Nova Peak Memories to move on

Kieran lay in sleep, his dark green eyes closed. His breathing even and happily paced. He had gone to sleep, restless and afraid. Unsure how to handle @Kaskara and everything there. He knew that he would need to tell her the truth, that she would have to know why he cared, but shouldn't. She had to know why, he was so  hard pressed to keep his emotions close to the vest. If his mother was here, she'd beat him. Rip the very fur off his shoulders, and call him all sorts of a fool.

As always when fighting with heavy emotions, they manifested in odd ways. Haunting his head and mind. He saw her there, and he was chasing, chasing her. Trying to keep up, knowing that if Kiva kept going, it would be the end and he'd finally have to let her be. She turned gave him a play bow, and with a jerk she was gone. HE tried to follow and he called out to her, his body jerking in sleep. Kiva!

<3

Kaskara was finally able to stay within Nova Peak's borders after days of fleeing her own emotions. She had woken early that morning to hunt and currently carried her quarry, a hare, toward Kieran's known sleeping spot. None had truly found dens yet, as the weather was warm enough for them to sleep outside. Bazi was the exception, since she was beginning her nesting period. Kas was excited for the babes to come. They would replenish the vitality of the pack, especially after the emotionally harsh winter they had just survived.

With the hare dangling from her mouth, Kaskara trotted through the dawn mist, hunting for Kieran. She followed his scent toward his sleeping spot and smiled around the food she carried at the sight of him. It was only when he cried out a name, and unfamiliar one, that Kaskara dropped the hare to frown. Who was Kiva? Was it one of his sisters, perhaps his mother? Kieran thrashed in his sleep and Kaskara hurried toward him, shaking him awake. "Kieran, come back. Wake up!"

Kieran continued his chase, of cat and mouse, but Kiva was gone. He stood panting, fighting to stay calm. While deep inside his heart was falling apart again. How often would he have to lose her. He woke with a jerk, his large body thumping against the ground. He struggled to his legs looking about him. Still lost in a dreamy state, he stared at Kaskara, unseeing for a moment. Words that would perhaps seal his fate, falling from his lips. Where's Kiva? Where's me struggle an' strife?

Finally, her scent assailed him, and his heart fell to his toes. He froze and stared at her, green eyes wide and fearful in his face. He took a deep breath, and leaned forward gave her a soft nudge to the under side of her jaw. Sorry, Kaskara. OI wus dreamin'. What brings yer aboyt?

Then he frowned, realizing she had been gone for a few days. He looked at her again, and cleared his throat unsure if it was even his right to ask her where she was. He had worried after her, but so lost in a foggy daze he had momentarily forgotten reality.

Kaskara backed away as he woke, not wanting to frighten him. He was having a bad dream, after all, and sometimes wolves took a while to come out of that state. She studied him carefully, listening to his words. Struggle and strife? What did that mean? He had a peculiar way of speaking sometimes, and while she cared for him, whomever he was dreaming of took precedence in his mind. While it stung, Kas didn't put much weight into it. 

"It's okay, Kieran." She assured him, smiling softly and returning his nudge briefly. She picked up the hare again and laid it at his feet. "I was bringing you some breakfast, to apologize for being gone for a few days." She didn't mention that she was about to confess her feelings for him; the mention of Kiva shot that right out of her mind. "Are you okay? You were having a bad dream.."

Kieran looked down as she backed away. Not realizing that she didn't understand what he meant. He thought perhaps she held a hate for him now. Because, who couldn't? After all there were days where he hated himself. Loathed himself actually, and that was a deep deep feeling of worthlessness. He realized now as his mind, began to work it's way back to reality, this dream. It was a way for him to face his demons head on. Kiva was gone, he wasn't getting her back. No matter how badly it hurt. And he was at fault, but he couldn't blame himself forever could he? he had to forgive sometime, but could he was the question of the day.

