Blacktail Deer Plateau With the lights down low

 

Most days Catori didn't know how to handle herself. With the days since the incident, she especially didn't know what to do with Grayday. She tended to his wounds as she'd been shown, but still most of her time was spent fretting after him. She didn't want to be that person and think him incapable but she also wasn't going to just abandon him and his needs. "Come here," It was a simple request breathed out into his cheek before she nodded towards the den, careful to keep herself in his line of sight. 

She took a couple of cautious steps beyond him - and this time she hovered on the side of the missing eye. If he hit something, let it be her softer form than a tree or a rock or something. "You don't have to try and be more handsome to me, Grayday Corten." She joked lamely - but really, it had warmed her down to her core to known the depths of how far he would go for his pack and his family. She was proud of him.  

Grayday was grateful for his wife's support; he sensed what she was doing even if she tried not to make it too obvious. He needed her right then, and he wasn't afraid to show it by pressing his shoulder into hers, so that they walked as one wolf instead of two. Clumsily, he brushed his tongue against her muzzle, his whiskers telling him enough that he didn't hit her in the eye, as he had even before losing one of his own. Eventually, he would grow accustomed to having only one left, just as he had grown accustomed to the shape of his wife, and the way that she moved. Eventually, his vision would be entirely a thing of the past.

"Are you worried?" he asked her, ignoring her jest. Between seeing to Lavender and the return of the scouting party, they'd not had much time for touching bases on this new development. He had resigned himself long ago to eventual blindness, but Catori, he knew, had not had as much time to come to terms.

 

"Always,"  Catori answered honestly, shifting her muzzle a bit to press a few gentle kisses to his snout. "About you? No more than anything else." Catori took her time and settled with his weight against her. It didn't bother her. Not really. She was comfortable with Gray as she'd known him - and that included his murky eyes and the knowledge that eventually he might not see her anymore. Maybe he wouldn't see their children the same way, and this, it had only stolen from him faster than she'd anticipated. 

"Are you?" Catori would understand - if the tables were turned, she'd probably be scared to death honestly. But she wouldn't shy away from this, or their marriage, she wasn't the type to quick when things got hard. 

He gave a tacit nod of understanding, not pressing the issue any further. If Catori had any concerns that he could help with, he trusted her to tell him. For now, it was enough that she'd remained beside him. He couldn't ask anymore of her.

"I've had a long time to worry about what it would be like to be blind," said Day. "I think I've got it all out of my system, by now."

He was still nervous about what his future might hold, but he knew that it had only been a matter of time. Besides - he still had one of his eyes. It wasn't the end of vision as he knew it. Perhaps it was good, in a way. It helped to know what it would be like in the future. The sense of loss was deeper and more profound that he'd thought it would be, but at the same time, he'd found that he could deal with it easily enough. He was stronger than he'd thought he was, and that was always a good thing.

"We'll be okay," he decided, turning his head to catch the expression on Catori's face. His nose knocked into her cheek, but it wasn't hard enough that he thought he needed to apologize. "I've still got a few good years left in me. Even if the other one goes, I think I'll still be of some use."

In group hunts, in border marking, in a fight, if it was necessary. He didn't need eyes to bite, after all.

"Have you seen all you want to?" Catori asked bluntly; that nature of her was to face things head on and not run from them. She wouldn't run from this either. She could ask bluntly and she wouldn't ask and try and hide away from the feelings that came with the answers either. She let out a slow breath when Grayday touched her cheek and she smiled gently, leaning into his all too brief touch as they made their way to the little space that they'd claimed for themselves - eventually she'd take to moving the furs somewhere that frost and snow might not hit them. Eventually they'd line her whelping den, give their children things to play with too. "Once things settle some, we could make a trip of it, perhaps." If there was something he still longed to see she'd make it happen while he still could. 

"I can think of a few things you could still do," She teased warmly, fondness flooding her voice as she leaned over to preen at his neck for a moment. She wouldn't begrudge him the things he still wanted to do and she wouldn't hover and make him uncomfortable with her overbearing nature. She truly hoped that she could keep herself in that sweet spot - she wanted to support but not smother. "And we have many, many years left. You'll have to do better if you're hoping to run me off." She smiled at him, hoping that he might appreciate her stance too. 

Grayday thought for a moment. There was still a whole world left to see, but travel didn't appeal to him the same way it used to. And, of course, he'd like to see his blood mixed with Cat's - their combined DNA. But life was a fickle mistress even without the added fear of the curse. He didn't know if he'd willingly risk her that way. They'd cross that bridge when they came to it, he supposed.

