Northstar Vale The habits of my heart

@Mouse , prolly :p

What had she dragged herself into? What had started out as a good friendship had turned into her looking after a maybe-dead-guy's pack while balancing duties and her own desires. The worst thing was not having gone back home before it had all went down - but how could she go back "home" now, smelling like The Vale and their title of Alpha? She bit her lip, exiting her own den with a frown and making her way to the river. The world was dying, and she felt as if she was being ripped in two.

She sat at the edge, eyeing the fish that swam carelessly about in their own little world. A sigh escaped her, one that seemed to blend with the wind, and it was hard to think of anything else but her family.

being  v a g u e   about what happens at the meeting thread thing ♥

Things were confusing lately.
oh so confusing.
So Remi did what he did best when there was something troubling his mind - he ignored it.

He was happy that Chusi was back, that bit was undeniable, but like other members of the Vale, he wasn't sure how he was feeling about how, inmediately after returning, in the absence of the Vale's leader Rannoch,she had so quickly taken the spot for herself. Remi did not know yet what had happened with Rannoch, and though he planned to get to the bottom of it- for the Frostfur was not only his former leader but his best friend as well- he had not set out to investigate. He was still too disoriented by it all to know where or how to start.

So with a sigh of his own, that shoved all of these thoughts to the back of his mind where he would try to keep them, Remi began to wander aimlessly around the skirts of the mountain, finally steering his course and  making his way up to the river as a sudden feeling of dryness filled his mouth. Instantly he recognized, at the edge, her silhouette. He did not hesitate, approaching slowly but making his presence known with a chuff before settling next to her. 

"señorita" he barked quietly, noting that though she was the same pretty Chusi he had met, she did not have the same energy now that she did then. "what's on your mind?" he dared to ask, hoping that unlike him, she would not recoil and go absolutely blank every time this question was asked.

His footfalls did not grasp her attention, the rushing of the water too entrancing to think of anything else but her troubles and her woes. Not even his chuff made her look away from the seemingly silver flow of which she wondered where it actually came from. And where was it going? Then, she smiled, however slightly. After all, it was Mouse - and she could only think of a few wolves who could make her feel better in this situation. He was certainly one of them. She turned to him, usually poofy neck fluff droopy. It seemed she drooped whenever she felt sad, even though she didn't want to be sad. She was with her friends, in a nice vale with an especially nice guy sitting right next to her.

I didn't say anythung back at home tha I was leavin'... She admitted, ears drooping down now too. I thought I'd just get a message ta Mattias 'n be on mah way 'gain. Didn't think I was stayin' forevah... She felt bad, yes, but it had been her own selfish decision. Even now, refusing to return, was her own decision. Her heart wanted to be at the Vale, while her mind told her it might be best to go back to her family.

Despite this being maybe the third time they saw each other, Remi was still able to notice her droop.
He hummed when she, seemingly still lost in thought, refused to raise her eyes to look at him. When she finally turned towards him, Remi received her with a warm smile of his own. She had stopped being droopy for a second but quickly returned to her wilted flower state.
She was still pretty all the same.

She spoke about her home, the guilt of what she left behind evident in her words.
Guilt. He knew that feeling all to well.
Then she mentioned some guy, Mattias, which Remi knew to be one of his very own packmates but never really having interacted with him he could not help a pang of jealousy jump in his chest at the mention of his name. But it was a short lived emotion for when she mentioned the staying forever part Remi could not help but feel inside of him a renewed calm.
"would they be mad if you stayed?" he asked, his head tilting slightly so that he could now look directly at her rather than at the river that flowed at their feet. "would they want you to go back?"

First he needed to know what her family back home wanted, in his case, he knew that his parents would've been mad if he stayed, so he could go on to ask the bigger, more important question.
What did she want?

She strangely appreciated him not being droopy with her. She did not seek sympathy, she sought comfort - and he was the best kind she could ask for. Though life was not breathed back into her fur, she could not help but smile back just a little bit.

A frown returned, her not knowing the answer to his question. Arturo was a father with a bit hotheadedness in him, that was for sure, but outright hating her for her decision? She could not imagine him like that. Neither could she Lotte, nor her siblings for that matter. Disappointed, meybe... She answered, feeling like she had just lost a little bit more of her understanding of her family. Memories were fading, too quickly, and she did not want to forget. I... I don't know... She whined a bit softer, eyes seeking his warmth and comfort.

Ah, dissapointment, he knew that as well very well.
He sought her eyes again, his expression soft and kind. He was no counselor, and had no desires to be one, but he did want to somehow, make Chusi feel better. "Dissapointed that you've become an amazing scout, and now an Alpha?" he barked, hoping that maybe highlighting her accomplishments would make her realize there was really nothing to be dissapointed about. "What would you be now if you hadn't left?" he asked, not really seeking an answer but for Chusi to sit back and think. Surely she wouldn't be what she was now, and if she was proud of what she currently was and what she had become nothing else mattered.
As long as she wasn't dissapointed in herself, to Remi's eyes, everything would be fine.

