Swiftcurrent Creek too late; i'm coming undone

AW! Set directly after this thread

Numb.

He had considered the possibility of paying a visit to Moss—no better company than the dead, in his current mind, but he knew he could not. Duty would lead him home—Wren had disappeared from his sight and he had let her go, believing she needed time to mend the shattered heart Silvertongue had left in its wake.

He was angry. He was sad. He was numb.

Everything and nothing.

The blood from the open wound had begun to dry, the sticky residue browning against the darkness of his fur. The throbbing pain across his eye was all he needed to know where her teeth had met—but if the blood had stopped, he would hope it was only superficial.

It wasn’t until he stopped at the creek edge, staring at the rapidly rushing waters and seeing only the shimmering and brief moments of his reflection did he curl a lip—silent. Unmoving.

stealing

 

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Arric was patrolling when he heard the sound of someone big coming in. He moved his step to meet Akavir once he recognized his shoulders, but something wasn't right.

Blue eyes blinked and he forced himself faster and scent of dried blood met him. 

What the fuck. he breathed

Dude you look like shit. What the hell?

In his questioning gaze was, who do i have to fuck up cause I will, but there was also a quiet acceptance that this was how it was. He'd be there for the aftermath. To help pick up pieces.

Maybe if anyone else had found him, a brave face would be put on. A ‘man’s man,’ if Viinturuth had come upon him. Eshe? He would have played off the emotional rupture of his entire being, perhaps, in favor of sparing her own.

But it was Arric, and when the familiar words laced with a curse and caring sarcasm drew his eyes up, it was the blue gaze of safety he found—and he knew then he could do no more but figuratively crumple beneath his friends demanding gaze.

“I think I live in hell,” he spoke, his voice a rasp—his throat so sore. Dry from emotion, maybe?

He laughed then—did he have a right to feel that? His eyes bore back to the waters, narrowing, as he tried to catch a glimpse of the wolf staring back at him—one that wasn’t distorted by rushing water. “She said it was all my fault, so… I guess it’s where I deserve to go, you know?”

Rambling. He could sense it. He couldn’t care to clarify.

Arric and Akavir their relationship was different. Forged in brotherhood and blood and lonely nights making a claim. They were fast friends from the get go.

Arric moved closer in case he had to catch the bastard though he did quip. If i have to catch your fat ass im dunking your head in the damn river.

Arric blinked and looked around. Well shit hell is fucking pretty. Though you know why am i here. I'm a angel.

Arric settled to his haunches stil lgisnt by most standards and listened putting all the shit slowly together. 

Who said that? And she's wrong.

She'd been collecting reeds when the commotion upstream caught her attention—namely Arric's booming voice. A quick glance in their direction was enough for Eshe to gather that something was wrong. Abandoning her work, she rushed to his side. 

She pressed close to him and sat at his side, her eyes searching frantically for injuries. She picked up on Silvertongue and Wren's scents, and her stomach twisted uncomfortably. 

Not knowing what to expect, she waited for his answer with bated breath as she encouragingly nudged and kissed his cheek.

Vaguely, he knew Arric was trying to diffuse a ticking time-bomb in the moment, but he paid little heed to it for now, his gaze searching the waters, his thoughts wandering from the voice nearby—

—until the mention she was wrong—and he barked a laugh. “Is she, though?” It was then Eshe was next to him, weaving by him, drawing him closer with her alluring scent as she fussed over him, and he felt a wash of guilt, practically drowning in it when she kissed his cheek.

“Found Silvertongue in the fucking desert when I was looking for those rogues… she was just... hurt… She was so fucking still, just laying there, just like Ibis when I found her…” Dead. When he had found his very dead mate. “I thought she was dead, and when she wasn’t, I tried to search her wounds and she…”

He faded his words, a frown upon his face. “Wren must have followed me. And the things Silvertongue said to her…” He inhaled sharply— an inhale. An exhale. “She said it was my fault. Because I know.”

Arric growled siftly. Yes. Because you wear all the guilt for everybody and listen fuck face it stops today. Its not your fault Ibis did you wrong, its not your fault she died. Its not your fault your child chose to agree to a marriage. And its definitely not your fault Jakoul left. Or the kids either. You're a good dad and good friend and unfortunstely she has her own trauma she needs to get through.


