Arrow Lake you saw the snakes but not the sorrow

@Asterr. Close to RJ. Set a day or so ago.

It had taken longer than Ukko expected to return to his home than he'd intended. His home. The idea made him scoff. It isn't home. Asterr isn't really his mate. He didn't even want to believe the children she carried are his. When his heart aches this much, he realizes he doesn't want much of anything. There had been a time he might have thought he and Tavi could have been something but it had easily dwindled when he loved her only as his best friend. And now she is gone and he hadn't been able to fix it.

His heart hadn't left his throat since he'd found out but everything else has been a blur. His direction is aimless and he doesn't know where he's supposed to go. He could keep walking and not look back, as if there's nothing in the teekon waiting for him. Thoughts of Asterr come to mind everyone once in a while, deviating his direction toward Ryūjin but ultimately he moves somewhere else, pushing him farther away.

Ukko finds himself near the lair. He can see it in the distance. How long has he been gone? A day? Two? His brows knit together as he considers it, even wondering if his mate had given birth, and he stands there for a long time without moving, uncertain, scared, lonely. Heartbroken.

The night had been a restless one, as many happened to be as of late. Shifting and getting up, laying back down and changing positions. They were coming, the next generation of dragons, but not yet. No, they were readying themselves to enter the world, but the time had yet to actually arrive. They were relentless with their movements, either way, and so she'd given up on the idea of sleep. It wouldn't do any of them any good if she continued to try for something that simply wouldn't happen, and so the dragoness had pushed herself up onto her feet for the last time, and took off at a slow walk through the lair.

For the first time in a long while, she'd found herself nearing the entrance. Along the threshold was where she'd found herself wandering for a moment before having crossed to the other side entirely. It hadn't been long before she'd reached the lake, towards which she'd traveled at an easy pace. There was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind, making it seem as if remaining within her home would have been best, but she'd ignored it in favour of continuing onward. What she'd found at the end of her journey, however, was a face that she hadn't expected to see.

A slow stop had been made several steps off, her presence most likely having been noticed already. "Ukko?" she'd voiced anyways, wondering for why he was there. She hadn't seen him in a few days, which was concerning, but to think that he'd been so near all along was peculiar. "What are you doing out here?" A question that was probably more suited for her, but she'd gotten to ask it first.

making assumptions, whoops

It would be easy to turn around and leave. The puppies haven’t been yet—to his knowledge—and they would be fine. Asterr can do it alone. It would be easier, too, if they didn’t know him, if they didn’t know their father was a failure. They don’t have to be like him. Asterr can raise them to be strong without him because he’s done nothing but leave a crash site everywhere he goes. With Tavi gone, the maplewood no longer holding a pack, his original home no longer welcoming of its heir, what did Ukko have going for him?

When Asterr questions his name, he spins his head around to see her, not having really noticed her approach. Lost in his own mind so far that he no longer feels real, he begins to question whether or not his mate is even real. He scoffs inwardly. His mate. The mate he doesn’t deserve, the children he shouldn’t even have. She can do better. 

Ukko opens his mouth to all these things but they got lodged in his throat and nothing comes out. Her question replaces the silence and he slowly turns so that he can face her, noticing that she is still just as swollen as when he’d left yesterday morning. 

“I…” he pauses. I don’t know. He forces himself to look away, then around him. It would be easy to outrun the woman, leave her in question in his path. “Tavi,” he says again and points his nose to the ground. “She’s dead.”

Towards her he had looked, but something seemed off. She'd wondered if he might be ill, but the notion was easily scratched off of her list of possibilities. It wasn't a sickness that had kept him from speaking, the actual cause being something that hadn't even made it onto her mental list. When he'd spoken at last, a pause had followed directly after, but she'd not pressed him to continue. The girl kept quiet, allowing him all the time that was necessary in order for him to collect his thoughts and figure out what he wanted to say. The words that had followed the silence, however, were ones that she'd not been expecting. Though she'd not known the other woman very well at all, anyone could have seen how important she'd been to Ukko simply by watching the two together. Frowning, she'd closed the distance between them and, if he'd allow her to do so, she'd touch her muzzle to his should in an effort to console him.

"I am sorry," she'd voiced. "That she has passed, as well as because I had not been able to help her." Asterr knew not what had plagued Tavi, nor would she ever, it seemed. "She is not suffering anymore," was added shortly after, spoken in hushed tones. To offer someone support after having lost a dear friend was not something that she was familiar with, but, for him, she wanted to at least try.

I am sorry.

Ukko stares for a long moment. Maybe she'll morph into his friend and Tavi will be perfectly fine. Maybe the last several months will be erased and he can start over and things will be all right.

I am sorry.

His ears fall back against his head and he blinks several times, unable to refocus his gaze. Asterr isn't Asterr anymore but nor is she Tavi. For a brief few seconds, she isn't anyone.

"I am sorry."

His voice croaks. This isn't right. None of it is. There was never anything either of them could do.

Soon, Asterr comes back into focus. His legs twitch and he pushes himself forward, briefly, as if he might close whatever distance is between them but he moves by her. Her nose on his shoulder hadn't been noticed, lost somewhere in his own thoughts, as he slowly makes his way back to the lair.

There is little more that she can do than just stand there and watch him. She did not know how to console someone as they grieved over the loss of a friend. To do so was not something that she’d ever been taught, nor had she been made to experience it in the past. Asterr didn’t know what she should say, or what she should do, and so she’d watched. Watched and waited, and then turned to follow him when he’d moved passed her. She felt terrible for him, for what he was going through, but would not force him to speak about it. Rather, she’d simply followed him back to the lair, unable to form a single word.