Stone Circle Sweet Sunrise

Gunnar woke with the sunrise. His body protesting at the movements that presented themselves. The bones, they creaked and groaned. The ache in his joints was harsh and unyielding, but it was what it was. He tilted his head and stretched further. Shaking the limbs free of their elder pain, he moved.

They would loosen and free themselves of the pain eventually, he just had to get moving. The new sun pressed against his back, giving warmth where there had been cold. His steel grey eyes beneath sandy mask stared out over the land he was now responsible for and then he looked around at the different dens that housed the wolves that now were also his responsibility. Sometimes he almost couldn't even believe that here he was a leader, next to his adopted daughter. He knew as she came into her own, he'd be stepping back, but well it was still in the works. She had a lot to learn.

Stiff legged he continued through the walk, it slowly loosened and his gait was smooth.

@Reverie

After she parted ways with Lestan, she knew she needed to seek Gunnar next. She needed to speak with him, tell him everything, because right now she felt she was not being honest with him. With Kvarsheim. She'd barely been here since joining, barely met anyone, and while she wanted to —
She just couldn't. Reverie wanted, more than anything, to be free; it was what she had always wanted. They had done nothing to trap her or force her, but she was beginning to realize that pack life was like... making a deal. They gave her safety in the form of numbers and the scent she wore like a badge, which had saved her more than once from conflict. She was supposed to give them something in return, she knew. Learn a trade. Contribute to the pack. Build the garden.
Winter was no time for building gardens, she felt. Lestan had suggested she stay with Kvarsheim just for the winter, but she couldn't do that. It felt like using them. But neither could she simply abandon Bjarna, who she had grown to love so fiercely in such a short amount of time. She didn't want to leave them, not yet.
Gunnar? She called softly when she saw him. It looked like he was going somewhere. Do you... have time to talk? Oh, she hoped she wasn't bothering him! Reverie might have gone back on it right then, but this was necessary. It couldn't be avoided.

Gunnar had always hated being part of a pack as a young man. He had thought it was just his parents. Then he had thought it was because of the terrible fire that took Saena's pack away. But now, he realized it was simply that he hadn't wanted to be responsible for others, that he hadn't wanted to have to answer to others. It was probably a huge part of the fact that his real father abandoned him, his father that raised him died when he was young. Barely before his siblings were out of the womb.

A soft voice reached sandy ear, and he lifted it. Turning scarred body towards it, he blinked at the small face of Reverie. A fatherly smile took place on his maw and he chuffed gently.

Of course i do. What would you like to talk about darling girl?

Oh! He was so kind; Reverie suddenly felt horribly guilty. They were all so accepting, so gentle with her here. Why couldn't she just be normal?
But the tight, anxious feeling sitting in her chest simply would not leave. I don't know if - I can be a pack wolf, Just like that she was crying again, small tears that fell quickly. She thought of the bear, and her wounds, and hoped Gunnar hadn't noticed. She thought of being alone in the snow, forever. I never have before, and I realized I've been away too much, but I think if I stayed here I would be miserable. I've always traveled. And... well, I have so many things to figure out. I don't know what kind of trade I should learn. I don't know - what I want. In general, I guess! She was frustrated with herself.
But I don't want to leave Bjarna, or abandon Kvarsheim. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry, She really was terrible, wasn't she? Maybe she should have brought this to someone else, someone who wasn't as involved in her decision, but Gunnar seemed so fatherly. And besides... who else did she have? Bjarna was not an option. Lestan, she felt, would be no help in this — not when he seemed so determined to keep their lives separate. She understood it, but she was afraid that he would filter any conversation about it through a lens of us and this, and that just wouldn't be productive. Maybe she wasn't being fair to him, but she wasn't ready to find out just yet. It felt better to play it safe. Except now she was realizing that playing it safe meant being selfish and terrible to Gunnar. She was realizing that no matter what she chose, it was selfish, because she was being selfish. Again.
But she needed this, and she was tired of saying no to herself. She'd already done it for so long.

Gunnar felt that she probably had something bothering her greatly. So he settled to his haunches and waited. Grey eyes on her face while she spoke. But he was trying not to seem aggressive.