But there was one thing he'd been thinking a lot about, lately. "Perhaps you can take me to meet your family," he suggested. "I'd like to see where you grew up. You could introduce me to your brother." He wondered if her parents were still alive, and what they might think of him. Mostly, he hoped that she'd have the chance he never got. It always pained him to know that his parents would never know how he turned out. He'd always wished he could go home one last time. But it wasn't to be; not for him, anyway.

 

Once they'd arrived Catori turned in a circle a few times, pulling the bedding up to nearly make a nest of it large enough for the two of them. "Here," She said with a smile as she looked up to him, waiting for him to settle against her. She wanted to be the big spoon despite her usually curling up beside Grayday instead. She took to preening and grooming him, listening to his thoughts as he spoke. "That, my dear, is a long journey." She admitted. "But I think they'd enjoy you. And Chelan would love knowing I've tricked someone stable into my affections." She said with a laugh. She was careful as she cleaned his face, making sure that she didn't hurt him in the process. "How is your pain?" She could go full on nursemaid - scale of one to ten, what face would you pick for how you're feeling? 

"See - don't think I didn't remember when we met. I knew you'd trick me into caring for you more." She said warmly, nuzzling against him again. No, having his vision cut down earlier than she'd ever considered possible wasn't going to make her run off. She still had her good humor and she still would be right next to him regardless of how things went. "You probably have some fantasy of having someone taking care of you." She kissed right on his snout then, still smiling. No - the sun would shine on them just the same as it had a week ago. Even if she was drawing the picture in his head of how the colors looked. 

Grayday came obligingly to his wife's side, and leaned against her when she offered herself up as a bed. His good eye was tilted toward her as she spoke, half-lidded in the male's comfort. The pain wasn't too bad if he wasn't moving, and honestly, he'd felt worse even then.

"What can I say? We're both irresistable," he replied, turning his head to lick at the fur of her chest for a moment. "I'm surprised you weren't already otherwise engaged when I met you. But I guess that's why they call you Spiritwalker, huh? You knew you had to find me - your one true love."

He puffed out his chest and looked back to her face for her reaction, tail beating the ground in anticipation. He loved teasing her, and he loved how she teased back.

 

"I know I am," Catori countered with a smirk, nuzzling gently against Grayday. She was happy with him resting against her and his spirits seemed good. She was pleased with that, worrying over how he might far - but he wasn't droopy or mopey. "Hmm. Something like that." She said with a little laugh. "Or I hadn't found anyone I thought could handle me." Grayday so far had proven to be stable enough to handle her whims and he didn't seem afraid of her - which was good for them both. 

"How do you feel this winter will go? There seems to be plenty of prey at least." Catori, trying to plan the world out, was more worried about keeping things in relative check than anything else. "I should check up with Dawn when she gets back about her plans." She wouldn't overstep her boundaries of course but she wanted to help however she could. 

Grayday smirked at Catori's reponse. It was something of a relief to be with someone who he didn't have to constantly reassure of his affections - or of his level of attraction to her! He didn't think he could ever be mopey knowing Catori was his. His eye might be gone, but as far as the leader was concerned, life had never been more to his liking.

"I won't waste my time guessing," Grayday huffed, remembering last winter's aching cold. "We're better off than we were last year, but the best thing to do is still gain weight now and hope we don't need it later." He wasn't great at predicting the weather, anyway, and prey was always abundant until - quite suddenly - it wasn't. He'd leave things like that to his Spiritwalker, who was clearly better suited to the challenge. "I think that might be best. This is her first winter as an adult - " Which meant he should probably have a talk with her before winter really got underway. " - and she'll appreciate the help more than she lets on."

He thought about the last winter, and all the things that could've been done differently. "Can you keep an eye on the caches? I want to make sure we're not wasting anything, but that we keep stocked at the same time. I don't want to leave it all up to Dawn, you know? She's going to have a lot on her plate this winter, anyway."

 

Delegating the common tasks between them felt good and Catori couldn't deny that being useful appealed to her. She'd never be the type to just sit and expect the world handed to her - even if Grayday got his way and had her fat and pregnant before spring. Of course the joking about getting her nice and fat had been before their mateship was settled but she'd had that feeling it was where they were headed and babies just came to the natural scheme of things she felt. "Well. It won't be on Dawn only - no matter what the whole pack needs to be involved and aware. It isn't just a task for one wolf no matter what position that wolf holds in things." She explained her thoughts as smoothly as she could. 

