Wheeling Gull Isle little star, tonight

The suckling of her children and the lullaby of singing water lulled Coelacanth into a dreamy, trancelike state. Though she continued to count heads obsessively and ensure that each child was breathing normally, her movements were languid and relaxed. Now she did long for the company of her mate, but she could not call for him. A fretful whine stirred in her throat, but the soft, whispering sound of her own voice seemed very far away. Worn from the exhaustion of childbirth and overwhelmed with pride and joy, she felt no shame as tears welled warmly in her cerulean eyes and slipped softly into the velveteen of her cheeks. In this moment, she knew only peace.

Feelings she hadn’t allowed herself to process fully surged to the forefront. They thawed, burned, melted, and soothed. She let go of the feeling of abandonment she hadn’t realized she’d been harboring after Amoxtli and the other Cortens had left. She was no longer upset with the Earthstalker for assaulting her in this sacred place, or for leaving and taking Reigi and Yakone with him. She forgave the winter raven and her snow bunting for leaving when she felt she needed them most — and she forgave herself for her selfishness. She wept for Poppy, but most of all for Doe, and although that wound would never fully heal, some of the venom was washed away.

A stone in her heart twisted and fell away, loosing a new wave of sorrow. She mourned Aditya’s loss fiercely, bleeding dry the pain of his hollow voice, his closed off expression, and forced her clenched jaws to slacken as she let him go. She cried for the empty space beside her where her family used to be; for her grandparents, growing older; for Catori, tethered to a life far from the sea; for Julep and Isengrim, whom she had failed; and for the wolves she could not keep.

She grieved these things fully, the bent crowns of her sons and daughters anointed with her tears, and in doing so, made room in her heart for joy. “My own, only,” she breathed to them, her breath teasing the fur of each downy spine. “I love you ever; I love you always.”