Larksong Grotto Die alone

She was gone, taking the unborn litter inside of her as she went.

Reek was reduced to nothing more than a broken mess. A shell of his former self. He didn't leave the depths of the grotto for days. Hiding himself from the sunlight, Reek did not eat, he did not sleep, and he had become completely mentally unhinged. He had begun to smell much like his derogatory namesake: his unwashed stench, commingling with the scent of coagulated blood filled the now empty cave. He needed to leave, but he barely had the strength to lift himself to his feet.

Eventually, he found himself with enough drive to complete one final task. He rose to his weak and shaky paws and began to limp toward the lake in the center of the grotto. The guilt of dooming both of his litters plagued him as he walked. He sought an end -- and he knew only one way.

He brought himself to the banks of the lake and began to walk forward, letting the water envelope him on both sides. Pushing forward, Reek did not stop until his body was completely submerged. Tucking his head under the gentle wake, Reek held his breath and wished for death to come quickly. He waited until his lungs screamed for breath. It was a painful thing to drown -- and as soon as his head began to feel swampy and light, he begged for relief from his painful consciousness.

However, instead of the embrace of death, Reek found the embrace of fear. His chest seized and he immediately wrenched his head from the water and inhaled deeply. He began to sob once more.

His cowardice had once again won.

She had been recently informed of what was going on in the pack: leaving her with a sense of loss and shock. She had to leave behind her first home to find the Maplewood only to leave that as well. She lost Spring, Esaro, and any chance of ever having a family amongst the Phoenix wolves. Now Tavi too was gone and she didn't know why.

Despondently she trudged through the woods, not paying any attention to her surroundings and not particularly giving a shit. Everything passed her by in a shrouded blur.

What snapped her out of her fog was the broken sobbing as she nearly stumbled over Reek's crumpled form. She felt guilt when she saw him, being morose over her circumstances that paled compared to what he had lost. If anyone in the pack knew what she was feeling it was him now that Tavi had seemed to disappear. "Hey,"she choked out as she sat beside him, leaning her white fur against his ebony.

In the wake of his failure, Reek's heart beat fast in his chest and the broken man cursed himself for not following though. Standing still as the water lapped around his chest, Reek continued to sob uncontrollably, and briefly, he contemplated trying again. He shook the thought away, however, opting not to put himself through the pain of drowning again when he knew he didn't have the fortitude to carry out his grim intent.

It was not long until he was joined by another. Wading into the water, Luna took her place at Reek's side and pressed into him to bring him comfort. Shying away from the contact she sought to provide, Reek took a slow step the side and muttered, "Just let me die Luna," with voice thick with desperation.

She nodded, staring out at the water emotionlessly. "So that's it then? All of this, it was for nothing? What are we supposed to do, Reek?" She turned to him angrily, blue eyes ablaze at his uncaringness. "Your old family is gone, your new one has ditched you, and now you'll ditch us?"

"You'll die and leave the rest of us here to pick up the pieces just like last time. Lunar stared at him, wondering if he even cared about that fact anymore. 

"You're an Alpha, our Alpha. You can't just off yourself and leave us here on our own, what the fuck are we supposed to do? We would just think you had gone missing and wait around for you to return." It was an outraged roar by this time, the small female had never been more mad in her life. 

"You are not the only one bad things have happened to and you're not the only one to lose people you love. I get that you've lost a hell of a lot more than I did but this isn't the answer."

"I was loyal to you, Reek. You. So show me the man I thought was worth it,"she pleaded, voice hoarse by the end of her rant.

It was a gradual build, but after a while, the crescendo of Luna's voice had built until it was a crashing wave of anger. Reek's tear-stung eyes shut tightly as he let her words wash over him. He had disappointed yet another one of his wolves; it was beginning to feel like a terrible trend. It took all of Reek's remaining self control not to lash out anger -- not to strike out and scream, what the fuck am I supposed to do. 

Instead, he remained still and shook in part from desperation and the bitter chill of the lake's water. He tunred his gaze to Luna, who's tyrade had finished, his eyes falling below to the water. She was right, after all. The wolves of the grotto relied on Reek to be a leader. Once Tavi had left with his unborn litter, Reek had been nothing of the sort, and even before, he had been substandard in leadership. Something would have to change.

Despite realizing why he needed to cling to life, the pain of Reek's hearbreak did not abate. "I just want it to stop Luna," he whispered. He had been strong for too long. Ever since Reek had been ejected from the maplewood, he had tryed his best to hold himself together emotionally, however, after everything, Reek was unable to stop himself from breaking.

She could understand that, really she could, but it didn't change the matter of the fact. Reek had created this mess when he climbed atop Tavi and broke Saena's heart. Nothing would change that fact and he had to take responsibility for the pack he had created and the mess that came with all of it.

"Killing yourself won't make this go away. You can't just run away from your problems. You made this mess and you formed this pack. You have to step up even if it hurts because that's what life does. It hurts and it's gonna keep on hurting. Life's a bitch and you have to be strong enough to face it,"she told him. 

Whether or not he went through with it now was up to him. She stood and moved from the shallow water, dripping as she padded off slowly. Let him die with the guilt of failing all of them or let him live with the knowledge that this was his fault.

While suicide may not have been the solution to the problems Reek would leave behind, he certainly felt it was a permanent end to his own suffering. The call of the empty void was strong -- and with it, the promise of death brought an end to pain, an end to consciousness, and an end to existence in entirety. He longed for nothing more than to erase his own existence and become nothing more than an echo— a distant memory instead of the man the wilds loved to hate. He'd be doing them all a favor after all: Saena, Luke, Thuringwethil, and now even Tavi. Had he not been a part of their lives, perhaps they would have ended up happier.

He sighed and shut his eyes tightly. Luna did not relent in her verbal assault. Stuck listening in the frigid water, Reek could only feel more guilty for his selfish desire to break his earthly tether. When she was done, Reek fell silent as he stewed in what she had to say.

Before he could muster a response, Luna had already begun to trudge toward the land. "Wait—" spoke Reek before she had the chance to leave entirely. "You're right. This is selfish." He turned his body around and began to trudge toward the shore in pursuit.