He looked down at the food blankly, unsure what to do for a moment. He did dip his head and spoke a brief T'anks He was about to take a bite, when her next question caught him off guard, and a quiet chuckle of damnation came from somewhere deep inside. Dark and sad, he shook his head. Scon are gonna be gran'

Kaskara smiled at his thanks, nodding her head for him to eat. He bent to take a bite, but then her question seemed to startle him into thought. He said he would be grand, okay, but was he telling the truth? She hid her uncertainty behind her second smile. "I'm glad," she said softly, indicating that he should eat now. Kaskara watched him for a moment and then turned her eyes over the territory they now called home, the mountainous peak that they lived on and near. 

The Northwoods were beautiful and secluded, and the ridge that bisected the area was easy enough for them to climb. She had noticed a different set of muscles being used whenever she ascended the ridge and some of the peak; she was gaining new muscles with the strange use of them. Crawling over rocks was never easy. She had noticed this change in others, too, at least the ones that were adventurous enough to make the climb. She turned back to him and asked softly, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Kieran lay sphinx-like and grappled with the hare. Taking a bite, he stopped when she turned away, to watch her in turn. He wondered at her melancholy, and he hoped he was not the cause. He pulled another bite as he thought of his time here in these woods. He was not used to it, not used to being needed and wanted. For so long he had been alone, almost 3 years to be exact. Three very long years.

Kieran climbed, but not often. He was far too hefty to do so. He also had noticed the muscles that criscrossed his form, growing steadidly. He had always had rather large muscle mass though, being a large male of his breed. He was a warrior after all, or he had been once upon a time. Age and the lack of use were wearing on him though. He looked at her, green eyes met her own and he nodded his head. [hover=By all means Kaskara. Ask away, I'll try to answer you.]By al' means Kaskara. Ask away, I'll try ter answer yer.[/hover

She heard him rip into the rabbit and take a few bites. She looked back at him as he answered and she smiled softly, almost shyly. But she had to know, especially now that she heard a stranger's name on his lips. He had told her of his family, at least the barest bit of knowledge. He had parents and siblings, wolves that he loved. She did not know what had happened to them, though, and she wondered about it often. Kieran was so secluded and shut in; what happened to make him that way?

"Could you tell me a little more about yourself? You've told me about your family when you were young. But what about after you were grown?" She knew she was asking more than one question, but she was trying to explain what she wanted to know from him. Maybe it would help him pinpoint an answer. "I'm just curious to know more about you." She wouldn't ask the question burning in her mind, not yet. That would have to wait until she was sure he would answer.

He returned the smile, and continued ripping a piece off of the rabbit. He was eating slowly, mostly lost in his own thoughts. Kieran couldn't remember what he had told her, he usually didn't speak of his family. But if anyone deserved to know, it was Kaskara. She had respected his quietness since day one, and for that he would always be grateful. They all had really, though he had been able to tell that some found it irritating.

Kieran looked up at her, and listened wondering what she wanted to know. Then it dawned on him, she was going to ask a whopper of a question at the end of this. He knew it, but he couldn't deny her what she wanted, not matter how hard he wished too. So he stopped chewing and swallowed, thinking. Not much ter tell. Oi wus born from warrios an' kings. Me owl lad an' ma were alpha Rian an' alphess Melva. Oi ' ad numerous siblings, but oi wus born in a litter av tree. Me brah'der Kane, yer man wus set toer be alpha, an' me bluff an' blister Kieara she wus a warrior loike me, perhaps even better. We trained an' we learned, oi wus able ter allow others entry, or a least vouch for dem. Dare came a summer oi turned two dat oi allowed a wolf ter enter our lands. Oi vouched for 'imself, but yer man wus a langer. In de end yer man ' ad turned me warrld upsdie down, tuk everythin' from me, an' lef dis scar on me bake. De only call oi lived, wus for de pleas av wan yer man 'ad already taken for 'is own. Oi buried dem an' oi lef, oi never returned. Oi never asked quesshuns, oi jist moved on wi' me shame, me grief, an' me blame."

Though she didn't understand all of his words, she got the gist of it: he and his sister had been warriors, children of the alphas, in his home pack. Kieran had gained the respect and trust of his pack and was able to accept and vouch for newcomers to their border. Kaskara was reminded of herself in that, but what followed next from his tale was heartbreaking. A wolf whom he had vouched for had turned out to be bad; she was sure langer meant something worse than bad, but it held the same connotation.

