Blacktail Deer Plateau it's already burning

for @Saarthal ♥

the days tarry on and the teekon wilds continues to be an vastly unexplored place borne of legend to hadrian. he is both awestruck and heavy-hearted. it isn't leaving noctem vagus that he regrets so much as leaving aeneas behind. aeneas; stupid, reckless, passionate and immeasurable brave aeneas. there was a small part of hadrian that hoped ...that still hopes ...that aeneas will follow him and saarthal here. that the three musketeers might once more reunite. and yet ...yet, it is unfettered concern for saarthal and a taste for legendary adventure that ultimately brought hadrian here.

not that he knows where here is. though they stick to the heavy shaded areas of the forest that stretch along the plateau he swears that he saw a flash of blacktail deer skirt past him. he pays them no heed. he is not presently hungry and as of the moment: they are in no danger of him. the afternoon is warm, heavy with the moisture of the most recent rain. the fall of droplets, though the rain has stopped, is heard among the silver birches and dark pines that make up the forest he pads through, tucking thoughts of his siblings away for the time being.

<3

Saarthal would be lying if she said she didn't think about her family or that she hadn't missed them at all. There were nights where she wished her father were here with her; his presence was a reminder of safety, of warmth and laughter and late afternoon playfights in the arena which always ended in a sweaty mess, her frustrated mother and a conspiratorial wink from her father. She wondered what he was doing right now - sparring with Aeneas, at a council meeting with grandfather or arguing with Hadrian for the millionth time about the dangers of stress and the sheer ridiculousness of her brother's workload. Nah. What was today again? He was probably at date night with her mother. 
Saarthal shook her head and kicked at the undergrowth; no, it'd been the right thing to do, leaving, she didn't have much of a future there, not with...her lingering around, kissing up to her admittedly amazing and stupidly hard-to-hate older brother. Ugh. She sniffed, annoyed, and promptly choked because no fucking way. But no, she had indeed inhaled a mouthful of brother dear's dense scent. And then, because Saarthal was Saarthal and she couldn't be fucked to search around this dense black forest, she decided to scream: "YO JUNIOR! HADRIAN, YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHAT THE FUCK-" before she realised that one, her nose could be fucked up and the scent might be not-her-brother's in which case she was doomed because the probability of her being chased and killed by angry serial killer wolves had just risen exponentially, and two, she probably scared of all the prey within a ten-mile radius. Her stomach rumbled angrily. Welp. Too late now. 

hadrian's steps are leisurely, slow because this is foreign territory and because even though he's not hungry at the current moment he doesn't necessarily want to spook the herd of blacktail deer he's seen. eventually, he would grow hungry and it was useful to keep tabs on them and he'd much rather have them closer than further away from him. presently, his scent was not enough to spook them — he could hear them in the distance grazing, leaves and errant twigs snapping beneath the weight of their hooves, the occasional bleat of a fawn.

and then amidst the serene sounds of unsuspecting prey and unsuspecting predator a loud voice cuts through the silence, causing hadrian's ears to perk and then flutter and slick back against his skull. the excitement at the familiar voice that calls out to him: junior — even if he hadn't been sure by voice alone he knows it's saarthal from the use of that nickname alone ( not just anyone can all him 'junior' after all ) — he feels the familiar exasperation and annoyance as the spooked herd take off.

rather then follow the food source hadrian heads deeper into the plateau's forest towards the origin of the screams. while he's all for hearing his name screamed towards the heavens, saarthal wasn't who he'd ever had in mind. his steps slow as he draws near her, her scent strong in his flared nostrils now, and he stalks forward, shrugging through the underbrush, as proud and haughty as ever. gods. hadrian curses. didn't father ever teach you to use your inside voice, saar? he huffs, rumbling and disapproving ...only to break the facade a few seconds later as frostbound silver gaze takes her in greedily, lips quivering with unfettered joy at seeing her again.

he missed her. terribly. wholly. he misses aeneas as if the firstborn was a lung, but he's missed saarthal like he's been missing his heart. you look well. he observes ...his way of saying that he's missed her without actually admitting it.

