Stone Circle circle of stones

In Valette's absence Nikai's leg hadn't grown much better; in fact, it seemed only to get worse. Nikai had hidden this well enough, especially without any healers in the pack; he was also more focussed on a different kind of state that'd gotten worse. Since Keoni's death he had gotten sadder and sadder and Nikai had slowly began to realise that he wasn't doing very well. At first he thought it was only because Keoni was gone but every day he spent around the stones where she was buried talking to her made him realise how none of their plans had came through; travelling together, joining a different pack, being out there... There was always a next excuse to stay rooted right here, safely by their family's side.

"@Valette?" Nikai called out as he reached the site where he could usually find his family. He hoped that she was nearby; he'd heard of her return but Nikai hadn't actually been able to greet his mother since return. He wondered what news she brought of Alya, for it was one of the things that could greatly influence how he felt right now.

takes place before murdock's death

The moment Valette had returned there had been a lot of new information to be processed. Steph had gotten something around her neck by a monster that attacked her from the skies. The alpha female was worried but for now, Steph had assured her that she wasn't feeling any pain. That she was more than alright. Then soon after Nanook came to her with a raven. Her mentor and one she considered her family was dying and she wanted to travel to that wolf. Valette didn't want to let Nanook go. It was selfish. But this wolf was family to her. She had to let Nanook go. But then to make things worse Clary overheard them and demanded to go with her aunt.

How could a mother deny her child's deepest desire? Valette was quite sick from her decision to let Clary go with Nanook but she knew Clary would be unhappy here. So she let her go, with the promise she would return to Easthollow. Valette lifted her head when she heard Nikai approach. Valette looked sad when she smiled. "Hi, Nikai. How is the leg?,' she asked him. She could imagine that Nikai was curious what Ayla had said to him. She wanted to know first how he was doing. "Any progress?," she wondered.

Nikai's tail wagged softly as Valette came into view. He nipped her chin and smiled as she asked how his leg was doing, even though it wasn't all too better. His fever had subsided and it seemed calmer, but he still could not put pressure on it. "I'm feeling a bit better," he said. "How was Alya?" He was curious if she was coming over to visit, as it'd be lovely to see her again. Yet there was another question at the tip of his tongue — but he witheld from that, hoping to find out soon if Alya was coming to visit him soon.

Valette greeted Nikai as well and licked his muzzle. She was glad to hear that the other was doing better. Hopefully Nikai would beat that infection by himself and the help of herbs. Valette sat down and then nodded. "Alya was good! She said that she hadn't been able to visit yet because of Family Trouble. One sister has died, one has been attacked, and another has gone missing, and that her mom is pregnant," she explained to her son.

Valette clear her throat lightly, it seemed both had their own troubles that made them unable to see each other. "She gives you her love," she added and then smiled. "She want to visit badly but she doesn't know when she can find the time." Valette offered Nikai a hopeful smile.

This information is BTS information from Mixed aka @Ayla's player

Nikai smiled when Valette started about Alya. He was glad to hear that she still lived at Moonspear — so he assumed, considering Valette'd ben able to find her — though his face fell when Valette said that she'd lost a sister and that her other sister had been attacked, and yet another missing. Nikai frowned sadly and said, "That's a lot to process..." Though there was at least light in the news that her mother was pregnant. It sounded like she was holding up well despite it all, even though Nikai was sad that she wasn't able to visit right now.

"Mom, I..." He faltered a little, trying to find the words but finding it hard. All his life Nikai had fit into the box he thought others needed. He'd only ever thought about what he wanted, but he'd never acted on it. He had always been there for Valette, for the pups, for Keoni, and wanted to be the best version of himself for them. But now that he was getting older Nikai found that he wasn't really sure who he even was anymore. It was hard to express what he wanted and needed, as he instantly felt guilty considering it, but he knew he had to find himself somewhere along the way and he needed to do it by himself. "Do you think... Would you be sad if I left Easthollow?" He knew that the answer would be 'yes', so maybe it wasn't a totally fair question. "I've been feeling an itch in my paws for so long. I promised Keoni we'd travel together, but it's too late for her now, and I never got to fill in that promise. I want to see the world and learn about me, but I don't want to leave you out in the cold." Nikai looked away, feeling guilty about even asking such a thing of her. He knew it was unfair to more or less leave a decision like this in her lap. Maybe he should just make the decision to go and be done with it. But the last thing he wanted was to disappoint her or leave Valette with a bleeding heart after she'd already lost her daughter. He knew his leg would complicate matters, but, well, maybe when it was better, or when he'd learned to sufficiently enough get by on three of them.

