Phoenix Maplewood Remember When

@Nanook

Desna was working super hard on being a gamekeeper. The girl was often out before dawn and returned in the afternoon. She was a very independent girl, and she had settled in well in this forest. She noticed that her mommy was often sad. She tried to hide it but Desna saw it. Today she came back without a catch, she was often not quick enough. She hoped that would come soon. She was already through most of her baby fat. Desna was actually becoming more and more feminine compared to the blob of fat she was before.

Today Desna was sitting by the den. Her mother had wished her goodbye this morning saying that she was going to visit some old friends. Hopefully it would do her well. Since her mother was gone for the day she decided to stick around the den if Sesi wanted her support. Desna hadn't seen much of Nanook lately and was getting a bit worried. Her mommy didn't seem to share her worry so Desna decided to wait it out. Maybe Nanook would come by the den. She missed her sister.

Thanks for starting! <3

Nanook barely spent time near her family anymore. Not that she didn't care. Even through her anger, she loved them, but seeing them only made her remember the void left by Xan and papa and spurred her focus back on them. The only thing that drew her back to the den today was the scent of her mother's trail leading out of the Maplewood. A flurry of emotion stormed within, and her thoughts spun at hyper-speed. Mother hadn't told her where she would be going, but Nanook imagined where she could find the answer.

The den loomed in sight, and Nanook pressed her speed when Desna's fresh scent filled her mouth. Her sister's dark body confirmed her presence, and Nanook only registered the change in her sister's physique with a passing glance. Her body, too, had changed. Forever she'd been a small thing. While Desna still stood a good distance above her, Nanook's own body had lengthened and grown. Yet there was a sharpness to her, a wildness clinging to her wiry limbs that spoke of the flurry within.

Passion burned in her coppery eyes, any blue from her infancy swallowed by fire. "Where'd mother go?" Her mind snapped past all greetings and small talk, and she fixed her sister with intensity in every inch of her body. She knew the answer she wanted, and she willed Desna to say it - that mother had finally listened and was bringing papa and Xan to live with them here.

You are welcome!

Desna was, not very surprisingly, nibbling on the remains of her first caught meal. It was the raccoon she caught with Ashka and brought to her mother as a gift. Nanook hadn't been there to share it with. Desna was more nibbling out of boredom than hunger. She looked up when Nanook came storming in so suddenly. Desna sat up. Her eyes reminded Desna of her papa. They were his eyes. She didn't have any of her parents eyes or coat color. She was starting to feel left out. Mother had assured she was one of her own, and told Desna that on her side of the family a lot of wolves were dark in color.

Desna was about to greet her sister when the other instantly fired a question towards her. Desna's kind hazel eyes fell into the eyes of fire of her sister. "Oh? She went to visit some old friends," Desna spoke mindlessly, like it wasn't some big deal, because it didn't feel like a big deal to her. "She said she would be back later, do you need mother?," she asked. Desna pushed herself to her feet, tail wagging a bit. "I could help!," she instantly invited herself, being friendly but still her bossy self. Thinking that Nanook needed help with something. "We haven't hung out in so long...," she spoke, sounding so much smaller. She missed her sister, it was like she lost her too along with Xan.

She waited in rigid silence, ears pressed forward and itching to hear. But her sister's answer tightened her throat, and the rest of Desna's words buzzed through the air without reaching the grey girl's ears. Her gaze drifted off her sister to penetrate the trees, as if something there held more interest for her. But Nanook didn't see the Maplewood, and Desna blurred out of focus like a fading dream. Nanook had concluded that if mother ever left, it would be to find their family. But by Desna's remark, mother wasn't bringing back papa or Xan, and finality bore a scorching hole in the hollow of her chest.

Something shifted in her sister then, a lilt to her voice Nanook had never heard from Desna before. The grey girl flicked her coppery gaze back to her sister with a kink of her head. Finding papa and Xan consumed her thoughts day and night; there was hardly a minute that went by where she did not think of them in some shape or form. It was all for her family, of course, Desna included, even if she did not share the same urge to find their missing members as Nanook. There was a longing in her sister's voice, a deflation that made Nanook feel bigger than she was, and Desna so much smaller. "We can't play yet." Nanook's answer came bluntly to her lips. Desna's longing would pass as soon as they found the others and brought them home. Her brows knit together, a look now second-nature to the polar child. "Not 'til we find papa and Xan."