But, my gods, like some proud ghost of a king, Hadrian stalked forward from the bushes as tall and as haughty as ever, saying Saar in that exasperated disapproving way of his as if not a single day had passed since they last saw each other. Completely ignoring her brother's words, Saarthal let out another giddy scream of delight and charged at Junior with the sort of reckless abandon that had characterised the girl during her childhood days in rome and had led to many irritated conversations between her parents and the trainers. "Hadri!" Saarthal squeaked, attempting to wrap her brother in a massive bear hug, "I've missed you, you stupid idiot," - her way of showing affection for her siblings had always been to use insulting words in an endeared fashion -"How are you? Why're you here? Are you alone? How's father and mother? And Aeneas? Dude-" Questions tumbled from her lips in an erratic cascade as she tried to sort out the mountain of thoughts and emotions that'd been conjured up as a result of Hadrian's arrival.

hadrian's ears slick back again as saarthal lets out another scream, wordlessly portraying her delight and launches herself at him as if she's been shot out of a catapult. hadrian grumbles and complains half-heartedly under his breath but ...he presses his muzzle into the fur of her neck, returning the hug. though he'd left one of the musketeers in search of the other he has the relative peace of mind that aeneas is under the watchful eye of the emperor, their mother and father; and perhaps hadrian is the only one that can stifle the worst of aeneas' moods and ideas but he tries not to think about that. surely three of them could wrestle sense into aeneas without him.

pffft, he snorts into her nape. you just scared off the herd of deer and you're calling me the idiot — he scoffs but despite the tone he uses his tail wags furiously behind him with elation, betraying him. i'm alone, hadrian admits softly. i came to look for you. perhaps, he considers, saarthal would not appreciate him worrying after her but being the middle child left him with the extraordinary task of looking out for his 'big brother' and 'little sister' and separated as they were makes that lifelong mission hard. he's spent time being waspish with aeneas, trying to drill sense into the oaf's brain and hopes some of what he said sunk in ...and now it was time to check in on saarthal.

everyone's good. hadrian settles for, attempting to assure her. he doesn't mention reyna ...the catalyst for the three musketeer's breakup. hadrian disapproves of the girl, loathes how she led both of his siblings on despite how he reluctantly admires her duality. he didn't come all the way here to reopen old wounds. well...i also came here in search of that legendary adventure and legacy that the emperor left in his wake.

Still grinning, Saarthal released Hadrian from the hug and stepped back, taking in her brother's form. He looked good - healthy, functioning, like he had his shit together. That was always the most annoying bit about him, she felt, because it'd always been clear to her that Aeneas, however perfect he was with his gentlemanly manners and kindness and prowess on the battlefield was also occasionally a bit of a mess, for the two of them shared the same stubborn streak and self-destructive recklessness...maybe that was why they'd both gone for the same - Anyway, Junior on the other hand, aptly named after legendary granddaddy, had always been fawned over and, to Saarthal, he'd never seem to have much trouble with anything. It infuriated her to bits, she who could never keep a tight control over her emotions, but - they were right, really, the trainers - he was great, unlike her. Not that she was bitter or anything. Really.
"Came to protect me, brother dearest?" Saarth teased though not at all mad; she could really use a friendly face right now, and who better than Junior, who'd despite their separation remained her ultimate confidant. Still, she'd never told him about Reyna (and was blissfully unaware that Junior, always aware, had actually known the whole time), something she regretted: he would probably have helped in a sensible way that did not involve her running away from home in the middle of the night like some angsty teenager.
"'Course you did," Saarthal replied absentmindedly, another more urgent question probing at her mind, "come to continue the family's legacy, yeah? You know I wanna see the infamous Noctisardor Bypass too. Haven't found it yet." And then, glancing too casually away from Hadrian, Saarthal asked, "so, how's our other idiot brother? Is he still with -" she cleared her throat, acting way too insouciant for it to be true, "-uh, that orphan girl Reyna?"