He saw the wounds and he would ask her about them, but not right this second. She seemed to need to get something off her chest first.

Gunnar held up a paw and then with a small movement he would pull her gently forward and give her a fatherly hug if she would allow. Then he would speak a low rumble.

You know Reverie there is a trade where a wolf can travel regularly. It's known as a scout. You can be an ambassador, someone who carries messages between packs, there's a Ranger. That wolf focuses on ranging, exploring and mapping territories and then there is Rogues, they are spies of sorts, learning the ways of other packs.

Gunnar shifted and looked her over. But we would never make you stay. IF you are unhappy here, roam for a while and come back if you like, or take up the mantle of scout and travel in our name. Whatever you wish to do.

Gunnar smoothed her brow if she'd let him. Reverie you are still so young and you still have to find yourself. If you wish to travel and take off the mantle of pack wolf. That's fine. You will always have a place here as long as Bjarna and myself are here. That is a promise.

She'd expected several things from this conversation. She'd expected to cry, to forget at least one thing and make herself panic, and to make Gunnar hate her forever. Only one of those things ended up happening, and that was so strange that she could only feel confused through most of what he said to her.
But when he hugged her, and she hugged him back, she understood perfectly. She realized that he understood. Scout, she thought, was a title she could learn to wear. Maybe there was a solution that wouldn't hurt anyone, and all she'd had to do was reach out. It was a lesson she was trying to learn quickly, though it still felt awkward.
It didn't feel like everything was fixed, but it felt like maybe it could be. Oh, thank you, Gunnar. Maybe - She was a little breathless, not crying anymore but practically buzzing with emotion. I can try being a scout. Maybe that will help. But even if it didn't, he'd given his blessing for her to leave; for her to return one day, if she ever wanted to. I was so certain you'd hate me! She exclaimed, and this time she hugged him. He didn't hate her; he understood; it would all be okay, in time.

Though he would hate to see her go, he also knew that he would have to let her. It would be unfair of him to make her stay or more so ask her to stay.

She was crying and it bothered him greatly. But he knew that she was calming down, and that was all he wanted.

You know. I was a lone wolf until recently. Most of my life was spent being a lone wolf. And it was important I had that freedom. So I understand better than some, that wanderlust. But just remember you do have a home here.

Gunnar gave a soft chuckle. I could never hate you my girl. Not ever.

He returned her hug, and looked her over, a furrow in his brow. Now how on earth did you get some of these wounds?

It was a strange disconnect Reverie felt between the feelings she harbored for her leaders and those she held for pack life. She'd loved both of them immediately, and trusted them more than she'd trusted even her own family. In a way, they had become family to her already. I could never hate you, Gunnar told her, and she could only think that she loved him. It didn't matter how long they'd known each other; it only mattered what they were willing to give to one another.
But that love just couldn't stifle the feeling of being suffocated every time she thought of trying to be like — them. All of them, every pack wolf she'd met. Love, she was learning, was never more important than her responsibility to herself. It came in at a close second, but she had to put herself first. Otherwise the fog would come again, and she would forget all of them and none of it would matter anyway.
It seemed sad to her, that it had to be this way, and suddenly she wanted to explain to Gunnar. Maybe he would understand. He had mentioned that freedom had been important to him. But then he was asking about her wounds, and she remembered the bear and her embarrassment.
Oh, I... there was a bear. I'm okay, though, She hoped he wouldn't lose it the way Lestan had. Reverie didn't think she could handle that a second time. I don't think it followed me back to Kvarsheim. She couldn't be certain, but she figured if the bear had followed, she would be bear poop by now. She had lost days, and would not have known to run from the creature if it found her. And it surely would have.

Gunnar would not know what the girl felt. Not ever if she didn't speak of them. But he also didn't know how to ask her to voice her thoughts. To tell him what she needed, because he was unsure how to approach that question.

He looked her over, prodded at a few if she'd let him and then gave a nod. You were lucky. Though right now. It probably didn't. I would imagine right now it would want an easier meal than a whole pack of wolves. Especially if it were woken ahead of schedule.

he briefly thought of bears. There had been one that had haunted the ridge, killed his mother's friend, but it had gone away soon after. His father and the others had made sure. Even he had fought it from the inner sanctum of his mother's womb, well healed more like his family.

