Dragoncrest Cliffs wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error

Under the assumption Rose is accepted, whoops.

After everything is settled, Furi spends some more time with Rose in an attempt to get her settled and comfortable. Having run into Blixen unexpectedly really put a damper on things and she struggles to keep her mind off it. She doesn’t give Rose her full attention but she shows her the important things and leaves her be for the rest of the day. It isn’t until night fall that she finds her again so she doesn’t feel so lonely while she isn’t allowed in Hougeda. Furi doesn’t care much to spend the night in the same room as Blixen, let alone anywhere close to her. 

The next morning, she doesn’t get in @Rose’s way to get acclimated to the rest of the pack and it gives her some time along to think. Or not think. Or… just something. As far as she knows, the only thing she really wants is to avoid Blixen. Furi avoids the borders and anywhere near Hougeda, this day lingering in the southern reaches of the pack where she finds a fallen, hollowed out tree. While she’s investigating it, she hears an odd sound that diverts her attention. Her ears cup forward and she lifts her head, seeing a bird on the ground. It surprises her, given the season, but it’s facing the other way and seems preoccupied. 

She’s never been a great hunter for birds but she can’t pass up the opportunity. Even if she comes up unsuccessful, it’ll be all right. Four legged creatures are much easier to catch but, she creeps as slowly as she can and launches forward, trapping the bird beneath four feet as she tries to reach around it’s flailing and pecking beak to break its neck.

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blixen thought she was past this - this weird, uneasy thing with furi. the first time they'd met she made such a mess of it and then again, but they'd bonded so well recently... after their trip to the south of drageda together the gona thought they were getting pretty close, even. so why did she have to go and muck it all up again?

well - no, it's not all her fault. there are probably more graceful ways to handle what happened, she'll concede. but furi brought a stranger to their borders without any consideration for the rest of the pack - without thinking about the fact that nomi isn't here - and not only that, the stranger she brought is a girl who looks like her and that probably shouldn't bother her as much as it does, but here we are. they don't share a den that night. fine. blixen barely sleeps anyway, frustrated as she is. the ginger's up before the sun, patroling furiously until she has to go get something to eat. at the cache she realises she hasn't seen furi at all, which is even worse than her not being in the den. at least there's bobby and artaax around so she isn't totally alone in the den, but patrolling is their thing. 

how mad at her is furi? blixen isn't.. angry, herself, more uneasy, more upset. rose had been accepted, so that is that, despite her misgivings. she's a good gona and she respects dio's decision, ultimately. she's not too keen to be besties with the other ginger girl but there's no need to rock the boat, and her frustration is more with furi anyway, with their constant miscommunications. 

blix is not as great at tracking as her brother, but she can pick out furi's scent easily at this point and sets about to trailing down her friend. she picks it up in the southern part of the territory, her pace quickening until she's nearly running - she skids to a stop when she sees furi, stumbling over her paws a bit. "h-hei!" the gona calls out, not noticing what furi's up to until she's nearly upon her. "oh!" she says, jumping back slightly to avoid being pecked, her amber eyes wide, but doesn't wait a beat before continuing to talk: "i've been looking for you." her voice feels too loud in her ears though she's talking at a normal volume, strained under her frustration even as she's trying to sound light-hearted. believe it or not, blix doesn't want a fight (but she's gonna get one, probably).

She’s startled by Blixen the moment she tears into the neck, clenching down out of surprise than intent at this point, but snapping it anyway. She even falls back and to her side, bringing the grouse with her in the process while she tries to register what the other has just said. She takes a moment to catch her breath, adjusting her posture on the ground, and trying to stand on long, albeit shaky, legs with her kill still in her mouth. Her pale eyes glances toward Blixen but they don’t linger for long, lowering her head and dropping the bird between her feet.

There’s a thousand reasons why Blixen was looking for her but she knows what it’s about and she isn’t sure she wants to address it. She hadn’t realize how much her feelings have been hurt in the process or how embarrassed she felt around Rose later that night. She assured the girl everything would be fine and, it kind was but it also kinda wasn’t. 

No, Furi doesn’t understand.

