl could do to get rid of them.
"Aye, Shadow," She said softly, her tone one of slight concern.
Nevertheless, when he howl rung for him he was curious. It seemed that these days Shadow only called for him and Crëyr. Sighing, he broke into a run, starting towards the source of the howl. All the previous annoyance was gone when he arrived, seeing Shadow's state, not surprised when Crëyr had beat him there, considering he was almost at the other side of the borders.
“Salve Shadow. What business do you have in store for us today? " Flash asked. He had started to realise the more formal and serious greetings he made now. Maybe it was a roman thing? It didn't matter, he enjoyed a chance to be more serious anyways. He wondered what will happen?
Crëyr arrived first and he allowed a faint genuine smile to creep up his lips as she stopped in front of him and lowered herself, an appropriate position of submission.
Soon, Flash arrived too, greeting him in a formal manner, “Salve Shadow. What business do you have in store for us today?" Silver eyes flicked wearily over his form and smirked at him, albeit faintly.
The Roman eyed the two of them for a brief moment, contemplating before exhaling softly and continued to speak.
The grayscale girl rose and sat as he'd instructed her to. They were waiting for Flash, who was probably doing border patrol or gamekeeping and fulfilling all his duties. She admired the young, sun-touched male for his commitment, and was definitely a great asset to the pack. She looked forward to knowing him better and perhaps going on a hunting mission with him, as they were both working towards the trade of Gamekeeper.
Flash arrived then, acknowledging Crëyr and greeting Shadow formally. She noticed him not submitting, though, which led to thoughts of how their ashen Alpha would react, despite everything going on around them. He responded with a comment regarding that, half of mockery, half of seriousness. The green-eyed wolf sat beside her when Shadow told him to. His sterling gaze flickered over them for a brief moment before releasing a small breath, clearly preparing for whatever he would say and bring onto them. Crëyr did and did not want to know.
"I will be leaving the Bypass," The words left his mouth. Crëyr froze for a second but was thawed when her thought told her that Shadow wouldn't leave and there was more to come. "For about two weeks and you two will be leading this pack when I'm gone, if you do a good job at it, I will consider promoting both of you to the rank of Centurion."
Centurion. Beta. The Beta of the pack. The silvery-grey female knew her skills were perhaps capable, though she would have to prove it when Shadow was gone. What Crëyr wanted the most was to bring safety and happiness towards all members of her new family, so she knew she was going to do the best she could.
"Yes, Shadow. I will do the best of my ability."
Later on came an explanation to a festival the Romans had, which Shadow was determined to celebrate. Apparently it was called Saturnalia and was to honor the god Saturn, whatever god that was. Crëyr didn't have the slightest idea, but wanted to know more. "I am looking forward to seeing it happening before my eyes, but in front of that, I would request to know more about the gods and the festival, perhaps sometime after you return."
A slight sigh of relief could be heard from the sun-touched male, though he thought Shadow's cause of leaving was pretty pointless. Paarthurnax had left on her own will, she probably wasn't going to come back. But he didn't voice his opinion, not wanting to dim Shadow's spirit.
But Centurion...Beta of a pack, second in command. It was still a rare chance and he sure din't want to lose it.He was going to use this luck and make sure he did his best. Some part of his brain was guilty for wanting that spot so bad, it seemed too greedy and selfish. But the other part told him that he worked hard and deserved the place. Either way, he knew he wasn't going to fail Shadow.
“I swear I will do my best, Shadow " That was true, He would do his best and hopefully not fail.
As Shadow continued, Flash started to rack his mental notebook. Saturn was the god of... Time, wealth and ... agriculture. " Celebrate the god of time and wealth in winter?" He asked, slightly confused. But everything happens in it's own time, maybe it was always celebrated in the winter, he just never knew.
“Until then, I will do my best to lead the pack. " He nodded. He wondered if he would ever see the alpha again. He might get lost in the realm of Venus, his love for Paarthurnax so deep he decided not to return. But some part of his brain told him that Shadow would come back, so he trusted it.
He hesitated slightly, before rising and lightly bumping his muzzle to Shadow's shoulder. Unsure whenever the movement would have made Shadow annoyed or happy, he added, “Good luck. I hope to see you return with Lady Paarthurnax " Or return as all...added he dark side of his brain. The tawny male stepped back and sat back down at his space.
The Imperator remained gazing stoically at his two subordinates, their numbers were dwindling right at the start of winter which was unexpected, odd and was not suppose to happen. The less wolves they had, the less chance they had of surviving through this icy season, where did Farkas, Tiberius and all the others go? But did that matter now? No, they had to hunt more often and shelter together, the warmth, safety and comfort of the pack would still be there for them. He would be there for them, until his last breath on this land. Shadow would not abandon his subordinates, a good leader would not save his own life first, he would make sure Flash, Crëyr, Silvermane, Vector and the others (if there were others) would not die this season.
The Roman offered the tawny boy and the silver welsh wolf a smile, faint but reassuring.
Shadow stretched and shook himself, a kind of resigned determination. He knew there was absolutely no way to have Paar as his mate again. But he could try. Though his main purpose was just to talk to her again, understand her motives for leaving and say goodbye. For he still loved her, no matter what happened, and Shadow knew that even if he managed to love again, a small part of him would always love her, he had sold that part to her, and she kept it.
He let her keep it.
At this time of year, Noctisardor was supposed to be teeming with life. Hunting, gathering strength, doing everything they could to prepare for survival against the harsh winter. Instead they were here, with their leader leaving for days to make arrangements with his abandoned lover and her current pack.
Where had everyone gone to?
She echoed after what Shadow said. "My family, my friends. You guys come first." Crëyr couldn't help but smile faintly at the light touch of Shadow's nose on her cheek, the joke he made strangely enough curling the corners of her mouth upwards.
"You won't be gone like this, Shadow," She said, swallowing once again. "Nah, not like this. Never like this."
The words were on her tongue, but she could not bring herself to say them. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Shadow smiled at Crëyr's words, noting once more, her faith in him. And for both of them, if not the pack, he would make sure he would come back. He would make sure Scimitar accepted the deal, he would make sure to come back and be the leader again, be the Alpha and lead the Bypass into an era of prosperity, an era where they could thrive. They would start over again and soon, the rich lush lands that the mountain protected would be brimming with life.
Giving both of them reassuring looks, Shadow touched both of their cheeks with his nose before turning around and vanishing through the crack in the mountain wall. The main entrance of the Bypass, surrounded by trees and mountain rock. He was leaving home, but he would be coming back.