to make sure that you're ok, hadrian corrected her matter-of-factly. i know you don't really need my protection. a conspiring wink is given to his sister, followed closely by a toothy grin; after all, she had the same military training as aeneas and himself. he'd be disappointed if she needed anyone else to fight her battles for her. truth was, it was extremely lucky that she happened to run into him and scream for him. she'd been up wind of him and if she hadn't caught his scent it occurs to hadrian that he'd have kept going, right on past her. fortuna favors him, as she always has. her favor like any gods, however, was as fickle as a summer breeze: there and then gone at her whim.

if we don't saar ...then who will? there was none more fit to continue on the emperor's legacy in these wilds than his grandchildren. we are the only ones fit. haughty, arrogant and proud, as always. sure, the emperor'd had other children besides trajan and surely had other grandchildren but ...they hadn't been raised in their patriarch's presence. this matters greatly to hadrian who was an pureblood elitist if there ever was one.

the topic shifts then to the very thing hadrian was pointedly avoiding speaking of. reyna. it takes all of his self-control to hide the disapproval in his expression and the exasperation out of the soft inhale and exhale that leaves him. she's fishing for information, hadrian assumes, though she pretends like reyna is a nobody to her. i know. about you and reyna, he tells her forwardly, figuring there was no sense in playing cat-and-mouse about it: with her pretending that she doesn't ( or didn't ) care and him pretending he didn't know about their sordid affair though hadrian does not place the blame at saarthal's paws, biased as he is towards her. instead, reyna: the charlatan bears the worst of hadrian's scorn and blame.

no. they've split. it was aeneas' doing, he hesitates here, wondering how honest he should be. he handled the affair about as well as anyone would expect: throwing himself into war and almost dying. it's why i didn't come sooner. someone had to patch the fool back up and make sure he didn't die. in the end, hadrian wants transparency. if aeneas did decide to follow to the wilds he didn't want to base anyone's reunion on lies.

Was she okay, though? Everything used to be so straightforward and now...she could barely see through the fog in her own mind to make sense of herself, much less reality, and she had nobody. No pack, no friends, no nothing and truly, she had no one to blame for that but herself. It had been her fault and now she was alone...well, until Hadrian came back. And yet - a film of sadness obscured the hellfire of her eyes as Saar stared at her brother; undoubtedly he would do well here, it was written in the stars, his heroic story already engraved in the books of fate. 'We' Hadrian had said, and Saarthal had smirked, head canted in a gesture of casual arrogance - the melancholic flicker had vanished from her gaze milliseconds after its arrival, her brother did not need to be burdened with her sadness - but deep inside she knew that it would never be 'we' or 'us' but 'you'. The legacy, the empire, it would be purely Hadrian's and never hers. She didn't have that kind of...no, not ambition, she had ambition...simply put, Saarthal no longer had any belief in the purpose of building a kingdom or carrying on the family legacy or whatever. She appreciated Hadrian's desire to just that after all that had been his dream for ages and she was nothing but supportive, and she had once had a similar dream. It was just the fact that deep down, she knew none of it mattered. But Hadrian didn't need to know any of this, and the remains of her contemplations were quickly wiped away by her brother's next words.
Saarthal gaped, her heart stuttering as she processed the sentence and then a wave of something deeply unpleasant rushed over her so that she said nothing for a good second, trying to absorb the fact that her deepest secret had never been a secret after all. "Oh," Saar murmured, and then her brother unloaded more news, news of Aeneas and their mutual girlfriend and Saarthal grimaced. "Fuck, I'm sorry," she apologised, strangely and uncharacteristically hesitant, not knowing exactly why she was apologising or what for but feeling the inexplicable urge to beg for someone's forgiveness."Is...Aeneas alright? Is he...mad at me?" And then, "is she okay? Did she say anything about..." did she say anything about me? did she tell him about the affair because she missed me? is she coming to find me? "He hates me, doesn't he? He hates me. I-I should go back and uh, apologise, and Reyna - fuck," she cursed, feeling strangely and suddenly overwhelmed by everything. "Junior," Saarthal whispered, her voice raw, and glanced up at her brother. Her eyes glittered, her expression entirely too vulnerable as she shrank into herself. This was not at all what a reunion was supposed to be like. Once again, she had ruined everything. Like always.