She licks her lips, staring hard at the bird at her feet. “I kinda just want to eat,” she says. Alone. She lets the silence fall between them, then, without explaining why.

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she winces as furi reacts in surprise, sitting down. not a great start, blixen. furi doesn't say anything for a long moment and her stomach clenches anxiously - feelings, talking about feelings, all of that, it's not like, easy for her, and every other time they've fought she's been able to just sort of apologise and move on. but this time it isn't going to be so easy.

"oh," she says, frowning. summoning all of the patience and maturity she can muster, blixen very carefully says, "i think... it would be good if we... talked about what happened." she pauses. "yesterday, i mean. obviously." the ginger adds, awkwardly, and sucks in a deep breath to hold while she waits for furi to answer her.

Furi thinks Blixen is going to accept her statement and leave her be and she lowers her head to pick up her kill only to swivel her ears forward to hear her keep talking. She closes her pale eyes and picks her head back up, looking across the way. It’s not the first time they’ve had a weird tension between them but it’s the first time that really hurt. Every other time she’s been able to get over it just by being away from Blixen and just accepting the way things are. After all this time, she realizes she’s been foolish to think she’ll be anywhere on the same plane as Blixen. Or Artaax. Or Bobby.

This time, though, she doesn’t think she can tell her friend it’s okay. Her jaw tightens and she tries to find the right words to say. “Why?” she hisses, turning her head to look somewhere in the distance, uncertain where to put her eyes. Looking at Blixen is too difficult and there’s pain behind her eyes already. “You said enough yesterday,” she states plainly, lowering her head again and scoops up her kill by the neck and begins to leave.

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unfortunately, all of blixen's patience and maturity is now out the window. even knowing how mad furi must be she's still taken aback by the girl's snapping, the naked hurt in her face. guilt washes over her but she doesn't understand why her friend is so upset. "i'm sorry i doubted your new friend," she says testily, her ears flicking back, "but you should've at least asked first." if not her, then eske or something.

shifting her weight awkwardly from paw to paw, she adds, "do you want me to apologise to her too? i can do that." her tone, though, is unenthused. she feels a little bad for being so put off towards rose when it's not really her fault, but she also didn't really do anything to her. so she was a little suspicious - so what, that's her literal job. it's not her fault furi tried to de facto accept her without any vetting!

Trying to leave doesn’t seem to stop Blixen from talking and her eyes roll dramatically, though she’s turned away from her friend and so it remains hidden. Furi drops the kill and swings her head back, this time with her eyes hardened and narrowed. “What do you think I was trying to do?” she says, though she tries not to train her voice, leaving the tone falling uneven. She sighs, frustrated with herself just as much as she is with Blixen. “I met her outside the pack, I wasn’t just gonna let her walk in! I wouldn’t let anyone in that would hurt us. I’m a gona, too, you know,” she reminds, snapping her teeth together. A growl rumbles in her chest but she tries to shake it, uncertain how to control her constantly wavering emotions. 

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it's the first time, she thinks, furi's spoken to her with this much intensity. she wishes the circumstances were different.

"i know you're a gona," she snaps back, "which is why i don't expect you to come waltzing in with a bunch of strangers!" a beat later, what furi says actually processes: i met her outside the pack. the same bitter-rotten feeling from before swells up inside her, and with a start, she realises it's jealousy, but it's too late to keep from acting on it. "is that why you're always going outside the borders? to go hang out with her?" her voice is clipped, catching on the word 'her' in a way that she hates because it shouldn't really matter if she has friends outside of drageda except it matters more than anything in the world right now. how long have they known each other? days? months? no - furi hasn't been here long enough for that, but - whatever it is, it's too long.

Her brows knit quickly together, unsure why she’s getting this type of reaction from Blixen. Rose is the first wolf she’s ever brought to the borders. She’d answered the howl on Prince but he’s one of them already, without ever having been in Drageda, and surely that isn’t being held against her? She briefly thinks about Arrille from their visit outside the borders and the promise she’d given him. Quickly, she closes her eyes, and shifts her position to battle the tension seizing her chest. 