"Parents are hard to please.... but if yours love you as i think they do, they would not be dissapointed you're now here" he barked his lips curling into a small smile, "I think they'd be proud" he added. He wondered if there was anything he could've done to make his own parents proud but no answer came to mind. He didn't blame them anymore, for he wasn't proud either of what he had done and become. 
A shame-filled runaway. 

At first, his words made her feel better. She didn't know if this was because it was simply him, or the meaning behind it, but it really did. But she was developing the bad habit of seeing the bad in things. Naivety had had her in its grasp for quite a while, but she had taken a stumble. She frowned then, averting her eyes to the water. His apprentice, a big sister... a good daughter. She listed with a sigh. She sought his gaze again, if only to make her question feel more serious. Is i' true tha holdin' on might cause more pain than lettin' go?

A strangled chuckle spilled, a sort of snort. He nevah liked mah wanderin' 'bout. She said, scooting closer. Though she had not noticed it before, she felt cold. She frowned, thinking things over one last time. I dun't think I wanna go back... She admitted softly.

chouse ♥

She looked away, and for a moment Remi thought he had said the wrong thing.
He stood still, biting his tongue until finally the girl spoke, listing what she would be if she had not gone. He interjected almost right after she fell silent again, trying to knock down her idea that because she was gone she could not still be those things. "You are still a big sister and a good daughter" he barked, "just because you're not there does not mean you no longer exist to them - you will always be their daughter" He was trying to tell her as cliché as it may be, that absolutely nothing could break family bonds - which could be as much as a blessing as a curse. There was no thing such and ex-parent, or ex-sibling.

She turned to him again, his eyes tried to welcome hers with warmth but her question caught him off guard. The first thing that jumped to his mind was his sister, Rilke. Yes, holding on to her hurt, but he wasn't sure it would be any less painful to let go. He didn't think he ever could. He had to remind himself that this was not about him. He blinked, after his thoughtful pause, "sometimes you have to live with the hurt i think...and they both do" he hummed, not trying to be a pessimist and bring Chusi down, but also not wanting to fill her with false answers.

Now, looking a little less droopy, the girl scooted towards him, and Remi, guided with instinct alone, dared to reach for her shoulder with his cold nose. He wanted to say something to make her smile, but everything he thought of seemed at last stupid so instead of saying something he opted for doing something to make her smile. He nibbled on her softly, pulling his nose from her just enough so he could see her reaction with his expectant crystalline eyes. 

Butterfly of the coast, get it? :p

Her lips quirked up a bit. It was true. Besides, hadn't Arturo told her everyone that grew up had the choice to go or to stay? sure, she had made her decision a little later than expected, but she decided she would just assume the offer had always been up. Thanks for raising me, I'm ready now. She smiled, feeling a weight fall of her shoulders. She sighed then. 'Guess I'll just hope they think back o' meh fondly. She turned to Mouse, simply not afraid anymore. If abandoning those that loved her for wolves who might love her someday didn't frighten her anymore, than nothing could.

I think lettin' go'll hurt meh less. Mainly because I have you to fall back on - because I have you to cheer me up and laugh with. The latter went unspoken, but somehow it was implied. The hardest problems sometimes had the easiest answers; just let go, don't forget, but don't let it hold you back.

She didn't expect Mouse doing what he was doing, and the very first moments of their sudden touch stiffened her up and made a chill run down her ashy spine. What in the...? Big eyes stared both startled and longingly at him then and she went to brush up against him - much like a cat would do.

It was amazing what words alone could do. 
While at first he had been worried he had said the wrong thing, it now seemed that it was exactly what he said what made Chusi smile again. He mirrored her smile, allowing his tail to thump on the ground, "of course they will" he barked, though he knew that blood or family ties did not guarantee strong bonds or relationships. He for one was convinced his father did not think back on him anywhere near fondly. As for his mother and other siblings he could not say. He did not dare to say, fearful that the answer might not be as different as his father's.
But shh now's not the time to think about that Remi, just shove it again to the back of your mind.

He met her gaze with wide, open eyes. 
Maybe, just maybe definitely just as startled and craving as she was. Then, as she, unexpectedly, brushed up against him the young Ostrega froze. He relished in her touch, to the point of almost purring in glee as she passed him by. "hey are you trying to rub in my face that you have the softest fur ever?" he joked, his neck craning so he could bury for a second his nose once more in her neck.
Truth be told, he just wanted a pretext to get close to her once more.

Perhaps they would assume her dead. That option was the least troubling to her young mind. A dead wolf held no obligations or promises. A dead wolf was just dead. And if the Arturo she had come to know was the kind of man she took him for, even his dead, adopted daughter would be remembered. Her eyes fluttered down with a fond smile on her face, returning to look at Mouse once more a short while after.

Do I? She remarked giggly and genuinely in a better mood than before. Mmmhm, yours ain't bad either. She purred jokingly(?) as they somewhat embraced each other, neck bending and muzzle stroking.