I'm just glad you're okay. No use worrying about what has been.

His gentle composure grounded her, allowed her room for her own feelings to resurface. She had been lucky, hadn't she? Reverie smiled tiredly at him, purely content in that moment. I appreciate that, She told him, thinking about the last thing he'd said. The words just started to flow after that, mindlessly into the topic that had suddenly become her focus. Gunnar... do you think... well, there isn't any use worrying about things that might happen either, is there?
She was thinking about Lestan now, and how she'd caused such a mess.

Gunnar returned her smile and settled more firmly into his seat. The girl could lean if she so wished. As a daughter would with a father, and he'd help to keep her up.

Gunnar studied her. There is no worrying about what could be either. All you can do is work towards the ending that you would like. I prefer to live in the Viðstaddur.

He coughed. Forgive me the present i said present.

He would groom along her ears if she'd allow a kind touch while she sorted through her thoughts.

Live in the present. Her wonder glossed over his slip of language, and she was thoughtful as she leaned against him. She'd always lived in the grip of her memories; chasing the past, fleeing it, fearing it, grieving it. Everything was different now. Reverie felt that anything was possible, and maybe — maybe she could learn to live in the present.
Her fear of the future, after all, felt more like another grasping tendril of what she'd left behind. When she'd spoken so thoughtlessly to Lestan, all she could feel was what she'd lost. What they were and would become, she thought now, did not need to be tied to her past. But... Oh, I hope I haven't ruined everything, She breathed, thinking again of how foolish she'd been. She didn't think to explain to Gunnar; she'd forgotten about him entirely, though she took comfort in the easy affection of him grooming her ears.

She was comfortable against him and that was all he wanted for her. To be comfortable as she thought through things. There were many different things happening, and spring always made everyone crazy and it started in the cooler months.

What would you have ruined? he asked kindly. Though he was expecting an answer truthfully. She was lost in her own world. Enjoying the ministrations of a father wolf, while she tried to come to terms with whatever it was that bothered her.

A soft question stirred her back to the present. Oh! Well... She hoped Gunnar was ready for a monologue.
There's this - his name is Lestan. We're... seeing each other, I guess. It's all very new. I sort of... made a problem, where there wasn't one. Or shouldn't have been. I think. And now we're supposed to do something in spring, and -
Oh, she was confusing herself again! Lestan had said that they would sort it out in spring, but that wasn't what bothered her. It was the timeline, the fact that it was an issue at all; if she'd never said anything, surely he never would have said that. Their separate arrangements hadn't seemed to be an issue before.
What I mean is - I think... I got a little ahead of things, and I made him start thinking about it too. I didn't mean to, but I did. And maybe it would be better to just live in the present, but I'm worried that it's all ruined now. I can't just take it back. She didn't want to worry about spring, or whether her newfound compromise with Kvarsheim would be endangered by her growing affection for Lestan. But she'd made this mess, hadn't she?

Gunnar listened closely as he continued the comfort of preening. A smile on his maw at her mention of this Male Lestan, and a small protective fire starting up. If he got too fresh with her, Gunnar may have to make a visit.

Guns wasn't entirely sure what she was asking, but he gathered that she had said something and now she was concerned for their homes, and puppies maybe. He tilted his ears forward, a furrow in his brow.

You are worried about living in two separate packs?

She knew by his question that her explanation was sorely lacking. No - sort of. It's hard to explain. I have this problem, with remembering things... At that Reverie swallowed hard, recalling that even speaking about it was sometimes too much to handle. Maybe she could do it. She was getting better, after all.
It was a casual thought, but then it really struck her. She was getting better, and she'd hardly noticed! It was strange but her confidence was renewed, so she went on. I was young when I left my birthplace, but I don't remember anything past leaving. And coming here. It's been a long time, though. I'm - well, obviously I'm older now! I worry that I'll forget everything again. That I'll wake up one day and I'll be older again and I won't know anyone. So I told Lestan that I didn't want to leave him and that... was a mess. I tried to explain, but he started talking about not being able to leave our homes and spring and,
Here, she had to pause for breath and to gather her thoughts, feeling her explanation was too wandering and cumbersome.
I just wish I hadn't said it. I can't even decide whether I can be in a pack. Now I feel like all my decisions are tied together, and I don't like it. What if I choose the wrong thing somewhere and ruin all of it?