Hopefully, Arrille found another place to stay even if she’d want him to come here, in the long run, but if she’s going to get this kind of grief for looking out for other wolves, she doesn’t want him near here. Maybe Drageda isn’t the pack she thought it was and maybe Blixen isn’t the friend she thought she was, either. The idea of leaving Drageda doesn’t necessarily cross her mind, knowing it wouldn’t be right to leave Rose behind or to force her to leave when she just joined. She does know she has to try and find Arrille on the off chance he’s around the corner. 

When Blixen throws something that sounds different, accusing, a whole near searing wave of pain crosses her face. Her eyes search for some kind of answer to what is happening and she struggles keeping up hope. “Why would you say that?” she throws back, pained eyes narrowing and the rest of her face is scrunched up in confusion. She shouldn’t have to answer such a thing! “I was out the night before and ran in to her,” she finally manages to stay, unable to keep the words from spilling out once she opens her mouth.

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(honestly, would she have been better about the whole thing if it had been arrille? she'd still have been frustrated with furi handing out invitations like that, but what is it about this girl specifically that's thrown her off so much? of course none of this is occuring to her in the moment, but it's the sort of thing she'll ask herself later, licking her wounds.)

"'cause you're always out," she mutters, more petulantly that she'd like to be. okay, it's not strictly true, and it never bothered her until... rose. but furi says they've only just met, which, strangely, makes her feel a little better. she hunches, the tip of her tail curling around her toes. "fine, but, still," blix says in a huff, "i just think - it wasn't good," and she's trying to string her words together more pleasantly, but she's not got grasp of what she's saying, "and, and she looks just like me, that's weird!" 

immediately her jaw snaps shut, teeth clanking audibly, eyes gone wide in embarrassment. that wasn't what she meant to say. she meant to say you should have asked before bringing her here. that's a reasonable complaint to have. that's the complaint she does have. but it's too late to backpeddle so she scowls at her feet defensively instead, ears flat against her skull.

“I haven’t been out since when we were!” she snaps, sounding harsher than she means to. She’s never been accused of anything, not really. She’d been scolded a few times prior to losing Teaghlaigh but all of those times had been when she’d been selfish but this is the first time when she’d been trying to help. Tears well in the corner of her eyes and she blinks several times trying to hold them back and keep them from spilling over. She already feels visibly upset enough that she doesn’t need them to flow as icing on the cake. 

Even though Blixen gives her… some sort of half ass approval, apology… whatever that is, Furi isn’t satisfied. She grinds her teeth unnecessarily hard and shakes her head. She tries to block out everything else that comes after it because it doesn’t matter. Blixen can’t possibly hurt her anymore. Snapping her eyes back open, she refocuses on the fiery girl. She hadn’t noticed how closely they looked alike and she parts her maw to speak, but an awkward sound slips out ungracefully. The sound of glass shatters in the distance. Sure, they look a like but that doesn’t mean anything. “What does that mean? Why’s that weird?”

206

she doesn't respond to furi's shout -- mostly because she knows furi's right, and moreover it doesn't matter. but also because she's still shocked at herself, her heart thudding rapidly in her chest as she tries to gain back control of her runaway emotions. and it's clear she's made things somehow even worse because now, on top of furi and her both being pissed there's an extra fun layer of awkward.

"because, i - it's," blix says ungracefully, loudly, "it - it just is!" it is! even if she doesn't know - why exactly. or why it bothers her so much that furi might have a new friend who is a girl who looks a lot like her, but is probably better at things like feelings, and probably doesn't put  her foot in her mouth once a damn week. struggling to divert from the dangerous direction this conversation is heading, blixen hastily backtracks. "and -- and i don't understand why you're so mad at me anyway! you know i'm just - i'm trying to keep drageda safe!" it sounds hollow even to her, even if it's what she truly believes - oh blix, you really lost the thread on this one.

Blixen doesn’t get her a good enough answer. Furi’s brows knit together in concern but not enough to try and force an elaboration. Getting into a back and forth, especially when she doesn’t want to be here anymore, is the last thing she wants to do. It’s not weird. It’s not. 