That wolf had turned his world upside down, harming and taking things for himself, things that weren't his to take. Kaskara's face fell into a frown at the tale and her heart ached within her for the losses that Kieran had suffered at this wolf's paws. After a long moment of silence, she asked softly, "Did he hurt you by hurting your family?" The next question that whirled in her mind wasn't ready to be asked, but it was coming. She had a feeling that Kieran knew, too. "You can't blame yourself for what he did, Kieran. He deceived you, too, don't forget that."

Kieran watched her face as he spoke. The emotions that flittered across it, refreshing, though sad. He didn't want her to feel upset over his unrest. Over his past, it was his, it wasn't hers. It was nice that she was willing to feel that strongly about it though. The wolf in his memories, was worse than bad. A fiend, someone to never be named, ever.

Kieran looked at her gently. The wolf in question had come tearing things down, he had his own pack before this. Pretending to be a loner, when he wasn't, that was the only reason they were able to do such things. Yer man didn't 'urt dem Kaskara, yer man killed dem. Every single wan av dem, wan at a time. Me buff an' blister was given ter' is tren as a trophy, though she killed 'erself bloody than lte dem chucker dat ter 'er, ah but she tuk a few wi' 'er too.]

Kieran smiled dryly, but he didn't say anything. He could too blame himself and he often did. He had done something worse than anything, he had vouched for a man who wasn't good enough for his word. A man who took and took, who raped and pillaged. All of the above.

With each explanation, Kaskara's heart ached a little more. Kieran had to deal with the impact of this far more than she, but the pain that seeped through his voice at what had happened to him vibrated through her body. She was an empathetic creature when it came to those she loved, and Kieran was counted in that. Kas fought back tears, not wanting to listen to any more of this torture, but understanding the need to fully comprehend Kieran's past. It was important for her to know this, even as it hurt.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice quavering. "I'm sorry your sister had to make that choice. I'm sorry you've had to live with this pain all these years." Kaskara sighed and shook her head, trying to fight the pain and hatred that rose in her. "Your family means the world to you, much like mine means everything to me. I can't imagine living with this pain." Kas wanted to ask, wanted to bring up the subject of Kiva, but now she didn't know how. She could guess what had happened. "When you were dreaming, you said a name. Not one I've heard before. Is that name...connected to this?" There, she had sort of said it. Kas didn't want to cause Kieran any more pain, but the truth was important to both of them.

So far Kieran was doing alright with, the telling of the tale. However, he knew that when the one question was asked, the one that would push his heart out bloody, then it would be hard for him to keep his composure. His family they had died fighting, just as he would have. He would have fought until he couldn't anymore, then laid down and die, but Kiva wouldn't allow that to happen. In a way he was so angry with her for giving him this fate, even if she loved him. It hurt.

Kieran nudged her gently, unsure why her voice was wavering. It wasn't her pain to deal with, it was his. She shouldn't have to, feel it too. One of them feeling it was enough. 'Tis gran', Kaskara. It wus not yisser fault. He listened to her about family and nodded his head in agreement, her next statement caused him pause. His insides rolled and his guts rose in disagreement to it all.

He looked at her and looked down, and spoke softly, so soft you almost couldn't hear him. 'Er name wus Kiva. She wus bonny an' kind an' much better than me. An' she wus mine. Yer man came an' gave 'er a choice bear 'is laddies bloody than mine, or watch me die painfully. T'be sure she chose bear 'is laddies. Yer man gave me dis scar, an' is brud, de evil it killed 'er anyway. So it wus al' for naugh.

Kaskara felt his gentle nudge and was surprised at the connection she felt. Even as he was grieving, even as the pain was washing through them both, Kas could feel her heart swell and open to him, though part of her wished it wouldn't. The next words that came from him nearly broke her heart in two. The thought of someone hurting anyone in such a way was horrendous, something she would have never done. She couldn't understand the motivation behind it.