"Y'know, it'd probably be good to take the kids along too, they'd probably enjoy having a 'real job' around the packlands." Catori guessed - she knew when she was young she'd wanted something to do like the bigger wolves and just checking cache levels was fairly easy (and safe) enough that even younger wolves could manage it. "The pack is thriving, we've got passionate wolves who actually care - I think this will go well." She admitted. 

Grayday gave a happy wag of his tail. Catori was right - they were thriving. Not just physically, but in spirit as well. Their numbers tended to shrink and swell as naturally as the moon, but they were never alone, and never without. They had loyal brethern at their core, and their family at their side.

Things were good.

Grayday shifted, stretching himself along Catori's length and pillowing his head upon her shoulders. "Dawn and Aditya have paired off," he revealed, his pleasure at that fact easily detectable in his tone. "We talked, and... I'm not afraid anymore. Of the curse. We're stronger than that, and besides - someone has to break it before Dawn is ready to whelp."

He licked a patch of fur on Catori's shoulder. "What do you think? Will you mix your blood with mine?"

 

Catori couldn't pretend that it wasn't terrifying to consider having children. Being a mother in any capacity was something she wasn't entirely familiar with - and navigating her role in the lives of Gray's children meant that she was playing it by ear the entire time. She just didn't know. So far she'd been lucky enough that her interactions with the girls were positive, all things considered, and yet there was still room for so much more. She gave a soft hum, nuzzling beneath Grayday's muzzle but careful not to move his head too much. She didn't want to make him hurt, especially when talking about something so important as the future of their family. 

"It's a little overwhelming." Catori admitted, giving a little sigh. "I just.....I want to make sure I'm a good mother. Not just to our kids, but, to Easy, Dauntless, and Lavender too. They deserve the best I can give them." Did that mean she intended to forgo breeding whenever her heat hit her? No - but, she wanted to make sure that one litter was never pushed aside for the sake of the other. "Probably not the encouraging answer you wanted, hm?" Catori wouldn't shy away from that - he could tell her his concerns just the same as she could voice hers and she felt safe enough to. 

"Did it scare you the first time?" Catori asked, wondering what trepidation he'd felt when facing his first litter's birth.

Grayday licked her muzzle at these words. His heart sunk, but he'd loved Catori even when he'd been sure that no pups would be in their future, and he still loved her, now. They'd find some other way to ensure Dawn could safely raise her own family one day.

"You're a better prize than imaginary children," he replied, wanting her to know that she had not let him down in any capacity. He was a bit sad, but he tried not to show it, not wanting to hurt her feelings. He'd get over it soon enough. "I don't want to diminish your relationship with the kids. You are becoming an important part of their lives, and I believe it's important for that to continue to grow. But they won't need you as much as children born to you would. They have Pema and Dawn, and those two have grown into the place that Khoe used to occupy. You are growing there as well, but... you don't stand there alone."

He didn't want to make her sad, but he also didn't want to mislead her. The kids would probably never experience a close, mother-child relationship with Catori, and while that was certainly a shame, it also wasn't a terrible thing. They had many around to love them.

"I don't remember being afraid," Grayday went on, thinking back. "I was very anxious to finally have a family of my own. I was more frightened that something would happen, and they'd be lost to me before I even had the chance to love them."

 

Grayday had misunderstood her - or she hadn't articulated properly her concerns, which was fine. She listened in silence to his words, giving a little hum at the notion that his kids didn't need her in the capacity. Still, she wanted to be as present as she could be in their lives - as stable and solid as they needed her to be however they did end up needing her. "That wasn't a no, honey. I'm just nervous."  Catori said, trying to make sure that she was more clear this go around. 

"I don't think I'm going to fill any voids or take anyone's place with your kids, but, I'm going to be clear mine don't and won't matter more than they do. Even if the older crew won't need us as much as the little ones would, my family was much more... Close than that. Cousins tended each other and we all pitched in. I know that's a lot of what Morningside does too, I just... "  She worried the edge of her lip against her teeth for a moment, wondering what she'd do if she failed him somehow. She wanted to be good enough for all of them - their kids, their pack, still be someone special for him and him alone. 

"I don't want to be horrible at this mother thing and let you down."  

The leader was surprised by the amount of relief that flowed through him at Catori's simple correction. He hadn't realized that he wanted another litter that badly. Perhaps it was just because it was her, and he wanted that common blood between them. It wasn't necessary, but it created a nearness that the male felt could not be otherwise achieved. That, and he did love children rather desperately. Being a father seemed to be his calling.