“From what?” she snaps. Drageda has been the safest place she’s ever been, even with the incident of the loner at the borders (R.I.P.). She often wonders if it’s safer than Teaghlaigh but a lot of it is lost in memories she’s filed away in attempt to not worry about them. Her time between packs had been filled with one danger after the next, starting with the wolf that attacked her just outside of her home, having to force the fact she couldn’t leave Teaghlaigh without the fear. She can easily leave Drageda’s borders, knowing she’s still in good hands if she’s not close. Don’t mess with me, I’m from Drageda. “From outsiders? Like me?” she says, falling silent. Her ears flicker but remain low on her head and her stare hardens but after a few seconds, she lowers her head and scoops the grouse up by the neck, and starts to walk away.

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blixen bristles, shocked furi would even ask, given the series of unfortunate events that have befallen drageda in the past few months. from outsiders, furi asks, and blix starts, "yes -" only to hear like me. like her? "wait, no -" the ginger says, confused and annoyed, "obviously not like you because you're not - furi, wait, where are you -- " 

if her friend thinks she's just gonna let her walk away with the last word, she really doesn't know blixen at all. the gona darts after her, circling around her to block her path bodily, intent to follow her wherever she tries to go. "you're not an outsider --" she insists, "i don't think that, hell, furi, is that why you're mad?" it doesn't make a lick of sense to her because she's sort of an idiot. yeah, maybe she'd sort of said something along those lines when they'd first met, but that was before furi became a gona with her and before mother was found. obviously it's different now!

Blixen tries to cover up her words again, stammering through while Furi has already turned to leave. She does her best to ignore everything coming out of her mouth so she can keep going, not letting anything pull her back into the argument. A few steps later, though, she’s blocked by the fiery girl and she resists the urge to lift her lips and flash her teeth. She’d never imagine a time where she’d wanted to hurt something and she isn’t so sure what to do with it now. It’s not necessarily Blixen she directs the urge but she doesn’t know where to put it. She bites back the growl developing a rumble in her chest, tearing her gaze away and tightens her jaws against the bird. Any harder and she might break it in half and drop it.

With a sharp inhale and hold of her breath, she searches the girls face. Pale eyes look to one side of Blixen, and then the other, and she trails around for other some kind of opening. Any movement in one direction is met with resistance and she frowns and drops the bird again. “Then why don’t you trust me?” she says without want for an answer. She’s already used her dramatic exit and now she’s forced to become rigid and firming up her posture to keep herself in place. 

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she won't let furi leave until she understands, but when furi finally says something, blix freezes. "i do trust you," she says, and she means it, but she says it weakly. she does trust furi - she does - but... if she's being completely honest, isn't there always a little lingering part of her that wonders if furi's going to move on and leave them? not even wonder - wait for it. 

she hates it.

"i do trust you," she repeats, forcing herself to sound firm. "i..." how does she explain? it's not furi. it's her own abandonment complex, sharpened by the events with her mother and her deeply ingrained fear of tragedy befalling them yet again. but she doesn't - can't say that. "it's just - i don't trust her," she settles on lamely, knowing it's a shitty cover, but it's the best she can muster right now.

I do trust you.

Furi snorts and rolls her eyes, turning her gaze away and settling on something else. She can hear the words but she doesn’t believe them and it only worsens when Blixen repeats herself and stammers, trying to find the right thing to say to make it believable. 

Ah, she thinks, slowly blinking and back toward her friend. She tries to search her face for some answer that hasn’t been said but she doesn’t have the energy to decipher it. Why doesn’t she like Rose? If given the chance, she can become Drageda too, like she has, but Blixen just continues to act weird about the whole thing. “Well, I do,” she says sternly after a few seconds, tightening her jaw for the next blow of words.

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blixen's anger deserts her, leaving her feeling raw and hollowed-out. it seems nothing she says makes the situation better, only worse, and she doesn't know how to salvage it or make furi understand her perspective. the ginger sucks in a deep, shaking breath, and looks at her feet. "fine," she says slowly, then falls silent. she doesn't actually care all that much about rose right now, she finds, and she can't muster the energy to keep up arguing about her. instead she looks at furi again and says, "you're still mad at me, aren't you."