Arric frowned I like Silver but dude she can't be blaming her shit on you thats not fair. You didnt ask to know you were told. She's so ashamed of it she doesn't want anyone to know but she cant stop other people from talking. Its bullshit.

There were things being said between the lines that she didn't fully understand, and she hated how lost in the details she felt.  

It's unfair to put all of that on yourself, Eshe agreed, picking up where Arric had left off. Honestly, I don't understand why she'd even turn the blame on you—for everything? She paused; why would he be to blame? What was she missing?

He laughed again--without humor, certainly, a dry and manic sound. Isn't it, though, Arric? I was never there. For any of them. I was too busy trying to fix everything when everything else would fall through the cracks in my absence.

He scoffed. He wanted to weep. Eshe's presence and insistence prevented this for the moment and while he pressed his muzzle to the plush of her nape, his eyes would seek out Arric. He didn't deserve either of them, in this moment. Silver left with a pack of strangers. She hates me so much she wouldn't even... he couldn't. The bile in his mouth was thick.

And Wren. Wren is.... Wren was probably destroyed, after it all. What else was there to say?

He lifted a paw' swiping away the dried blood from his brow, eyes itlntent on Eshe. Still have that fermented fruit kicking around? He wanted to be obliterated. He needed to be away from this moment.

Arric shook his head. No it isn't.

A part of him could understand, but he had been there when it counted and he had made sure to dictate good around them when he wasn't.

Arric sighed. She doesn't hate you. She hates herself possibly her situation and she taking it out on you cause its easier.

He wouldn't join him in the fermented fruit. He was about exhausted and he hated things that addled his mindset fearful he'd do or say something he'd regret.

Skippable for two rounds!

Nothing about this sat well with her—from his manic laughter to his recollection of the day’s events—and she watched him with a deep-set frown and worry resting on her brows.

When he asked for a drink, she stood and nodded. I have some blackberries that I’ve been fermenting since the beginning of summer, they’d be nice and ripe by now, I’ll go and get them. She would help him without question, as he had done for her on several occasions.

Before making her leave, Eshe nosed Akavir’s cheek and glanced at Arric—silently thanking him with an appreciative glint in her honeyed eyes.

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Arric wanted to console him—that was all that came to the forefront of Akavir’s mind at the man’s words—not that they were true or deserved… simply, the Beta wished to tether Akavir to some form of hope, when truly there wasn’t one.

Eshe sought to look after him—and of course it wasn’t lost on him what an asshole he was in that moment—pining after another when he had everything he also wanted reight here, before him… willing to be with him. Wanting to be with him.

“Fuck is wrong with me, Arric?” It was a murmur—he waited for the fermented fruit—all too eager to simply indulge in something that could minimize what he was feeling in this very moment.

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Consolation was the goal. But Arric also believed what he was saying. He cared for Silver, but he knew all to well that she was also a bit damaged. Everyone was at least in their circle it was how it was handled.

Akavir was being a bit dickish, but Arric also understood how it felt to care for more than one. Not everyone was built the same.

nothings, wrong with you. If anythings its a strength that. You have a big heart and lotta love to give.

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Arric, of course, was swift to deliver words he hoped to bandage the mental wounds that had been inflicted upon his comrade.

Instead, they only seared—as much as any untruth could, and he found his jaw set tightly, his eyes set beyond the man and to the distance. He hadn’t the energy to argue—instead falling to silence… Waiting for Eshe to bring a reprieve. Wondering, in a moment of weakness, if perhaps he should have drowned in that river so long ago.

Ibis might still be alive if his resurrection hadn’t stirred her discomfort and disdain. Moss, too—for she likely wouldn’t have given the creek a second look, had she not recognized him. Nicodem, Jakub and Mae would never have known abandonment from their mother and the absence of a father who had tried to be at too many places at one time.

Silvertongue’s secret would have been kept safe from him—her pride unblemished.

He blinked slowly then, the reverie of this moment coming to a disgusting truth…

The world would have been a better place for his loved ones had he simply drowned all those moons ago.

Eshe returned with the fermented fruit and placed the parcel bein front of Akavir. The ball was in his court; he could do whatever he pleased with it. On the other hand, instead of joining in with him, she would watch over him and ensure he was safe, hydrated, and fed; it was a promise made to @Arric that she'd keep.

When Akavir was finally asleep that evening, Eshe stayed awake, watching him breathe and thankful that his discomfort was temporarily gone. What he'd be like in the morning would be another story, but that was a problem for later.