Redtail Rise Home we'll go

On her way back to the Rise's heart following the altercation in Dawnlark Plains, Saena passed by a fresh scent she hadn't smelled in quite some time. She lingered, inspecting the ground where Wynter and Reek had met with one another following Wynter's unexplained disappearance. She ought to have been happy with her subordinate's return, and she was, but there was a tiny part of her that felt like it was plummeting.

With Wynter back, there was no way the Beta would... no. She didn't understand why she would even have a thought like that, let alone actually admit that she was, even internally.

She pressed her nose to the earth and inhaled deeply, then set off in search of @Wynter. Even if she had a good explanation for being away—and even if Saena wasn't feeling uncharacteristically mixed about her return—there were things they had to discuss. Things that were important, like whether or not Saena thought someone who ran away from their pack was actually deserving of children, and where Wynter had gone, and why she hadn't told anybody. She had broken Reek's heart and left him vulnerable to depression when Smash left. The "why" was probably the one thing Saena would never understand.

Wynter was strolling through the forest shortly after having her discussion with her mate. She had decided it would be best to try and find Saena or Arion. Anyone really. Let them know she was back. Not that anyone other than maybe Reek cared much whether she was around or not. She had no "close" friends in this pack. Not like back in the sound where she had befriended a mute fae by the name of Phantom. 

Boy did Wynter miss her perky personality. She constantly wondered where her friend had gone after the pack split. If she was okay. If she had found another pack. If she had pups like she had planned. Wynter toyed with the thought a little and smiled. 

Her ears twitched and she paused for a moment then turn around to see Saena not far off her trail. Wynter took a deep breath and began to walk towards the young Alphess. "Hey Saena," she chuffed as she stopped a few feet from the fae. Wynter lowered her head in submission. This was not a good time to be overly friendly with the Alphess because she could quite possibly be the slightest bit mad at her because of her disappearance. With good reason too.

What Alphess would be okay with a pack mate leaving for weeks without telling anyone where she was going. Not only that but to leave a mate behind as well. Wynter had been full of regret ever since she got back to the rise. She knew she shouldn't have left but at the same time. She needed it. The pack may have needed her more though. She owed it to Saena and the rest of them. To make up for what she had done. Gain back the respect she may have lost. 

It didn't take too long to find Wynter, which was a relief. The alpha female half-expected her wayward friend to be hiding out, but the former siren was out in the open, easily tracked down by any half-decent wolf, especially a Gamekeeper like herself. She smiled warmly when Wynter turned to face her and returned the greeting with a bright, "hey!" of her own, but her eyes were stormier than usual with a mixture of worry and uncertainty. The last thing she wanted to do was crush Reek's dreams because of his mate's flightiness, but in the same vein, she didn't want to make a mother of someone who was potentially unfit to be one like her own adoptive mother was.

"Where'd you run off to?" the alpha wondered, seating herself on the plush forest floor. Moss was abundant here, so it was like a carpet to her tough paws. Definitely comfortable. "I was worried something happened to you," she admitted, though in reality, Saena was equally angry. She didn't show it, mostly because it was masked by her concern for Wynter's well-being, but recently she'd had enough of wolves randomly up and leaving without a word, so for a trusted wolf to do it stung even more. First, though, Saena wanted to know where, and why, Wynter had taken off in the first place.

Wynter smiled briefly at the white wolf as she approached taking a seat on the mossy ground. She immediatly felt the guilt crawling through her as Saena asked where she had dissapeared off to. "Well, when you gave Reek and I permission to have pups, I was on my way to go tell him. but then i started to second guess myself and I kinda went outside the borders for a bit.Then i couldn't really face coming back here after the reaction I had, "she paused. 

"Then i realized the longer i left it the worse the reaction from Reek and the rest of you guys. As it is he and I arent on the greatest of terms. I didn't really expect us to be either. After what I did," she stated truthfully. 

"I didn't mean to worry anyone. I hope that you can forgive me for leaving. I don't like this feeling of everyone being mad or upset. I realize what i did was wrong and that i pretty much deserve everything im getting but it's still not enjoyable. I'm determined to fix this," she finished staring at her paws. 

She knew Saena was mad even if she hadn't said it. One of her packmates just up and left and not only that but right after being granted permission to be a mother. If that wasn't enough to piss you off Wynter didn't know what was.

Saena listened to Wynter's story with as much patience as she could muster. She didn't have children of her own, but she could understand how it would feel overwhelming to be granted the opportunity... but at the same time, Wynter's admission confirmed Saena's concerns. A flighty wolf could be forgiven their flighty nature. Hell, Junior was a flighty wolf whom Saena took no issue with. But a flighty wolf was generally not given responsibilities because of their nature. This was no different.

Wynter went on to explain that she realized the error of her ways. Saena was glad to hear it, and was especially glad that upon inspection, her friend didn't appear injured or distressed from her departure. She was forgiven for that. Saena had welcomed her back into the fold the moment she approached her without her teeth bared, so that wasn't an issue. There was still an elephant in the room, though, and Saena knew it was better to confront it sooner than later.