And although he wasn't sure it was Catori's calling, it was just absurd to think that she wouldn't be good at it. She was so good to him, so patient and kind. The kids were learning from her and she was helping to keep them fed. She was strong and steady, and he knew that she would never use them as leverage to cause him pain.

"You could never disappoint me," Grayday assured her. "I mean, aside from the fact that you'll be above and beyond my first two mates just by sticking around, you obviously have what it takes. You've got a good heart, and you're a hard worker. The rest will fall into place."

He licked her cheek, shifting so that he was cuddling her instead of him simply leaning against her. "And if you're feeling overwhelmed, I'll be right there beside you. Pema and Dawn will be there, too, and the kids will be older as well. Cat, these kids are gonna have so much love they won't know what to do with it," he said with feeling. "That you can be nervous, even knowing all that, makes me sure you'll be a stellar mom. You care for our imaginary children already."

The idea that she was infallible was one Catori could only shake her head at, even giving a little exasperated roll of her eyes. "That knock to your head must have done more damage than we thought," She rumbled affectionately, preening a bit of fur behind the base of one of his ears. "I could disappoint you. Not that I'm planning on it, but, there's always that possibility. Maybe my hormones will change and make me smell bad. Maybe I'll wake up one day and just.....hate the color blue. Be sick of the sky itself. Maybe I get some weird skin infection and all my fur falls out and I look horrible without it." She could go on and on but it was clear she was playing - the message was true enough though. She might fail him in all sorts of ways, but, not the ways he feared. "Their loss. You have amazing children, Gray, and you aren't that bad yourself." She said with a little smile. 

She was still as he adjusted himself and once he was where he wanted to be she settled into his embrace happily. "I just...don't get it. I'm sure you've questioned it yourself but...how in the world do you walk away from your family? Not even yours specifically but...." She trailed off with a sigh, and she expected that it would never be a mystery they solved. "I'm not going anywhere. Even without our babies. I'm happy here. With you - with your kids, with the pack." Since the entire attack at the borders she'd been thinking about things even more. She hadn't really articulated things - caring more about making sure that Grayday was taken care of and that the kids were okay still and keeping their borders secure - it was endless and Catori was grateful for the distractions. 

"I'll never replace their mother and I don't want to - but seeing Lavender hurt....." She let out a shaky breath. "It was such an immediate response in me...I didn't even notice what happened to you at first." She admitted this, cuddled against him, and yet there was no remorse there. 

Grayday gave his wife a dry, are-you-done-yet look as she went on her tirade. Obviously there were going to be times when he wasn't exactly pleased with her. That was life. But he was sure he could do the same things and still be able to count on her, even if she was spitting mad. Catori was honorable like that.

"You know what I mean," he insisted. "Disappointed, yes. I'll give you that one. I'm going to disappoint you sometimes, too. But we'll make it. That's what I mean. We're a team, and we've got this handled, even if you go bald or I lose an eye or something crazy like that."

He gave her a tiny smile and licked her muzzle, keeping his face close to hers as he gathered his thoughts. He wanted to say more about how she obviously wasn't going to be a terrible mother, and that, at the very least, she'd be quite adequete, but that didn't seem to be the thing to say to your wife. "I've got your back," he said at last. "We'll get through it, and we'll get our imaginary babies through it, too."

His ears turned back at the new direction the conversation took. He didn't, as a rule, enjoy thinking or speaking of Amber or Khoe, but he also didn't feel any need to stop Catori from bringing it up. He agreed with her assessment anyway - it didn't make a lick of sense. His love for his children was so deep and profound and pure. He couldn't imagine ever abandoning them when they needed him, even when they made him angry. Even when their mother had made him angry, he hadn't considered leaving them behind for even a second. Instead, he'd committed himself to Khoe and her vindictive moods for what he'd thought would be life. It'd been a pain, but what else could he have done?

And in Catori, he'd found a kindred spirit. It warmed him to have such fierce loyalty directed at him, but even more so to have it directed at his child. "I fall more in love with you every day," said the male, burying his face in Catori's thick scarf. She might never surpass Pema and Dawn enough to take the place of mother in the kids' eyes, but Grayday knew that she'd make a damn fine one. "We're all lucky to have you, Catori. Any cubs you bring into the world will be just as blessed."

Catori knew it wasn't a pleasant memory and she had no intentions of dwelling on the subject of his past mates but she still just...she didn't get it. How did someone make that choice? She was still glowing as it was from the feeling that they gave her - that was enough to overcome the fear. She couldn't make it any worse given how he was certain they'd overcome things together and it was enough that she could feel more certain too. "Imagine if we have a girl as stubborn as me and Dawn put together." She said with a breathy laugh. "You don't even know what you've gotten yourself into, hun." Catori smiled at him, touching her nose against his temple gently as she just breathed him in. Hers. 

