The Wall sammy was low, just watching the show

it had not been a good past few days for aditya. his failure to find the woman who had attacked his family, and @Dawn's almost certain displeasure at his taking off without word, was one thing. but that encounter, at the border? what the hell had happened?

he had panicked. lost his cool, lost his glib speech. and more than embarrassed as a result, aditya had fled the scene, weaving quickly through the plateau woods and finding a small notch along the wall, just past the edge of their territory. he would have had his tail between his legs, had he not thought he would trip on it if he did so. he had quite a long tail, after all.

but the heat of mortification rose all around and within him like the steam from the hot springs, and he sat down with a low whine. despite being so hot, he shivered. it was a clear night, but it was cold, and growing chillier as the moon rose. he wasn't built for this weather. the wind cut through his thin pelt like icy claws.

for a brief instant, he had an overwhelming desire to run and seek solace in the warm southern sun, down on the beaches there. he knew he could not--so the desire left him quite quickly--but, still. he thought.

he deserved anything he would get from dawn, when she found him. he knew that. and he would try to explain, as best he could, why he did what he did. but what was aviana's problem? she had found him in one of his worst moods, true, but he had bent backwards and more to try and make her feel safe and welcome. he almost felt resentment for her, to have been treated so without explicit cause.

sighing, aditya lay on the cold stone and rested his head on his paws. he would stay and watch the moon for a while, here. he wasn't quite ready to go back to the rendezvous site just yet.

She tracked him easily enough until his scent reached the stone craigs of the wall. Here and there she lost his scent, though the snow made it easy to pick it up again. She didn't know what had happened at the borders, only that it was odd and wrong, somehow. Her shoulders were hunched against the wind as it picked up, the cold seeping through the relatively thin fur on her limbs, but the bulk of her was well-protected. 

Her head snapped up as she heard a sigh that she could not attribute to the wind, claws clicking on stone as she slipped onto a higher outcrop, overestimating it's size and thus almost immediately stepping on Aditya's face. Her paw had only just touched fur before she lurched back, paws skittering as she teetered on the edge of the outcrop, ears ramrod straight and tail sticking straight up as she tried to regain her balance, heart thumping at the suddenness of coming across Adi.

his thoughts were rudely interrupted by a pair of paws coming dangerously close to his face and a gasp of air, and aditya had been so detached from reality that he didn't realize it was dawn for a good couple of seconds. once he did, though, he lurched to his feet and thrust his weight half-underneath her, ready to slide her over his broad back lest she slip from the overhang.

but she soon regained her balance, and, feeling more than slightly sheepish, drew his head and shoulders back and took a few steps in reverse, giving her more than enough room to sit next to him. he settled on his haunches, silent for a few long moments.

when he finally managed to get sound up his windpipe and through his lips, he gave her a rueful apology, in two simple words: "i'm sorry." and he was, he supposed, for much of what had transpired over the past day or so. for giving her concern, by skirting off without telling her. for acting a complete fool in front of aviana. and for fleeing the scene, like a coward.

but aditya felt enough like an idiot already. he hoped she wasn't here to further hammer home that point.

He moved as fast as she did, sliding beneath her as she regained her paws, heart hammering a little faster than she cared to admit. When she finally calmed her nerves enough to sit beside him and collect the words that had been gathering in the forefront of her mind, he spoke, simple words carrying enough weight and emotion for her to know that they were genuine. He looked small and abashed, and she no longer had any interest in bringing life to the words on her tongue, instead letting them die as she sat in silence a moment longer. 

 "where did you go? why?" best to get that out of the way, before tackling just why he'd acted so odd, and the curiosity that was Aviana. Gaze was fierce, but softened as she looked to him, not quite able to be completely angry in the way that she had been moments ago, searching for him through the snow.

"i went to kill the wolf that hurt your father, your sister." maybe once upon a time, he would have injected some dark humor into this sentence, trying to bring levity to the situation. once upon a time, this sentence would not have fallen out of his mouth, anyway.

but his tone was flat and hollow, the humor devoid from each and every syllable. he had meant, truly meant, to find and kill this woman--and he had failed.

"i understand that it went against what you--not to mention your father--probably think was best," aditya continued, meeting her gaze full-on. now was not the time for cowardice; he was dawn's subordinate, but also her elder. he would give her the respect she deserved, but he would not cower like a younger, weaker man might. he had done so already, by leaving her at the border with aviana.

"i was seized by impulse, by passion," he murmured. "i awoke one too many mornings with the taste of her blood in my mouth."

His blatant admission had her blink, more than a little shocked. Certainly, she had not expected that; though his transparency had her feel better about the situation quickly. At least he did not try to hide what he had done - or attempted to do - thought for a moment she was disturbed. I went to kill the wolf that hurt your father. It was so blatant, and the thought of murder - of Aditya murdering - had her stomach twist. But as the admission sunk in, and the anger and the hate slowly remerged from where she had stomped it down, the prospect seemed near tempting. "did you do it?" She asked, voice low but not tinted by anger or distress. "you should have waited for me." 