to say that hadrian understands aeneas and saarthal's attraction to reyna would be a boldfaced lie. he doesn't. he hasn't ever, in truth. she was far from the prettiest girl he laid eyes upon and she already proved, by yanking his siblings along by chains at their throats as she played with both of them like they were her toythings provoked hadrian's ire like none other. his opinions of her ( despite how he reluctantly admired her ) were debased and as low as low could get. it appears, much to hadrian's dismay, that reyna still had saarthal spellbound. aeneas is fine. well, he was when hadrian left at any rate.

who cares about reyna? he wants to spit. nearly does, except for the catch of his tongue betwixt his teeth at last possible second. he bites down hard to ward off the growing annoyance. saarthal was as lovesick as aeneas ...it wasn't her fault but unfortuantely reyna was not here to take his anger out on. i don't know if she's ok. he replies, much more curtly than he'd originally intended. i don't much care. he tells saarthal honestly. reyna was a bothersome fly to hadrian who had spent a long time pretending that he knew nothing about her sneaking around behind aeneas' back with saarthal. he'd tried to turn a blind eye, tried to be the meditator and for no one's sake other than saarthal's.

and you shouldn't either. he can't keep the chiding tone out of his voice. as far as hadrian was concerned: reyna hadn't ever been good enough for either of his siblings and she certainly didn't deserve them. you shouldn't mess with her. she's not worth it. she's not worth your time. let resting dogs lie, saarthal. it was, perhaps, harsh advice but it was all he had to offer her as she crumbles before him utterly vulnerable.

Hadrian obviously had no nice feelings for Reyna which on the one hand Saarthal was glad about, simply because she wouldn't know what to do if the three of them all fell in love with the same orphan girl (their parents probably wouldn't be too impressed with that), but on the other hand, his blatant disapproval hurt like a dozen knives to the heart. Which was stupid because of course he would disapprove, he should disapprove. There was nothing to approve of - Saarthal and Reyna had always been the affair, not the official partnership. Still - despite Hadrian's words, Saarth could not help but wonder how Reyna was, if she still thought about her, if she missed her...she never had closure after all. Reyna...Reyna had been so captivating. Her heart hurt just thinking about it. Granted, the girl had fucked her over many times and - actually yeah, Hadrian had a point. He had a massive valid point which massively invalidated her own points. Didn't mean she liked it much, though.
"I love her," Saarthal mumbled instead, quiet and under her breath and sad. It was so hard to let go of the past. Not when she no longer had anyone beside her, much less a girlfriend. In fact...she'd never had a girlfriend after Reyna, if Reyna even counted. Saarth shook her head, swallowing. "Do you think Aeneas will forgive me?" she asked instead. Her brother throwing himself into war was not a good sign, predictable but not a good sign. What if he had died? Because of her? Saarth couldn't live with that. Not that she could live with herself much these days. "I never meant - he's my brother," she found herself gazing wide-eyed at poor Junior who really shouldn't have to deal with this, "I never wanted to hurt him. You know that right? I left because -" Saarthal gestured uselessly, but a sneering voice, high-pitched and laughing whispered in her ear: Liar. You knew the affair would hurt him and you continued anyway. You're a selfish little cunt who chose a bitch over her brother. And look where we are. 
Maybe the most telling thing was the fact that her instinctual response to that thought had singularly been: She's not a bitch. Guilt seeped like poison through her veins. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to listen to this. How are you?" She smiled softly; the facade was easy to put on now.