She rambled and ranted a little. Gunnar tried to follow he really did, but some of it was confusing, extremely so.

You have a hard time remembering things, long term or short term? He was already thinking of herbs to give her.


Gunnar made a soft hmm noise. Let me ask you. Did you leave during a traumatic experience?

The next part of the conversation hurt, but he knew she deserved the truth and he gave it to her. If that happens, then unfortunately it was a lesson you needed to learn. The world and our lives are made up of lessons. How to be better or worse wolves depending on your temperament. Everything is a learning experience that helps to give you a solid foundation to stand upon.

I love Gunnar's advice so much <3

Reality was often much harsher than she wished it was, but she was grateful that Gunnar didn't try to shield her from it. The world was large and beautiful and uncaring, she had learned, and maybe to survive in it she needed to learn to be the same. She would have to learn these lessons, as Gunnar explained it. But it hurt to think that whatever she had started with Lestan might already be broken irreparably. That she had done it, with her own ignorance. That they might become nothing more than a lesson learned and left behind.
Maybe she was getting ahead of things again. She hoped she was. They hadn't spoken of it since; Lestan had given no hint that he had even thought of it. But their last meeting had been darkened by the shadow of the bear, her wounds, Lestan's frantic concern.
I don't know, She answered his question truthfully. There are pieces of my past that I can remember, and others I know I should but can't. Mostly I remember things now, these last few weeks, but sometimes I forget things - short term and long term. It's like all my memories are broken into pieces and scattered. I... remember that there was a fire. There were always fires, but it was the first one after - after Rose...
Was it warm here, suddenly? She shifted uncomfortably. It was too much, too close to the flames. The fog crept up behind her, reaching. I can't - She was crying, she realized. She didn't want this, not here, not now, but it was happening anyway. It always went this way.

Thank you <3

Reality was cold and hard at times. However, Gunnar being as old as he was, also knew that it could be warm and soft. There always had to be balance. Of both the dark times and the bright times. It didn't make the lesson any easier and the hurt any lesser, but it helped to make sense of it later.

He gathered her to him a soft caress in his voice as he said. Shhh, shhh. It's okay. It's okay.

he tilted his head and ran a muzzle across her head and ears. That's probably why you can't remember. Whatever happened to you was hard to handle and your mind blocked it out. It was too traumatic to bear. As you start to get comfortable as you learn about yourself and how to heal yourself and your emotions more and more will surface and it will be hard. So hard, but once you can get through it and you move through it, learn from it, remember it. It will get easier. I promise. It's just walking through it that is the hardest part.

He spoke softly, whispery. But we needn't speak of it anymore if you don't want too.

He held her and spoke to her gently, wise words she would think back on later and cherish. For just a moment she thought of her father, and wished he had been someone more like Gunnar. She wished someone had held her like this, after Rose. After she'd watched her die. Reverie knew what had happened, she always had, but she'd never been able to say it. Suddenly she needed to say it now, with whatever presence of mind she could still grasp. We needn't speak of it, Gunnar told her, but she needed it more than she had ever needed anything.
I watched her die, She whispered, and buried her face in his fur and didn't say anything else for a long time. It was not the confession she had come here to make, but it was the one her heart called for. She had been ready for this for a long time, she realized. She just hadn't been brave enough to make the leap, not until someone gave her the space and the kindness and the stable ground on which to make her stand.

Gunnar didn't need words to heal. They filled the spaced, helped to make her walk towards an answer, but the simple fact was. She just needed someone to care, someone to make sure she could speak her truths and not bury them over and over again.

He cradled her head between his paws. A sad expression on his face. I'm sorry darling. So sorry.

A soft croon left his chest as he hummed a soft noise, the vibrations he hoped calming as he petted her shoulders and back, trying to make sure she knew she was safe here, her words were safe. It was okay. And that he was so sorry she lost her sibling in a way that she hadn't expected and no one helped to pick up the pieces.