Valette nodded towards her son when he said that it was a lot to process. It was a lot of things to process for the female he fancied. Valette didn't expect the topic to shift to something else though. The mother looked at her son as he seemed trouble to talk to her about something. Valette watched him with a worried expression. "Nikai, you can talk to me," she spoke to the younger wolf.

Valette couldn't really hide her disappointment when Nikai started to explain he wanted to leave Easthollow. Valette had just said goodbye to Clary. But she wouldn't force him to stay here if he wanted to leave. Valette had gone quiet. It was tough letting Clary go with her sister. Now, Nikai wanted to travel as well. She had been able to see that he was unhappy before, hence why she traveled all the way to Moonspear for him.

"Yes, it would make me sad. But I would not stop you from traveling Nikai. If your calling is outside of Easthollow you must go after it," she spoke quietly. Though it was clear that she was fighting to sound collected. She went through so much effort to make him happy and now on her arrival home, he told her that he wanted to leave. Perhaps her traveling to Moonspear made no difference to his decision now.

"It is okay, Nikai. I will be alright," she assured him, though she wondered if she would be. Another loved one was leaving her. She thought of his leg and wondered how he would survive. Valette wanted to be strict and forbidding him to go but the initial hurt of him admitting he wanted to leave Easthollow was still there. She couldn't bring herself to forbid him to go if he was so unhappy here.

Though his mother had encouraged him to speak up, Nikai couldn't help but feel guilty when she responded to his statement. His ears fell as he watched her face and could tell that she was having a hard time processing this. Nikai didn't really want to leave — he wanted to be there for Valette, just like he'd always been, and just as she had been there for him... But he also wanted to find himself, and find out what life was really about. With spring on its way it seemed the best time, but at the same time it was the worst — but then, it'd always been the worst in some ways, for last year he had had this same discussion with himself and had decided to stay for all the same reasons.

She said that it'd make her sad, just at the moment he was about to say 'never mind' or 'maybe some day, but I don't know if now is the time'. She told him that if his calling was outside of Easthollow that he should go after it, a thing he desperately wanted, but still his heart was torn between his own needs and those of his family.

"I'm sorry about making you sad," he murmured. "I don't... I just sometimes don't really know who I am. Do you know that feeling..? Maybe it's because Keoni's gone, now. We always wanted to travel together sometime, and now she's gone and we never got to do that. I don't want to leave forever — I just want to get to know... me, I guess." He wasn't sure if she would understand, and Nikai looked at his paws with a guilty frown on his face. He wanted so badly to just stay here forever, but he wasn't sure if that's what he needed. He didn't want to be old one day and full of what if's, or worse, die one day and never even getting to those.

Valette understood what Nikai was feeling, in a way. She could imagine that he felt lost or had an identity crisis. He never knew his mother or his father. He had been raised by other wolves. Valette offered him a soft smile. "It's okay, Nikai. I am not mad or anything," she assured him. She didn't want him to think that she was mad at him. She was mostly just sad that she had to miss him. It was the same with Clary. She would miss her daughter and worry for her but wouldn't stop her from going.

"I am not sure you will find those answers being away from us. Though, I understand that you need to search for who you are. I had a bit of the same crisis. You might not know this but I was called differently when I was born. My name was Desna but I am not a Desna anymore," she explained. She had issues with her father and other close ones leaving her. "If you think traveling will help then I would want you to go and be happy. You always have a family to return to here." She hoped Nikai would return. "What will I say when Ayla finds time to visit?," she then asked. "It sounded like she really wanted to come over."

Nikai definitely didn't think he wanted to be away from Easthollow forever. It was hard to imagine what travel would be like and how far the world stretched away from Easthollow, but the thought that he could return home to Easthollow made him feel comforted. Nikai smiled softly as his mother assured him that she wasn't mad. Then she went on to say that she too had had a similar crisis when she was younger. She'd even carried a different name back then. It was weird to imagine his mother as anyone but Valette, now. Weird to think she'd been through so much in her younger years, too, as adults always seemed so collected and like they knew exactly what to do. As he thought of this Nikai suddenly realised that he was an adult, too, now, and others like the pups might look at him the same way.

