Silvertip Mountain Thanks For The Memories

Anyone want to join? Possibly @Zaria?

Chaska had stirred awake with a jolt, his heavy breathing drowning out all other sounds nearby. His eyes were wide open, filled with fear and despair. His body trembled, his legs wobbling and barely holding his body up. This was the first time such a dream had hit him since arriving here. And he had had it before. In fact, he had experienced it. For this was no mere dream. It was a memory. A memory of the day his family fell.

And for once in a long time, he cried. He cried for his mother, his father, all of his pack. And at the same time, he felt the deep hatred for the leader of the invaders.

His scar began to ache, as if the wound was re-inflicted. The dream had felt so real, then again, it was real in a way. He had lived through that pain. He had lived through that terror. He had survived what no one else did. So why did he feel all of a sudden dead inside? He had plenty to live for, here on this mountain. He had new friends, a new family, a new home. But what if there was to be another tyrant? He would not let that happen. He had already vowed that.

FitzDutiful was wondering around, unable to sleep. He was feeling uneasy but couldn't place his paw on what it was. He supposed to was just a fear of the unknown - a wondering of where his life was going to go. The older his children got, the more time he had for himself, and the less he knew what to do with it. He had taken to spending time with Zaria, but wondered if he was spending too much time with her and restricted himself to when she came to the den. The nothing except his children could make him leave.

Now, he just meandered, heaving a heavy sigh now and again. Maybe it was time to stop being afraid and make a move forwards.

Chaska halted his crying when he heard someone sigh nearby and rubbed his eyes across the fur on the back of his paws. He couldn't let someone see him like this. He held his breath for a couple of seconds as he peeked out, and let it out with a sigh of relief to see his alpha. He stood and greeted Fitzdutiful.

"Good evening. May I ask what is on your mind? You seem..worried about something." He did not mean to pry, but it was the only thing he thought of, in case Fitz had heard him. Hopefully, Fitz would forget to ask. But it may not work. The grey wolf tried his best to play it off, but perhaps the alpha had noticed. The only one who knew that was the alpha himself.

With a glance back at Chaska, FitzDutiful took in the symptoms of tears. He felt concerned, though looking his current train of thought had etched that look onto his face already. He wanted to help his pack member, now the longest member of Silvertip Mountain aside for himself, but the question was asked of him instead. He decided to take the plunge and confide in his friend.

"I'm struggling with feelings, relationships." he started, with a sigh, casting his eyes away from Chaska and towards the horizon. "I like Zhavvi - Zaria, but I don't know what to do. Every woman I've fallen for has hurt me, then left. It seems foolish to go through that yet again. Plus, her culture leaves me worried she might feel she has to accept me, even if she feels nothing." With that, he looked back at his grey companion, his fears showing plainly as he did so.

Chaska listened intently to Fitz's problems. It was better than what was on his mind before, and it took him away from all that. After the alpha had finished, Chaska was actually quite astonished. He never thought he would see Fitz in such a predicament, not knowing anything about the events with Raissa. In truth, he had no way of helping. He had only ever felt love for his mother, and that was it. But he did understand what the golden-eyed wolf was going through.

"Can't say I've been there. Tell me, is it your mind you are listening to, or your heart?" he asked. His mother had done the same when one of his friends had the same problem. "If it is your mind that speaks to you, then let your heart speak." He arched his brow-ridge curiously, waiting for an answer.

Chaska asked the question that FitzDutiful instinctively knew the answer to (his mind) but he tried to deny it. No, it was his heart too, he told himself over and over. He did fear the rejection but even that was in his mind not his heart. Hanging his head low, he accepted what the older male had to say. Sometimes your elders just knew better.

"I suppose," he replied, sounding almost like a sullen teenager, "I just worry that she might take it the wrong way. Her culture don't sounds kind to women and I don't want her to feel obliged because I'm her alpha." He paused, taking a deep breath in and letting it out heavily, trying to exhale his worries and fears too.

Ah, home at last.

So that was it. Chaska didn't know much about Zaria's past, except she had fled from her own home. He didn't even know if it was forced or by her own choice. This certainly was something to ask, but for another time. His alpha had a problem, and he had chosen Chaska for advice. Or perhaps it was by some chance. Even still, not the best choice for such an issue, having not been in any kind of relationship. Except with his mother, but not that kind. He would never go anywhere there. This kind of bond he had never felt. The wolf would try his best, though.

"Have you talked to her about it?" he asked. It may have been a dumb question, and he felt a little stupid for asking. Fitz must have asked it, or something like it. "If you haven't, I suggest that first." He thought for a moment, thinking if it would be the right thing to do. How would he know, anyway? It's not like he's ever had a crush on another...or had he? Once again, it was not the time to think about. And he did not feel like venturing into his past again. Not after that recent nightmare.