But whatever motivated him didn't matter. The truth of the matter was plain for all to see: he had conquered them in a sly and cunning manner, had killed one woman by his actions, and had killed another with his seed. She didn't want to know if Kieran had stayed to watch her die, but in some respects it didn't matter. She may have died figuratively or literally, but in either case it was still a raw pain that Kieran carried with him. "You whispered her name. Kiva." Kaskara was repeating herself, but she didn't care. The story that he told was far too painful for her to process right then.

"She loved you, Kieran. She sacrificed her own happiness for your life. You must remember that she wanted you to live, to love again, to live a life of joy." Kas didn't truly know that was what Kiva would have wanted, but she could guess.

Kieran would have wondered, had she told him she didn't want to care. Was it because he was a monster? or was it because he was a grieving man. What was it? However, since she did not voice her concerns, he was none the wiser. Kieran didn't have to understand the motivation, but he knew what it was. It was a lust for both power and a carnal lust. A lust to take what wasn't your's the adrenaline, it would make. He knew very well, the folly of allowing too much power. It could choke you, the adrenaline rush alone. He shook his head quickly.

Kieran had stayed, he had watched the life live her eyes. He couldn't leave her, regardless. For weeks and months he had stayed hidden. Just beyond the forest, watching over her. Despite the fact that she didn't carry his children, despite that she belonged to another, he watched. He brought her food, and was there to lick her face when she was sick. Oi wus tellin' 'er take 'er andy, dis time Kaskara.

Kieran chuckled a bit watery, his heart feeling strange. Perhaps even a little lighter, but he still had some growing and some grieving to do. However, if Kaskara was willing to deal with that, well she could keep him if she wanted. She could have him. Oi nu she did, an' oi nu she wud an' oi'm doin' me best ter try, an' so far oi'm doin' juicy gran'.

"Oi wus tellin' 'er take 'er andy, dis time Kaskara."

His words were soft and though she didn't understand it exactly, the sentiment was clear by the way he smiled and laughed next. Though the pain was real and he would carry the knowledge of what happened forever, Kieran seemed to be moving on. Leaving the pain behind him. Perhaps not entirely, but the look that he gave her spoke volumes more than his words ever could.

She nodded, offering a small smile in return. He knew she wanted him to live a full life, to move on and find someone to start a family, and he said as much. Kieran was trying, she could see; he had become a much more talkative wolf lately, though he was by no means chatty. He was just letting those he trusted into his world, and Kaskara was grateful for it. "I'd say you're doing pretty well, too." It wasn't a reassurance he needed, but she felt like voicing her thoughts, anyway.

Kieran would forever miss Kiva. He would always wonder What if? There was no getting around that he didn't think. Sure he could move on, and he would do well. However, he also knew that ever so often. Something, or someone would say something and remind him of her. Kaskara probably more than most, simply because he cared about her a little bit. Despite that he was fighting those feelings tooth and nail. Because he didn't feel good enough.

He nudged her under the chin again. He wanted to smile, but he couldn't get it to come. He was far to emotionally spent at the moment. Kieran would have laughed had she told him, he had become more talkative. Because it was't true, except for her. With other's he stayed quiet and listened more than spoke. Something he just did, he thought again about Bazi's words, that he should become a counselor. He wasn't sure if he could do it. So nigh 'ill ye bea 'avin sumndin ter blather aboyt? I'd prefer ter put de sadness away for de time.

"Of course. I know it was hard, but thank you for sharing that with me." Kas smiled at his suggestion to move onto more light-hearted topics. She didn't blame him for the change of subject; she wouldn't want to talk of her past at length if it was as painful as Kieran's. Even though she nodded agreement, she was still very glad that he had shared it with her. His past made it clear why he was so quiet and withdrawn. "I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Kieran. I hope your burden is lifted just a little by telling me."

Having said that, it was truly time to move onto other topics. With a shake of her head to rid herself of the darker thoughts, she smiled and turned back to him. "What do you think about Bazi and her pups? Are you excited for them?" Kaskara was ecstatic over the news, and any opportunity she had to talk about them, she would. She couldn't wait to be an aunt!

