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when he speaks, she is silent a few long moments, contemplating all he means and her own long-buried desires.  "I wished for that. not long after I was made leader, for simplicity and for the freshness and novelty of travel. but I let them down by wanting that." she shifted, and while she had not disclosed the true threat to Morningside to Valette, she did now, to a degree. 

"but how can I, now? we have so few hunters and so many young and mothers. the pack is still grieving, and I need - how can I let myself want that?" she wondered if her father would be disappointed. all she'd wanted was to make him proud, to lead beside him. would he understand, what she'd done? or would he see her as a filthy sinner, as Aditya had? she wanted to believe that someone would understand why she'd laid with that man, and yet could not believe anyone would. selfish.