Desna's face fell into a frown when her sister returned that she couldn't play with her. That wasn't even what Desna said. The female offered her help to her sister and she just dismissed it as play. She wasn't some child anymore, she liked other things now. Nanook seemed to only sulk about her missing brother and father while she was neglecting to the ones that she had around her. What if it would be the other way around? Would she neglect her father and Xan and kept thinking about them?? "I didn't say anything about play, Nanook. I offered my help," she spoke. "Haven't you listened to what mommy said about listening to others?" Probably not because Nanook never listened. She was always in her own world.

Desna had learned from her mother you could get a lot of information by listening. The dark female would advise that for her sister too. Desna was bossy, but she had her mother's kindness. Desna missed her brother a bit and her father too. But she had seen how much he hurt her mother, and how sad her mother was. Desna didn't want to make her any more upset. This visit to some old friends might do her well. Maybe Desna was just too compassionate. "I miss them too, Nanook. But now it seems you forgetting us, me, in your want to go to Dad and Xan. You isolate yourself from us. Why? We are your family too, or don't you like us as much as Dad and Xan?," she let out, feeling a bit offended.

Nanook mirrored her sister's frown and felt her defences rise. "I did listen," she insisted, even though she knew she hadn't. Really, the only words she'd heard after her sister had disclosed mother's whereabouts were hang out, but Desna didn't need to know that.

Mother said do this and do that, but why did she expect Nanook to listen if she didn't listen to her? That only started the list of things that didn't make sense about mother. Nanook still couldn't shake the day she'd witnessed her tear into the ruddy intruder. At the time, the grey girl had lived in the moment, spurred to join by a desire to keep her mother from harm. But as the adrenaline wore off, the more she grew confused between mother's violence on that day and her punishment of that same behaviour in Nanook. The episodes clashed, and try as she might, the polar child could not make sense of the grating opposition between her mother's words and her behaviour.

The third-born's empathy had never stretched as far as her younger sister's, but she felt the offence seeping from Desna now. Nanook's own gaze hardened at the accusation Desna hurled her way. "I haven't forgotten you. I don't want to go to papa and Xan." Her voice grew quiet, and her frown quivered. "I want them back."

It was a reserved display of the deeper sadness she felt, a diverted glance and a slack of her tail, entrusted to no one but herself until now. "You're safe. You're here. I don't know where papa and Xan are." And that was why she spent her days alone, because everyone else seemed happy here without them, and she didn't. She couldn't be. Nanook flicked her gaze to her sister again. But Desna was happy here - and yet she said she missed them, too, and her hope quivered at that. "If you want to help, then help me find them. We'll be a family again."

Not sure what Cicero would tell her during their thread so I am going to keep it vague here.

Desna watched her sister. She seemed to desperate in her way of finding her father and Xan. Frankly, Desna was growing estranged from them both. She saw how much they hurt her mother and was less inclined to look for them. Plus Xan was very mean to her and told her that she was adopted too, like Leo. Desna almost believed him. The girl was very upset her bother would treat her so mean.

Desna looked at her sister then. "So basically you think that papa can't take care of Xan?," she asked. "You think they are unsafe? I don't think so. They went to that dark forest or something. Sounds about right for the both of them. Daddy was so mean to mommy, and Xan was mean to me too. I know you didn't like it either how Dad always hung out with Xan. Why look for them? I want to help you but I don't want to make mommy more upset. You know how worried she has been about you and Sesi? You could be more nicer to her you know. She is hurting just as much as you and I," Desna spoke wisely.

Her hazel eyes focussed on her sister. "I'm not sure if I want to see them, Nanook. They went different ways for a reason. Maybe we shouldn't... I want to help you but I am not sure I can help you with looking for them," she spoke, sounding genuinely sorry. "I do want you to stay close. I miss you and I want to be your sister but I can never find you."

It's all good (: Oh boy, this post was super hard to write! I spent some time researching how kids respond to parental divorce, and decided to try to play off that.

Nanook stiffened at how Desna interpreted her words. That wasn't what she meant. Of course papa could take care of Xan, he could take care of them all. But before she could blurt any objection, her sister offered something of value - a location, a starting point, and Nanook remained silent with ears pressed to their full attention. She might not have listened before, but now Desna had her fixed. The only problem was, her sister offered little more to help her find their absent family, and the words Desna offered were ones Nanook didn't want to hear.