Perhaps she would have faltered, been unable to take the life from another. But that didn't mean that she would shy away from sinking her fangs into the other girl's pelt, taking her eye as she had taken her fathers. Her gaze glinted darkly as she beheld him, hackles prickling at the thought.

he shook his head, a newfound wave of shame washing hotly over him. "no. i tracked her scent to the moonspear border. their alpha female told me that her mate had run her off, and she had not been seen since. she had reason to believe the rogue went far--perhaps, i thought, over the barrier mountains."

you should have waited for me. shame, and now guilt, too. "that, i am also sorry for," adi continued, his voice hoarse. "you have the right to revenge on this woman. much more so than me."

aditya saw the horror that had sprung to her eyes upon his admission, and could have kicked himself for it. for so long, he had been the easy-going, charming, kind man she had met by the riverside and had fallen in love with over time. now, she had seen this side of him--dormant for so long, perhaps for his entire existence. . .but awake, now, with fury.

"i have only killed once," he told her, his memories digging up the visceral images from that particular scene in his life. "in self-defense. he went for my throat; i ripped his belly open with my claws." he had been young, not quite a yearling, and still recalled the absolutely horrified shock that had rippled through his system as the young man's blood spilled over his paws, his chest.

"if i would kill for myself, i would kill a hundred times over for you and yours," aditya whispered. "i was crazed with vengeance. maaf karo, mere pyaar--forgive me."

Disappointment came first, then a sort of bitter relief. If Aditya had dealt with the woman as he'd planned, the chance for her to sink her teeth into the bitch's pelt would have passed her by. Still, his news was not favorable; if she had strayed so far there was little chance they would see hide nor hair of her again. Her mate was awash with shame and guilt, and, perhaps in some subconscious attempt to even the footing between them, she sat, tail curling around her as her gaze bore into him, its tip flicking with a mix of emotion. 

He told her text what she wanted to hear but had not yet asked, and again relief washed over her, yet untainted by bitterness. Her mate was no frequent murderer, and while she hadn't expected anything of the sort, it was a relief to know he held no skeletons in the closet. She was silent a beat longer, before speaking lowly.  "I forgive you, mera pyaar." Her own echo of his language lacked the elegance in which he spoke it, but she tried it all the same. "do not forget me again." She added softly, gaze finding his and softening.

he felt the doubt and fear and shame melt away from him, like ice in the springtime, as she echoed his words in his own tongue. his heart warming considerably, he pressed his muzzle into the ruff of fur round her neck, breathing a little raggedly as he composed himself to speak next.

"never," he answered softly. "i know now my decisions are not mine alone, anymore. they affect you now, too." he pulled away, golden eyes regarding her gently. "especially in a matter such as this."

aditya cast his eyes over the horizon, looking toward where he had left dawn and aviana awkwardly at the border. "i messed up with aviana," he said ruefully, mouth turning down in a sudden frown. "i don't know where i went wrong. she is. . .shy." shy was the kindest word he could think of to describe the skittish woman, at the moment.

"and i was nervous," aditya continued, "at trying to figure out how i'd explain everything to you, but also focusing on making her feel comfortable. it all came together at once, and. . .well, i hope you can forgive my social misstep, too."

The shame and guilt seemed to melt away; for which she was glad. She may be leader of Morningside, but she saw Aditya and herself as equals in some way; not the simple one of pack and rank, but something greater. For him to drag himself so low brought her a sort of satisfaction to know that he regretted his actions, and yet such an imbalance had her unsettled. She moved her muzzle to touch lightly his cheek, knowing what he had done and failed to do to be behind them, now, in large part. 

He spoke next of Aviana, and all that had transpired on the border. For a moment she was silent, before speaking of all that she knew and speculated about the girl.  "I don't think it was entirely your fault. When she joined, and met my father, she submitted completely and utterly. I thought it was odd at the time, but later - she didn't want to sleep with the others. She seems afraid. Of you, even my father." She paused a moment to collect her thoughts, wrapping her while absently around herself as she sat, the cold of the stone gradually leaching through her fur. "At first I thought it might be his rank that caused her to submit so severely, but she did not do the same to me. I think it is males that make her so unsettled." A reason for this she could not quite understand. Had one scared her, hurt her? But then why would an entire gender make her wary? Perhaps she was wrong, but still, she looked to Aditya in silent thought, concerned for the woman that had grown on her so.

"maybe," he sighed, breath a tiny puff in the cold air. "it's sad to think that someone can damage another so much. not just in the body, but in the mind." he looked down at dawn. "i was actually hoping you could put in a good word for me, with her. she might not believe it entirely, but it would be better, coming from you. she likes you."

aditya looked over the plateau, the dark sky, the crescent moon not yet overhead from its rise in the east. his home, now. he had thought that fleeing to the sea was an escape option. but he was bound, here, for better or worse.

"it's a lot," he murmured, slumping slightly to rest his head against her shoulder. "you don't know. . .i've never had a family, anyone to look after. never had to worry about anything. it was day by day. this is so different," adi went on, half-laughing as he did so. "and i wouldn't trade it for anything. . .but it is a lot at once."

he pulled back to look at her, then gave her small, soft kisses along her cheek, her jaw, bringing his lips to her ear and whispering, "i'm glad you found me."

fadin' <3