Kieran didn't have much to say, there was really nothing to be said. He has shared it with her, he probably wouldn't share again. It was a memory that hurt, and only needed to be dusted off once, to an important person. This was his important wolf, that was all. He did however nudge the bottom of her chin, and tug gently on her scruff. A rough thanks if you will. Kieran smiled at her and bowed his head. OI 'ad ter tell yer evetually anyway. Yer deserve tu nu more than anyone else. Oi jist needed de extra push is al'. Aye so 'tiz

Kieran smiled and chuckled, he should have known it would go to the pups. He enjoyed the thought of them, was happy they were coming. He would do his best to take care of them when he was needed. There was nothing more happier than such a thing as marriage and birth. Aye scon are pure excited for dem. Truth be towl, oi'm gollier auld softy. Scon are lookin' forward ter seein' dem.

I love these two! :)

Kaskara grinned and nearly blushed, if wolves could, at his touch. He tugged on her scruff and she laughed, a soft breathy sound that bubbled up between them. She had never felt his touch quite like that before, and wondered at the rush she felt. His words were equally different; what had she done to deserve to be told his sad story? She had been his friend for as long as they both had been part of Swiftcurrent, and although she hadn't known much about him, she felt comfortable in his presence. Not everyone did, especially since he was so quiet and, when he did talk, had a weird accent.

"You, a softy?" she winked at him, knowing it was true. She had seen him with Kiv and the other pups. He loved them just as she did, in his own quiet way. "I hope I can be a good aunt to them." She would have said they were her only brother's children, after all, but it wasn't true. What was true, however, was the fact that Scimitar was her closest brother, and therefore more immediate in her mind.

I know right <3 

Kieran was not privy to other's thoughts, he was also a bit of a idiot if you will. He had no idea, about anything really where kaskara was concerned. How she felt, how he felt or any of the above. He was also clueless and didn't notice clear tells. If she had asked he would have tried his best to try and explain. Explain why he felt she deserved to know more than others. For starters, frankly she was his best friend in the Teekon wilds. Granted he hadn't made it out of his way to talk to others. Secondly, she was more to him than most. She was a second Kiva if you will, but he couldn't tell her that. Didn't know how she felt and secondly didn't even know how to word it. So he just hoped, his story was enough, to give him the courage some day, preferable soon before he lost what he wanted.

Kieran chuckled and dipped his muzzle, aye Kieran was not a liar, if anything he was brutally honest. All anyone had to do was ask Bazi, and even Scimitar he had called both of them or their foolishness. At least he had called Bazi on hers, he couldn't really remember many of the talks he had with Scimitar. He laughed and nudged her again, Yer 'ill be a master aunt, Kaskara. Yer 'av lashings av love ter gie. They'll thrive.

Kieran was a softy when it came to pups, that much she could tell. She hoped he would be part of their lives as much as she was, but perhaps...she pushed that thought aside for now. He had just spilled his painful life story to her. Surely he had no intentions of starting anew.

When he praised her and said she'd be a good aunt, that the pups would thrive, Kaskara smiled at the thought. She hoped they would flourish under her care, but she still wondered, still worried about it. Though she would not be the primary caregiver, she'd be as much a part of their lives as their parents, especially when they were ready to explore and venture out. "Thanks, Kieran." She smiled and nudged his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling back. "I appreciate your confidence in me."

She stood, shook out her coat, and suggested, "Would you like to hunt with me? We can take the spoils back to Bazi."

Kieran would do his best to get to know the pups. It hurt though sometimes, when he watched them grow, the sweet little babes. Kieran didn't mind the thought of starting anew. He had thought about it for years. Finally, perhaps he was going to attempt to move on. He didn't even know where to start though, 3 years he had been mourning the loss of his love.


Kieran didn't move while she lingered, but also didn't think much on it. Afraid he would read too much into it, but he stood still all the same. Kieran chuckled, 'tis a foolish paddy who doesn't 'av confidence in yer Kaskara.
Kieran didn't answer her just smiled and motioned for her to lead the way. He could go for a hunt, work off some of this reckless energy that threatened to overtake him. And maybe finally be a little more jovial. Though, he wouldn't hold his breath.