Alpine Lake Don't Say Goodbye

This thread is forward dated two days

Judas remembered his promise. The side that was friends to @Pyx was still there, but the other side was what drove them there. To it, she was one last connection that needed breaking off. It would not do so violently, no. This would be a simple goodbye. So it headed to the decided meeting place, but he had his back to the direction he had seen Pyx go last time they were here. For now, the good personality of Judas was out, and was giver the illusion of control. He sent out a howl for her, hoping for her to hear.

 

The storm that had settled over the Teekon was not done with them. The skies had opened up yet again, and dumped an alarming amount of snow. It had been some time since she had last spoken to Judas, and the time for their meeting was drawing close. Normally she wouldn't have wanted to travel outside the pack with the weather the way it was, but she also wanted to be sure Judas and his pack were surviving. She left a scent marker at the border, telling any of the Moonspear wolves who found it that she would be back soon. She didn't want them to think that she'd simply vanished if something happened.

The going was rough, snow was well above her chest in some areas, making her feel like she was swimming if she managed to sink into it. She tried to keep her pace up, wanting to get out of the larger drifts as soon as possible. In some areas she thought that the snow actually went above her head, and she fearfully avoided it. The idea of being trapped under the snow, dark and cold, made her fur crawl. Perhaps she should have stayed home after all. Thankfully, as she neared the lake, the drifts seemed to drop to a more reasonable level. Her fur was frosted in white and more flakes were falling now.

She hoped it didn't start to come down any harder before she could return. She also hoped Judas hadn't forgotten her. She'd be very upset if she'd struggled to get here and he hadn't, although that would have been the better decision. As she neared, however, a howl went up. Her worries were gone, and she increased her speed, eager to talk to the man. She noted a figure sitting with their back to her, and a quick assessment and inhale told her it was Judas. She gave a relieved sigh, pausing to give herself a good shake. The snow was dislodged, but she knew it would soon be replaced by new flakes. 

"Judas!" She called out, not wanting to startle him. "I'm half surprised either of us made it here!" She cried, sounding breathless from the journey. "Was it hard going for you? The snow was nearly over my head in some places after that Blizzard. I thought about not coming...but I really wanted to be sure you were still doing alright with Malice." She chattered happily as she approached, grinning already. She had no idea what had happened to him, or what would await her when he turned. "So? How are things? Are you doing any better? You have to know I've missed you, otherwise I wouldn't have swam through the snow to see you." She laughed a little, pausing a polite distance from him.

Judas heard her before she spoke. She watched the reflection in the frozen lake, the distorted refletcion. Ugly, deformed. A monster. No longer did both eyes light up green. Only one would. He listened, his expression never changing. He waited till she finished. Before he slowly turned around, eyes still to the ground. Then he looked up, one empty socket on his face and some kind of twisted grin as the other side peeked through.

"Pyx. It has been too long." His expression went straight to sad. "Pyx, I am so sorry, I wish I came sooner, but...you can no doubt see there have been some complications. I am no longer with Malice's pack..." He could no go back, not this time. He was a loner once more.

He didn't turn to greet her as she spoke, and a feeling of confusion and unease settled over her. Her brow furrowed and she tilt her head slightly. "Judas?" Her voice was hesitant, quieter, the former bubbly happiness had all but vanished. Finally he turned and her face dropped into one of shock. "Judas!" She gasped, mouth falling open. He was missing an eye now. The wound was still raw looking, scabbed over and ugly. She glanced, wide eyed, to his remaining eye and nearly missed all of what he said. The grin on his face puzzled her, but it soon turned to a frown. She continued to study his eye as he spoke, looking now for signs of infection.

Hearing that he was no longer with Malice's pack sent another shock through her. "What? Did...did they do this to you? What happened?" There was concern in her voice certainly, but she was not outraged at his injury. Instead she felt her stomach turn. If Malice's pack, who had taken in Judas and accepted him, had done this...what had Judas done to deserve it? 

"You need herbs on that wound. Let me help you. I can look for something around here to use..." She trailed away, staring at him with dismay. Her poor friend. Alone again and now disfigured. Her hopes for his recovery fizzled in the back of her mind, Malice's mate had been helping him...what could have gone wrong?

Judas stood still. Her usual worrying didn't bother him. In fact, it was something he rather missed about her. Besides the fact she was a friend. "It wasn't them. It was someone else...All my fault...My fault."

She started going on about getting herbs, getting help. That's when the other side snapped. "I don't need help!" His eye was wild now, fierce. His mouth in a snarl. "Help never got me anywhere. Help only made things worse!" He felt sad, but he also felt great. Free, independent. He immediately softened, shaking his head. He was starting to come to terms with how bad it really was. "I..I'm sorry for yelling."

She listened as he spoke, her mouth a grim line. It wasn't Malice after all, which brought a small amount of relief. She had waited, even after telling him about the herbs to hear his explaination, somehow unable to pull herself away from him before she knew. When he revealed it wasn't Malice, and that it was as she suspected, something he had done, she was ready to look to for herbs and to gather her thoughts.

She had just started to rise to search for herbs when he snapped at her, the anger and viciousness in his voice bringing her eyes wide again. She stared at him, shocked and surprised, and filled with a sickening dread. Judas would never yell at her like that. It was the other side. She swallowed, but felt a glimmer of defiance within herself. She had been coming into herself more and more in Moonspear. She felt she had found her place, and as her knowledge of herbs grew she found herself growing slightly more confident. It had started with Zoratto, a little show certainly, but now it glimmered a little brighter. Perhaps even spurred by her concern for Judas and her dislike of this side of him.

