Hushed Willows i'm at an all time low

@Trick

He woke up with a start, fur bristling, eyes narrowed and lips peeled back in a silent snarl. Then slowly, he took in his surroundings and relaxed his tense muscles, falling onto the cool ground with a soft sigh. Shifting slightly, he lay on the ground with his head resting in between his forepaws, gazing out of the entrance with seeing anything at all, lost in his own troubling thoughts. That night, Teagan had a disturbing dream that brought back memories that he had managed to forget until now, memories that he never wanted to recall, ever again.

About five minutes later, Teagan blinked wearily, waking himself up from his own thoughts and he got up, stretching. His face was shadowed in something dark and unfathomable as he took a step towards in entrance, his pawsteps quiet, not wanting to wake anyone up.

As most must've noticed by now, Trick was an early bird. He never really slept in, only in the summer that was still wide away. In the winter it was too cold to sleep for very long, in autumn the rain made too much noise and in spring those stupid fucking birds wouldn't shut up. Today was no different. Trick awoke from a sleep without a single dream, just peaceful silence and darkness, and blinked his forest green eyes, that stood out because of the famine, to fend himself from the light of the morning sun. Day already? Trick licked his dry lips and nose and made a soft grunting noise as he realized it was time to get up.

He hadn't spoken to both Teagan nor Grace for a while. To be honest, he had been slacking quite a bit. He was aware of the pup that had been born, and immediately felt bad for both the kid and the mother since the brat had been born in such desperate times. If Trick could, he would've gathered herbs for the poor mother but alas. Trick yawned, unaware of anyone that might be awake, and got up from the dusty ground. Tiptoeing through the many bodies that lay there, Trick made his way safely to the entrance,and there he stopped to look at the pink and orange sky. What a sight it was, even without the greenery that always made a perfect contrast.

Just as he was about to wade between the remaining bodies littering the floor, blocking his way towards in entrance of the cave, his keen green eyes noted a familiar form lingering by the doorway. He recognized the wolf, even though he could only really see the guy's silhouette. Small, lithe, definitely familiar. He did not move for a few good moments, simply taking in, absorbing, remembering the small figure, graced with agile and graceful legs, blessed with gentle paws and a silky cape of obsidian fur. He remembered those emerald eyes, that charming smile, and those lilting words. And with that, came the memory of the night, and then cue a flood of nostalgic memories.

Right. Stop it. 

Taking a deep breath, Teagan tamped down on the melancholic and nostalgic feelings and quietly navigated his way through the bodies, stopping as he arrived beside Trick. "Miss me?" he asked, his tone soft and lilting and leaned forward, nose drifting tantalisingly down his boy friend's nape before he leaned away once more and fixed his eyes on Trick's emerald orbs, studying him. Then his lips broke into a sad smile, eyes darkening as a shadow settled on Teagan's ever angelic features. It was one of the few moments in which the coywolf allowed some of his emotions to seep through the mask he'd created. 

"Well, I'm in a mood for deep talks, sadness and honesty," he began, lifting a shoulder in a shrug as if to say 'i don't know about you but...'. "And I missed you," he stated plainly.

AS he watched the once more lilac sky turn a fiery orange, he couldn't help but think about the foxy Teabag. The night he was so cold, he had been the only one to keep him so warm. One might even argue if it was too warm, if you know what I mean. Trick might not show it, but he was truly sad all the plants had been taken from both the Marauders as well as the whole Teekon. His hobby was gone, for now, and now he did border work. It really wasn't the most fun thing to do ever, but it was better than nothing at all. It was fun as long as Stark was by his side, or any other that could keep his interest, but alone it was rather boring. He sighed. What was becoming of him? He was the ruthless Trick, the one with the tricks up his sleeves, the one with a plan.

But was that plan necessary for happiness? He believed so.

His right ear flicked backwards at the sound of footsteps, but was not followed by his whole head. Probably just a marauder going out for a morning stroll. Or at least, he thought so. Though the figure that was approaching was the same fiery color as the sky, and it stopped beside him. He turned to him, listening without interrupting. How can I not? He smirked, and gave his boyfriend a small nudge. He smelled the same as ever. But as fading as the sky was turning blue, it was also the happiness of Teabag that was fading. He could see it. His smirk disappeared, for once worried about someone that was not himself.