MISSED YOU!!!!!!!

Chaska had a good point and FitzDutiful grinned ruefully. "You make a very good point there," he said laughing dryly as he spoke. "I'm so feared for the potential downfalls that I'm not even considering the fact there's a chance." He let himself breath for a moment before deciding that he ought to return the favour and find out what was going on with his loyalist member of them all.

"Want to talk about your demons?" If Chaska said no, FitzDutiful would let it drop but he owed the elder male so much. He had taken care of FitzDutiful's children, en-captured the alpha with his stories and generally contributed so much to the pack. FitzDutiful had his training behind him, even if he was thinking of giving up the counsellor trade.

I felt so many feels when writing this

Chaska chuckled lightly along with the alpha. He was glad he had helped him. But it slowed when he was asked about his own demons. He knew someone would ask eventually. If it wasn't Fitz, he wouldn't be willing to share. Because he felt obligated. For if it wasn't for Fitz, he would never have come to live here. He readied himself, sighing sadly.

"I...Do you ever feel guilt for something you didn't physically do?" he paused before going on. "It's the reason I left my old home. Because I have nothing to go back to..I could have done something. I had tried to fight, and I could have. But instead, I was forced to flee. And from a distance, I was forced to watch the demise of my pack. My family. Slaughtered by rivals. Since then, that vision has stuck with me. Plagued me. Driven me mad to the edge. And sometimes, I thought about going over...Have you ever felt that?" He could feel his eyes tear up. Once again, he was crying. And he had no control over it.

"Heh, look at me now. I used to show myself as being fearless. And here I am, crying." Yes, he was sad. Yet, for some reason, it made him feel better to get it out.

FitzDutiful wracked his brain at the question, trying to decide if he'd ever felt that. Maybe with Raissa, but then he looked back at that and just felt angry at decisions he had made. Not ones he hadn't. He did and said nothing, though, letting Chaska speak and say what he needed to.

FitzDutiful let silence sit for a moment before saying anything. Then he chose to tread carefully, he was fearful of saying the wrong thing. "Sometimes, things happen. For no good reason, but you find a way to adapt it and help better in the now. I'm sorry that happened to you, but have you thought of making it your strength? Of training yourself in warrior or warden skills so you can ensure it never happens again." He took a breath and said his last little bit.

"You're part of my family now, but if it worries you - scares you - make it a strength so you no longer feel like a victim." FitzDutiful pressed his side against Chaska, trying to lend him physical support to go along with the emotional.

Chaska saw sense if Fitz's words. And opportunity. An opportunity to turn his life around. Becoming stronger in the skills of fighting would help him. Physically and emotionally. So he nodded in agreement.

"I will do it. If it helps the pack, then it shall be my main focus...perhaps make my tales have more action" he joked. That brought his own mood up. "Who would be best to help me?" he asked. He hadn't really seen anyone fighting. Only hunting.

The gesture Fitz gave Chaska somewhat hepled. But also made him a little...awkward. In his time of being alone, he had not had any physical contact with any other wolf. So he slid his rump to the side, moving the rest of his body with it.

At Chaska's joke, FitzDutiful allowed himself a small chuckle, appreciating that his words had helped. He caught the movement of Chaska moving away but made no attempted to sustain the contact. If Chaska wanted it, he could move back. It seemed as though the male was going to take his advice and learn to be a warrior or a warden and harness the fear instead of being overcome by it.

"It depends which side of the coin you want to concentrate on," he said honestly and openly, "If you want to protect and defend, I already have the warden trade and can teach you. If you want the warrior to learn the more intimate forms of attack; an actor instead of a reactor, the Zaria has the skills to teach you."

FitzDutiful waited for Chaska to show some reponse to his words, and make sure that his friend was okay.

End it?

Chaska only thought for a second. In his puphood, he always wanted to be a fighter. But after being forced to flee, he had become less fit then he had been once previously. His world lightened up at the chance to go back to that. To become that what he once was.

"Warrior. I choose that" he answered. "When shall I begin?" he asked, thinking that Zaria would only be free to teach at certain times. And that Fitz may know those times.

I'll archive :D

Chaska chose warrior and in doing so started himself down the journey of turning his weakness into a benefit, into a bonus to himself and his character - at least FitzDutiful hoped that was where he was going and how he would end up. He seemed so sure of himself when he announced warrior, and then the question arose of how to start. Starting was always so hard.

"Find Zaria and ask her to teach you. Any time, I'm sure she'll be pleased to. Just a warning, make sure you let her know it's practice else you may get some bumps and bruises." he chuckled slightly at his words, wondering what Chaska had been expected and how that would mar with reality before turning around and heading away. It would be interesting to watch, for sure.