Catori let her eyes close as he nuzzled into her, almost shivering under his affections. "Oh, Grayday," She murmured as she let her head rest over his. "I've never imagined a life like ours until you. And I want it more than I know how to articulate. Even if it scares the hell out of me." She said candidly. "Imagine I'll still be as nervous even after our second or third litter. But we'll survive. Our whole big imaginary family." Catori couldn't help but smile at that - feeling more reassured by their talk. 

Grayday's tight expression faded to fondness as Catori went on, talking about the kinds of children they might have. He loved Dawn and Catori, and couldn't imagine anything better than having a daughter that was like both of them combined. Stubbornness could be irritating, but he admired it more than it exasperated him.

"I'd like that," he replied, a smile quirking his mouth. That probably wasn't the answer she'd been expecting, but it was the truth. Any child with Catori would be a blessing - the very idea made him giddy. The best part about children, he thought, was watching them grow into the wolves they were meant to be. "I want it, too," said Grayday, not quite sure how to soothe her fears. He didn't have words, either, and instead, simply pressed closer to his wife, shifting so that her body was almost cradled against his.

 

Catori could see so many things - stubborn and strong children, boys hiding their sensitive sides until they just couldn't help it anymore, little children that ran about and continued to spread their little homes to the four corners of the earth. "Maybe the boys will bring pretty girls to visit us until we're old and gray," She broke off into a chuckle there, licking his brow. "Well, more gray, and their little ankle biters will tug our tails and ears." 

Catori let out a low breath and relaxed in his embrace. She occasionally leaned up to kiss along his jaw, but overall, everything in the world just felt right. Even being worked up about the thought of maybe bringing their children into the world wasn't enough to shake her right then. Everything just felt like it was supposed to be. "I love you Grayday." 

The thought made Grayday grin. It'd been a satisfying experience to have Dawn pair off with Aditya, and he could only imagine what it would be like when he had grandkids running around. "I was trying to get Sunny and Pema to fall for each other before he left," he admitted with a little laugh. He was sad Sunny had gone off again, but now that he and Dawn had made up, he felt as though he'd done his best with the boy. Sometimes, it was just time to fly the coop. "I hope Dawn and Adi never leave us," he said seriously. "If they have their kids away from us, I'm going to kill them both."

He did want little babies tugging on his ears well into his dying days. He was glad that Catori shared this dream. "I love you, too, Ginger," he said, sincere but teasing. He tugged on her ear. "Want me to show you?"

 

Catori wasn't sure if they would never leave and honestly, she expected that at some point, they might. The pack was getting fuller as was natural with winter; but beyond that - their very nature often meant that at some point they might spread their wings. "If they don't stay with us forever, they'd probably end up close enough." Catori intoned, giving a little shrug. "But I bet they'd bring them by often - and it's not like we can't visit too." Catori reminded him with a little nudge. 

Catori grinned when he tugged at her ear, nipping at a lock of his scruff. "Hmm and just how are you planning on doing that, handsome?" She asked with a lilting tone. She worried of course just what he meant - not wanting him in pain or worn out but certainly not wanting to baby him either. It was a fine line, but Grayday was a big boy, and she felt confident he'd be honest with her if whatever wasn't working for the two of them. 

Fade here?

Her tone seemed to answer for her, although he did detect a trace of trepidation somewhere in there. He gave her cheek one last kiss and her ear an affectionate nibble, hoping to soothe her nerves. He could guess what she was thinking. "I'll be careful," he promised against her ear, shifting only slightly so that his body covered hers. "We can stay like this - closer to the ground. Less distance to fall," he explained, though by the teasing edge to his voice, she would probably deduce that he was not too worried about falling over.

Like Catori, Grayday had a warm feeling in the depths of his chest that told him everything was okay. He'd one some and he'd lost some, but here with Catori, the losses didn't seem so significant - and the gains...

"Budge up a little, though," he said, tickling her ribs with a few gentle pokes of his muzzle.

The gains were priceless.

 

Regardless of trepidation they were both settled comfortably in one another. When Catori ended up worked up Grayday was there to help settle her fears. She gave a little hum and licked her lips, shifting a bit to accommodate him better. "Probably should have waited for this," Catori breathed out as she settled properly. "Now we can't get enough..." She couldn't help the breathy tease or the way that she just let herself go. 

Everything just felt right and she knew regardless of what happened she'd survive it all - as long as they had each other.