Trick's eyebrows raised at his words. Was he being serious? He had not made the impression of being serious at all that hot night after the start of the famine. Then again, neither had Trick, though he was capable of more emotion than hatred. What do you want to talk about then? He asked, a pinch of worry added to his honey-like voice. He wanted to make a comment on the whole "I missed you" part, but felt it was not the time to be funny right now.

"I'm glad I'm important enough to remain in the mighty Trick's thoughts," Teagan murmured into his friend's dark nape. "I was beginning to worry if you'd forgotten about me." Despite the light-hearted way he spoke, it seemed that Trick had noticed the shadow that lingered over Teagan like a storm cloud. The smirk that had appeared on the swarthy wolf's face vanished with the remains of the night. Instead, he asked the coywolf about what he wished to talk about, some sort of worry evident in his voice. Teagan tilted his head, analysing his friend with weary green eyes, "You know, sometimes I wonder if anyone who pretends to care about me really do," he stated with a small smile. "Everyone seems so fake sometimes."

Teagan allowed a small chuckle to escape his maw as he lifted his gaze to the sky, taking in the early morning sky, breathing in the breeze that ruffled his fiery fur. "Do you care, Trick?" he asked, lowering his gaze to fix it on his companion's emerald orbs. "Or was it just a one night stand to you?" he questioned, weary despite the night's sleep he had. "Have you ever cared about someone so much that you would die for them, just to have them betray you, just to have them dump you like trash?" he grinned a humourless smile. "I have. It wasn't pretty, let me tell you."

It was not always the small framed man was called mighty, though he kept calling himself that, and for that was sort of flattered to hear it from non other than the smoldering ember. It was therefore he smiled, something that would probably go unnoticed as Teabag was nestling in his nape. I would never. He purred, slowly and gently bringing his own head to the younger man's neck to snuggle for no longer than a few seconds. He pulled back as the conversation continued, getting more serious and more emotional. Oh dear, if only he was good at this.

Ones that do not care, are not worth your time. He spoke. Telling which from which is the harder part, but time will reveal all. He said with a smile to cheer Teagan up. He was not good at talking about feelings, mostly because he thought he never even had them ever since his parents had died. But the times spent traveling he had heard many stories, many experiences, and took that as a base for anything emotion based. 

At the sudden question, his silver tongue turned to cement, and he could not speak nor move away from his companion's grassy eyes. Did he truly? I do not know to be totally honest. He said with a frown. Everything I have ever loved was taken from me, therefore I fear that if I begin loving once again, you would be taken from me too... He answered truthfully. He shook his head at the other question, for truly he had been the one betraying everyone in his past. He did not want to get hurt anymore, and felt hurting others made him feel just slightly better, not knowing it was actually just numbing him. He still did not like hearing that Teabag had once been betrayed, and would love to make the one responsible suffer for the rest of his life.

Teagan smiled a ghost of his smile at Trick's words. "I'm glad," he murmured softly, almost teasingly, despite the mood he was currently in. He looked back at Trick when the swarthy male advised him, telling him that those who don't care weren't his time and telling those who were genuine from those who weren't was hard but with time, they would be revealed. Teagan grinned a humorless smile, "Yeah, well, time reveals everything doesn't it? But by then, it'll be too late. Better not to trust anyone, don't you think?" he cocked his head, green eyes asking for the raven furred wolf to give him his honest opinion on this matter.

"That's good, I suppose," Teagan sighed. "Better than you lying to me, like others always do. Something about-" at this, he smirked, "-protecting my feelings. As if I have any, as if I care." His grin turned into something darker. "That's a lie, but one would lie even to himself to protect him from the truth, right? Such stupidity; yet still we do it." Teagan looked around, a faraway gleam in his bright viridian eyes as he lost himself in his own thoughts for a few seconds.