It was easy to just say 'I'll stay here instead' and he was very tempted to, but Nikai felt that he had to go. He hoped Valette wouldn't mind overly much that he would leave even after the effort she put into visiting Alya. He didn't see this as a bad thing; it was good that she and Valette got to meet, because he definitely intended to see both of them again in the future.

"Thanks," he murmured softly. "It's weird to imagine you going through a similar thing. You always seem like someone who has everything together, I can't imagine you being someone who feels doubtful about anything." As for her question on Alya, he considered for a few seconds before saying: "I will head west first to visit her and let her know. Then she knows she doesn't have to make time to visit, for now... Unless she wants to get to know her future mother-in-law better, of course." Nikai grinned at Valette jokingly, though a part of him definitely hoped they could be together one day. "And maybe she wants to hang out for a little bit while I'm there, or accompany for a little bit of the journey." It would definitely be good to see Alya again. Even better if she wanted to join him, but he wasn't sure he could truly ask such a thing of her.

Valette looked a bit surprised when Nikai told her that he thought she always looked so put together. It was probably because she had to deal with so much trouble in the past that she knew how to handle certain aspects but she still felt doubtful. "I guess that comes with the age," she chuckled. "Though I do feel doubtful or clueless many times of my life," she admitted to him.

Valette smiled at that. "She is always welcome here. I told her that too. It doesn't matter if you are away while she comes here," Valette assured him. She liked Ayla when she met her. She approved of the girl for her son, as far as she was allowed to approve of her. "That is a good idea though. It makes me feel better to know you are not alone on your travels, especially with your leg," she spoke and gave him a compassionate smile. "There is only one demand from me. If you join another pack... Send a messenger so I know where you are and I can visit you?"

It was hard for Nikai to imagine Valette being doubtful or clueless about anything. She'd always been there for him as he grew up, and it felt like she always would be. It was clearly readable on his face that he still thought of her as a collected and organised person who knew exactly what they were doing, and that he was surprised to hear anything else from her.

He nodded when Valette said Alya was always welcome in Easthollow, glad to hear that. He was also glad Valette thought it a good idea for him to visit Moonspear and see if she wished to come along. Then, as she said that if he joined another pack he should let her know, Nikai smiled softly and said, "Of course!" There were a few seconds of silence between them as he considered everything they'd just spoke of and then he decided: "I'm going to give all these thoughts some time to settle. I don't want to make a hasty decision. I'm pretty sure I want to go but I don't want to rush it. I'll let you know once I made the decision." Nikai leaned in to nuzzle the underside of Valette's chin in affection and respect both before he softly murmured: "Thanks, mom." For everything.

Valette was glad to hear he wasn't leaving this minute. It was very wise of him to think about leaving first. "Very wise," she spoke with a nod. "If you need help with preparing for your travels then let me know," she returned. She wanted to make sure if or when Nikai would leave that he would have the best start in life.

She nuzzled him back. "You are welcome, Nikai." She would always be there to help him. Any of her children. She would go through fire for them, any of them. "Let's get you some food then, and make sure you aren't hungry and can put your full thoughts on this matter," she spoke, back to mother mode.

Nikai smiled at Valette as she offered to help prepare for the travels. He didn't think there was much he could do other than eat up; the rest of the journey was up to the road. Hopefully lady luck would be on his side. "Thanks," he repeated softly, finding it hard to put exactly how broad his gratitude was into words; but he had a feeling that Valette knew anyway.

As Valette offered to get him some food, Nikai nodded. "I won't say no to that," he said and licked his lips hungrily as he got up, ready to follow his mother.

Valette smiled at her son. She could make it as difficult as she wanted but she didn't want to end on bad terms. She wanted him to have the best start if traveling was his dream. It had been her dream as well so in that aspect he really could have been her biological son. Valette dipped her head at the thanks. She knew that this meant a lot to Nikai. She was going to spend as much time with him as possible, starting with a meal from the cache.

- end -

I will end it here since you have a new thread up <3