The truth was, papa had hurt her. How he'd always given more attention to Xan stung, but she cherished the moments she remembered. The time he'd embraced her, the time he'd praised her for winning the pushing game, the times he'd finally taken her out to learn all the words he'd been teaching Xan. Papa had hurt her, and mama, too, but she thought they still loved her, and if even if they didn't, she still wanted them both. She still wanted Xan, even though Desna was right. He'd been mean her, too. There had been so many times she'd secretly wished him gone, but now that he wasn't here, she just wanted him back.

And then came the shift, what Nanook took as a hidden accusation, and her mass of emotion simmered to a halt.

She heard what Desna said after that, her words louder than everything before, yet every sentiment fell on ears deaf to her comfort and reaching. Nanook tried to focus, if only because Desna had already called her out once for not listening, but her whole body buzzed with the same numbing guilt she suppressed through the avoidance of her family. It was because of her that mama was upset, and it was because of something she did that papa wasn't here anymore. Desna said that papa was mean to their mother, but Nanook knew the truth. That was why mama didn't listen to her pleas to find the others. That was why Desna could be so happy here - because this was Nanook's punishment, not hers. And maybe that was why Desna wouldn't help her now.

Desna, who still wanted to be her sister. Desna, who wanted her close. There was an instinct in Nanook that told her to cling to her sister and never let go. Instead, she turned her body away. "I'm sorry." Her voice cracked under the strain. She was sorry, for everything that had happened, but she didn't know how to fix this. She couldn't lift her gaze to meet her sister's again. "I have to go."

Yeah, Desna is just siding to one parent and blaming Kove instead of herself like Nanook is! (So sad!) And OMG love the new Ava!

Desna got zero response to the words she was telling. Instantly the dark haired girl felt the same loss she felt when Xan and Papa were left behind. She didn't want another one of her family to go. "Nanook, No," she pouted to the other and stepped forward. Her Sister wasn't gone yet. Desna realized she didn't care if Nanook listened to her words, she wanted to listen to these ones. Do not leave me. She didn't want Nanook to go away from them, to go to her father. Because that was the connection Desna was making now.

The bigger sister moved to lick Nanook. "Please don't go. I need you!," she stated. If Nanook would be gone then who was going to carry all the sadness that ran in her family? Desna's childhood had shortened too. She tried to make her mother happy and be a playful kid, while technically she couldn't be that playful and careless. She liked to think that she was but she wasn't. Then there was Sesi who closed herself of from the world except her and Nanook that also closed herself off. Where could Desna go when she needed someone? Nanook was the more sensible sister. Face it, there was something ... wrong with Sesi. Desna would never admit that in person to anyone because she loved her baby sister but something always has been off about her.

"Nanook. I don't know what will make you stay or why you aren't talking to me. But please---," he voice choked up a bit. Desna realized in this moment that she was absolutely terrified of being left behind. She might acted all cool about her mother leaving but that wasn't the case, and now Nanook was saying about going, and Sesi being in her own world... Where would she go? "I don't want to be alone," she whispered to her sister.

Desna is seriously breaking my heart right now D: And sorry again that Nanook is pretty much like talking to a wooden board xD Also, thanks! (:

Nanook turned her face away. Desna's words fell on deaf ears again, until her sister's sudden touch upon her cheek.

Something flooded Nanook then, a surge of heat that twisted her heart and lodged up her throat. White flickered on the edge of her vision, an obstruction she couldn't blink away. Like the day she's raked her sister's face, only this time without reason. The sensation subsided when Desna's voice washed over her, yet she couldn't get the taste of her sister's blood out of her mouth.

She sensed the emotion and grief pouring from Desna, but outwardly Nanook remained cold as the dead fish papa had brought them back in the Valley. Only the tremble in her legs betrayed her inner writhing, but unlike Desna, she couldn't figure out what her sister expected her to say, or what she was even supposed to do with the mess of everything she felt. No one had taught her how to be sad, or angry, or how to show her loved ones she cared when everything was going wrong. She only had the example her parents had set, and they hadn't given her much of one at all.

Nanook had to go, and she remained unconvinced Desna needed her here, so she clung to the only tangible reassurance she could give. "I won't leave you alone." She kept her gaze turned away, still unable to meet the desperation she was at fault for in her sister's face. Nanook would look, but while she was gone, Desna would have mama and Sesi. And she would always come back. This mess was her fault. Nanook didn't expect her to understand. But her plan was to make their family whole again, and Desna was as much a part of that as the rest of her kin. Nanook said again, as if to reassure herself, "You won't be alone."