"It's alright." She sighed, staring at him with sadness in her eyes. "You've already said it was your fault, Judas. Don't let him convince you that Malice and her mate made it worse. It only made it worse for him, locking him away tighter. Herbs certainly won't do anything for or to him, they'll just make sure you don't die of an infection. You share one body, surely even that side will want to live." There was a slight ring of anger to her voice, directed of course, at the other side. "Will you let me do this for you? Please?" She did not make to move again, for while she felt more confident she had not forgotten what had given her the scars on her face. She would be more prepared if Judas lost control again.

"I can't believe anyone would be so cruel, though. Whatever could you have done to deserve this, Judas?" Perhaps she had blocked out his final confession to her before the attack, or perhaps it had just faded in face of the attack itself. She had forgotten that he had assaulted a woman. Her mind gave a brief warning after she asked the question, as if knowing that she was asking for something she would regret knowing. But she had to know. She had to understand.

The grin appeared again. She has no idea he thought. The other side did not care for death. It would welcome it, as long as it hurt the good Judas and others who cared for him. The good half couldn't even believe what happened next. He started laughing, some kind of sick laughter. It progressed into the laughter of a mad man who no longer had an idea of who he truly was. A broken spirit, a broken mind and a broken soul.

"You think I care?! You think that it actually matters to me if we die or not?! I would rather that, just to feel the pain we feel, and the look of horror on the faces of those he cares for, of those he loves." It was like some kind of twisted fantasy of the dark side. 

He shook his head in more laughter, the grin growing wider. The empty eye socket started to hurt, but he just kept on laughing. "As a matter of fact, we quite deserved it. We took what a female would hold most precious!" They remembered what had happened that, day when he took the female from behind. His laughter cut short, a serious look in his eye that stayed on Pyx. "We missed you, you know. How caring you were for us. So we won't hurt you, not this time. We just came to...part ways.  For good."

The grin slid across his face again, and she frowned deeply as laughter began to errupt from her friend. This was the farthest gone she had ever seen him. Was this how he was before he met Malice? She sat quitely as the laughter bounced off the bright snow and the lake near them, the contrast of the brightness of the day to the sound unsettling in a way she couldn't put to words. She listened to the voice, face impassive now, with only a small furrow of her brow to betray her emotions.

Finally her answer came, though not from the side she hoped for. Suddenly, it all came flooding back. She remembered the night that he had snapped at her, and how he had cried bitterly before that. How he had sobbed onto her shoulder and admitted he had raped a female. Suddenly, the laughter stopped and stillness settled back over the area. Pyx glanced down, understanding now why the cruelty had been shown to her friend. He was lucky, she thought, that the pack had not killed him. But would death be worse than this? What would Judas have wished for? His control was broken, gone. He now walked side-by-side with the creature that shared his body.

She glanced back up to him as he spoke to her, and she felt the sadness gathering in her eyes. "I missed you too, Judas. I still do, even standing here." She missed how he had been before. "Even knowing it would help that thing in there with you, I would still try to heal your eye, Judas. If you would let me. Perhaps he deserved that, but you didn't." But she pressed no further. She couldn't force him to let her heal him, she couldn't trust the other side enough not to attack her, even if it said it wouldn't. "Where will you go? What will you do?" Alarm entered her voice. Was he truly giving into this? Was he giving up? Was this the last time?

This is such a bittersweet ending

Judas looked into her eyes. That sadness, it touched their heart. But they both knew it would be gone quickly, they were always chaning on a whim. Judas sighed. They knew their luck was running out. That was plain toJudas. The way they were going, they were only digging their grave further and further. There was a tightness growing around their heart. "I know. But I don't need it healed." Judas' emotionless voice, and the own look of despair in the single eye would have been plain enough to tell. The beast inside calmed. Despite how each side hated the other, they both shared respect to Pyx. She was brave, she stood for both sides. That earned enough respect to calm it.

"I might not care about myself...but you, you were kind to us. When no one else was, you stood up for us. That is why I have come to you, one last time...To say goodbye...But also thank you." A light smiled appeared instead of a grin this time. It was too late to go back, but he wished that it hadn't been. He wished he could have stayed. Instead, he damned himself to this life. 

"I...I can't say that...Please Pyx, don't come looking for us." Neither side could hold on for any longer against the emotions they felt. So they turned away, and began to walk off.

Ugh, I know. I'm hopeful they'll meet again one day though.

Pyx nodded her head once as Judas himself rejected the healing. She glanced back to her paws, mouth drawn. She glimpsed the despair only momentarily, and didn't want to stare into it deeply. He was her first friend in Moonspear. In Teekon itself. He seemed calmer now, and she wondered if somehow he might learn to control it by allowing it out in the open. If they lived together, perhaps he could beat it one day. If he learned to accept himself for what he was, perhaps he would see it was not to be feared as he thought. That alone would give him more power. Her hope glimmered weakly within her heart, but she did not speak on it.

She looked back up at him sharply as he mentioned goodbye again. "We're friends. You don't have to thank a friend for any of that. That's what being a friend means, Judas." The smile was one that was more familiar. He hadn't worn it often, even before, but she knew it as his own. She shook her head as he denied her answers. "But Judas..." She had only just begun when he turned and began to walk away. She was stunned for a moment and stared silently. Somehow...she knew that running after him would only ruin his control, would only turn this scene from bittersweet to bloody. 

Her ears fell against her head and her shoulders drooped. She watched his retreating back until she couldn't see him anymore. She dropped her head fully now, a quiet sob working its way up from her throat. She shuddered and sniffled as she tried to control the tears, watching her feet as they created holes in the snow. She knew now that her healing skills would have never been enough to help Judas. She did not blame herself. Her sadness was still strong though, still choking in her throat, as she thought of the lonely future that awaited her friend. He did not deserve this hand in life, the voice or the father he'd gotten. For that, and for Judas and the damned future he faced, she cried.