Redhawk Caldera you are blood and earth, not theory and chalk

Thuringwethil did her best to explain and Wildfire nodded. She knew the commander had done what she did best: make pragmatic, rational decisions. But they both knew Wildfire was driven much more by emotions and that, while she could acknowledge the practicality of her mate's choices, it didn't mean she could accept them so readily. She wished it were that easy.

"I don't blame you, not really," Wildfire said a little weakly. She paused, her tears having stopped. Her lips pursed. "The only one who's to blame is Cicero. Well, and all the wolves in that place." She swallowed thickly. "They broke me, Thur, in ways I still can't even comprehend myself. It's going to take me a long time to unpack this baggage. I'm choosing to stay here because I'm not only physically incapable of making that journey right now, I also need time to sort everything out, without bringing all of this shit home to taint my family."

She didn't know if what she was saying made sense. It was more or less a stream of consciousness voiced out loud. She licked her lips and peered beseechingly at the Heda, willing her to understand. Yes, Wildfire had lots of emotions, many of them negative, some directed at her family. Most of them weren't directed at anyone or anything in particular, however, and were just the nasty, infected, invisible wounds inflicted upon her by Blackfeather Woods that still needed to be drained.

"I think we can both agree that this is one of the best, the safest, places I can be. I need to work through this myself. I want to come back when I'm whole. Drageda needs you. Our kids—" Wildfire's voice hitched. "Our kids definitely need their nomi." Beyond that, her voice failed, and Wildfire sank back into sniffling and tears.

She pressed closer to Thuringwethil until it passed with a few shudders, then mentioned something she knew the commander would want to know. "I think they might wage war. Cicero may have let me go but he didn't act alone. There were others who—" The Heda was smart enough to know what Wildfire meant without her having to go into explicit details. "They're a standing threat. And I'm not even the warmongering type—and there's nothing I can really do to help—but they need to pay for what they did to me, and our family, and Arlo..."