He looked back at Trick. "Babe," he began, the ghost of his boyish charm coming back. "I'll fight off anyone who tries to take me away from you," he told the man. "Sometimes, hun, we have to allow us to free fall into the abyss to find out what's good for us, to find out of someone is worth it, to see if someone will love us, to try to fall for someone." He grinned, "C'mon, man. You gotta try; can't be single forever. A bad boy's always good for you, usually." He rolled his eyes, smirking, and leaned closer to plant a kiss on Trick's cheek.

Trust is a wonderful thing, but so easily betrayed. I suppose trusting is for the greater good, for the ones who are naive to believe in love on first sight. Trick spoke in his sophisticated tongue, his poetry style of saying things. He could not get it over his chest to just say that it is better to have loved and hurt than to have never loved at all, for that would be betraying his own rules. Never feel, never show. Being wary is one option, yes... Trick mumbled softly. He looked up, staring straight into the flaming fire's green eyes, perhaps some desperation into his own look. Do you trust me?

If one is not hurt or punished, how would one ever learn? Trick asked, the question mostly aimed at the ones who had lied to his companion. Hurt, happiness, sadness, we learn from the experiences that those emotions provoke. If a pup does not come when called for, and not punished after, chances are it will make the same mistake again... Trick successfully fought back the tears, a crooked grin on his slightly saddened face making him look sort of unstable. He now guessed he was- unstable since his parents had been killed. Perhaps he had learned too much of the darkness and hurt in life that he had forgotten what happiness and light was.

No one likes to be hurt, perhaps that's why we submit to those foolish actions- lying, scheming. He dozed off, eyes distant, staring off into the distance. It is normal, and one should not be ashamed of it, rather embrace it. We are not all perfect, for even the most unique snowflake can have pieces chipped off. He blabbered, realizing his own words only just moments after he said it. Was he ashamed of his chipped pieces? Did he have them?

The ink black man looked up, ears swirling as he got back to the real world. He kept his lips sealed, having a hard time swallowing the words and at the same time listen to Teabag. Right, as if he was ever going to dive in. It was unsafe, it was scary, it was unknown... What if one is afraid of heights?

"More like love on first fuck," Teagan snorted. He, himself had never been a firm believer of love at first sight. He believed that you didn't love a person the moment you know them, or right after you slept with them, but it might be the beginning. If you kept in contact, stayed in touch, get to know each other a bit more, then you begin to like them, then love starts to grow. But, if you never tried, never commited, then love ain't gonna come for you. Simple as that. Then Trick asked him a question in which Teag lifted a shoulder in a shrug. He did not hesitate as he answered, "I don't know," he said truthfully. "I don't know if I trust anyone at all, even myself. Trust is something, I suppose, I'm most unfamiliar with," he grimaced, thoughts of his childhood swarming through his troubled mind. "Do you trust me, Trick?" he questiond in return.

"I suppose so," Teagan replied simply to Trick's speech. Ever observant, he noticed the shadow of sadness creeping onto his companion's face, a fixed grin on his lips and his usually vibrant green eyes, filled with mischief seemed to be somewhat glassy, but Teagan couldn't be sure. Nevertheless, his words seemed to have triggered some sort of bad past/memory in Trick, and Teag was determined to know what it was, but perhaps not now. "One can also learn from goodness, from happiness and treats. Granted, I didn't know much about that, but it's never too late to try. Light can't hurt as much as pain, can it?" In a way, he was also offering advice to himself. 

Trick began speaking in metaphors and similes and Teagan watched, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as the dark furred male compared them to snowflakes; everyone was imperfect, even the prettiest. "If I ever love someone," he said thoughtfully. "I'll fall for their flaws." Teagan then considered Trick's question and shrugged once more. "When has fear gotten us anywhere?" he asked, contemplating. "Fear drives courage. Without fear, we cannot be brave, because then, how do we be brave? It depends on if you wish to be safe forever, living a dull life, but safe. Or risk it and live to your fullest." He met Trick's eyes. "Who will you be?"