Poor babies! <3

Desna looked at her sister that was so closed off from her, and anyone in the world really. The dark girl wished that she could so something about it. It was rather troubling that Nanook was acting like this. Desna felt like she was talking to a wall. A grey wall that sometimes talked back once she wanted to. Nanook assured her that she wouldn't be alone but Desna didn't believe her really. It felt like Nanook was ready to leave this second.

"Then where are you going now? Lets do some hunting together otherwise, or go look for Sesi," she suggested. Maybe if she could keep Nanook busy enough with fun things she might not leave. Desna also wasn't sure if Saena was going to accept Nanook back if she would leave. Now they mother didn't ran the pack anymore and this female, although nice, also could be strict. Desna realized this soon enough.

The truth was, Nanook was ready to leave. Not the Maplewood yet, just somewhere other than here, where she could lash the flurry inside without risking her sister. But Desna wouldn't let her and she stopped Nanook again, this time with words. Her heart twisted in frustration, but Nanook walled it up behind her growing fortress and turned to Desna with a closed face.

Behind her wall was a different story. She wanted to go back to the way things had been. A world where she didn't have to hide from her sister, or fear she'd be punished by having someone else taken from her for a wrong she hadn't realized she'd done. But that was not the world she faced, and it was best for them both if she kept her distance until she could fix her mistakes, whatever they had been. "I'm staying here, don't worry," she tried to speak as controlled as she could, but inner tension continued to strain to her voice. "I just don't wanna hunt right now, or look for Sesi." She just wanted to get away, and the thought of running with her sister while ice churned inside made her throat tighten with anxiety for all that could happen.

Desna frowned a bit as Nanook declined another of her offered time. She felt her heart sink and let her ears drop. She got the message loud and clear. Nanook didn't want anything to do with her. She felt that burning pit of rejection in her stomach and looked away, not wanting to let Nanook know that she was close to crying about this. Desna swallowed her tears away and looked at Nanook again. "Fine. I get it. You don't want to be around me," she returned to her sister with a scowl.

Desna turned back to the den her mother was using. Her worst fear of Nanook going away was probably going to come true. Her sister didn't even want to talk to her about anything, not even be with her. The only reason Nanook was here was to ask about their mother and where she was going. Desna only feel more hurt now. "Just go. Do your own thing then," she huffed, really hurt, so now she was pushing her sister away too.

She hadn't expected the poison in Desna's voice, or the obvious hurt emblazoned on her face when she turned to look at Nanook again. Her sister finally gave her what she wanted, yet every word brought a downward tug at the corners of her mouth that Nanook couldn't control. "That's not - " but talking was like opening the floodgates to the floe of everything inside, and her chest burned with a fire that caught her refute in her throat.

Nanook hovered even when Desna turned her back on her, and in that moment a deeper pain twisted inside. Desna didn't try to pull her close; instead, she pushed her away, which was what Nanook wanted, but not like this. She wanted, needed her sister, but she froze on every ounce of fear and doubt that held her back from barreling forward and burying her face into the fur on Desna's neck in a sobbing mess. Her heartbeat quickened, but Nanook remained rigid as ice, like the polar child she'd been crowned to be.

She had thought it would be better to be alone, but now she felt an icy grip on her heart at the sudden awareness of just how alone she was. The world expanded before her, and her breath grew ragged. A dull pain throbbed at the front of her skull, and before she could think of how she could fix whatever she'd broken now, Nanook spun, turned her back on Desna, and tore off into the Maplewood.

Nooo poor babies

Desna wasn't surprised when Nanook rushed off. She felt weak for allowing Nanook to go but Desna was tried too and she couldn't carry everyone's weight in the family. The girl was still much in denial of what happened. She didn't like to think of it really. The dark pup let out a soft sob once Nanook was gone. Her hazel eyes filling with tears she quickly tried to blink away.

The young female quickly trotted off into the den so she could mourn the loss of his sister in private. Now she had no one anymore. Sesi was in her own world and her mommy was gone. She felt all alone. She curled into a tighter ball, not wanting to face anything for now. She wanted to sulk and sniffle in the dark. Maybe she would wait for mommy to come home, but then her mother would be sad...

-end-