Sun Mote Copse the halluci nation

Oh, shit.  Fennec only hesitated a second before moving towards her sister and, when she found her, pressing their flanks together.  Hey, sis.  What do you think I’m doing here?  She smiled a little more genuinely, slinging a paw up to give her a somewhat effective hug.  She didn’t like that her sister was crying, but it was pretty nice to know she cared.  That was the entire reason she’d come here.  Out of everyone, Meerkat had been there for her in the past, no strings attached and no extra baggage.  Even Towhee didn’t always get it right, though she knew her mom would fight like hell for her no matter what problems she had.  She just couldn’t remember a single time when Meerkat made her feel like she wasn’t enough.

I’m trying to figure out what I want, and I want to do that here.  I want to be here for your family, and for you.  It’s not your fault I haven’t sorted out anything beyond that.  She lost the smile, but would keep the hug until Meerkat pulled away.  Penn and I tried for kids.  It didn’t work out.  Killdeer has his own life to live, and even if I’ve thought about following him, I don’t want to lose this.  She tightened her hold for a moment, making it clear that she was referring to Meerkat.  She needed her family.

I’d love to have my own claim someday.  I’ve wanted that ever since the first time I tried it, with Bronco.  It just isn’t that easy.  Penn isn’t here, and I know he loves me, but he wants kids.  He deserves kids.  If I can’t have more, I want him to have that.  The thought was a kick to the gut, but she forced her way forward.  I want Killer to go where he wants too.  Right now, that’s Brecheliant.  If I ever manage to claim the Bramblepoint, maybe he’d join.  I’d definitely be closer.  But I’m not a leader anyone will follow, and I can’t live in a pack of one.  I don’t want to either.

That was a lot.  It helped that these were all things she’d been turning over and over in her mind, considering a dozen different ways over the course of the last few weeks.  She didn’t know how to be happy with the hand she’d been dealt, but she had run the numbers and she knew this was where she could get the closest right now.  It had the who and the where.  It was up to her to figure out the how.