"I forgive you," the alpha female said softly, hoping to alleviate at least some of Wynter's guilt, "but you gotta understand... I can't have you being flighty if you're planning to have kids here. Or rather, I can't let you have kids here if there's even the slightest chance you would get cold feet again. I don't want to see pups born here growing up without a parent... I had to do that, and it really sucked. I just... have no reason to believe that wouldn't happen." She hated admitting it out loud, but Saena wanted nothing to do with motherless children. She didn't want to be the one to give someone permission to breed only for that someone to leave their children behind. She didn't believe Wynter was capable of abandoning her children... but previously, Saena didn't think she was capable of abandoning Reek, and she'd very nearly done just that.

Wynter was shocked when Saena said she forgave her. That wasn't what Wynter had expeted from the young alphess. "Thank you," she bowed her head respectfully. 

Wynter had relaxed a little but she could tell there was a 'but' and she  had a pretty good hunch on what the but was. But. I'm not allowed to have pups. She thought to herself.

She listened as Saena spoke. Confirming her suspicions. Saena didn't want her to have pups for fear of her leaving them behind. Wynter wouldn't dream of leaving pups behind. Especially her own. She wasn't that kind of her mother. 

She thought back for a moment. Her mother was kind to her although there were some things Wynter would have liked to change. Despite that, there was so much more she could have learned from her mother if she hadn't run from the fight, or if the fight hadn't even happened.

"I understand," she said with a slightly disappointed tone. Her mind wandered for a moment to Reek. This would crush him. She'd done enough hurting for a lifetime of guilt. This would be just another thing she would have done to let him down. She did this to herself. This was her fault. 

"Is there anything i can do to change that, or is that a permanent decision?" Wynter had to ask. in case there was something she could do to prove the white fae that she could be a mother and she was capable of looking after pups. If it was a permanent decision. There was probably no hope for Reek and her. This might mean the end. Would he leave her because of this? That was a question forever looming in the back of her mind.

Wynter sounded disappointed when Saena broke the news, but the alpha female couldn't let herself be swayed by that. It hurt to let a friend down, and it hurt even more that Reek wouldn't be able to have the pups he wanted, but how could she put her faith in Wynter without any proof that things were different? She didn't want to deal with motherless children. She didn't want to see another's puppies go through what she'd been through. The abandonment. The hurt. The confusion.

"I'm really sorry, Wynter," Saena said, "but I need to be sure you'll stay if you have kids here, even when it gets hard." Because it would be hard. It was hard for Hawkeye and Peregrine. It was hard for Kisu. Even Blue Willow and Lasher surely felt the difficulty of caring for children. They were dependent for the first four or five months, and even after that they demanded a lot of attention. Even as yearlings. Saena would've given anything to be able to consult with her mother even now, but her mother was dead, and her adoptive mother, long gone.

"You can be here," Saena said, "fix things with Reek if you can, show you're committed to staying through thick and thin. Then, I'll reconsider." But right now, there would be no puppies. Truth be told, there probably would be no puppies until next year, not unless Wynter proved herself in two months or less. Once September came, it would be too risky for the pack to have puppies; the winter was hard enough without them.

Wynter nodded as Saena apologized. It made sense every word that she said. Wynter understood and didn't expect that she would come back and still be welcomed to mate with Reek. "No, I truly do understand Saena. Everything," Wynter said with a half smile. This wasn't something to be happy about but there was this little sliver of hope that remained in the back of Wynter's mind that she could fix all this.

When Saena said that there was a chance she would give them permission once again if she could fix things with Reek. Wynter wasn't entirely sure she had the capability to do so. "I'll try my best, although I'm not so sure this is something I can fix. Not with him at least. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be you know," Wynter said. She wasn't giving up. Not yet at least. Although some part of her always worried that he would never truly forgive her for what she had done. Who knows if he would even still want to be with her. She could completely understand why he wouldn't. 

Nothing could change what had happened but never in Wynter's life had she wished more that she could. 

Can archive with one more post from you!

"Well, you can't fix it with an attitude like that," Saena quipped, though she meant it. Whatever was tearing a rift between Reek and Wynter could be mended. It was not so far gone that it was impossible to fix it. Saena knew what a far gone relationship was like, and she knew they had ample room to improve theirs and get back to their respective roots. Remember why they loved each other. She believed they could do that.

"I know you guys will figure it out," the alpha female said with certainty. Maybe they wouldn't figure it out in time to have their puppies this year, but maybe next year. And if they did, well, all the better for them. She had no intent of spoiling their dreams forever. "Just keep me updated on how it's all going. I know you both deserve to be happy. I just need to make sure those kids come into a stable family, because... well, I've been there, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

She didn't want to think about that much longer, so the alpha female sighed gently and said, "Anyway, I gotta get on a patrol. I'll catch you later!" She lingered long enough to let Wynter say anything else she might've wanted to, then loped swiftly to the borders with the intent of scouring the entire edge of Dawnlark Plains for a sign of the wolves she'd encountered there earlier.

Wynter nodded as Saena mentioned things couldn't be fixed with the attitude she had and that was true. "Ill keep you updated promise, although i'm sure you'll here it all off Reek first since he is your beta.," she said with a small smile. 

At least this conversation had been somewhat helpful.  She gave Saena a small smile and a wave of the tail as she mentioned having to go. "Ill see you around Saena," she said as she turned tail and began to wander through the trees keeping her nose open for scents of some small prey that could be hunted. 

All this arguing and talking had made her hungry. Plus while she was at it she could fill up the caches that were looking a little bare.