A small, yet noticeable, chuckle escaped Trick's mouth. He wondered if he would ever forget the first night with Teagan, their bodies pressed together, connected and yet worlds apart. Was he gay? Did it matter? Ugh, the poet wasn't used to having this kind of conversations with someone he somewhat cared for. He had only had deep conversations with random strangers that were high on mushrooms or berries or something. Even with Odin he hadn't talked about feelings or love. Odin only told him that he should be grateful that he had spared him, that he should be more like Thor. Because Thor was SO damned perfect, and strong, and handsome. Yeah, and he lacked a ton of brain cells too. What started your trust-issues? Trick questioned before he could return a question about trust. But it was only natural for one to ask the same thing to the other to. Trick sighed. I have a habit of casting everybody out... He breathed in deeply as he realized this too. But if I had to chose to trust anyone with my life, it would be you. He admitted honestly.

Light blinds. It hides the truth, smothers you in a sea of rose pedals that just seems to suck you in deeper and deeper. He spoke bitterly. He did not have the best memories of the light at all. He had been a dark pelted, little male in a pack full of grand arctic wolves who had all had their fair share of picking on him. He would rather keep in the shadows where he could hide. 

Perhaps that is the only way to truly love... Trick mumbled, stepping closer to his ever so gay and sassy companion, placing his forehead on his shoulder. As Teagan began talking, something wet and salty poured out of his emerald eyes. What was this? No, he wasn't crying, truly not! He bunked his head to Teagan's shoulder in a steady rhythm. Stop. it. you. stupid. coward. I don't know... His voice cracked at every edge, but sounds of sobbing were stilled by the confusion. 

A small grin wormed it's way to Teagan's lips and he looked at Trick, a playful glint in his bright green eyes. He remembered that night so well that it might have just happened the day before. It wasn't his first time with a guy, but well, let's just say that Teag didn't remember most of his 'lovers', but he did remember his time with Trick so that should probably count as something. Probably. Not definitely. But whatever.

"Ummm," Teagan pondered Trick's question. "I dunno, my parents, one of them or both. Then this girl who I really liked, and so on." He cocked his head at the raven furred man's reply and found a smile snaking up his face as he grinned, full-heartedly. "I appear to have the same habit," he informed his friend. "We'll get along very nicely." He frowned, however, when Trick spoke about how light blinded, hides the truth and smothers you in a sea of rose petals. "Not always, dude," he said. "Light can be fire as well, like me, you know," he winked, hoping to somewhat lighten the mood. "Without light, there cannot be shadows."

He pricked his ears, barely catching the words his boy friend mumbled and stood, still as a rock, as Trick stepped closer and placed his swarthy forehead on the coywolf's shoulder. He felt the fur on his shoulder grow wet, and realised what was happening. Panicked, for Teag knew not how to deal with situations involving tears, he was about to lean closer when Trick started to go mad. His eyes widened and without hesitating, he wrapped his friend in a wolfish hug, murmuring 'it's okays', and 'i'm here's' and promises to the smaller wolf. "It's okay to not know," he said softly. "And it's okay to not be okay because one day, you will. Might not be today, tomorrow, or even the day after that, but one day, you'll be free, I promise."

Trick, or Wylie for that matter, never had a lover before. Perhaps it was only his so called "mother" that sort of like him, but not as a woman should. Maybe, just maybe, he was a son to her, but she had been cast out of his life just like everyone else. He was a monster, they had said, his brother's friends said. A trick they had called him, for a scheme would be too big for his frame. Pathetic, both sides. 

Parents. He rumbled. He had no experience with them, but if they were anything like Odin and Frigga, they could all burn in hell. His hell, where he ruled. Damn, he was such a poet. He raised an eyebrow at Teagan. It didn't seem like Teabag had any problem socializing, but perhaps that was a mask as well. What was under though? A scheme, a betrayal? He squinted almost unnoticeable as he studied the other's face, trying to undo the mask and see what was under that foxy coat of his. "Undressing with his eyes" on a whole other level, you could call it. I never got along with anyone else before. He murmured after.