Blixen visually deflates and Furi remains strained. When her head drops and she stares at her feet, mumbling out a fine, she doesn’t turn her eyes away. She isn’t making eye contact, but it’s the best she can manage if she wants to keep from shaking. Eventually, anxiety reels its ugly head and she succumbs, releasing a deep breath as slowly as she can while the silence falls between them. There has always been a little resentment between them, at least on Blixen’s side. From the time she came to Drageda instead of Blixen’s mother but Furi took it. It’s not fair that it’s her and not the woman the other loves, either, and by a result, now her other mother. 

Tears well up and threaten to spill over but she blinks a few times, shaking her head. She deflates not long after. She looks away again, feeling so flighty and ready to leave. Fighting off the urge to tremble takes a lot of energy she doesn’t have, uncertain she can even continue with the conversation. “I don’t know,” she says truthfully. Her voice has dropped significantly, barely more than a whisper as she tries to find the right answer. She doesn’t want to lose her best—and longest—friend in place of another (who just so happens to be cute). “It’s fine.”

It’s not fine.

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she doesn't know what to do with furi's answer - what to do with furi, honestly. the other girl has never really offered to share how she feels with blix (though even if she had, blixen probably would have steamrolled over it, unaware) and now "i don't know" feels like a cop out.

"it's not fine," she insists, "i don't want you to be mad at me." she still doesn't think she deserves furi's fury (ha) for being suspicious of rose in the first place and she doesn't know how to make furi understand she doesn't think of her as an outsider without alienating her further, without having to acknowledge that furi is still learning drageda's customs. a stricken thought occurs to her and she blurts before she can help it: "is that why you brought her here? so you could have a friend that's... more like you?" she does not let herself say 'outsider' even if she means it like: like when you first came to drageda. she does not think furi's answer will make her feel better either way but she has to know why.

Blixen continues to push against her. Even if the words aren’t harsh anymore, they’re still stern and forcing her to stay in place. Why can’t she just let her go? Why do they have to talk about this right now? Their conversations may have often been one sided but she never minded. She never enjoyed talking about herself and the light shining bright on her face is making her squirm. “I’m not mad, Blix,” she insists with whatever she has left. She doesn’t even have it in her to properly react to the next question but it doesn’t land well.

Her gaze stares at the grouse for a moment. There’s no more fresh blood and it’s probably not even warm anymore. “She didn’t have anywhere else to go,” she says. Maybe. Sort of. She couldn’t admit part of the reason had been because… no, it’s definitely not because she thought she was pretty. Rose had been vague with where she’d been from, or where she was going, but she’d come with her back to the borders anyway. “Can we talk about this later?” she offers, avoiding a real answer to the question but she lowers her head and nudges her kill to see how cold it is.

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blixen's mouth twists into a frown. she doesn't believe furi - if she wasn't mad they wouldn't have been having this fight in the first place. she wants to believe her, wants to do the thing where she says sorry and furi says alright and then they just move forward, just like she does with artaax, but somehow she doesn't think that's gonna cut it here.

the gona can't help but scoff a little at her answer, but she doesn't push it, especially not when furi follows up with a request for a cease fire. "i guess if you're not gonna tell me anything, fine." she's sniping, unnecessarily she knows, but her patience is shot and she has a stomachache again and nomi isn't even home to give her advice. "are you still going to come on patrol?" their morning patrols are a routine but she can't make furi come with her, can't stop furi from changing her schedule if she wants to. maybe it'd be for the best if all they're gonna do is go in circles forever.

Finally, she thinks and bends down to scoop up her kill. She isn’t hungry anymore and she doubts she can stomach it. Perhaps she’ll find a cache close by but her only focus is getting out of the current situation. She stops short of picking up the bird when Blixen speaks again, asking about the next morning. Furi frowns but does not pick up her head, or turn toward her friend, and she only offers a quiet, “I don’t know.” But she does know; so should Blixen.

She picks up the grouse easily and this time she doesn’t let anything get in her way, leaving the fiery girl behind.

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