Fire burns, destroys. It brings misery and death, it eats it's way, consumes you until there is nothing left but a wasteland, ash and smoldering embers. Trick argued. He didn't know if Teagan had ever seen a forest fire, but it was not pretty at all. Without light, day and night would be the same as well. Order would be flung out the window, leaving only chaos and disruption- and I thought you liked a bit of chaos? Trick questioned with just the slightest hint of a smirk. 

That smirk did not last long, for as soon as Teagan wrapped himself around him in, what people would call it, a hug. A hug, his first comforting hug, accompanied by sweet, almost meaningless words. Trick cried with eyes wide open, in shock and aw of what the smoldering ember was doing. No, he would never be okay. He forbade himself that privilege. He was fucked up in the mind, weak, small. Free meant nothing to him. No one was free, not a single one but the dead. Freedom is life's greatest lie... He sobbed, closing his eyes as he desperately tried to stop crying. His parents, his real ones, weren't free with him like this, now were they?

"Yeah, parents," Teagan nodded. "Legendary creatures," he drawled, sarcasm lacing his voice as he shook his head. No doubt there were good parents somewhere in the world, somewhere that he'd never been. Oh, how envious he was of those who had a semi-functional family with parents who loved them unconditionally. But no, gods were cruel, he got landed with a couple of irresponsible immature teenagers. Who was he to judge, though? Seeing as he was almost a replica of his father now. No, you're different. Besides, you don't have kids. If you did, you'll be a great dad, trust me. He chuckled to himself. Nah, I know who I am.

He noticed Trick squinting at him, seemingly undressing him with his eyes. Teagan raised an eyebrow and wiggled his eyebrows, winking. "Yeah well, you get along with me fine," he told Trick, refraining the urge to roll his eyes. "True enough," Teagan said. "But that doesn't mean I like a world of all chaos. Everything needs to be balanced," he argued. Chaos was good, but only a bit of it. Mass chaos would kill and destroy everything. Every. Single. Thing. That didn't matter now, no, Trick had worse problems than philosophy class. 

Teagan buried his muzzle into his friend's nape, breathing in his familiar scent before hugging even tighter, reassuring Trick that he was here, and he wasn't leaving anytime soon. The swarthy male hadn't stopped crying, but Teag was calm, somehow he knew what to do, sort of. "Oh, babe," he murmured softly. "No one is ever free. But you're bound so tightly in your bad memories, you lock yourself up in you're own shit, lost in the maze of your own mind. One day, you won't be completely free, but one day, you'll get through it and you'll be able to let it go and be free from the chains you chained yourself in. And I'll help you. I'll be here, I promise. I'm not going to leave, not if I can help it," he promised, and he knew, with all his heart, that this was a promise he was going to keep, if he could help it. "Don't become a zombie to your darkness. Everyone deserves to be happy, and if anyone says otherwise, tell me, and I'll beat them up, 'kay?"

How would I know?... Trick said dryly. The anger was not aimed at Teagan, at all, more at the greater power of the world. A power so great it could do what it wanted. Oh, how would he like to be that power. He sometimes told himself that he was, but reality just kept kicking his small frame over and over again. Oh, how was he supposed to fix the past without betraying time itself? He could hardly fix the present. A new fire in him was burning, one of vengeance. He would kill all that hurt him - or Teagan- without mercy. He didn't deserve it anymore.

Trick rolled his eyes as he smiled. There was the Teagan he knew. Well, I guess you're the first then... Trick spoke softly, somewhat astonished that he had made a... Friend? Companion? Lover? Balance is there to be broken. Trick said. Yes, destruction would come would the balance tip toward chaos, but that was how life went. There had to be destruction before creation.

Trick stood totally still as he let it all sink in for a moment. Never had he cried with someone present. Never had he been comforted. It was... nice. Even as the hug tightened, he did not move, simply listening to Teagan's words. It wasn't true. It couldn't. He was not lost. He was totally sane, totally happy, totally fine. He breathed heavily. Is this madness? He breathed into the smoldering fur of his companion. Is it? IS IT?! He breathed out louder. His legs started shaking. No, he wasn't breaking down. He was the almighty Trick, no one would break him, no one knew him.